by Allie York
I didn’t even have my seatbelt buckled before Mom started, “Why didn’t you tell me you were already seeing someone? I don’t think it’s a good idea, Meredith Kate. You have too much going on. You need to get back in school, start getting things ready for a baby. Being a single parent is not a game or a joke. Does he even know you’re pregnant? If he’s an addict, you better not even think about it. How old is he anyway?”
Mom backed out and I leaned my head against the window. Mom killed my Beck high before we even made it out of the parking lot, “I’m not seeing anyone. I just got home. Yes, he knows I’m pregnant. I’ll get back in school after the baby comes, and I am focused on myself. Beck’s just a really nice guy, not an addict. We keep running into each other. That’s all, Mom.” I felt like I was talking to Cori all over again, defending myself for something I wasn’t even doing, and lying to everyone at the same time.
“You look at him like a love-sick puppy, and your mother isn’t stupid.” Didn’t take long for her to go full out maternal on me, “I just want you safe and healthy. That is my grandbaby in there after all.”
“I know, but I’m not love-sick. A hot guy to cuddle with would be nice, but I’m not seeing anyone. No guy would want a sick, pregnant girl with a royally fucked up life, Mom.” Mom reached over to pat my arm, “Things with Zeke sucked for so long, that I don’t even remember what love feels like. Or even what being liked feels like, I guess. Zeke wasn’t love. Zeke was infatuation, lust, and Stockholm syndrome.” I grumbled the last part, the self-pity coming to the surface to choke me. “Don’t worry, Beck pities me, nothing else.”
“You may have a future in psychology,” Mom smiled, moving her hand back to the wheel, “I want you to have all those things, Meredith. You deserve them, but not right now. Someday a man will come to sweep you off your feet, and you can live happily ever after. You won’t even see it coming, but right now, get yourself back on track before bringing this baby into the world.” With everyone telling me to focus on me, I knew I needed to, but watching everyone around me being in love, having a supportive partner, made me crazy. Cori being pregnant too made it even worse. Griffin followed her around, waited on her, told her how beautiful she was. Or ‘babe, you look hot’, but it meant the same thing. Looking back, I never had that, ever, and suddenly I wanted it more than anything.
I spent the night with my parents, sitting up late and watching murder shows on TV with my head in Mom’s lap. She rubbed my non-existent baby belly and talked about baby names. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know what I was having. The surprise seemed fun, but I also wanted a name picked out. It really didn’t matter what the baby was, he or she was going to be spoiled rotten. Not having a dad wouldn’t matter, because I had enough people around to love baby Wallace.
“Thank you for calling The Dog House, this is Meredith, how can I help you?” For the seventh time in the first thirty minutes of the day, I answered the phone. Cori was mid nail trim, Erica was fighting a huge dog in the tub, and Jovie had one on the table barking uncontrollably. My headache started behind my eyes and went straight to the base of my neck.
“Do you have any allergies?” The dog on Jovie’s table barked in the middle of the question, and I shook my head. Surely, I heard wrong.
“I’m sorry. Could you repeat that, Sir?”
“Do you have any allergies? Shit, sorry Doll, it’s Beck.” I pulled the phone from my ear and checked the number just as the dog barked again.
“No, none. Why?” His car whipped into the parking lot at that exact moment and Beck hopped the door, phone still to his ear, “Are you catering brunch?” The familiar giddy feeling bubbled in me and the stupid smile spread over my face. It was unstoppable when he was around.
“Yup.” I watched Beck hang the phone up and jog up the steps in black slacks, dress shoes, and a button-down shirt. Holy shit, he’s hot. The bell above the door chimed and Beck held up two full bags of food, “I had a presentation this morning right next to this great little fresh food place, then realized I would be going right past here on my way back to the office.” He set the bags on the counter and the dog Jovie had on the table went ballistic.
I leaned closer to Beck so he could hear me, “And you thought you would just get food for four women you barely know out of the goodness of your heart?”
A wicked smile spread across his face, “Cori! Do you prefer eggs or sausage?” Beck indicated each bag and I cocked my head to judge Cori’s reaction. The dog under her arm wiggled and she set him on the floor to prop her hands on her hips. Crap.
