He felt her staring at him. He glanced at her and then back to the street in front of him. “That’s why I never worried about losing my job. I knew I had a cushion.”
“Wow. I’m ashamed of myself.”
“You? Why?”
“Because I totally judged you without having all of the information. I’m sorry. It was a shitty thing to do. Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I don’t know. It didn’t bother me until I realized it was going to cost me you.” He pulled up in front of her apartment and parked. “I never cared much about what anyone thought of me. Until you.”
The look in her eyes had his chest tightening. He was winning her. Fuck if Jimmy wasn’t right again. Falling for someone didn’t have to be a bad thing.
“You still coming up?”
“If you’ll have me.”
She nodded and stepped from the car. The wind kicked up and whipped her hair all around her head. She was so freaking gorgeous it would take all of his willpower to keep his hands off her until she invited him to touch.
At her door, she turned and asked, “If you’re such a responsible guy, why do you hide it?”
“That’s the last part of this soul-sharing session. And for that I need to sit down. Maybe have a drink. Got a beer?”
“Yeah. Sit. I’ll grab some beer and be right back.” As she walked to the refrigerator, she kicked off her heels and shoved them toward the corner.
The small act had him smiling. Like he was able to see a part of her she wouldn’t show everyone.
She came back to the couch, handed him a beer, and sat next to him. She was close enough for him to feel the softness of her dress, so he shifted away. She had a way of making him tongue-tied.
“I told you my mom was killed when I was little, right?”
She nodded, the sadness and pity clear on her face.
“While that was horrible, I didn’t have a bad childhood. My dad was a cop, so we had money and a decent house in a good neighborhood. Jimmy took care of us. I admire him for taking on the responsibility for our family. There’s nothing we could ever do to repay him. But I never wanted to be him. Jimmy was—and is—Mr. Responsibility. He takes care of everyone.” Sean paused to gulp his beer.
“You do what you need to do for family.”
He nodded. “But I’ve never seen Jimmy have fun. Why would I want to live like that? So I’ve made my life about having a good time. Jimmy instilled enough discipline in me that I know how to work and can take care of myself, but I never wanted to be responsible for anyone else.”
Emma scooted closer again and laid a hand on his thigh. The warmth of her palm shot straight to his dick, and he nearly bit his tongue.
“I’m not looking for someone to take care of me.”
“I know that. It’s part of what made me fall for you. You’re totally independent and can take care of yourself. But then I saw you with your mom and brother and I realized you’re the female version of Jimmy. It freaked me out.”
Emma laughed. “I don’t know how to take that. You say how admirable Jimmy is, but then you say I’m like him and it sounds like an insult. I don’t do anything extraordinary. I help my family when I can. I love them.”
So simple and easy. In his head, he knew that was the way it should be, but it still scared him shitless. What if he failed someone who depended on him?
“Jimmy said something to me that made me show up for you. He said that falling in love was having someone by his side, someone to have his back. I’ve never had that.”
Emma’s eyes filled with tears, and Sean scrambled to figure out what he’d said wrong.
“What?” he asked.
“That’s twice in the last few minutes you’ve mentioned falling for me and then falling in love.”
Sean smiled and brought her close. “I’ve definitely fallen for you, Emma. I don’t know if it’s love, but what the hell else could it be? I’m lost without you.”
Then she surged forward, pushing him into the couch, and climbed onto his lap. She blinked back the tears and smiled before lowering her mouth to his. The kiss settled every nerve in his system except for the ones intent on getting her naked.
* * *
Emma’s fingers trembled as they threaded through Sean’s hair and their lips met. He tasted so good. Why had she thought cutting him out of her life was a smart move?
She licked her lips. Everything Sean said filled her heart. It also made her feel like crap. He laid himself out there so he deserved the same from her. “You scare me.”
“How?” His voice was a rough whisper.
“Because you’re so laid-back, like nothing matters.”
He moved her hair over her shoulder. “You matter.”
Her eyes filled again. “You matter to me too. That’s why I flew off the handle. I’m scared because of how you live. You’ll make it easy for me to slide back into my old bad habits. I’m afraid because I know it’ll never make me happy.”
“I guess we’ll have to keep each other on the straight and narrow.”
She smiled and kissed him again. She ground against his erection, her dress sliding up to her hips. Sean’s hands coasted over her body, sending tingles everywhere. She was wet and wanted him more than anything in that moment.
So she pulled away. “We need to stop.”
They were both panting and she expected a fight from him, but he closed his eyes and nodded.
She stroked his cheek. “You know I want this, right?”
He nodded again, and his throat worked with a swallow.
“Are you going to say something?” she asked.
His fingers flexed on her hips. “Not while you’re sitting on me like this.”
She laughed, and he swallowed hard again as she lifted herself off him and straightened her dress. She backed off and picked up her bottle of beer and chugged it.
“Jumping into bed is easy.”
