And then there was that darker, chilling part of him that was painfully aware of each hard, pounding beat of her heart...the enthralling rush of her pulse. But he fought that bastard back with everything he had, refusing to let his fangs drop from his burning gums.
“God, Sayre. I’ve waited forever for this,” he growled against her wet nipple, as he slipped a blunt fingertip through that hot, slick cream, stroking between the silken folds of her sex, every part of him focused with predatory precision on how good she felt. How right. Keeping his eyes locked hard on hers, he moved his mouth to her other breast, tonguing that delectable nipple while he watched the hunger and excitement spill through her as he circled the tender, puffy entrance between her legs, then pushed just his fingertip inside. She gasped, her beautiful eyes darkening as he pushed in another inch, the plush sheath so soft and tight he was only managing to hold himself together by a bloody miracle.
“I like it,” she breathed out, each throaty word slipping over his skin like a physical touch, as she pulsed her hips, taking him deeper. They were both breathing loud and harsh by the time he’d buried his finger in her up to the knuckle, their skin damp with sweat and burning with a heat that the gentle breeze blowing in through the window did little to cool.
Her eyes slid closed as he found the tight knot of her clit with his thumb, rotating the callused pad with firm pressure against the sensitive bundle of nerves, and he let her plump nipple pop free from his mouth. Rising up over her, he put his face above hers and said, “Eyes open, baby. Let me watch you.”
Her lashes fluttered, then lifted, and... Oh, Christ, there she was. It was like looking directly into the heart of her, as if he could literally see every sensation pulsing through her, rushing through her system. Hot, violent, wild. She was coming undone right before his eyes, and he’d never seen anything so painfully perfect in his entire life. Never felt anything like thrusting his finger in and out of her plush, slick sex, the tight hold making him shudder.
“Don’t stop,” she gasped, her nails biting into his skin as she squeezed his shoulders. “Please.”
“Stop? Jesus, Sayre. I couldn’t stop even if the bloody roof was coming down on our heads,” he groaned, covering that succulent mouth with his, his tongue sliding between her parted lips, mimicking the primal, penetrating rhythm of his finger. She was so tight, he had to work to get a second finger inside her, forced to break away from the kiss and suck in air, his blood roaring in his ears as the lush sheath gave a hard pulse, his hand soaked all the way to his wrist. She was close, pink-faced and damp, those glittering sparks that he loved so much breaking free, skittering in the air around them, making her shine.
“God, I love this!” she cried, breathless with need, her lashes fluttering as her gaze went hazy and dark. “Your fingers feel so big. I can...I can feel them stretching me.”
In that moment, Cian wanted nothing more than to strip her goddamn shorts and panties down her beautiful legs, spread her firm thighs as wide as they’d go and devour every glistening inch of her with his hungry gaze...then devour her even harder with his mouth. But the tremors coursing through his tensed muscles and the savage clawing of his beast to be set free—so that it could mark and bite and claim—told him he wasn’t there yet. That his control wouldn’t last if he pushed it that far. So he shoved his own needs down deep enough that they couldn’t screw this up for him, ignoring the fire in his gums and the raw, throbbing ache in his steel-hard cock, and focused on making her come.
Moving his mouth to her ear, he nipped the tender lobe with his teeth, his low voice rough with emotion as he said, “One day soon, when I have more control, I’m going to give you three fingers, Sayre. You won’t be able to take them at first, baby, but I’ll put my head between your legs and suck this tiny clit that’s under my thumb into my mouth. I’ll lick it with my tongue. Sip on it. Nibble it. Suck it so hard you’re gonna claw at my shoulders until you draw blood. And you’ll be so greedy for me that this sweet little sex will suck those three fingers right in. It’ll be tight as hell, but will feel so...fucking...good, and you’ll come so hard you scream my name, over and over, until that sexy-as-hell voice of yours just gives out.”
“Oh, God,” she moaned, gasping for each breath. “Cian!”
He ran his parted lips over her feverish, delicate skin, the muscles in his wrist flexing as he shoved his fingers deeper inside her, stroking the tips against the front wall of her sheath, until he found what he was looking for. He knew he had it when her nails dug into his rock-hard biceps and she gave a breathless, keening cry, her beautiful body writhing as he aggressively stroked that cushiony spot while his thumb worked hard on her clit. “You’re getting so wet that you’re soaking me, Sayre.” His voice was dark and raw and deep, too guttural to belong to anything other than a Lycan male in the throes of lust.
As if his words and the sound of his voice were what she needed to push her over the edge, her head went back, she sank her nails into his bare shoulders and screamed like a little banshee. Crashing over that dark edge and into oblivion, she came so hard and hot and wild, her scent rising, getting richer...deeper...sinking into his system like a goddamn narcotic. And all the while, her tight sex was throbbing against his hand, convulsing around his fingers so perfectly it was like a dream, while these throaty whimpers kept spilling past her rosy lips.
“Sayre, Christ, no more,” he choked out, shaking so hard it was making the bed rattle. “Shh, baby, shh. I can’t take it.”
