by Carnal, MJ
A firecracker went off outside. My body tensed and I turned in the direction of the sound. My entire being was on high alert despite the alcohol blazing through my blood. Another sound right next to me caused me to startle.
“Mother fucking piece of shit!” I yelled. As I turned, I knocked a bottle off the counter and it shattered all over the floor. Kat took a timid step towards me.
“Don’t move.” My voice was deep and it came across more threatening than I’d meant. I knew I wouldn’t hurt her, but I wasn’t sure where I could hold my tongue.
“I can help you clean up. Just let me get the broom and I’ll take care of this.” Before she could even lift her foot, my voice splintered across the room.
“I said don’t fucking move, Kat!” I was so close and on the verge of losing control. I needed her to give me a minute, or else I couldn’t promise that we wouldn’t both walk away with new scars. I didn’t want to say something more to her that I didn’t mean. My hands shook as I gathered the larger pieces of glass and tossed them in the trash. Kat was still standing where I’d told her to stop. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was staring at the ground, completely huddled into herself. I made quick work of the smaller pieces by sweeping them up with a broom. Walking towards her, I noticed her step backwards. When her eyes met mine, I was shocked to see fear shoot across them. She masked it quickly, but it wasn’t quick enough.
“Please don’t step away from me.” My voice sounded rough.
As quiet as I’d ever heard her speak, she said, “I just wanted to help.”
Reaching out, I put my hand on her upper arm. She was stiff at first, but eventually relented and came to me. I wrapped my arms around her body and held on to her. She squeezed her small arms around my waist and it felt like she was holding me together. We stood there for a while as my nerves subsided. Every once in a while, a firework would go off and it would cause me to jump, but Kat would hug me tighter. She was the one that eventually pulled back and stood on her tip toes to kiss my nose. Grabbing my hand, she pulled me to the bedroom.
“I’m tired and I think we’ve both had a long day. Let’s go to bed.”
When we settled into the small double bed, Kat faced me and ran her fingers through my hair. It felt so good. It was as if her fingers were stroking every one of my nerve endings and lulling them to sleep. My eyes were heavy and the booze was still swimming in my veins.
“Was it the noise that did it?” Her voice was quiet but still seemed loud in the mute space.
I nodded. “I think so.”
“Where’d you go?”
“What do you mean?” I didn’t understand her question.
“You were standing right in front of me, but you weren’t here. Where’d you go?”
Lying there, feeling her small fingers stroking me, I felt okay enough to answer. “I think the sound reminded me of that day. I felt myself getting anxious, like every fiber in my being needed to be up doing something. I guess that’s just the Army in me. Always ready to do battle.” I sighed deeply. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I should have never yelled like I did. I was having trouble grabbing a hold of my emotions.”
“It’s okay, Timber. I pushed when I shouldn’t have. I could see something was up and I ignored my instincts to give you some space.”
“No, don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself for my crazy ass issues. You did what you thought was right.” I faked a yawn, not really wanting to talk about it anymore. “I’m ready for the day to be over. Let’s just get some sleep, huh?”
She crawled over to me and I tucked her into my body. She buried her face into my chest, and I pressed my nose into her hair. I fell asleep breathing in coconut, but it didn’t act as a barrier this time from my nightmares.
Chapter Fourteen
Timber
“I seriously can’t wait to get home and use the shit out of my dick. It’s been too long since the poor guy has seen any action,” Holt said, sitting in the front passenger seat of the MRAP.
“I have a feeling he’s going to have to keep waiting if that’s how you talk to women, Holt,” Rooster, who was driving, said to him.
“Man, all I have to do is smile at a chick, and she’ll ask me to take her back to my place.”
I chuckled. “Which would be your mom’s house, right?”
“Fuck you, man. I’ve got that basement all decked out real nice, they wouldn’t even know I was still living at home.” We all barked out a laugh. Holt mumbled under his breath, “bunch of douchebags.”
