by Carnal, MJ
~~*
I sigh as I sit down in the booth across from Nancy. I think we’ve gone to every home improvement store in the state. If I never look at another oven or fridge again, it will be too soon. I feel my phone vibrate in my bag, so I pull it out and slide my finger across the screen when I see that Kenton is calling.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Hey, babe. I just wanted to call you really quick and let you know I’m gonna be late.”
I feel a frown touch my lips at his words and the anxiety in his voice. “Is everything okay?” I ask softly.
“Sophie’s place was broken into when she was home. I’m with Nico and the cops now.”
“Oh my God, is she okay?”
“She’s fine. A little shook up, but she’s all right.”
“Who broke in?” I ask in shock.
Nancy grabs my free hand, giving it a squeeze.
“We’re not sure, baby. As soon as Nico gets Sophie home, I should be on my way.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you then.”
“Later, baby.”
“Later,” I say softly.
My mind goes to Sophie and Nico. I haven’t met Sophie yet, but I have met Nico. He looks scary but is very sweet. The two times we’ve talked, he told me all about Sophie, and I can tell just by the tone of his voice when he speaks about her that he is in love. I can only imagine how worried he is right now.
“Kenton said Sophie’s was broken into,” I tell Nancy, setting the phone down on the table.
“Oh my,” she mumbles. “I’m going to call Susan.” She picks up her phone.
I watch as she makes the call, and I know that, by the time the phone is hung up, the Maysons will be on a mission. I’m just not sure if it’s going to be what Nico wants. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d want everyone over after something like that.
“Susan’s going to call Nico’s dad and tell him what’s going on. He’s a cop and may be able to get some stuff sorted before my son or nephew end up in jail.”
I feel my eyes get big. “Why would he go to jail?”
“Honey, Kenton works with cops but isn’t a cop.” She shakes her head, grabbing my hand again. “He can still be arrested if he does something the police find to be criminal.”
“Holy shit.” I stand, grabbing my bag, ready to go save Kenton before he gets into trouble.
“Where do you think you’re going?” She grabs my hand and tugs me back down into the booth next to her. “Let me tell you something. Kenton will always do whatever he wants. There is nothing his father or I—or now you—can say to change his mind.”
“I don’t want him to get into trouble,” I breathe in distress.
“I don’t really believe he will get into trouble, but a mom’s job is never done. I will always protect my family.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes. She’s a great mom who loves her kids. Even with as old as Kenton and Toni are, they are still able to lean on her when they need something.
“You’re family now too, honey,” she says quietly, “and I will protect you as I would protect my own children. That includes looking out for my son so he can continue to look out for you.”
I feel a tear falls down my cheek.
Her hand comes up, holding my face, her thumb wiping the tear away. “Now, what do you say we have some cake?”
“Sure.” I nod, swallowing against the lump in my throat.
We sit there in silence while we each eat a large piece of chocolate cake that is so dense that it’s more like fudge. I have a large glass of milk with mine, and Nancy has a glass of wine. When we’re done, we pay the tab before climbing into Nancy’s Jeep.
I don’t know why she doesn’t say anything, but I know why I can’t. My emotions are too exposed; too much has happened today and I need some time to regroup. It isn’t until Kenton sends a text telling me that he’s on his way home that I feel some of the tension in my belly dissipate. Right then, I know that I’m no longer in like with him; I’m head-over-heels in love with him.
I wake up on a scream when I feel myself being shaken. My throat feels like it’s on fire and my skin feels damp with sweat. I look around in the darkness, holding my chest, trying to remember where I am, when the light is switched on and I see that Kenton is looking at me worriedly. I lower my head, covering my face with my hands, taking a few deep breaths as I try to get my heart rate back to normal.
“You were screaming like someone was killing you,” he whispers, sliding in behind me.
I feel my stomach drop and my insides twist with anxiety. I haven’t had a nightmare in years. When I first left home, I would get them often, but somehow, they stopped. I forgot what it feels like to wake up scared, so scared that I want to turn on every light then hide under the covers.
“Sorry I woke you,” I whisper, trying to pull away from his touch, humiliated that I woke him, that he witnessed that.
“Jesus, don’t do that. Do not fucking pull away. Not right now. Not when whatever it was you were dreaming about is still clinging to your skin and has seeped into mine.”
The bed moves behind me again and my hands are taken from my face. He pulls me down so I’m on my side, facing him, our faces so close that I can feel each of his breaths.
His arms wrap around me and his thigh slides over my legs so I’m surrounded by him. “Talk to me.”
I try to sort out what to say to him in my head. How can I possibly explain what just happened when I don’t understand it myself? “I don’t know if it’s a dream or a memory,” I say softly after a few minutes. I press my face into his neck and press my body closer to his.
“What happens?”
I take another shuddering breath and shake my head. “I’m in water. It’s not very deep ‘cause I’m sitting in it and it only comes up to my waist. I have this doll in my hand that has blond hair, and I’m dunking her underwater, singing a song to her.” I swallow again, and this time, I feel bile at the back of my throat. “I don’t know what happens, but I feel hands on my head pushing me down. I can’t breathe and I try to scream but end up sucking in lungfuls of water.”
