Clearing my throat, I begin. “The first card. Page of Cups. There will be a new beginning in your life, most likely a romantic one. You welcome this new chapter in your life and have been waiting for it.”
“So far, that’s true.” Carlo smiles.
“You don’t need to give me confirmation after each card. Hear the entire reading before you decide if I have been accurate or not.”
“I’m sorry, Sarina. Please go on.”
“That’s all right. I just want to remind you that I am still fairly new to reading the tarot. I don’t want to disappoint you or raise your expectations.”
“Don’t worry. You could never disappoint me.” Carlo’s eyes lock with mine. I swallow hard before returning my gaze to the cards.
“The second card represents your hopes and goals. We have the Nine of Cups. You seek the ultimate happiness and fulfillment. Most of your cards are pointing to a romantic partnership; however, you could also be seeking fulfillment in a creative aspiration you have. If it is a romantic union you desire, the woman you meet will be your soul mate. You both will have the perfect harmony—understanding each other like no other person has before. If you are seeking the fruition of a creative or artistic idea, again you will reach your goal. But you must be careful. For life is a balance between good and bad. Wonderful events happen as well as bad events. You must enjoy the moment when life is good and not take it for granted. Do not take the people who treat you well and love you for granted. If you realize the fulfillment of a creative dream, appreciate the rewards of it. For you can never know when the tide will turn, and you will have a tough journey ahead. Do you understand?” I glance up at Carlo, who is staring at the Nine of Cups card. He nods his head without looking up.
“The next card represents your future. Wheel of Fortune. This card complements the first card in that it shows there will be change in your life. And it also reinforces the second card in that it is reminding you that since change is inevitable, you must enjoy your blessings when you receive them.”
“Will it be a good or a bad change that will occur?” Carlo asks.
“I cannot be certain. But my intuition, as well as what the cards are telling me so far, is that the change will be a happy one. Still, there will be a turn of events. It is unavoidable. Again, the card is advising you to be cautious when that change occurs. How you react to the situation is important. Just because there will be a time of trial does not mean it will last forever. Remain optimistic and try to learn the lesson that is being given to you when events change for the worse.”
Carlo’s face looks worried. Taking a deep breath, he says, “Go on.”
“Ace of Cups. This card represents the possibilities of what can happen. I don’t know if you’ve noticed that the majority of your cards are the suit of cups?”
“I have noticed. What does that mean?”
“The suit of cups generally relates to emotions and love. It can also relate to creativity, desires, or wishes. Since most of your cards are cups, I am almost certain that the answers you seek are related to your emotional state and matters of the heart. It does not have to represent a romantic love. It can also point to emotional conflict and even quite possibly to your being blinded in a sense because you are thinking with your heart rather than with your head. If this is the case, the suit of cups cards also serve as a warning to have caution and take a moment before acting too rashly or making an important decision. Be certain that you are also giving thought to your choices.”
“So far your reading is quite accurate. I’m sorry. I know you asked me to wait until you were done.” Carlo grins sheepishly at me.
“Well, I am happy you are satisfied so far. Let us see if the feeling lasts through the end of the reading.” I laugh.
“We will see.” Carlo laughs with me.
“Going back to your fourth card, the Ace of Cups. This love that will enter your life, or the emotional conflict you will have, will be a consuming one. You will never have felt like this before. You will be at your best, wanting to give and show your feelings as much as possible. Do not hold back. Be generous with your love even when you become insecure, and accept fully the love that is being offered to you. Don’t let any feelings of doubt cloud what you feel. Be willing to take the risk and jump completely into the water.
“Fifth card. Ten of Swords. This card represents the obstacles you will face in reaching your goals. You must be prepared for a setback. Again, this card indicates there will be change, and from reading the previous cards, I am more convinced now that you will have both positive and negative changes in your life. But the change that this card alludes to is one that you will have a difficult time accepting.”
“Is there anything I can do to stop this negative event from happening?” Carlo asks.
I shake my head. “No. This card is not only a warning that a negative transition will occur but it also indicates that a force greater than you will bring about this change. Perhaps someone will betray you, and there is nothing you can do about it. As I said earlier, both good and bad happens in life. We can’t always avoid difficulty or choose the outcome we’d like. Though you will suffer from this sudden, painful transition, this card is also positive in that it is reminding you that you can overcome this difficulty and learn from it. How you react to this trying time is in your hands.”
“I’ll try to remember that when I’m at my lowest,” Carlo says, sighing deeply.
“Yes, you must. Remember, the tarot is not just for getting an answer you seek to your question and determining your future. It also serves as a guide for deep introspection as well as for learning from all of your experiences.”
“That does make sense.”
“Nine of Wands. The sixth card. This will give us an idea of what will happen in the near future.”
“I will grow a beard and get fat!” Carlo blurts out, and looks at me with a twinkle in his eye. “Sorry! I couldn’t help myself. I thought we could use some humor since this reading got so heavy in the last few minutes.”