“What do you want, Beck?” Cori snapped. Jovie’s head jerked up behind my sister and she rolled her eyes when psycho dog started barking again.
“I brought food. I don’t want anything.” He didn’t look confused, but almost wounded.
“Beck Layton always wants something.” Cori took another step toward us and her arms went from her hips to cross over her chest. Not good.
Beck sighed, “Look, when Ma and I ran into your mother and Meredith at dinner last week, she made it clear you hate me. Like I didn’t already know. I just want you to not hate me, that’s all.”
Cori scoffed, “No, you want in my sister’s pants. I’m not an idiot, Beck.” Cori shoved at the bags like they offended her. Jovie snuck up behind Cori to snatch a bag from the counter, “Traitor.” My sister grumbled.
“It’s food, Cori. Have you met me? All loyalty goes out the window when there’s food. Thanks Beck!” Jovie put her barking monster dog in a crate and sat to eat. Erica came in from the back and hurried to the lobby, grabbing a bag.
“Yours has your name on it, Doll. See ya around, ladies. Hope you enjoy, and eat all of it, Meredith.” Looking completely defeated, Beck started toward the door, leaving me with a wink and I watched stupidly as he walked back to the car. Just before he opened the door to his convertible, I scrambled through the gate and out the door. Cori yelled at me, but I ignored her.
“Why are you doing this?” I stopped at the front of his car, irrationally angry about him showing up again only to run off because he’s afraid of Cori. It made me wonder if he really was the kind of man I believed he was.
Beck slammed the door, hard, “I have no idea why,” He took a step, then another, “I don’t want in your pants, but I worry about you. I don’t worry about anyone, not even myself.” I took the next step, “Your sister obviously wants me to stay away from you.”
“What about what I want?” I almost yelled. Beck jerked his head from watching Cori through the window back to watching me.
“You want to get better, have a healthy baby and go back to school. That’s what you want.” Beck backed up, I followed.
“I can’t want more than that? What if I want more? Having Axel didn’t mean Cori couldn’t have Griffin, why does it mean I can’t have what I want?” I felt the burn of tears start in my throat, and took a deep breath. I didn’t know if I wanted Beck, but I wanted to find out myself, not have everyone else tell me what I should be doing. My family had no reason to trust my decisions, but I had learned my lessons, “You can’t keep doing this then. Stop showing up and doing things for me if this is how it’s going to be, got it? I’ve fucked up, but I’m not a fucking child and I can decide what I want, but you have to stop jerking me around.” I half cried, half screamed at him.
“Enjoy the breakfast, Doll. I’ll see ya later.” Instead of retreating back to the car, Beck came forward and hugged me. For the brief moment we were together, I melted into him. I burrowed into his chest, memorizing the feeland smell, of Beck. I missed my family and was glad to have a constant stream of affection, but none of it compared to Beck. No hug was quite as comforting as his. “Give ‘em time, Doll. They’ll see and then we can see.” With that, Beck let me go, hopped in the car, and backed out without even looking at me. At some point Cori had come out on the porch and I turned to face a very pissed off sister.
“What did Beck have to say?”
I walked up and rested my h
ands on her belly, “He said to keep getting better, and to take care of myself.” I rubbed my little niece, “What are you naming her?” I didn’t want to talk to Cori about what just happened.
“I was thinking Wheel or Rotors. Stick with the car theme,” Cori rested her hands on mine, “I get not wanting to be alone, Mere, trust me, but Beck’s not the one…” She trailed off, “Just follow his advice, okay?”
I nodded, “Okay.”
“What about Steering Column?” Cori poked my tiny baby bulge.
“Gear Shift, Lug Nut, or Brake Pedal!” I joined in her game, knowing she wasn’t going to actually tell me the name. She and Griff would go until delivery with the name under wraps. She did the same thing with Axel and it drove us all crazy.
