by Apryl Baker
He loved her. The idea was still so new, so surprising. It warmed her from the inside out. Kade might only be marrying her because of the baby, but she didn’t doubt his word. He’d never lied to her. If he said he loved her, then he did, and she wanted to laugh out loud, to express all the bubbly joy bathing her heart.
Angel knew five days into their relationship she loved him. Girls always knew before the guy did, though. They didn’t wrestle with the idea. They just understood they loved the big brute. The flip side of that? Murphy’s law of relationships—they were always the last to know when things headed south.
She wasn’t going to worry about that; she was going to bask in the glow of the fact that Kade loved her.
Peter surprised them both last night, stating that Kade could move in. The rat trap he called an apartment wasn’t a place he was willing to let his sister live. He said they could stay until they could afford a nice place.
Angel frowned. She didn’t really know what Kade did for a living. She’d asked a few times, but he’d skirted it, and Peter only laughed. She was pretty sure he worked for the same guys Peter did. Maybe she could talk Kade into finding a different job. She was fairly certain whatever they did wasn’t legal. Her job might not be the most prestigious, but at least it was honest.
Not that she’d have a job much longer, she grouched. It was the only thing Kade asked of her. He didn’t like her stripping. Never had. Oh, he liked his own personal shows, but the thought of other men ogling her didn’t sit well with him. She understood to a certain degree. She hated other women ogling him just as much, especially when she was right there. If looks could maim, she’d be lethal.
She should just give in gracefully to Kade’s request. Her figure would soon be expanding. Men did not pay to see women sporting a baby bump. Hers wasn’t showing yet, but her OBGYN assured her it would appear soon enough. Most women didn’t even notice their slowly expanding abdomen until they woke up one day and saw it. Weird.
She jumped off the bed and went to the bathroom. Pulling her shirt up, she examined her stomach. It didn’t really look all that big. It wasn’t flat, but it wasn’t large either. The only thing she’d noticed was some of her jeans had gotten a little tighter over the last few weeks. She could still fit in them; she just had to pop the buttons after she ate.
That was how it started, Dr. Mills had told her kindly. A goofy grin settled on her face as she imagined the nugget. Babies were wrinkly when they were born. They’d always reminded her of old people. Her granny told her she wasn’t wrong. A cycle, she said. They went out of the world the same way they came in, all wrinkly.
How wrinkly would her nugget be? Would it have green eyes or its daddy’s black eyes? Her red hair or his dark as night raven locks? God, she hoped if it was a boy it wouldn’t inherit her red hair. The poor kid would be teased unmercifully.
“Don’t you worry, Nugget. Mama will make sure no one messes with her baby. I’ll teach you to whale on them same as Uncle Peter taught me.”
The shiny glint in the mirror puller her gaze down to the simple engagement ring Kade had presented her with. The diamond was so tiny, only a blip, really. She doubted it was real, but it had been the thought that counted. She didn’t need flashy or big.
“Your daddy is a good man, Nugget. I can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s going to love you as much as I do.”
Her breath caught when the words left her mouth.
She loved him. Already. How was that possible? She’d only found out about the baby less than a month ago, but in that time, something changed. She loved this tiny little nugget growing inside her.
The realization staggered Angel. She sat on the toilet seat, overcome not with panic so much as joy. She loved her baby. It was her and Kade’s own little piece of heaven. That’s what her mom had always called kids. A gift. Your own little piece of heaven on Earth. She hadn’t even held the baby or seen a sonogram yet, but he was real. She was always aware of him, conscious of everything she did, everything she ate.
She was already taking care of her nugget and keeping him safe.
Because she loved him.
Her hand, the engagement ring glinting against the harsh, yellow bathroom light, rested on her belly. Whether this marriage lasted or not, one truth remained.
The nugget.
As long as she had him, there would always be a reason to get up, to do better, to be better. For the nugget.