I leaned forward and slapped him on the shoulder so he would know we were just fucking with him. We were halfway through our second patrol of the day and it was really windy outside, kicking up dust. All four of us were getting anxious to head home. We only had two weeks left in this shit hole. For three of us, we’d be getting out. We’d done either four or six years’ time in service and we were ready to move on to something else. Corey, naturally, was the one that was staying in. The guy couldn’t imagine doing anything else with his life, so he was going to make a career of the Army. Good for him.
“Hey, Rooster, what’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home?” I asked.
“Hug my wife and kids, take a nap on my man couch, and haul the family off to Disney World for some much needed R&R,” he said.
“Cindy hasn’t burned that couch yet?” Corey asked from beside me.
“Nah, she knows that’s reason for divorce. I love that fuckin’ couch. Most comfortable couch I’ve ever owned.”
I smiled and shook my head. “What about you, Corey?”
He paused, thinking about it. “I think I’m going to go take my Ma out for a lobster dinner, then grow a pair and finally ask my high school sweetheart if she’ll date me again.”
“How come you’ve never asked her before?” Holt chimed in.
“Eh, she went and did the college thing. She was out having fun and living a different life than I was. But now that she’s back home, she’s gotten some job with a medical supply company and is settling down. I think now is a good time.”
I nodded my head. “You’re a good man, Corey.”
He looked at me. “What about you?”
Shrugging, I said, “I don’t really know. Probably go check on my old man to make sure he’s doing alright, and then head out somewhere to find a job.”
“Dude, don’t you want to go find some pussy?” Holt asked.
Reaching forward, I shoved his helmet. “No, I’m not a man slut like you. You dip your dick in enough pussy, you’re going to be dippin’ your dick in some fuckin’ creams because you’ve got an STD, Holt.”
There was a round of laughs. As we entered the town square, my eyes immediately traveled to where the Iraqi woman always stood. As we approached, I saw that for the first time in months, she wasn’t there. Why that worried me, I didn’t know. I looked all over the square, trying to find her. There was nothing. As we were driving past the shop, I heard a scream.
“Stop the vehicle, Rooster.” He didn’t stop, but he slowed down to a crawl.
All of us were on high alert with our weapons pointed out of the windows. I listened hard and heard it again. Off to the side of a store, I saw the same woman with the guy that always accompanied her. He slapped her across the face then kicked her as she started to crumple to the ground. This time everyone saw what was happening and we jumped into action. Putting the MRAP in park, Marks, who wasn’t one of our bunkmates, stayed behind with the vehicles while the rest of us jumped out and made quick movement towards the beaten woman.
“Nelson and Holt, you’ve got the Iraqi. Corey and I will check on the woman to make sure she’s okay.” We all nodded in acknowledgement as Rooster barked the order.
The four of us approached the store with our weapons in position. The man was yelling at the woman in their language, which I couldn’t understand. We were about thirty feet from them when I hollered out to get his attention. The guy stopped what he was doing and looked at
the four of us with wide eyes. He started shouting something, which again I didn’t understand, and pointing down to the woman on the ground. She had blood trickling from the side of her mouth and was holding her arms around her stomach.
Holt and I pointed our weapons at the man as he backed up into the wall behind him. He was still shouting, and I noticed that everyone in the square had stopped what they were doing to watch us. Some had disapproving eyes, while others were simply curious. Corey and Rooster approached the woman on the ground and knelt down to see if she was alright. As I watched her more closely, I saw that she had her eyes closed. The hands that I thought was clutching her stomach were actually gripping a black remote of some sort. She was praying. Why was she praying?
Everything after that went in slow motion.
As Rooster knelt down to check on her, Corey turned away to face the gathering crowd. I turned to look at the man we had pinned against the wall, and his gaze moved from the woman to rest on me. The smile that spread across his face made my stomach churn. I looked over at Holt as he dropped his weapon and shoved me to the ground, flinging his body over mine. He yelled, “IED, it’s an IED!”