I settled back at the desk and looked over the appointments while snacking on my breakfast wrap. Beck had amazing taste in food. I pulled up a pregnancy website and started looking through what to expect in the twelfth week and was thrilled to read that the sickness usually ebbs around then. It was pleasant news. Then I looked through the next few weeks. Blood tests, weight gain, baby kicks, and gender reveals. Even farther down it talked about Lamaze classes with your partner and deciding on the kind of birth you want. How am I supposed to do all this alone?
BECK
I tipped back the rest of my coffee, and launched the ball across the yard. Murphy tore off after it, barking once when he found it, and trotting back to drop it at my feet. Sunday morning at nine o’clock, and I was drinking coffee and throwing the ball for my brother’s dog. Sunday mornings had been for sleeping and maybe sex, if I hadn’t passed out yet. I never drank coffee because uppers did their job, but suddenly, Murphy was my best friend even though exercising the dog meant responsibilities. A noise on the porch had me craning to see Briggs leaning over the deck to watch me. He waved me up and I threw the ball one more time before jogging up to meet him.
“What the hell are you doing?” Briggs was dressed to go out, cargos and a t-shirt, his typical non-work attire.
“Playing with Murphy. He likes other dogs, right?” My mind had gone from wanting to numb everything and jump into traffic, to getting a dog and swearing off my golden trio of vices. All it took was one puking girl ten years younger than me who needed help, and that I couldn’t quit obsessing over.
“Yeah,” Briggs followed me into the house and stood by the French doors while I topped off my coffee and settled at the island, “Why do you ask?”
“I thought maybe I’d get a dog. Then you can have Murph back.” I shrugged. I heard Ma shuffle in behind us and hoped she didn’t hear too much of the conversation.
“You know they need training and food, right? Like dogs need work to act like Murph,” I narrowed my eyes, “Sorry, you just aren’t the most responsible guy. No offense. Why are you even home this early, and did you make coffee? You know how to use the coffee pot?” Harriet appeared, looking like her hippie self, and they all three stared at me.
“Yes, I made coffee. I know dogs take work, and I’m here because I live here,” No one moved, but Briggs started grinning like an idiot, “What?”
“You met someone,” Briggs laughed, doubled over, hands on his knees laughed, “You met someone and you are a fucking goner! Oh, man, I never thought I would see it! Beck Layton met the one and he’s whipped.” Briggs stood, wiping his eyes, “I’m right aren’t I? You want a dog, and aren’t out getting all drunk or high or with some random woman. You’ve been home all weekend for a couple of weeks too. Gonna come to the flea market with us and make it official? Invite your woman. Big happy family!” I wanted to hit the asshole for being so right. Fucker.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in the mountains banging your hot wife?” Not even my jab made Briggs stop laughing.
“We decided not to go. I have to watch Cohen and Oliver when Lydia goes into labor, and the baby is due any day,” Harriet breezed over next to me and put her hand over mine, “I hope you did meet someone. You deserve happiness.” She kissed my cheek and Briggs charged us. He still got all weird over her, no matter how long it had been since I dropped that shit. I’d never touch my sister-in-law, especially as fucking crazy as I was over a girl I couldn’t have.
“I’m about to bang my hot wife now in front of everyone if she kisses my brother again,” Briggs jerked her back into his chest. Normally their flirting got them an eye roll, but suddenly, it wasn’t so bad. Having a woman trust me enough, care about me enough to be that close to me sounded pretty good. Really good. Sounded like just what I needed.
“Boys!” Ma tapped the counter to get our attention, “Beck, we would love for you to come shopping with us, and if you met someone, I think that is wonderful. Invite her to come with us.” Ma winked at me, but it really made it all worse. I was in enough trouble with myself without my family joining in.
“You know what?” I glanced down at my running shorts and t-shirt, “Let me go get dressed. The flea market sounds fun, and when I get a dog, I’ll go straight to Jovie for training. You know, like a responsible dog owner. I’ll even feed it, and I might give it water.” I smiled at my brother shaking his head and turned out of the kitchen, starting down the hall. Maybe I had met someone. It was someone I couldn’t have and shouldn’t want. The girl had enough going on, abuse to overcome, a baby to keep healthy, and an illness to get a handle on. I thought about her constantly, though. I dreamed about her, I paced the floors trying to stop thinking about her, ran by her job just to see her sitting at the desk, and obsessed over her. I took her food on my lunch break. I wanted to know what her family talked to her about and how her first few weeks at work went. I wanted to know what she was naming the baby and where she was going to live. I didn’t want her out of my sight and she wasn’t even mine.