She didn’t matter. Kade didn’t matter. Only the nugget mattered. Keeping him happy and safe and surrounded by love was what mattered.
The nugget’s daddy was freaked out in a bad way, same as she had been when she’d seen those double lines on that stick. Sometimes she woke up in a cold sweat, afraid of the future, her hand clutching her stomach. They were both afraid. Of so many things,
But it would work out. It had to. For the nugget.
If only it had worked out. Angel sighed and snuggled deeper into the blanket, missing Kade’s warmth. She despised herself for being weak, for needing him. For loving him.
Things would be so much simpler if she didn’t love Kade. It was a truth she’d admitted as he’d held her during her tearfest. Which only caused her to cry even harder. Despite all she’d lost, she loved him.
A crash downstairs made her shoot up in the bed. What was that? Her eyes darted around the dark room. Kade was downstairs. He’d probably dropped something or stumbled against a table, knocking a lamp off. It wasn’t like her friendly neighborhood serial killer could get into the apartment. Not with all the security measures they had in place.
Could he?
No, she assured herself. There was no way.
But he’d gotten into her apartment. He’d evaded police for months. What if it was him? What if he’d hurt Kade and was on his way up here right now? Shit. She needed to go see what was going on. Sitting here freaking out wasn’t helping, but then again, the person who went to check out the strange noises in horror movies always died first.
It was not a movie, though. She wasn’t some made up character meant to do the stupid thing just to be murdered off for the sake of a scare. Getting up, she found her shoes then cracked open the door, listening. Silence. Surely if Kade were down there, she’d hear him moving around.
Maybe it was the serial killer and he’d knocked Kade our or something. Kade was a big guy, he could take care of himself. She’d seen him and Peter in a bar fight one night against a couple other guys. Two against five. Kade was a brawler. He wasn’t up against an ordinary person, though. He was up against a serial killer with serious skills. What if he’d caught Kade unawares?
Why was she sitting here debating going to check on him instead of getting the hell out? It would be easy to sneak down the stairs and run for the door, only a few feet away. She opened the door and looked down the hallway. Clear. She inched her way out of the bedroom, hugging the wall as she made her way to the top of the stairs. The main room below looked empty.
Where had the crash come from? Her eyes scanned the room, but she didn’t see any furniture knocked over, no lamps on the floor, and no Kade.
Where the hell was he?
She walked down the stairs, careful to be as quiet as she could. The front door was right there. She could go out right now and make a run for the elevator. But what if the serial killer had gotten in somehow and hurt Kade? She’d told him yesterday she wished he’d died instead of Peter. It wasn’t true. She didn’t want him to die. She couldn’t just leave him here.
Damn it.
She let out a sigh and moved into the living room, looking around. The only thing out of place was a large piece of lasagna on the couch, the plate in the floor. Nikoli would freak. That was exactly why she hadn’t wanted to eat on the couch. Maybe Kade had been sitting down to eat and got surprised?
There was a hallway behind the stairs with more rooms. She headed in that direction and saw three more doors. One of them was open, the light on. No murmur of voices reached her. Probably empty. Sti
ll, she kept as quiet as she could as she snuck down the dimly-lit corridor. She peeked into the room and found it empty. It looked like an office, bookshelves, a desk with three computer monitors, several chairs.
Where the hell was Kade?
She turned around and ran right into a wall of muscle. She stumbled back, her scream loud and clear. She ran straight into the office looking for a weapon. She spied the letter opener on the desk and snatched it up, ready to defend herself.
“Easy.” The deep voice matched the dark, brooding man taking up the doorway, blocking her exit. He looked Eastern European, maybe Greek or Italian. His blue eyes were amused. “I’m Jasper Watkins with Kincaid Security. Agent Kincaid sent me up while he gets the rest of my team registered with security.”
“Viktor’s company?” Angel clutched the letter opener like a lifeline. This guy was not the serial killer, but he was still someone she didn’t know.