After that, everything went silent. My ears weren’t ringing, but I couldn’t hear anything. Holt’s body was across the front of me and I had to wipe my eyes to clear the dirt that was preventing me from seeing. When I opened them, my mind couldn’t process the scene in front of me. The woman, Corey, and Rooster were no longer there. There was blood on the ground with pieces of what I could only assume were body parts. The man that had smiled at me was slumped over, and was missing two of his limbs. He was dead.
I used whatever strength I had left in me to roll Holt to the side so I could sit up and assess myself and then take care of him. I needed to move fast before the bomb drew any attention from any neighboring Al-Qaida that might be in the area. Then I’d need to go find my two boys. Holt’s body was heavy as I moved him off of me. He was covered in blood and his eyes were open, staring at the sky. I crawled over to him, my heart pounding. Pulling him onto my lap, I saw a gaping hole in his chest and he was losing blood, fast. I pressed my hands over the top of the wound to try and slow down the bleeding and hoped like hell that backup was coming and I could get him to medical.
Holt’s grip was weak as he reached up and held on to my forearm. “Tell my parents, Nelson. Tell them what happened.”
“No, you’re going to tell them yourself.”
His eyes blinked and he was still looking upwards. “I want them to know that I did my job. I want them to know that I loved them.”
His breathing was picking up and I heard gurgling sounds in his lungs. He was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I nodded at him as tears fell from my cheeks.
“Did we save her?” He coughed and blood spit out of his mouth.
I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t want his last moments to be upsetting so I simply said, “yes.”
“Good.” I put more pressure on the hole and he groaned.
“Goddamn it, hold on Holt. Please hold on, they’re coming, okay? Back up is coming.”
His arm had fallen away from me and now hung limply by his side. His eyes turned towards mine as if seeing me for the first time. He whispered the word ‘brother’, and then his mouth began opening and closing while he tried to gasp for air. His lungs were filling up with blood and he was drowning in it.
“No, no, no, not now. Don’t you fucking die on me! You hold on. You have too much fucking life left. Stay with me.” My words grew quieter as I realized his eyes were empty. He was gone.
I’d blacked out after that. The next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital bed with bandages all over me, covering the wounds I’d gotten from flying shrapnel. Doctors had come in and out of my room, asking me questions about how I was feeling, checking if I was healing, and whatever else fucking doctors do. I’d laid in that bed for two weeks and barely moved.
I’d learned that Intel had found out the woman we’d tried to save had been trying to lure us for months. She, and a few others, had been waiting for the right moment to make their move. They’d timed everything, knowing when we’d be there, what weapons we would have, and waited until we were close enough before they detonated the bomb. The doctors told me that Corey and Rooster had been so close to the explosion that there hadn’t been enough remains that resembled a body to send back to their families to bury. They said that if Holt hadn’t covered me like he had, I probably wouldn’t even be here. They said it like I was lucky. I didn’t feel lucky, I felt fucking cursed.
Any semblance of brotherhood I’d had with those men was now dead and buried. I was dead too. Nothing inside of me wanted to live. I’d lost my brothers, and I wished I’d died with them. All I had were some cuts that the doctor said some would likely scar, but most would heal and fade away. What about the damage that was done internally? Nothing about my scars inside would fade or heal. I should have died with my brothers.
A firecracker went off outside my window and I shot out of bed. My eyes scanned the dark space, looking for the danger that I knew was there. Movement in the bed caught my eye and I turned toward it, reaching out for the pocket knife I’d set on the desk.
“What’s the matter, Timber? Come back to bed.” Kat’s voice pierced through my confusion. She was yawning and rubbing her eyes. She didn’t see me pick up the knife. Stepping back against the desk, I put it down behind me.
“Nothing’s wrong, just couldn’t sleep. Go back to bed.”
Her arms dropped in her lap, and even in her sleepy state with bed head, she was absolutely beautiful. “I’m going to grab some water real quick. I’ll be right back.”
