by Peter Dawes
A small smile curled the corner of my mouth. “And what has made such a believer out of you?”
“I live again, dear brother,” he said, scoffing as he stood and paced forward. “That should be enough.”
I furrowed my brow as I watched him weave to the door. He placed a hand upon the door knob, but hesitated. “Finish feeding and get some more rest,” he continued, glancing back at me. “We will negotiate the matter of you tending to yourself when we leave Bucharest. For now, I am going to offer my condolences to the others and see how I might be of further assistance.”
Rolling to face Robin, I lifted up onto my elbow and nodded. “Please, tell Emil especially I am sorry for what became of his maker,” I said. Remorse wept from fresh wounds when I envisioned my newly-formed friend bereaved, as though a scab had been picked from my soul. “What Grigore did, I could never repay. Much as my debt to you.”
We lingered in silence, staring at each other for what seemed like interminable minutes. I could not guess at what my brother might be thinking, and neither did I have the energy to attempt it. Sympathy clung to his expression, but lingering somewhere in the background I sensed a sorrow of which I had barely scratched the surface. He finally nodded. “There will be a day to repay debts, but that day is not now. Rest. We’ll be on our way within a night or two.”
Nodding assent, I watched him depart, left alone to my thoughts once the door clicked shut. While the torment of nightmares threatened to greet me again, I saw no other way to the other side.
I would have to dance with my demons a few more times before finding solace in the arms of an angel.
Chapter Twenty
Somehow, I found the wherewithal to get out of bed the next evening, though I had to force myself not to relive anything I had dreamed the day before. I could have sought Monica’s company, but my battered pride refused itself the comfort. Instead, I changed into a fresh suit left for me by Robin, fastening buttons and smoothing out the fabric like some parody of order made personified. It was not until I found myself seated on the bed, staring at the closed door that I realized I had to face my hosts after ripping apart their very foundation.
Perhaps, if the Fates were merciful, one of them would be waiting to claim my head.
“I doubt I could be so fortunate,” I said, breaking the silence and stilling the cacophony in my mind. Rising to my feet, I reached the door and opened it, both grateful and not that they had deigned to leave the lock unlatched. A quick peek into the hallway preceded me exiting the room. No guards stood watch over me, but plenty of eyes shifted in my direction as I navigated my way up to the night club.
None of the coven masters or elders had gathered at the table closest to the double doors. I spied Robin seated near the edge of the dance floor, noting the mood subdued even with the human populace. Emil sat across from my brother with Nicolae to Emil’s right. This left one chair open, between Emil and Robin. I could not help the frown as I closed in on that solitary seat.
Robin looked up at me and managed a subdued smile. I pulled out the chair, afraid to glance at either of the Romanian vampires at first, for fear of what I might see in their eyes. “I thought it best I finally crawl out of that room,” I said.
“Agreed,” Robin said, nodding. I saw his gaze shift to Emil and Nicolae, a few words uttered in Romanian to them before my brother turned his attention back to me. “I was telling them of our plans. I had considered sojourning another night, but if you are feeling up to the travel, we can be on our way that much sooner.”
“I should think they might wish us to depart.” Hazarding a glance at Emil, I struggled for words of solace to offer, but found each one impotent. Robin and I might have been cursed with a maker such as Sabrina, but Grigore had been an upstanding man. And I had not eulogized such a person since mourning what I had done to Robin. I swallowed past a lump forming in my throat. “He saved my life. I do not know if you dare still call me friend, but know I shall not take for granted what has been given to me. Should you ever call upon a favor, I will be obliged to respond.”
Nicolae bristled, but refused to comment. Emil, on the other hand, fought to summon a smile past a veil of apparent sorrow. “If he considered your life worth saving, it meant he believed in it,” he said, his voice barely audible above strains of music as the band carried into a song. The elder vampire sighed, flashing a quick glance toward the humans before regarding Robin and I again. “If we have any desire to send you on your way, I promise it’s only to tie up loose ends here.”