“Yes, ma’am. Viktor sent us to protect you.”
“How did you get in?” Angel sank down in the desk chair.
“Agent Kincaid brought me up and let me in.” He moved farther into the room. Good God, but he was a big man. Taller than Kade, and wider. Handsome, but in a brutal way. Hard, cold, but handsome.
“I heard a crash?”
He laughed. “That was me. I was in the bathroom and knocked a glass off the counter. I had just finished cleaning it up when I came out and saw you go in here. Thought I would introduce myself.”
They both heard the front door open and Kade call out. “Watkins?”
He turned and stepped outside the door. “We’re back here.”
When Kade joined them, he looked tired. Had he slept at all? Angel bit her lip. Stop worrying about him. It’s not your job to do that anymore.
“Angel?” Kade stared at her questioningly. She looked down to see she was still clutching the letter opener like weapon. “Everything okay?”
“I startled her.” Jasper shot her an apologetic grin. “If you don’t need anything else, I’m going to go get my men stationed. I’ll be Miss Lemoraux’s shadow, but while she’s in the apartment with you, sir, I’ll be outside.”
“Thank you, Watkins.” Kade nodded and turned back to her once Jasper had left. He arched a brow. “Planning to use that on me?”
“What?” Oh, the letter opener. She let it fall back to the desk, the clatter loud in the silence. “No, of course not.”
“Are you hungry? Lily left lasagna in the fridge.”
Her stomach did the talking for her when it rumbled loudly. Kade laughed and came over to the desk, holding out his hand. “Come on, let’s get you fed.”
She let him pull her up. He squeezed her hand and led her back to the kitchen, only letting go when he turned to the fridge. She took a seat at the island, watching him. Something was different.
“Would you like a glass of wine with your dinner?” He popped a plate in the microwave.
“No, thank you.” No drinking around Kincaid. It always ended up with her in his bed. “Did you make the mess on the couch?”
He made a face, and she smiled slightly at his aggravated expression. “Yeah. Nik’s going to murder me. That thing probably costs more than I make in a year.”
The microwave beeped, and he collected the plate and some silverware. “Here you are, my lady.” He set the plate in front of her with some flourish, his dimple winking at her when he smiled.
“What are you doing?”
Kade fetched her a bottle of water. He tried his best to adopt the most innocent expression he could. “Being civil?”
“No, you’re not.”
“I’m not?”
She shook her head. “You’re being charming.”
“Am I?” He leaned against the counter.
“Yes, so stop it.”
“Stop being charming?” He laughed at the absurdity of the conversation. The flush on her cheeks testified to how much he still affected her, and it gave Kade hope that maybe he could win her back.
“Yes, stop being charming. It’s not working, anyway.”
“It isn’t?” He leaned farther across the counter until he was only a few inches away from her. Her eyes widened and he heard the hitch in her breath.
“No,” she whispered.
He couldn’t take this too fast or he’d lose her again. He had to be sly and sneak up on her. “Then you don’t need to worry about my being charming.” He kissed the tip of her nose then pushed away from the counter. “I spoke to Nik earlier, and he said we could put up a tree. I thought we could go shopping in the morning.”
“Christmas is two weeks away. Surely I won’t be here that long…”
Her panicked expression gave him even more hope. “Angel, this guy has been operating in the city for months. He made a mistake, yes, he left a witness. Mistakes are how we find these guys, but it still takes time. You’re going to be here as long as it takes to catch him and eliminate the threat to you.”
Her shoulders slumped, and Kade silently cheered. She wasn’t going to argue about staying here.
“Now that your brother’s guards are here, does that mean you’ll be leaving?”
He scowled at the hope in her voice. “No. In fact, you’ll get to meet Dimitri soon. He said he’d be on the next flight out.”
“Which one is he?”
“He’s the next oldest out of the six of us, and a writer.”
“A writer?” She stopped eating and looked up. “What does he write?”