I shake my finger playfully at him, “Behave!” He’s right. We needed that moment of levity. I was feeling myself tense up as well with the reading from his last card. I haven’t been completely forthcoming with Carlo’s reading, for I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I also sensed he would suffer great loss.
“Please, continue, Sarina. I see there are just a few more cards left until I know my ultimate fate.”
“The Nine of Wands card indicates that while you will suffer greatly, you have the strength and resilience to surpass any misfortune that befalls you. You must not give up even if obstacles are still being thrown your way. The obstacles could be in the form of enemies, and you might not even realize you have these opponents. Remain strong, and do not give your trust easily.”
“That will be easy. My grandmother used to always tell me I question everything and everyone.”
“There is nothing wrong with that, Carlo. It is better than rushing into a situation without weighing the consequences. But I feel that this card might be implying you need to also be careful with people you already know and who have your confidence already. Sometimes it is the people closest to us who let us down and don’t want the best for us.” My voice sounds sad as I think about my father and how he’s treated me more like a foe than a daughter. Sometimes I think perhaps he is jealous of me, although I’m not exactly sure why. But suddenly a memory comes to me. I caught him staring intently at Mama once as she and I worked together on our garden. We were laughing and joking with one another. Instead of looking angry as I would have expected from him, his expression was somber, almost sad. Was there a time, perhaps before I was born, that Mama joked with him and laughed with him more as she was doing now with me? I don’t ever remember Mama sharing much joy with Papá. They barely even seemed to share a conversation other than to discuss practical day-to-day matters. Is that possibly the reason why Papá detests me so much? Is he jealous of the special bond Mama and I share?
And does he feel I’ve stolen her affections away from him?
“I will be extra cautious. This reading is going to make me paranoid.” Carlo laughs, startling me out of my thoughts.
I smile and look at the seventh card. “The Emperor. This figure often represents either a father or authoritative male figure in your life, which is perfect for where we are at in the reading since this card represents your family and/or friends who will either help or hinder you in reaching your desires. Unfortunately, in your case there is a very powerful male figure who wants to exert his influence over you and does not care about your own wishes or dreams. You must remain firm in what you want and not let outside forces sway you in what you feel is the path you should take in your life. Be very careful. This person will do his best to make you fail.”
Carlo’s lips are pressed into a tight grimace, and his brows are furrowed together.
“Are you all right?” I ask.
“Si, si. Grazie. Please, go on.”
“We’re almost done. I know it’s getting late, and you must be tired.”
“I’m fine. In fact, I could sit here all night with you.”
My heart stops at his words. I do my best to act as if they’ve had no effect on me.
“The eighth card. Ten of Cups. This card is reversed. That’s the only card in your spread that is reversed.” I tap my index finger along my chin, weighing the meaning of this card and taking my time before I interpret it.
“Is that bad?” Carlo’s voice sounds worried for the first time throughout his reading.
Without thinking, I place my hand over his and reassure him, “Remember, we cannot avoid when bad things will happen. The tarot can help us to be prepared and to be careful when we face a difficult path.”
“I’ll remember your wise words when I cross that bridge.” Carlo turns his hand so that his palm is facing upward, allowing him to curl his fingers around my hand. I want to pull my arm back, but I can tell by his firm grip that won’t be so easy. Although I only met him today, I also don’t want to offend him. He’s been so kind to me. But his touch is making me nervous and sending tingles throughout my body.
I wait a moment to see if he will let go of my hand, but he doesn’t. Not wanting to draw any further attention to myself, I focus on finishing the reading.
“When a card is reversed in the tarot, its meaning is the opposite of the card’s meaning when it is in its upright position. We have the Ten of Cups. In its upright position, it is a very positive card, representing the perfect harmony and union between two people. Oftentimes, this card alludes to a possible marriage. But in the reverse, it signifies a broken marriage or values that are at odds with the values of someone close to you. The eighth card in this spread is supposed to relate to your work and how it will influence your primary relationship. Since your reading overall seems to be indicating a romantic involvement, there is a chance your work could affect this partnership.
“And at last we are up to the ninth and final card. The Lovers. A very good card, and it is also very good when the last card in a reading is a positive one, because even if most of the previous cards are predictions of a tough journey ahead, the last card is offering hope.”
“Grazie, Dio!” Carlo shouts as he makes the sign of the cross and then holds his hands up in prayer as if he is thanking God.
“Don’t make fun of your reading or tempt the Fates.” I try to say this in a stern voice, but am having a hard time since Carlo looks so funny. But I want to be certain he’s taking this reading seriously.
“Again, I’m just trying to lighten the mood. But I must admit, I have ulterior motives as well for making jokes. I love seeing you smile and hearing your laugh.”
I ignore his compliments and change the subject quickly before he can make me blush even more than he already has.