Apt to follow the conversation into more practical concerns, I sat and asked, “Who will oversee the coven now?”
Emil nodded toward his brother. “Nicolae has taken up our master’s chair. We have other brothers and sisters, but most of them are scattered, traveling or overseeing their own covens. As I have been staying with my children, I agreed to assist him.”
“I hope our paths cross again someday under better circumstances.”
“I hope the same, my friend. And I wish you well on the rest of your mission.”
I managed a smile, with much strain given over to the effort. “From your lips to the ears of the Fates.”
Robin stood. “Come, let us pack then, dear brother,” he said. “I will see to our travel arrangements.” His gaze lifted to regard Emil and Nicolae, the forced politeness an epidemic with my brother becoming one of its carriers. “And for my part, I will check in with you both when our mission has ended. Thank you for taking care of Peter.”
“You are welcome, Michael,” Emil said with a nod, Nicolae providing silent witness to our parting words without offering any of his own. Robin and I paced away from the table, neither of us speaking for the duration of our walk back to the guarded double doors. I passed the two vampires flanking them, noticing Ioan for the first time and peering up at him as I recognized his presence.
He failed to make eye contact with me, however.
Robin led me forward before I could consider the brush-off any further. “How steady are you feeling?” he asked, once we had disappeared behind the refuge of the shut doors.
I frowned, glancing away from his inquisitive gaze. “I will be fine,” I said. “The sustenance which has been provided seems ample enough for the time being.”
“Peter, you should probably –”
He ceased speaking abruptly when I flashed annoyance back at him, the eye contact I permitted anything but friendly in nature. Robin frowned, stepping backward and taking a deep breath. “The lecture can wait,” he said, “But consider the warning administered. The more you choose to deny yourself, the more of a problem this will become later.”
“Your warning has been received, dear brother,” I said. Despite the term of endearment, my tone of voice remained cold. “I want to rescue my bloody watcher and get this whole mess finished with. The sooner we can do so, the better.”
My brother opened his mouth to respond, but I turned my back to him, shutting my eyes against the burgeoning temptation to heed Robin’s words more seriously. Truth be told, I wanted nothing more than to plunge my fangs into something and make it bleed. That fact alone was the very reason why I could not. Marching forward in a brusque tenor, I paused by the elevators and pressed the down arrow, ignoring the figure walking up behind me and pausing near my left shoulder. My eyes remained closed until the doors parted and even then, I avoided further discussion with Robin, lest the subject be broached again.
By midnight, we found ourselves at the station, with barely five words exchanged between the two of us.
We took our seats on the train and settled into place. When the silence became more than even I could bear, I sighed, my gaze still fixed out the window. “Will we be sojourning alone for the remainder of our trip?” I asked.
Robin shifted in his seat, straightening his posture. I watched him fold his hands atop his lap from my periphery. “Yes,” he said, “Best to keep others out of our affairs.”
“Thank you.” I rested an elbow on t
he narrow ledge beside the window. My chin settled atop a fist as my eyes tracked the lines of passengers shuffling between trains, most burdened with suitcases and some dragging children along with them. I slid my fingers so they touched my pursed lips, hearing the drumbeat of pulses in the orchestra of humanity before me. Mere days ago, I had felt alive and human for the first time in five years. Now, the detachedness had returned. “To where do we head next?”
“Germany. Munich, to be more precise.”
Nodding, I left any further discussion on the matter alone. The train pulled out from the station a few minutes later, leaving us with only short bursts of conversation to fill the spaces in a sixteen hour journey. I was silently grateful when dawn forced the shutters closed in our private room, and that much more relieved the day in Budapest proved dreary and overcast. Transitioning from one train to another, we managed past borders simply with the use of glamor. The first words I had to say to Robin in hours constituted a well-intentioned thank you.