He nodded again, and it was starting to tick her off.
“I’m not doing this to punish you.”
He grabbed at his crotch and adjusted himself with a groan. “Kinda feels like that right now.” He rose from the couch. “But I get it. It’s fine.”
When he was standing next to her, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I don’t want to rush.”
“But we’ve already had sex.”
“We’ve had quite a bit. And it’s been really good. That’s why I want to wait. I want us to spend time together getting to know each other and being a couple. I know it’s ass backwards, but you blindsided me. I want to know we can make it outside of the bedroom.”
His hands wandered down to cup her ass. “How much time?”
She chuckled and rested her forehead against his shoulder. He was solid and warm, and she loved curling into him. She began questioning her thought process. Her resolve disappeared as her hormones took over. Why were they stopping?
“Screw it. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Her lips trailed down his neck. His pulse thumped under her lips.
“No.” His voice was sharp and he yanked away from her.
Her chest felt like it would collapse on itself. “What?”
He ran a shaky hand over his head. “You stopped for a reason. I’m not gonna lie and say I totally understand, but you had a reason.”
She blinked and tried to clear her hormone-hazed brain. “Sean.”
He reached for her hand. “Sleep on it. If you can’t remember the reason tomorrow, I’ll race over here right after work and rock your fucking world all night long.”
“Now you decide to not be a bad boy?”
“Trust me, babe, I’m always bad. Just the way you like it.” He kissed her forehead and let go of her hand. “I’m not going to fuck this up again.”
“You didn’t fuck it up.”
“Yeah, I did. I can own that.”
“And I can own my shit. My hang-ups got in the way of us.” She inhaled slowly. “I think that’s why I pulled back. I want to ma
ke sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“What hang-ups? That you expect your boyfriend to have a job?”
“I’m afraid of being like my mom. She never expected anything from a guy. I’m afraid of letting a man into my life and letting him turn it upside down. That’s what it felt like at the bar that night. In reality, hardly anyone noticed you hitting Caleb. Barb told me later. But in the moment, I felt like my whole world flipped. Like everyone would realize I’m a fraud.” Giving voice to those worries clogged her throat.
“You’re not a fraud. You’re the real deal.” He switched on his charming smile, and she felt it all the way to her toes. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She watched him walk out, and when she locked up, she leaned against her door and wondered what the hell she was doing. But once her heart rate slowed and the lust faded, she knew it had been the right call. If Sean had been one of the guys she’d met online, she wouldn’t have jumped into bed with him on the first date.
And, technically, that was what tonight was. They were starting a fresh, new relationship. So they would wait for sex.
She walked to the bathroom to shower and change and thought about dating rules. What was the going average for sleeping with a guy? Date three? Five?
It wouldn’t be that bad. They’d survive. And if they couldn’t, then she’d know all they had was great sexual chemistry.
Chapter Seventeen
Sean relaxed as much as he could as he and Emma fell back into a routine of talking every day and going on a few dates. He missed fucking her, but if this was what he had to do to prove he was serious, he’d handle it. He had a hockey game tonight and he hoped she would come. He liked having her in the crowd to watch.
When they talked last night, she hadn’t committed. So when he got home from work, he sent her a text. Game starts in two hours. Coming?
Not much fun doing that alone.
What?
Coming.
He burst out laughing. He loved her sexy texts. He could hear her voice in his ear. I can help with that after the game.
Tempting.
Is it? He didn’t want to get excited. They’ve bantered and flirted for days and he knew not to get his hopes up.
Very.
Then come to the game. Then I’ll have you screaming curse words all night.
You’re a bad influence.
I try.
His phone went silent, and he wondered why she’d stopped texting. When he was about to give up and shove his phone back into his pocket, she responded.
I’ll be there.
It wasn’t a total commitment to everything, but he’d take it. He texted that he’d pick her up so they could ride together. He wanted every extra minute with her that he could get.
When he got to her apartment, she was ready, wearing those tight jeans he loved and a soft sweater. At least it looked soft. He reached for her and gave her a kiss hello. His fingers swept over the material. Definitely soft.
“Brought you a present,” he whispered, although now he wasn’t sure he wanted her to wear it. He handed her the team T-shirt.
She took it and held it against her chest. He liked seeing SAVAGE TOOLS on her. She smiled. “Should I wear it now?”
“No. I like the sweater you have on. It’s soft like you.”
She stepped back to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “How important is it for you to make it to the game?”
He groaned. “Very. I already committed to playing. Can’t back out now.”
She rolled her eyes like she was being put out by him playing. “Fine.”
“But I don’t have to work tomorrow and neither do you, so we can stay in bed all day.”
“Might be interesting.”
He smacked her ass. “You’ll need to pull out a dictionary to come up with enough new curse words.”
“Someone’s feeling full of himself.”
“Someone’s been missing you.”