I take a breath just to remind myself that I can. My mom was never a good mom; she was abusive but never left a mark. She always made sure there was never any evidence pointing to her being less than perfect. To everyone who knew us, we lived the perfect life. We had the perfect home, the perfect yard, and she was the perfect mother, who had perfect hair, clothes, and makeup. Everything about her was perfect, and she made sure I was perfect—at least what everyone saw of me.
“Do you think that really happened? That she tried to drown me?” I wonder out loud, feeling his body wrap tighter around mine and his muscles tense. We’ve talked some about how it was for me growing up. I try to avoid talking about it as much as possible, even though he asks often. I just don’t like the look that comes across his face when we do discuss it.
“Do you?” he asks gently.
I take another deep breath, tucking my face into his neck, letting his warmth and smell take away the last of the nightmare. “Yes.” I nod, feeling his arms go tighter before he lets me go and gets out of bed, muttering a quiet, “Fuck,” under his breath.
“Oh God,” I whimper, feeling sick. I sit up, holding the sheet to my bare chest, looking around for quick escape. Tears start to sting my nose and I fight them back, knowing that there is no way in hell I will cry in front of him. Not now.
“Fuck!” is roared, and I turn my head just in time to see one of the new bedside lamps fly across the room, hitting the sliding glass door. The lamp bursts into thousands of pieces while the door somehow doesn’t shatter. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chants, pacing back and forth, running a hand through his hair as I try to think of something to do or say to calm him down.
“I’ll leave,” I tell him quietly, fear settling in my gut.
His pacing doesn’t change, and his fists clenching and unclenching tell me everything I need to know about his state of mi
nd. I start to wonder if I do this to people, if I make them want to hurt me.
“I’m so sorry,” I whimper.
His head swings my way, and his eyes look me over, going from hard to soft. “Jesus, baby.” He comes towards me and I hold up my hand, trying to ward him off. His eyes drop to my hand then move back up to my face. “I would never hurt you.”
I know this; I know deep down that he wouldn’t, but I just watched him freak out, and that has put some fear in me.
“Never,” he repeats, and that’s when I notice that my body is shaking so hard that the bed is vibrating. “It was either the lamp or track down your mom and put a bullet in her.”
I feel my eyes widen as he shakes his head.
“I would kill her, baby. Without a second thought, I would end her. I know you don’t understand, but this is me. I protect the people I love. I hate feeling helpless when I know I can fix this. Knowing that someone who has harmed you is out in the world, walking around, does not sit well with me. It goes against everything I am to let her get away with what she did to you.”
“You love me?” I ask, ignoring everything else he just said, my mind zeroing in on that one fact.
His eyebrows rise and he shakes his head. “What do you think we’re doing here?”
I swallow and shrug my shoulders at his familiar words.
“Baby, you need to start looking at what’s going on around you.”
“You never told me.”
“I show you every day,” he says, looking dumbfounded.
“You should have told me you loved me.” I resort to getting angry. Why the hell are guys so damn stupid?
“Love.”
“What?”
“I love you. It’s not past tense. I love you now and will love you until my heart stops beating.”
My belly flips and I shake my head. “I’m in a whole lot of love with you too.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, his eyes narrowing.
“I didn’t know until today.” I shrug, pulling the sheet up higher on my chest.
“What?”
“I didn’t know.”
“I know you love me,” he says, and I’m sure he did know, because he knows what love feels like.
“I have loved—really loved—only one person, and that was my son.” I look around, trying to think of a way to explain it to him. “My love for him was different. It was one-sided and pure of any other emotions. Then, today, you sent me a text message, and when I read that you would meet me at home, something in me clicked into place. I have never had that—a home or someone to go home to. That’s when I understood what I’m feeling. You’re my home. You’re the person I belong to.”
“Stop,” he growls, and I know that he understands now.
“You’re the glue that holds all of my broken pieces together,” I say quietly.
“Autumn—”
“You love me for me,” I whisper, and I know he’s done when he plows into me, his body knocking mine backwards onto the bed, caging me in.
“I said shut it.” His mouth comes down on mine, his tongue seeking entrance.
I open my mouth under his. My hands go to his back, feeling his warm, smooth skin under my fingers. His fingers go to my center, where he pulls my panties to the side. Then his fingers run down my slit, causing my hips to jerk at the contact.
“Lift your hips.”
I do what he says, raising my hips off the bed. His hands pull my panties down my thighs, his weight leaving me only to drag them off me. As soon as they’re gone, his fingers go right back to where they were, making my hips shift and jerk once again.
“I think it’s time I get your mouth. What do you think?”
My pussy convulses, sucking his fingers deeper.
“My girl likes that idea,” he says, licking up my neck before rolling to his back.
I watch as his hips lift and he pulls his boxers down, kicking them off the bed. His hand wraps around his cock, stroking twice and causing a bead of pre-cum to seep out of the tip. My mouth waters and I lick my lips. His groan has my eyes going to his as I bend forward on my knees to lick the tip. His taste bursts on my tongue, and I want more, so I wrap my hand over his and close my lips over the tip, swirling my tongue around it.
