Was she shallow? Maybe she was. She definitely liked looking at him. Gareth wasn’t what you would call pretty. Life—too much life—showed on his face and in his hands. But she found him immensely attractive and her interest in him kept growing the longer she was with him.
Maybe it was the silver wingtips at his temples or the lines across his forehead. She also liked the way his steady, green gaze turned to sparkling emerald chips when he was moving inside her with steady precision.
Why in hell did he have to be a retired agent?
Her fondness for Gareth had been easier to accept when she believed he was nothing more than a simple cattle farmer. Him being a stuffy, but compassionate, werewolf Beta had barely blipped on her warning radar. It had gone totally silent after they started sleeping together. That was her real problem.
She was devastated by Gareth’s betrayal, partly because she hadn’t seen any deception happening. He had held her gaze while inside her and she’d only been charmed by the directness of it. Yet the whole time she’d had no idea who or what he really was.
Her jaded life had been filled with deceitful people and acts, but Gareth was the first person she could ever recall so thoroughly fooling her. She could never again view him as anything but a dangerous equal. It was why she was still so pissed. He had ruined her dream.
It had been nice to think of Gareth as someone she might actually want to go back to Wasilla for one day. He had destroyed her lovely illusion of having a lover she would actually miss. She hated him for that alone, but hate was not what she was feeling after her dreams last night. This morning she was back to wanting to rip his clothes off. She hated him for that too.
His steady gaze brought her out of her thoughts and back to having to deal with the reality of what to do about him today. He was going to turn her in and there was no stopping it from happening. The narrowed eyed, suspicious man on her couch wasn’t nearly as appealing as the one she had almost let herself fall for in Alaska. This one she now knew better than to trust. Her dream about a possible life with Gareth had ended as badly as all the others she’d ever allowed herself.
“If you’re planning my death, tell your Alpha I said to keep my truck. Lafayette can have my cattle. Matt can divide up the rest of my stuff as he sees fit.”
Brandi huffed at Gareth’s dry humor about dying. “You’re in a generous mood today.”
“Not really. I should have called Lafayette when I first laid eyes on you. Instead, I kept you for myself. Thirty-five head of cattle isn’t a fair trade for the satisfaction I found between your legs.”
“Keep talking about me like I’m a commodity and the knot on your forehead is going to seem like a love tap. Outwardly I may appear calm this morning, but inside I’m still very pissed at you, Agent Longfeather. Consider yourself warned.”
Gareth snorted and finished off the coffee. “Pissed about what? All I’m really guilty of is making you like me more than you wanted to. Sorry if I made you feel something, Agent Jenkins. I know how much you hate that.”
Brandi stood and walked over to take the cup from his hands. He could have used her close proximity to attack her, but to what end? Gareth wasn’t the kind of person who thrived on getting even or he would have tried to already.
No—what Gareth wanted was her cooperation. And that was what she would give him—until she figured out what she was up against. She was tired of being a science puppet. She had no plans to be one again.
“Yes, you did make me feel something for you, Gareth. And you know what? Finding out I was wrong hurt just as much as the last time some duplicitous bastard tricked me into caring. I guess I should have known better at my age than to be so stupid again, no matter how nice you talked.”
“Damn it, Brandi. I never meant to hurt you. Things escalated before I could work out how to better handle the situation. All we can do now is draw the trail away from the rest of our life.”
“Well, that’s your opinion of what needs to happen. I don’t know enough to have one yet. Tell me something, Gareth. You knew two months ago I was going to track down the truth about what happened because I told you. Hell, we drove to the Feldspar site together and you still said nothing about what you knew. You led me on personally and eventually sold me out professionally. You’ve been an agent for longer than I have. What conclusions would you draw in my shoes?”
Gareth rubbed his head. “A hundred years ago I made faster and better decisions. What I did with you was because I was being too cynical to see your side of it. After you left me to come here, our personal connection overrode my reluctance to get more involved. Doesn’t the fact that I came to help you tell you I genuinely care?”
“Not really,” Brandi said flatly, turning away from the pleading in his gaze. “All your lame ass excuses tell me is that you don’t want to show up today empty-handed. I imagine doing so might bring a ton of shit raining down on your head. I’m sure that would mess up your quiet retirement plans in Wasilla. Honestly? I think you’re turning me in because you knew they’d come looking for your ass if you didn’t.”
“Damn it. You’re not even trying to understand… and you’re definitely not hearing what I’m saying. Those emotional walls you’re building won’t keep the world out forever. I’m here because I care about you. That’s my only reason.”
Brandi shrugged. “Tell yourself whatever story you want. I didn’t ask you to come after me. In fact, I wish like hell you hadn’t. I might have gotten to keep my illusion that some great guy was going to be waiting for me when all this shit was over.”
Gareth let out a heavy sigh. It had been a long time since he’d screwed up so badly. “Brandi…”
“Let this conversational dead horse die, Gareth. Use the master bathroom while I make some calls. You can deliver me to your boss after we get some food.”