Walking out of the room and into the kitchen, I filled a glass with water but set it on the counter. I hadn’t been thirsty I just needed to get out of there. I could still hear some popping going off down the street and I tried my hardest to calm my tense nerves. I paced the kitchen a few times and decided that maybe some cold water on my face would help. The bathroom light was bright as I walked in and my eyes blinked rapidly as they adjusted. Turning on the faucet, I put my hands under the water until I felt it run from warm to cool. Splashing it up on my cheeks, I rubbed my eyes with my palms. I felt a light touch on my back and I looked up in the mirror to see Kat standing behind me, concern filling her eyes.
“You have a bad dream?”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
She moved to my side. “Want to talk about it?”
No, I didn’t want to talk about it. I also didn’t want to push her away again like I’d done earlier. I wanted her close. I wanted to feel her hands on me. Turning to gaze at her, her eyes looked through me like she knew exactly what was going through my mind. I said the only thing I that I wanted in that moment.
“Make me forget, Kat. I need a night that I don’t remember them.”
She tipped her head down once, letting me know she knew what I was saying. As she stepped closer, my hands automatically went around her waist. “Is your dad home?”
“No, he and Alice went to stay at her place since she lives closer to town.”
“Okay.”
She lifted her hands and moved them up the front of my bare chest. Her fingers slipped behind my neck and she pulled me down until my mouth was on hers. It wasn’t a crushing kiss, it was a sweet one. Her mouth opened and it was all I needed for me to dive in and taste every inch of her. Her hands wove through my hair, while my own hands had moved around her back and onto her ass. I pulled her up against me and my cock was resting on her stomach. I felt her rise on her toes and she was grinding against me as if she were trying to get some friction where she needed it.
I lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I set her on the edge of the sink and she continued to keep her legs around me. Grazing my hand down her shoulder, I palmed her full breast, realizing she wasn’t wearing a bra. My thumb brushed over the tip of her nipple and I felt it harden into a peak on m
y finger. She arched into me and moaned.
“Oh God, I need this, Kat. You feel amazing in my hands.” Releasing her, I reached down and pulled her shirt over her head. She was sitting in a pair of black lace underwear and I swear it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. The graceful lines of her back reflected in the mirror behind her and I had the strongest urge to touch every part of her body. I didn’t want to end the night without knowing all of her freckles, scars, and perfections. I brought my mouth down and sucked her nipple into my mouth, while my other hand found the other and plucked at its peak. Kat was holding my head to her, silently begging me for more.
“I need to taste you. I want your sweetness on my tongue.”
She started to shake her head no. “I’ve never done that before. What if you don’t like it?”
“Not possible. Just let me take care of you.” My voice was deep and filled with need for her.
I nipped and nibbled my way down her stomach, smoothing my hands over her thighs and coaxing her to spread them for me. When I was kneeling on the floor in front of her, I hooked my fingers in her panties and slid them off of her. I held my breath and looked up at her. Her eyes were full of acceptance and love. Acceptance of me, and what I needed from her, and love, because she trusted me.
“Open for me, Kat. Let me see you.” Her thighs shook slightly as she let me spread her open. “Jesus Christ, you’re fucking perfect.” I looked at her pussy, her lips glistening with wetness. I bent forward and made a tentative swipe with my tongue. It was a salty sweet mixture that I could only describe as uniquely her. Moving one of my hands up just below her hips, I used my thumb and pointer finger to push her further open, completely exposing her clit. It was red and slightly swollen. I could feel my dick pulsing in my briefs; it desperately wanted to be inside of her. Instead, I reached my other hand in, firmly grasped myself and began to slowly jerk myself off. My tongue was lapping at Kat’s nub and swallowing down any juices that went in my mouth. Placing my lips over her I lightly sucked her clit while flicking the tip of it. Kat’s hips bucked wildly. I had to stop what I was doing to myself and hold her down.