By the time we arrived in Germany, the breakdown in communication had little to do with my brother, and everything to do with me. I lost myself in small spaces of time, called back into reality by a question or a comment. Or disembarking from the train. Or discussing where we might stay during our time in Munich. Robin settled our things into our room, but I drifted to the windows, seeing the city still bustling despite the lateness of the hour and staring vacantly at the activity. Whispers formed in the corners of my thoughts, my teeth on edge and my nerves amplified to a visceral awareness of everything around me. Distantly, I heard Robin speak, but found myself hypnotized.
“You’re hungry. That’s what happens when you starve the vampire for too long. He starts demanding to have his say and he can be very hard to reason with.”
“Peter!” he barked and my gaze shot to him before my brain registered why I needed to look at him. My brother frowned. “You are starting to concern me,” he said, biting his tongue from any further commentary, though I sensed more lingering in his thoughts.
Enticed to look back at the windows. I perked an eyebrow. “I am fine,” I said. “Simply exhausted.” Lowering the bag containing my sword onto the ground, I deposited it there and felt instantly restless at the proposition of remaining indoors for the rest of the night. The need to glance away finally won out. “What do you have planned?”
Robin remained silent for a few tense moments before speaking again. “I plan on calling contacts, to get us to a more exact location. Perhaps once we find more of a pattern, we can narrow down the number of haystacks.”
“Yes, that is good.” Somewhere in the back of my mind, I became aware of how dreamy my voice sounded. The temptation had returned, but this time I felt no compulsion against fighting it, as though it had slipped through the cracks and swallowed me whole before I could stop it. A tingle overtook me as I regarded the cavalcade of travelers on the street below. “I think I might go for a walk, dear brother.”
He had no chance to issue a retort before I left the room.
Time flitted past in lapses once more. One moment, I was in the elevators, headed down. The next, I strolled out the front doors of the modest hotel where we had taken up residence. The cool night air caressed my cheek, whispering its wicked temptations now that my ears were willing to listen. I took in the scents on the wind, allowing them to lead me onward.
That which typically cleared my mind only muddled it all the more, shutting out any attempt at reason on my part. I produced a cigarette and lit the end, eyeing the passersby in a manner ringing both foreign and familiar. Men passed. Women with dates – or gathered in collectives – laughing as they sauntered by. I muscled through one small gathering of friends and froze on the other side, holding the lit cigarette while gazing across a busy thoroughfare.
‘If the dark magician did anything, she exposed the form you still occupy and that form is hungry.’
My fangs ached to descend when a solitary figure paused walking, struggling to button her coat and stealing a moment seemingly to catch her breath. The traffic light changed color and I made my way across the street, eyes trained on her even when her steady stroll resumed. Time lapsed again, and suddenly I was walking behind her, following her further into the city.
She straightened her posture on instinct, gathering her coat at its lapels and holding the fabric shut tight. A faint voice woke in the back of my mind, trying to break through the haze and issue warning to me. One of my steps turned hesitant, but when I failed to stop altogether, that voice turned louder, its alarm both hard to ignore and easy to dismiss all at once. This is what I was, was it not? ‘You are not human. You will never be that again.’
A devil perched on my other shoulder settled my indecision. I needed this and I would take it.
The woman I followed stopped abruptly, turning on her heels and startling when she saw me approach. Her brow furrowed when my pace did not waver, and as we made eye contact, I felt an unholy grin creep across my lips, nearly alight with mirth when she spun around and attempted to run. Her shoe caught in the seam of the pavement, however, and she teetered too quickly to compensate. My would-be victim spilled out onto the concrete, both palms hitting the ground with her legs spread, hitching up a knee-length skirt.
I swallowed against the surge in temptation, seeing so many possibilities fly through my mind so fast, it threatened to make me dizzy. Two cars sped past, but when traffic abated once more, I charged forward, grabbing the woman by the collar of her coat and pulling her to a stand. She whimpered and struggled, emitting a shrill scream as I dragged her, half stumbling into a narrow space between two adjacent buildings. I pushed her against a dumpster and laughed when her head bounced off the side.