“The Lovers card represents the ultimate union and can again point to marriage or a perfect joining of two people. The bond you will have with this woman will be on a very high level. She will be your soul mate and will know you like no one else ever has. There is a strong attraction between the two of you that only deepens your spiritual connection to this person. This card can also symbolize your beliefs and values. At this point, you may feel more secure than you did earlier in your journey to make your own decisions and not let others influence you. Again, this card reflects back to the Emperor card. I saw a powerful male figure who will try to sway you and convince you to go against what you believe is just. This person does not have your best interests at heart. Though you might fall prey to this person, the Lovers card shows that in time you can become strong enough to ignore external forces and listen to yourself. Let your own intuition guide you. This card is also a warning, in that it shows you will be faced with a moral dilemma and must take time before deciding what action you will take.
“My overall sense of your reading is that there will be a new beginning or transformation in your life, most likely a new romantic relationship. While you will receive the satisfaction you have always desired in a partner, you will inevitably be faced with obstacles that will force you to reevaluate what is most important in your life. You must be careful with the people in your life and whom you place your trust in. You can succeed but only after much introspection. Do you have any questions?”
“I guess you cannot predict if this woman whom I will meet is the one I am meant to spend the rest of my life with?”
Glancing down at the cards, I try to get a feeling to see if I can answer Carlo’s question. But nothing appears in my mind. I feel blocked. In the short time I have been reading the tarot, this has never happened before. For some reason, the cards do not want to reveal the possible outcome.
“I’m sorry, Carlo, but the cards are not giving me any clues indicating if this woman will remain in your life for a short or a long time. It could be that the moment is not right for the cards to reveal this fate. If you’d like, I can give you another reading in a month or so and see if I can give you more clarification. I won’t charge you since I wasn’t able to answer this question for you.”
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll pay you for your time and work. I am satisfied with the reading you gave me tonight. I did feel a lot of what you said made sense, and I must admit the question I had in mind was of a romantic nature.”
I remember how normally a client tells me his or her question at the end of a reading, but I get the feeling Carlo does not want to share his question with me even though I told him earlier that he could phrase it more vaguely.
“I will walk you back to the tent. It seems that most of the gypsies have gone to bed. I was so engrossed in the reading that I didn’t even notice the music had stopped.” Carlo stands up and waits for me while I collect my cards.
“I hadn’t noticed either. Gianni and his son Tonio are still up.”
We walk back toward the tent. I stop a few feet away, not wanting to get too close to Gianni and Tonio, who are talking animatedly to one another, probably debating some political issue as they often do. I’m tired and don’t feel like getting into a prolonged conversation with them.
“Thank you for walking me back, Carlo. I hope the reading proves useful for you, and I hope you will remember some of the warnings and advice the cards were giving you.”
“Thank you for the reading. Oh, I almost forgot.” Carlo pulls out of his pants a thick wad of liras. I’m surprised at how much money he is carrying. Without asking me how much I charge, he pulls out several liras and hands them to me.
“This is too—”
“I insist, Sarina. You earned it. You gave me a very thorough, detailed reading. Please, accept the money.”
I hesitate. There is no doubt I can use all this money, but I also feel that I am already indebted to Carlo for rescuing me from Rinaldo. But I sense Carlo is a true gentleman, and my refusal of his generosity would offend him.
“Grazie molto.”
“Buonanotte, Sarina. I enjoyed very much spending time with you
this evening. Perhaps I will come by again another night so I can hear your beautiful singing.” Carlo takes my hand and places a light kiss on the back of it.
Merely nodding my head, I whisper back, “Buonanotte,” and walk toward the back of the tent so that I can enter through the second entrance. It is late, and I don’t want to enter the tent from the front since I would have to walk among the other gypsies’ cots and would possibly wake them. My cot is located toward the back of the tent.
Suddenly I notice out of my peripheral vision that Gianni and Tonio have ceased talking and are looking toward Carlo and me. I’m mortified as I realize they must’ve witnessed Carlo’s kissing my hand.
“Buonanotte, Gianni. Thank you for the wine,” I hear Carlo say just as I am stepping inside the tent. I’m surprised he has not left yet. My instincts tell me in that moment he must’ve been staring at me the entire time I was walking away. A ripple of small waves courses through my belly.
Thankfully, Isabella is sound asleep. I’m sure she would have had a bunch of questions for me about the stranger with whom I spent so much time. She’s taken to sleeping beside my cot instead of her parents’. I don’t mind, for her presence comforts me. Kneeling beside her cot, I stroke back a few strands of hair that are clinging to her cheek. I lift her sheet and cover her shoulders.
Yawning, I take off my dress and step into the slip I go to bed in. I close my eyes, but sleep escapes me, for all I can think about is the way Carlo kissed my hand.
9
La Cantante
THE SINGER
July 29, 1969
A week has passed since I gave Carlo his reading. He hasn’t come by again even though he’d told me he would love to hear me sing. I try convincing myself that I’m not disappointed, but I know I am. He’s been in my thoughts since that fateful day we met. I call it fateful because it was sheer luck he was on the beach and was able to prevent Rinaldo from attacking me.
Stella Mia Page 11