“Wh-what?” she gasped, blinking her eyes open, the look in them so hazy and sweet, he had to lower his gaze. But it didn’t help. The sight of her bare breasts and trembling belly, her shorts wrenched open, his big hand shoved down the front of her panties, was the most provocative thing he’d ever seen. So beautiful it was burned into his mind, carved into his flesh like a scar.
“I’m barely holding myself together here,” he growled, feeling his wolf punch against his insides, desperate to get out, while that savage, aggressive pull that he’d felt the first time they’d kissed started blaring in his head again, roaring for him to take and mark and possess. “If you make one of those little sounds again, I won’t be able to...to keep...to keep from nailing you to this goddamn mattress.”
“Mmm. If it feels anything like that did,” she moaned, grinning up at him, completely oblivious to the fact that she needed to be...careful, “I doubt I’ll complain. Heck, I might even beg you.”
* * *
Sayre quickly squeezed her eyes shut again. The way Cian had just stiffened, as if he couldn’t believe what she’d said to him, made her wonder if she’d lost her mind.
Honestly, when was she going to learn?
“Sayre,” he growled, his voice even grittier as he pressed closer against her, his cock a hard, thick ridge shoved against her hip. “What did you just say?”
She forced her eyes back open, and as if listening through a fog, she heard herself tell him, “I want you, Cian. I...I don’t think that should come as a surprise.”
His heavy gaze was savage and hot, full of molten, primitive need. “How? How do you want me?”
Her breath came in short, sharp pants, and she licked her lips. “All of you. Every part. But I can’t do it with so many secrets between us. Are you...I mean, will you tell me about Aedan now?”
He froze, not even breathing...then cursed so viciously it made her blink. And before she even knew what was happening, he’d pulled his fingers from her body and was rolling away from her in one smooth, effortless move. One moment she’d been surrounded by his heat, and in the next, she was lying on the cold sheets, staring at the sleek, powerful length of his back, his shoulders tight with tension. His head hung forward, the dark fall of his hair shielding his profile, but she knew that firm jaw would be locked, that telling tic pulsing beneath his tanned skin.
Sounding as if the stark words were being ripped
out of him, he said, “I’m going outside for a smoke.”
She would have laughed, but wasn’t sure it wouldn’t come out as a sob. “Sure, whatever. Like I haven’t seen you do that before.”
“I don’t want to.” The confession seemed to punch its way free from his chest, his biceps so hard they looked like boulders. Shoving one of his big hands back through his hair, he said, “But I have to, Sayre. I can’t...I don’t have any other choice right now.”
“It’s fine, Cian. Go.”
Without another word, he shot off the bed, grabbed his shirt and got the hell out of there. She knew it would be useless to wait for him and hope he’d come back to her, ready to open up and let her in, finally answering her questions. This, his leaving the room, was her answer. And while there was a part of her that felt like a fool for defending him earlier, she couldn’t regret it. She just...she needed to be smart where her emotions were concerned, and not lose sight of what was happening between them. Needed to remember that with the life-mate connection, there was some powerful mojo working to draw them together. So while they wanted each other, it didn’t necessarily mean that they wanted the same things...or in the same ways.
Yes, she knew that he cared enough about her to want to see her safe and protected. He was just that kind of guy. But he was also the “other” kind of guy, and while he wanted her now, she knew she couldn’t let herself think in terms of him wanting her forever.
But when he made her feel the way he had just moments before, touching and kissing her as if she were something...God, as if she were something vital to him, it was difficult to keep those rational threads of reason woven into the framework of her thoughts. To remember, and not forget. Not dream. Because dreaming could be fatal to her heart, and that particular organ had already taken too many hits. Each time she’d seen him with another woman, it had been like a physical strike. Like a blade stabbed into the middle of her chest.
It was up to her to protect that part of her that could be too easily broken for good this time. In a way that never healed. And that could never be forgiven.
Feeling decades older than she was, she forced herself to get up and get a move on. She sorted her clothing, pulled her hair up into a ponytail, put on the hiking boots that she gardened in and decided working outside was a better use of her time than sitting in Cian’s cabin and brooding over him.
But, hey, at least he hadn’t walked away and left her hanging again. Her body was still buzzing with a warm, sensual burn of pleasure from the mind-blowing orgasm he’d given her, her muscles deliciously loose, and she no doubt had some kick-ass color in her cheeks. And it was a beautiful day, the sun shining in a cloudless sky, which meant she needed to get her butt outside and enjoy it. She figured she could hunt down some gardening tools and do some maintenance work on the colorful flower beds that had been planted between the cabins. Maybe she’d even try to find Kyle, since she’d missed the way he teased her and that soft-edged Southern accent of his, and see if he wanted to help her.
And seeing as how he’d spent the better part of yesterday with Cian, she was hopeful the merc might have some useful information for her. But as it turned out, she never ran into Kyle. She spent the day out in the summer sunshine, working on various projects, and enjoyed herself, for the most part. Although...she couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was, well, off. Yeah, she knew everyone was on edge because Cian’s psycho brother was apparently out there somewhere, preparing to make a move against her. And since she wasn’t a fool, she was freaked out about it, too. But there was more going on than she knew about. It didn’t matter who she was talking to, they all seemed to be looking at her in an expectant way, as if there were something they wanted to ask her, but weren’t sure if they should.