***
They walked in silence to the curb outside her apartment building and climbed together into the nearest cab. At her favorite Alexandria restaurant, she ordered the largest rare steak on the menu, plus some eggs and toast to mask her extreme need for the meat. Gareth duplicated her order and their nervous waitress scurried off to fill it. The woman probably couldn’t have said what put her on edge around them, but Brandi imagined two silently quarreling werewolves put off quite a bad vibe.
“Let’s call a truce over breakfast. I need the fuel. I’m sure you do too,” she said.
Gareth narrowed his gaze. Her calm covered anxiety. The smell of her stress was a subtle perfume on her skin. It made him ill to know he’d caused most of it.
“I’m sorry now that I didn’t just tell you. I wasn’t sure if I would be welcomed back to my department enough to actually be of any help in the situation. In fact, I wasn’t even sure I was coming after you until you left. About the time you got on your plane, I got a bad feeling and couldn’t stay away. I didn’t turn you in—at least not the way you’re imagining. I just volunteered to be your liaison when you got here.”
Brandi sighed and shook her head. “Let me see if I understand this, Gareth. You didn’t figure I needed to know the man sharing my bed was a former agent like I was? Should I pretend to be shocked by your decision so it fits your paradigm? I hate to deflate your sense of self-importance, but you’re not the first man I’ve slept with who’s ever lied to me about who he was.”
“Damn it—I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t say anything. Matt is the only person who knows about my past. When I’m in Wasilla, I raise cattle and work to keep the peace among our kind. I’m a pack Beta. That’s what I am.”
“If only I had a nickel for every time a man who fucked me over declared he was just a simple guy leading a simple life. Want to tell me now this is all in my head? I also heard that excuse a lot when I went digging for the truth.”
“Be flip all you want, but it won’t change reality. You fell into my life… not the other way around. I didn’t know anything about you when you showed up, except you were in Alaska working for the National Wil
dlife Foundation. That was not the same thing as knowing who you really reported to, and you never revealed what organization it was until you’d called them.”
Brandi snorted and held his gaze. “Do I look stupid to you? And I didn’t fall into anything, Gareth. You insisted on us being together, remember? Junior Calder could have serviced me… or the Lafayette guy Matt kept offering up. You wouldn’t let me spend time with either of those men. We both know now my job was why. I probably would have done the same thing if our situations were reversed, but that’s beside the point. Let’s move past your big reveal. If you care about me as much as you say, tell me what kind of serious shit I’m getting into.”
Gareth released a frustrated breath. He couldn’t blame Brandi for drawing those conclusions, but it was still frustrating that their intimate connection didn’t trump her mistrust. Since that obviously wasn’t happening, blunt honesty was all he had left.
“I wouldn’t let you be with those other men because I wanted you for myself. What you did for a living was a secondary consideration. I had to have you. That is the absolute truth of the matter. Matt gave me hell for having those feelings for you and I didn’t even try to deny it.”
Brandi laughed at his earnestness. “Stop. Just stop. You don’t have to placate me to keep my cooperation. Your betrayal doesn’t top my handler’s for sending me there in the first place. Right now all I trust is my own gut about finding out what’s going on.”
Gareth frowned, but nodded. It was the smartest move for her even if it did rip at his insides. When had her opinion become his gauge of personal integrity? He’d gone two hundred years without losing sleep over what women thought about his ethics. Even his two previous mates hadn’t changed that part of him. He glared at Brandi, angry over her stoicism.
“What kind of things do you want me to tell you? Things like we’re being watched right now?”
Brandi snorted. She wasn’t about to tell him some of those watching them had deposited him on her couch yesterday. She glanced around the restaurant.
“Are you referring to the two giant blond guys dressed in all black? They obviously weren’t paying attention during the ‘blend in’ class, were they? They look like they should be playing electronic dance music in some nightclub.”
“Keep your voice down,” Gareth ordered. “Fallon and Lars can hear everything we’re saying to each other.”
“How? Are you wearing a wire, Gareth?”
“No. I’m not wearing a damn wire. They just hear well… like very, very well… as well as you can now. And this is not a proper place to have this discussion.”
Brandi’s gaze went to the guys. Lars lifted a hand and finger waved as she stared. She fought not to laugh as she finger waved back.
“Is the smart-ass who just waved at me a close friend of yours?”
Gareth shrugged. “Sort of… more like a close team mate. We’ve worked together many times.”
She lowered her voice to a whisper, baiting Gareth to see what he would tell her. “Are they more than what they seem?”
It was hard not to roll her eyes when Gareth squirmed in his chair. How had he ever been an agent? She could read his every expression.
“Fallon and Lars are unique… something like you are. But the men your handler sent after you who walked through the door a few minutes ago are just regular, annoying agents. They’re actually the ones I hate because they tend to get too nosy.”