‘No...’ That cautionary voice returned, but I needed this. Both hands spun her to face me. The woman quivered, tears forming in her eyes and running down her cheeks in rivulets. I imagined them crimson and groaned, my fangs becoming pronounced. My prey opened her mouth wide and I cupped my hand over it to muffle the scream she issued.
“Shh, this will be over shortly,” I said, my tone harsh while that nagging alarm continued clamoring. ‘No… no… no… no…’ My teeth pierced flesh and warm draughts of blood slid down my throat, throwing me into a state of euphoria. One mouthful of blood turned into several, the drumbeat of a pulse beating strong and steadily faltering, weakening and extinguishing like a smoldering ember.
My mouth pulled away from her neck, tongue lapping up the last drops from her cooling skin. I opened my eyes and finally the veil parted, in time for panic to surge through me.
“No,” I murmured, blinking once to orient myself, and finally dropping the woman while backing away from her. All sides of my mind converged and saw the horrible truth. The violent jostle back into my senses brought with it the taste of blood and the scent of fear – and this time, it was my mouth I clutched, certain I would scream for a few precarious moments. She had been a young woman, in her twenties, with blonde hair falling in waves, dressed as though headed out for a social gathering. And now, she bore two scars I had inflicted, still as death where she laid.
My hands fell to my sides. “I killed her,” I said, turning to examine the immediate area, aware of both my indiscretion and how exposed I felt as a result. While the buildings surrounding us bore opened windows, with lights on in several of the units, I saw no one peering down at us and failed to hear any heartbeats in the immediate vicinity. The revelation inspired mixed emotions. When my gaze returned to the woman, I saw flashes of Lydia, remembering clutching a butcher knife while waiting for the lynch mob to burst into her apartment. Only now, as it had been then, fate had left me to be convicted by my own conscience.
I walked away without disposing of her body, too distraught to cycle through the motions and failing in my mission to keep my nerves in check. Reaching into my coat, I fumbled out a cigarette, the violent shaking returning anew. The tremor in my hands forced me to drop my lighter twice, and by the time the end was lit, I had
already crossed the busy street and headed in the direction of the hotel once more. I swore I heard yelling somewhere in the distance. Shutting my eyes, I tried several deep, steadying breaths, but my condition had deteriorated too rapidly for me to compensate.
Rounding a corner, I disappeared down an alley running behind the hotel.
And finally, I unraveled.
The cigarette tumbled to the ground and both hands splayed against the edifice of one building, clutching on for support. I had been unable to fight it. Like a domino, I toppled and took down another in the process. Sirens echoed and my knees got weak, that humanity I had fought so hard to reclaim crumbling into pieces. My heart cried out for Monica, but I received no answer.
I lost track of time, moving from standing to sitting down on the grit and dirt, eyes vacant and shivers pulsing up my spine one after the other. Somehow, I managed back to my feet and began the series of steps back to the room where Robin waited. The door opened when I knocked and my brother moved aside, permitting me entrance with his brow furrowed. “Brother, what the devil is wrong with you?” he asked, lingering by the entry even when the door clicked shut.
Trudging into the middle of the room, I turned my head, stealing a glimpse at the three opened scrolls and knowing the two corresponding boxes were around here somewhere. The sight of them threatened to unnerve me further, as though I could no longer trust myself in their presence, let alone to carry forth the remainder of my mission.
“Peter, what is it you truly desire?”
“Monica. Her above anything else.”
I broke the silence with a shaky sigh. “Did your contact have any information?” I asked.
“Some.” Robin’s voice sounded small, almost chilled, when he spoke. “I told him what we sought and he mentioned the ruins of a castle directly South, near the border with Austria.” He failed to make eye contact with me on his way to the bed. “You had your walk, now it’s time for me to have mine. Consider settling into rest. We have a busy night ahead of us tomorrow.”