As the day wore on, it became increasingly clear that something was definitely going on. And that something was seriously pissing her off.
Not only had Cian not shown his face again and gone off to God only knew where, but it was like everyone had suddenly learned a secret she didn’t know about, and now they didn’t know how to act around her. She knew it must have something to do with the meeting Cian had held with the others the day before—the one she hadn’t been invited to. And when she finally bit the bullet and just asked her sister for details, point-blank, Jillian wouldn’t tell her a damn thing.
It was obvious she felt bad about that. But Jilly clearly thought she should be talking to Cian. Which was easier said than done, since the man was doing a damn good job of avoiding her. She’d even tried texting him, but he wasn’t responding.
“Fine,” she huffed to herself as she opened the front door of his cabin and headed back outside. She’d gone back to the cabin an hour earlier, after bombing out on getting some answers from her sister, and was tired of wearing down the floorboards with her pacing. “I’ll find something else to do to keep busy,” she muttered, heading down the porch steps again. She was trying to decide if she wanted to go back to gardening, or if she should just find a cool place in the shade and read a book on her smartphone, when someone called her name.
She turned and saw Max jogging over to her, a wide smile on his handsome face. “Hey, Max. What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight,” he said as he came to a stop right in front of her, the wind playing havoc with his dark curls. “I haven’t got to spend much chill time with you since you came home.”
Her lips twitched as she tilted her head back to stare up at him. “Drunken poker games don’t count?”
He laughed as he pushed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and lifted his brows. “Not that it wasn’t fun watching you get obliterated, but I was hoping you might come over and have dinner. I think Elliot was planning on stopping by, so it’ll be just like old times.”
She almost winced, but somehow managed to hold it back. Old times for her hadn’t necessarily been happy times, though she’d always been grateful for Max’s friendship. He had a mellow, natural cool that made it impossible not to like him, and she’d always found him easy to be around. Despite what she’d insinuated to Cian the night he’d left the Runners, she never would have gone to Max or Elliot for sex. Their friendship had always been too close for that, and she never would have jeopardized it just to make a point.
Not that she ever planned on confessing any of that to Cian. The guy was already cocky enough when it came to his appeal. God knew he didn’t need any encouragement.
She accepted Max’s invitation, glad that Elliot could join them, and spent the rest of the evening trying to shake off her funk and simply enjoy spending time with two of her best friends. She’d missed these guys like crazy. Max was still the easygoing, nowhere-near-ready-to-settle-down guy that he’d always been. And Elliot was still kind of quiet, but funny as hell. He didn’t talk about having a woman in his life, and it made her heart hurt that he was still so wary of trusting himself, after going through a horrific ordeal five years ago. One that had resulted in the deaths of two innocent young women, and had nearly turned Elliot into a rogue wolf. The Runners had saved him, but she knew he still carried the scars of that experience on the inside, and hoped he’d one day be able to leave it in the past.
When she finally headed back over to Cian’s around nine, she was surprised to find him sitting in the velvet chair in the living room all alone, as if he’d been waiting for her, the only light a soft glow filtering in from the kitchen.
“What’s up with all the plants out on the porch?” was the first thing she said to him, having seen them as she’d come in. Small ones, big ones, some with colorful flowers and others with big, waxy green leaves that looked so beautiful it stole her breath, like something from the tropics. There was a fortune in plants sitting out on his front porch, and it made her a little giddy to think he might have gotten them just for her.
Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his
parted knees and answered her question. “I spent most of the day running patrols out in the woods, but I did a quick run up to town with James to check in with the security headquarters there, and we passed the new garden center just as they were getting a delivery. So I asked him to stop so I could grab you a few things. I figured you might want something to keep you busy while we’re here, and I know it’s something you enjoy.”
She blinked, no idea what to say in response. This guy...he seemed to do nothing but put her off balance. Pull her close; push her away. An ebb and flow that went against everything inside her, every part of her, because fate wanted nothing more than to pull them so close they became one and remained that way. A unit. Unbreakable and unstoppable.
But fate wasn’t life. It wasn’t what would protect her heart. Keep her from shattering into so many pieces she couldn’t ever be put back together again.
“Have a good time tonight with Max and Elliot?” he finally asked her, breaking the awkward silence.
A little surprised that he’d even bothered to find out where she’d been, she said, “Yeah, it was great to catch up. I’ve missed them.”
“I’m sure they’ve missed you, too.” He moved to his feet and hooked his thumbs in his front pockets, his shuttered gaze impossible to read. “Brody and Mic invited us over for dinner, but I told them you were busy.”
“Oh. You didn’t mention it before.”
Voice a little too tight for her not to pick up on his tension, he said, “I didn’t realize you were going to stay out.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t realize you were coming back,” she replied just as tightly, a fresh wave of irritation spiking through her at the way he’d avoided her for almost the entire damn day.
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