“Romance.”
“Romance?” He couldn’t help but chuckle at the dumbfounded look on her face. When it came to Dimitri’s chosen profession, it was how most of his family felt.
“Why’s he coming here?” She took another bite of her food.
“It’s been a long time since so many of us have been in the same city. We thought it might be nice to spend some time together, it being Christmas and all. And he wants to meet you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because you’re my wife. The how or the why of it doesn’t matter to any of my brothers. They just see the word wife flashing in neon pink, and they can’t wait to start pestering their new sister.”
“But none of that is real, Kade. You were undercover, and…”
“And what?” His eyes narrowed.
“And the nugget and I were just collateral damage.” Her voice had gone quiet, small. “That’s what you told me, Kade. We were just collateral damage.”
“I lied, Angel.” His own voice had gone soft.
He lied? A hollow laugh escaped her. “When didn’t you lie to me, Kincaid?”
“When I told you I loved you. How I felt about you was never a lie.”
Why would he say this to her now? Why? After everything he’d done, this…this was cruel.
“Neither one of you was collateral damage to me.” He reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. Inside, he removed the one picture he carried with him and handed it to her.
She looked down and saw a sonogram image. Of their son. The technician had printed off two copies. The last she’d seen of them, they’d been hanging on the fridge, courtesy of a magnet. When she came home, she’d found one on the floor among the mess that had been made when the police searched the house. She’d assumed the other one had been destroyed.
Her eyes shot to his. He’d kept their baby’s only photo?
“We need to talk, Angel. I’ve thought about this since I saw you sitting in the bar. I told myself that bringing all that up would only cause us both more pain, but you need to know what really happened that day. You deserve to know the truth.”
“I don’t want to hear this, Kade.” She couldn’t go back to that day. She couldn’t. It hurt too much. She might as well have died herself. Going back there wasn’t a good idea. She barely coped as it was. Bringing all that back…she shook her head. Only pain waited in those memories.
“You need to hear this, moye serdtse.” He came around the island and took her face in his hands
. “I need you to hear this. Please.”
She shook her head, a tear sliding down her face. “Don’t make me remember that day. Please.”
“I survived by not remembering it too, Angel.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I know how much those memories hurt, but you don’t know the whole truth. You might not even believe me after all these years, but let me tell you the truth.”
Truth? What could he possibly say that would erase all the pain he’d caused her? Her gaze flicked down to the worn and tattered sonogram photo. It looked like he’d taken it out many times. There were even a few stains on it.
Maybe she owed it to their son to listen to him. Maybe she owed it to the ghost of the memory of what they once were. Maybe she just wanted to hear any truth other than the one she’d lived with for six years.
“Okay.”
Chapter Fifteen
Kade sat on the barstool next to Angel and tried to figure out where to start. How to tell her the truth?
“I was late getting back to the station. The prosecutor didn’t want to honor the deal I’d worked out with his predecessor for Peter. There was to be no jail time, and he’d be moved to witness protection. The cartel Peter worked for was one of the most dangerous in Florida. I wanted him safe, and that program was the only way to guarantee it.”
“I thought he was just in a safe house?”
“No.” Kade shook his head. “The Marshals’ office was supposed to take him straight from the station to a waiting plane. He was to be hidden somewhere on the west coast until the trial. I don’t know why he wasn’t on that plane. He promised if I kept my word, he’d go.”
He got up and started to pace.
“My handler was waiting for me when I arrived at the station. He told me about what happened, how you were standing at the top of the stairs when they broke down the door.” He closed his eyes, that image burned into his mind’s eye. It haunted his dreams. Her face as she was startled, as she fell backward down the stairs. “That the baby died.”
His voice broke when he uttered the words. That same staggering pain that had torn him apart when they’d told him about the baby attacked him again. It was a grief that never really went away; it didn’t get easier. He’d survived it by not thinking about it.