I made it to the steps before Briggs caught up, “Gonna tell me who she is?” I turned and dropped on the bottom step, “I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to. I just don’t get why you’re here and not with her. I know I got a little stalkerish with Harriet, but it doesn’t make sense for you to be here if you have a woman.” If only.
“I can’t have her, Briggs. She makes me want to be this better person, but I can’t fucking have her,” I shoved my fingers into my hair, “She’s too good for me. She deserves better.” I hated when Briggs was right.
“Pretty much any girl is gonna be too good for you. You’re an asshole, but you keep this shit up and you may redeem yourself,” Briggs sat next to me, “You’re home, and you look better than you have in months. How long have you been sobering up?” I was stupid to think Harriet didn’t tell her husband about my extracurricular activities.
“Three weeks. Not long enough.”
“If you need any help, let me know. I’m on your side here. Being sober looks good on you.” Briggs stood to let me go get ready.
“It’s Cori’s sister.” I blurted out.
Briggs froze, “Ari’s married,” I shook my head, and Briggs nodded, “Oh. Meredith. You know she’s…”
“I know.”
“But you…”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.”
“I told you I can’t have her. Cori would murder me and have Griff hide the body if she knew I was even thinking about it. That woman is scary. I’d be dinner for their dogs. Meredith and the baby deserve better anyway. She needs a good man, ya know? She’s been through enough.” I stood to go change, planning to make good on my agreement to go shopping with my family. Even if I couldn’t have her, I could try to be the kind of man Meredith needed.
“Keep it up, Beck. You might surprise yourself,” I jogged up the steps without looking back and changed for the flea market. Maybe Briggs had it right, again, maybe I would surprise myself and everyone else too. If anyone had a reason to want me to fail at life, it was Briggs. I had put the guy through so much shit, but my brother was a better person than I would ever be.
The flea market was spread out over two acres, crawling with people, and smelled like fried food. As so
on as we got out of my car, Ma was off to find something, and I tried to chase after her before she vanished in the crowd.
“I got Ma, you guys have fun.” Briggs waved over his shoulder and we agreed to meet back at the cars at one. I had spent long enough pretending Ma didn’t need help, or pawning the job off on Briggs. The truth was, she was sick, and Parkinson’s doesn’t go away. I had spent a lot of time being a shitty son and shittier human. I ran off, trying to keep up with Ma, while Briggs and Harriet headed a different direction.
I shoved through people, scanning for my mother, squinting through the sun, and trying to decide which turn to take. The woman just vanished. I finally spotted Ma looking at a rocking chair, and took off toward her when I slammed into someone. I grabbed her wrist and the counter next to us to keep us both on our feet. Her hand wrapped around my wrist and the other caught my chest, “I am so sorry.”
I looked down at that beautiful smile and green eyes, “Fancy meeting you here.” Instead of doing the smart thing, and getting my hands off her, I took a step closer, pulling her into me.
“Are you okay? I wasn’t paying attention,” Her hand on my chest fixed the collar of my shirt and then went to her back pocket.
“I’m fine. I lost my sister and Griff. Did you get a haircut, you look different,” Meredith finally let go of my wrist and I did the same, very reluctantly.
“I did. You dyed yours,” Instead of the fading black, it was a rich dark brown with honey streaks in it. “You look good, I like it, Doll.” She looked a little heavier too, but her flowing loose top hid it. Her cheeks had filled out and her skin was glowing. Meredith had gone from a pretty girl to fucking stunning since I found her on the steps. A lot had changed in the few days since I last saw her.
“Yeah, no more Zeke means I can do my hair how I want. Are you here for any reason in particular?” Meredith looped her arm through mine and we slipped into the flow of the crowd.
“Ma, Briggs, and Harriet are here. I tagged along,” Her arm linked with mine, her hand resting on my wrist, felt perfect, “You?”
