by Carnal, MJ
"That's why you pulled me out of hiding? To marry her?"
"Right." Sergio smirked. "But knowing you I couldn't just say, hey by the way save her life, rescue her, woo her, and then marry her to keep her alive. You would have laughed in my face, or worse punked out and run."
"I don't run."
"No." Sergio tilted his head. "You hide."
"Excuse me?" I pushed to my feet; he followed. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I messed up." Sergio shrugged. "It was a long time ago, I was scared, but you used that one moment in our lives to define the rest of our relationship. That one moment defined your future and you just let it. You just… gave up."
I looked down at the grass.
"I was afraid you'd do the same thing if I told you the whole truth."
"That wasn't your call to make," I grumbled.
"Actually…" Sergio sighed loudly. "As your older brother it kind of was, it kind of is. Going through life… eating but not tasting food. Waking up only to go through the motions, that's not life. And that's exactly what you were doing. Mourning her loss every day, blaming yourself every hour, hating me every minute."
Sergio fell silent then turned on his heel, but not before having one last word. "I did you a favor. Don't let me down."
"You suck at pep talks." I winced as I felt a headache coming on. "But as a brother… you're not awful."
"Nicest thing anyone's said to me." He chuckled and walked off.
Leaving me alone with the cows and a useless gun. I didn't know what to say to Amy to fix it. I told her I was going to fight for her, but how do you fight against someone's insecurities? I knew she would assume that I had it planned all along. The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel trapped, but marriage? Damn, it sounded good. Anything with her sounded good.
I glanced back at the house. I had to find her, kiss her, make her stay.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Amy
"How are you holding up?" Phoenix sat down next to me on the large white leather couch and handed me the remote. Apparently staring at a blank TV was frowned upon in that house. I pressed the On button and looked back down at my hands.
"Football. Nice. Who's your team?"
"Huh?" I looked up at the screen. "My team?"
"You turn on ESPN you sure as hell better have a football team."
"Uh…" I wracked my brain trying to think of a team. "Blue Jays?"
"Baseball, try again."
"Bulls?"
"Basketball."
"Ants?"
He laughed. He was really good looking when he smiled. Less haunted, more human. "Now you're just making shit up."
"I don't watch TV."
"No sports, no TV, what did you do to entertain yourself?"
What was with the sudden twenty questions? I squirmed in my seat and shrugged.
"Total first grade answer, the shoulder shrug. Sergio says more words to me and I'm pretty sure he dreams nightly about what it would feel like to knife me in the back, so try again, doll."
"Doll?"
"I'm an old soul." He looked heavenward and winced. "So… did you read books?"
"I read textbooks."
"Like the dictionary?"
"Yeah I like big words."
"Was that a joke?" He smiled wider and reached for me, slowly tilting my chin towards him so we were face to face. "It will get better you know."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"The pain." He didn't release my chin, didn't allow me to avert my eyes, just kept talking in low soothing tones. "One day you'll wake up… and you won't hear your parents screaming. You won't flinch when you hear glass breaking. You won't duck when someone puts their arm around you." He released my chin and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Like I said, it gets better. Those people, the ones who were just in this room stomping around and waving guns? They're a real family. It's hard sometimes, when you come from violence, to understand the difference between protection and violence. What they do is protect. They don't shoot because it's the first option. They shoot because it's the only option. Get it?"
I nodded, slowly. Still a bit confused. "But you guys kill people. Ax almost died because of it."
"Look." Phoenix sighed. "I'm not saying we're perfect, God knows the De Langes are seriously damned to Hell, all of us." His face shadowed. "But we're trying to do better. Mil's picked up the family and she's done a hell of a job. What happened to Ax should have never happened. What happened to you should have never happened. The innocent—" His voice cracked. "—should always stay innocent." His entire face went tight, his jaw cracked as he clenched and unclenched it.
"What happened? To you?"
Phoenix looked away. "I died and was reborn." His eyes met mine briefly. "Any other part of the story isn't something I ever want you to hear from my mouth. I don't want to be the reason you're afraid of us, and believe me when I say my story… isn't one that you should ever have to hear."
"And if I want to?"
"Football." Phoenix turned up the volume, ending our conversation. "One thing you should know. All men love football. Pick a team, wear the colors, chant their name, and be sure it's not Ax's team, it will piss him off."
"What will piss me off?" Ax said coming into the room.
"That's my cue." Phoenix stood. "Play nice, children."
Ax rolled his eyes as Phoenix brushed past him. When his gaze met mine, I immediately looked away. What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do? Or was it him? Was it his job to start the conversation?
I braced myself for a speech, a really long Ax type speech. Instead, he held out his hand and said. "Take a walk with me."
With blind trust — a blind trust I'd had since Ax had promised to be my best friend forever — I grabbed his hand and didn't let go. He led me outside and around the back of the house.
To a field.
We were staring at a field.
"What do you see?" he asked, not releasing my hand, but running his thumb slowly over my skin, causing goose bumps to erupt across my flesh.
I swallowed and found my voice. "Cows."