Her grin faded from her face and her eyes softened. He loved this version of her. The open and vulnerable side he normally only got to see while she was in the throes of orgasm. That she was like this now meant something.
* * *
Sean played hard even though it was tough to focus knowing that Emma watched and waited for him. Their opponents weren’t as good and gave up before the third period started. By the time Sean skated off the ice, he was pumped. The crowd loved the game and the noise was deafening. The cheers caught him off guard. Yeah, they’d played a good game, but it wasn’t Stanley Cup worthy or anything.
Then he realized the cheers were for the next team taking the ice. They were ranked number one and were undefeated. They’d been undefeated last season too. Sean didn’t like them. As he edged out of the rink, one of their players slammed into his shoulder.
“Watch it,” the asshole called, like Sean was at fault for trying to get off the ice.
Sean bit down on his mouth guard to keep from saying anything. Showing Emma he could control his fists meant not starting a fight on the night he was getting her back into his bed.
In the locker room, everyone was already joking and laughing. As a team, they were in high spirits. They were having their best season yet, which put them in second place, right behind the Chicago Dawgs, who had just taken the ice.
Sean tossed his gear in his bag and asked Kai, “What the hell is with those guys?”
“Who?”
“The Dawgs.”
“They’re assholes. They think their shit don’t stink because they’re the reigning champions.”
Sean grabbed his shower stuff. “Someone needs to take them down a notch.”
Kai looked down at Sean. He pretty much looked down at everyone. “Gonna be you?”
“I think it’s a job for a gorilla like you. When do we play them?”
“Sunday afternoon.”
“Then you better rest up.” Sean turned to the showers, and Kai mumbled something at his back. Sean was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear it. Besides, his mind had already turned to the rest of his evening.
Out in the lobby, Emma waited for him. He’d never much thought about having a woman wait for him, but it felt good, knowing she was there just for him. She smiled when she saw him, and the edginess he’d been feeling fled. Jimmy’s words started to make sense to him. It almost felt like that understanding should’ve rocked him more, but it didn’t. It was good.
“Excellent game,” she said as she rose up on tiptoe to kiss him.
“Thanks.”
“Are we going for drinks?” she asked.
“We have plans.” For the first time, drinking with the team was the last thing on his mind.
“Our plans will keep. Don’t you think you should celebrate with your team?”
“Our plans have kept long enough. My team will be fine without me.” He wasn’t thirsty for a beer. Alcohol couldn’t satisfy him tonight. All he wanted was her.
With an arm around her shoulders, he led her to his car. “Your place or mine?”
She laughed. “As long as you’re living in your dad’s basement, mine. I feel weird knowing that your family might hear us.”
He smiled. “You should learn to fuck quietly.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” She sat in the passenger seat and winked at him.
Yeah, this was a much better choice than heading to McGinty’s.
“It’s okay with me if you want to have a drink with the team. Really. It’s Friday night. I don’t have to get up early.”
He shook his head. “I drink with them all the time. You’re not always in my bed.” He hoped tonight would be the shift in that pattern.
“My bed.”
“Whatever. You know what I mean.” He locked his fingers with hers as he drove back to her apartment.
“I like watching you guys play. It’s rough and crazy, but skilled. I don’t know how you all have the energy for it.”
“I always had too much energy as a kid. That’s why my dad
pushed me to play. Jimmy played football, but it moved too slow for me. Hockey ate up the extra energy I had and helped me learn to focus.” He paused. He knew why he had a love for hockey, but he’d never thought about explaining what he got out of it. He glanced at Emma. She made talking easy.
He parked near her apartment and let go of her hand. “You sure you’re ready for us to go back to this?”
She nodded and gave him a soft smile. Friendly but serious.
“Thank God.” He got out of the car and walked around to meet her. They walked in silence to her apartment. Once inside, they took off their jackets and tossed them on a chair.
As needy as he felt at the moment, he didn’t rush anything. He cupped Emma’s jaw and pulled her close for a kiss. They stood in the silence of her living room, kissing and breathing each other in while their hearts beat frantically. When he pulled away, the look in her eyes was the one he’d missed most.
“I love you like this.”
She blinked. “Huh?”
“You can’t hide anything. You’re so open it kills me. I’ve never known anyone like you.” His voice was rough and quiet. He was afraid he’d break the spell holding them. “It’s the same look you get when I sink deep in your body and you can’t hold back the swearing. It’s raw and real. And you.”
He took her mouth again, rougher this time, needing to have all of her.
* * *
Emma didn’t normally fall for words. She knew men would say anything to get what they wanted, but hearing Sean talk, knowing that he meant what he said, ruined her. Her heart crashed in her chest at the same time her lungs tightened. He became her only source of oxygen. Being with him was no longer a want, but a need. And not just a need for an orgasm. For him. Her heart stuttered because, holy shit, that was a scary thought, but it slipped by quickly when she inhaled his scent, tasted his mouth.
In Your Arms Page 24