Brandi hung her head and swore viciously. Now why would Lane put a tail on her after letting Travis tag her in his damn office? When she raised her chin, she noticed Fallon and Lars were staring intently at whoever else was watching her. She blew out a breath. What did it say that she trusted her enemies more than her old department people at the moment.
“Whoever it is, they’ll have to take a number. If they know what’s good for them, they better not come between me and food this morning. I’m freaking starved.”
Brandi calmly sipped the now full cup of coffee the waitress had reluctantly filled a few minutes ago.
Gareth kept his gaze on her as he spoke. “It’s two guys. They took a seat near the window… just watching you… not really acting concerned. One of them is the guy who cupped your crotch when he frisked you yesterday. I ought to go over there and break the bastard’s fingers for lingering too long.”
She wanted to be offended, and to swear over his possessive statement, but instead she ended up laughing at Gareth’s narrowed gaze. The guy’s intimate search technique hadn’t fazed her, but Gareth’s jealousy delighted some traitorous female part of her. Plus now she knew she hadn’t just imagined the growling she heard. Unfortunately, that also meant Gareth had betrayed her just as much as Travis had. Shit… she needed to develop better taste in men.
“Not that it’s any of your business any longer, but my gun was already in the air. He knew it so the search was cursory. There was nothing in my crotch for him to find.”
“Nothing for him anyway. That’s why I was so pissed,” Gareth said firmly.
“His grope had absolutely no effect on me… and you’re avoiding the obvious. If you knew I was visiting Lane, why did you let Travis tag me with knock-out juice?”
Gareth sighed, lifted his coffee, and sipped. There was no getting around this confession either. “Travis had orders. And at the time, I was still in shock that Reed’s grandson worked for my organization. He didn’t tell me he was going to knock you out or I might not have let him.”
“You might not have?” Brandi couldn’t stop her rising tone as her temper flared. “Are you hearing yourself? This is why I have no regret for trying to crack your head open yesterday. Now can we stop focusing on our fan clubs and get back to the matter at hand. While I spent the last decade chasing drug lords and money launderers, you’ve been chasing science experiments gone wrong, haven’t you?”
“Chased, caught, and delivered to my handler who directed their energies toward the good of everyone. I did special apprehensions for forty years before I burned out. I started doing this work before you were even born. I got out years ago.”
Brandi turned her head and stared off. The waitress came with their food. Not even the fragrant, sizzling steak could penetrate the icy awareness cloaking her senses about how much trouble she, Ariel, and Heidi were in. Lane might not know they had survived, but she bet Gareth’s handler did. Even if they both didn’t have possessive male werewolves in their lives, she couldn’t hide them now.
Concern for them ripped away her appetite as well as her remaining illusions about the goodness in the world. Her disappointment about Gareth was a lead weight in her chest. Worse though… not a bit of what she had learned could be changed.
She let out an exasperated breath over her indulgence of unproductive emotions and picked up her knife and fork. “Are you one of the good guys… or one of the bad, Gareth? Because I can’t fucking tell right now. I advise you to answer carefully because it might be important next time I get the chance to kill you.”
Ignoring his shock and the hurt reflected in his gaze, Brandi finally dug into her food without waiting for Gareth to answer. The question had been rhetorical anyway. She’d eventually discover the truth for herself, no matter how much it destroyed her.
“I withdraw my question. You better eat before your food gets cold, Agent Longfeather. Who knows when we’ll get to eat again? It’s not great fare, but at least it’s filling.”
Gareth stared at his steak, noting it was a good two inches bigger than Brandi’s. It was just one more thing to make him feel guilty. “When I couldn’t tell what I was becoming, I got out and returned home to Wasilla.”
Brandi nodded. “Well, in my opinion you should have stayed out.”
She cut a healthy bite of the meat and made herself focus on it instead of her disappointment.
“A fresh, juicy steak may just be the best thing ever,” she said, giving him an out to change the conversation.
“Not the best thing I can think of, but it come
s in a close second,” Gareth replied.
Brandi snorted and took another bite. “You’re wasting your innuendo. We’re done with each other. It was over the minute you decided not to warn me what I was heading to face. Surely you’re smart enough to realize that’s the only way this can play out.”
“I can see why you think that, but I’m still staying with you tonight.”
“You’ll get no argument from me. I figure we’ve still got a lot to talk out. But just to clarify… the couch is available. My bed isn’t. It will never be again.”
Gareth didn’t reply or protest her statement, but she was determined that his passive aggression wasn’t going to work on her this time. She was not sleeping with him tonight.
“Change of subject… are those blond guys cats?”
Gareth snorted. “Yes. How did you figure it out?”
“I pay close attention. Plus one of them hacked up a hairball and spit it onto his plate,” she stated flatly, keeping her tone as deadpan as possible. She couldn’t help chuckling when Gareth actually swiveled in his chair and looked.
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