He nodded and kept caressing my hand. Tears stung my eyes as I tried to fight all the emotions swelling within me. My world was changed — altered. It was suddenly so foreign I wasn't sure where I fit anymore. Before I was trying to survive, get through another day, make who I thought was dead, proud of me.
And now I was facing every single dream I'd ever had head on. But the story hadn't exactly followed a natural order, then again there was nothing natural about the Abandonato family.
"What do you see?" I finally asked, breaking the silence between us.
"Anything and everything." Ax sighed. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, his jaw was flexed, but his eyes, they looked… relaxed as if he really was staring at something off in the distance, whatever that something was, it brought him peace, you could just tell. "But most of all." He turned to face me. "I see you."
"In a field?" I stepped back; he stepped forward. There was no fighting it, so I stayed put when he finally wrapped his arms around my body and crushed me against his hard chest.
"I see you everywhere," Ax whispered, his breath tickling my face. "I see you in the fields, in the sky, in a stranger's laughter. I see you — but most of all — I see us, Ames. I see us holding hands, not a year from now, twenty years from now. I've lived my whole life waiting… waiting for the right moment to be with you. You've always been my somebody — the person I'd die for, the person I'd live for, the person I look for. It's always been you. So marriage? It was coming. Fight it all you want, but there is no chance in hell I'm letting you go. Ever. You run, I chase. You cry. I fix. You fight. I take the punches. Try your damndest to push me away, try me, Ames. I wouldn't blame you if you did, but it would sure save a hell of a lot of energy if you just gave in."
"You want me to give in?" My heart was beating so fast it was hard to breathe. "Give in to what?"
<
br /> His smile was breathtaking, all white teeth and full lips. "Me."
"I don't like forfeiting."
"I think of it as more of a win/win. I love you forever and you just love me back… honestly even if you didn't love me back I still wouldn't go away. I'm annoying like that. Stay… Ames… stay with me."
My vision blurred with tears as Ax shifted away from me and dropped to his knees. "Marry me."
I couldn't speak.
I wanted to.
Nothing came out of my mouth.
Ax reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out my stuffed lamb, the small ugly thing he'd given me when I was little. My most prized possession.
"A ring—" he held the lamb up. "—would look cheap, next to something you hold so dear." His voice cracked. "Let me take care of you… Let me love you, Ames. Please… I can't live without you. I don't think I'm capable of living through that type of hell again."
"Are you proposing to me with a stuffed animal?" I laughed as tears streamed down my cheeks.
He flicked a glance at the toy then met my eyes wearing a silly grin. "Yeah."
"Just checking." I let out a cross between a laugh and a sob then tackled him to the ground, our mouths collided, the lamb was thrown to the side, no longer as important as it was before — I had the real thing. The giver of my favorite gift. I had Ax.
"I love you so much, Ames." He kissed my tears away, kissed my eyelids, his warm lips slid over mine, his tongue pushed into my mouth. He increased the pressure of the kiss changing it from urgency to passion, desire, everything I've ever wanted in life — from the only man who was ever capable of giving it.
"I love you too," I said against his lips, not wanting to pull away, for fear he would disappear and this would all be a dream, a weird, blockbuster mafia style dream. "With everything I have."
"I just want you to love me with something — I don't even need everything Ames — but I'll take it just the same."
CHAPTER TWENTY
Axton
We decided to plan the wedding for that coming weekend. That gave the guys enough time to spread the word and get the rest of the families ready for what Nixon had still tried to convince us would be "no big deal."
Right.
Shooting two people at a wedding, what? Made it a party?
"Hey." I knocked on Amy's door and let myself in.
She gasped, and held the towel — all she was wearing — tighter around her body. "By all means, come right on in."
"Thanks." I grinned suggestively. "Don't let me keep you from getting dressed… I'm a patient man, I can wait."
Her eyebrows arched. "Something you need, Ax?"
I wet my lips with my tongue as I allowed my eyes to wander over the goods. When her breathing visibly quickened, I pursed my lips and sent her an air kiss. "Need, want, desire. Take your pick."
She trembled as she murmured in a breathy voice, "I'm going to be late."
"So be late." I moved towards the door and turned the lock then leaned against it. "I'm sure the girls will understand if you and I need to go over… more details."
"Details?" Her laugh was deep, sexy as hell. "So that's why you barged in, you want to go over details?"
"Sure?" I tilted my head to get a better view of her killer legs. "Long legs, short towel… remind me to stop buying you clothes. I like you better this way."
"Ax." Her cheeks blossomed with color. She took a step back and looked away. "Seriously I should go."
I made my way towards her. She scrambled back more. Confused, I paused and held my hands up. "Talk to me, what's got you all flushed and nervous?"
"Y-you," she clenched the towel tighter around her body. I tilted my head again, maybe if I just fell to my knees and begged?
"Me?"
Amy nodded once and then turned bright red. "I um… don't have experience."
"With weddings?" I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.
"Well yeah that too but… with…" She swallowed and blushed even redder. Damn the color looked good on her.
"I know I'm brilliant, but I'm not a mind reader."
Amy kept one hand over the towel, her knuckles turning white, and then put her other hand over her face. "I'm a virgin."
I barked out a laugh of relief.