His fingers run over my cheek, around my ear, and down my neck, shoulder, back, and ass before hitting me just right. I moan, taking more of him into my mouth.
“Com’ere,” he groans, shifting my hips over his head. The second his tongue touches me, I cry out, forgetting what I’m supposed to be doing. “You stop, I stop,” he growls, slapping my ass. I moan, taking him as deep as I can, causing him to hit the back of my throat, which makes me gag.
I can feel his fingers holding me open while he licks and sucks, not missing any part. I feel my orgasm approaching and know that it’s going to be huge. My hips start bucking against his face, my hand working fast with my mouth. Do I know what I’m doing? No, but I know him, and I know the noises he makes when something feels good. I know we’re both close, but then he lifts me off his face with an order of, “Ride me.”
I start to turn to face him, but his hands hold my hips in place.
“Reverse, baby.”
I can feel more wetness build between my thighs. One of his hands holds his cock upright, the other wrapping around my hip. I position myself over him and sink down hard. My head flies back and a loud moan leaves my mouth. I just found my new favorite position.
The head of his cock hits my G-spot on each downward thrust. His hands slide around my waist, one going up to cup my breast, the other down to roll over my clit.
“Shit. I need a mirror.”
I look over my shoulder and down at him. His eyes are at half-mast and his cheeks have a slight pinkness, and I know I did that to him. I made his hot even hotter just by fucking him.
His hand wraps around my hair, pulling my head back, and I hold the position for a minute before leaning forward. My hands go to his shins as I start to ride him hard and fast. I can feel myself getting closer the harder I ride. When his hips start lifting to meet mine, I cry out my orgasm as he grunts his.
“Wow,” I breathe into the crook of my arm, where my face had ended up.
“Fuck yeah. Perfection in everything you do, baby.”
I smile into my arm before lifting myself off him and turning around to lie against his chest with my chin on my hands. “I love you,” I tell him, looking into his eyes, my finger tracing first one eyebrow, then the other, and then around his lips, which I love so much.
“Love you, baby.” He leans up, kissing my mouth. “I gotta clean up. You wanna come, or do you want me to bring you something?”
“I wanna come,” I smile.
“Smartass.” He smiles back, smacking my ass lightly and shaking his head.
I follow him into the bathroom, where he cleans me up before smacking me on the ass as I walk back into the bedroom. I don’t even bother saying anything when he does it; I know it’s pointless to tell him to stop. Instead, I pick my panties up off the floor, toss them towards the closet, and grab a new pair from the drawer before stepping into them.
“I fucking love those.”
I look down at my underwear and feel my eyebrows draw together.
“When the fuck did cotton panties with flowers become sexier than lace shit? Do not fucking ask me, but those are hot, and you in nothing but them is even hotter.”
I roll my eyes and pull them up my legs before climbing into bed. “You’re such a guy.”
“But you love me,” he says, and I smile.
“I do. I don’t know what that says about me, but I do love you.”
“It says you’re smart.” He turns off the light and pulls me to him so my head is on his chest and his hand can wrap around my hair like it always does when we sleep. “You gonna be able to sleep?”
Hearing the concern in his voice has me pressing closer to him. “I’ll be okay. I haven’t had one in a long time,” I te
ll him quietly, tracing random patterns on his chest.
“I wonder what triggered it.”
“I think talking to your mom last night,” I say softly.
“What did she say?” he growls.
“She told me about your work.”
“You already knew about my work,” he says, confused.
I press closer. “I know, but I guess I never thought you could get into trouble.”
“Baby, if we were having this conversation a few years ago, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that you have nothing to worry about, but I’m no longer reckless. I take risks, but they are all calculated, and the worst-case scenario is thought of and worked around before every situation.” His hand moves to my cheek. “I don’t want you to worry about any of that. Things can always go wrong, and if they do, we figure it out when it happens. Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I nod against his chest.
“Night, baby.”
“Night,” I whisper, listening to his heartbeat, letting it lull me to sleep.
Chapter 9
Shit Hits The Fan
“Shhhhh,” I whisper to the little ball of fur I just set down on the floor of my old room. He whines at me, and I can’t help but pick him up again to give him a cuddle. “Sorry, baby, but you need to be in here until I can figure out how to tell Kenton about you,” I tell my new puppy before setting him down on the ground.
I was at the mall when I walked past a pet store. I looked into the window of the shop and a little white fur ball caught my eye. He was tugging a large, red chew toy around the pen that was full of wood chips while all the other puppies fought amongst each other. I went into the store to have a closer look at him, and the minute I stood next to the pen, his head came up, his eyes met mine, and I fell in love. He ran to me, his little puppy body so round that he had a hard time running straight. I picked him up and started laughing. He was so wiggly and loveable, and I knew right then that I was taking him home with me.
I look around the bedroom, making sure there’s nothing for him to get into while I’m downstairs trying to think of a way to tell Kenton that we got a dog. The last few months have flown by. Not long after I agreed to move in, Kenton and I took a trip out to Vegas, packed up my condo, and put it on the market. When we got home from our trip, Nancy got her nephews to come over to gut the kitchen. It took about a month for them to completely renovate it.