"Out." She pointed to the door. "Forget this happened, never mind, just, just go." Tears filled her eyes.
I didn't budge. The smile fell from my face. "Is that why you're so worked up?"
A single tear slid down her cheek before she could stop it.
"Ames, come here."
"No." She shook her head. "I'll be late and—"
I gripped her elbow, slamming her body into mine. "Look at me."
Her eyes were zeroed in on my chin.
"In the eyes."
Slowly, her head lifted, her eyes were still watery, uncertain.
"I'd take you any way I can get you Amy, you know that… regardless of your sexual experience. You're mine. All mine. In fact, I think we're both lucky you're a virgin. Now I won't have to go kill any other guy who dared put his hands on you. And don't doubt me, I know the other guys have had similar thoughts about their women and I'm pretty sure Tex tried to follow through on it — three times before Nixon stopped him. Just think — your virginity just saved a life."
Amy's lips moved, but she bit down on them.
"Aw, were you gonna smile, baby? Come on, one smile, just for me."
With a huff she smiled and my world was complete.
"I love you." I touched my forehead to hers. "You don't need to be embarrassed or afraid… it's me… your best friend. Not a stranger. We'll go as slow as you need to, alright?"
Her blush wasn't as bright as she nodded her head then kissed me softly on the mouth. Her taste was so sweet, I wasn't sure I'd ever get enough of it. With a groan I pulled back. "Right, and if you really want me to keep my promise of not letting you be late for your little spa appointment with the wives then you shouldn't kiss me like that."
She kissed me again, harder.
I moaned again, flattening my hands against her chest, ready to push her away and then her tongue flicked mine.
And waiting suddenly seemed like such a dirty, horrible, awful word. Whoever invented it should be shot, along with whoever invented towels, or clothes for that matter.
Her body was warm, still a bit damp from the shower. I slid my hands down her arms as I deepened the kiss.
A knock sounded at the door.
"Go away." I broke from our kiss long enough to say two words then dove my hands into her hair, crushing my mouth against hers.
The knock got louder.
"Wasn't kidding," I yelled. Amy reached for my shirt, tugging me back to her. Fingernails grazed my skin. I shivered and flipped her around, pushing her against the door.
"Guys!" It was Phoenix. "The girls are all downstairs waiting and we all know what happens when the wives wait."
I broke the kiss.
Amy giggled.
They made Phoenix's life a living hell, that's what. They liked to pester him, mainly because he'd been like a corpse the past few weeks and they were trying to bring back his good humor. It did the exact opposite, but whatever.
"He's suffering." Amy stepped back.
"Good, let him suffer." I growled reaching for her arm, but grabbing the towel instead. It fell to the floor.
My eyes stayed glued to her body.
Amy's widened with horror and then amusement as she moved away from me and went into the walk-in closet, shutting the door behind her.
Cursing, I pulled open the bedroom door just as Phoenix lifted his hand to knock again. I pushed against his chest. "Pistols at dawn, asshole."
"Can Nixon be my second?"
"No, you get no second. I hate you so much right now."
Phoenix grinned. "Did I interrupt something important?"
"You know damn well." I poked him in the chest. "Just… wait, just you wait, that's all I'm saying. One day a girl's going t
o knock you on your ass and I'm going to be your freaking shadow… interrupting every sacred moment you have with her until you're ready to pull a gun on me."
"Not happening." Phoenix said quickly, slapping me on the back.
"He's gay," Bee said breezing by us.
I froze.
Phoenix cursed. "What the hell, Bee?"
"What?" She lifted her shoulders innocently. "I changed in front of you all the time when you were guarding me and you didn't even blink."
"Correction," he said through clenched teeth. "You could have warned me every damn time, rather than just pulling off clothes and throwing them in my direction. I'm not your maid."
"Right." Bee shrugged innocently. "And every time I tossed something in your face and you didn't react, it made me want to do it again, like an experiment."
"Ah, science, good to hear you're studying, sis." Tex popped his knuckles as he approached. "So, we talking about school?"
"Yeah." Phoenix's jaw cracked. "School."
Tex nodded. "The girls are getting antsy, Amy almost ready?"
"Sorry!" Amy came rushing out, her hair in a messy bun. The girls were getting hair, makeup, pedicures — the works. So it's not like she had to get ready — she'd never looked so beautiful to me.
"Great." Tex pulled her in for a hug. I kept my growl to myself. And Phoenix glared at Bee.
"Let's go," I announced, letting everyone go in front of me. When I turned around to make sure Phoenix and Bee were following, she was touching his arm, and the poor guy looked like her touch was agony, nothing but pain as his eyes flinched and he jerked away. Bee frowned and shouldered past me. When Phoenix fell into step beside me, I whispered, "You okay?"
"Nope. Won't be okay until Tex takes her off my hands." He sighed. "Until then… I think of it as getting my just reward."
"For what?"
He grimaced. "Being such an ass in my former life. If this is God's punishment, he's doing a damn good job of reminding me to amend my ways."
"So." I coughed. "Not really gay?"
"Not anything." Phoenix looked down. "I don't deserve love… and that's the truth, not some pitiful excuse for why I can't settle down. I just simply, don't deserve it…"
