***
Lying on my bed roll that night, I couldn’t help but think about what Santino said a few nights ago about never finding another woman like Helena. It couldn’t have been a coincidence that someone like Agrippina, someone who could murder on a whim, would show up and basically threaten her. The idea had me more worried than the mission, but I couldn’t write Agrippina off completely yet. History had already proved an unreliable source of information, so maybe she wasn’t all that bad.
And maybe she really liked me…
As if on cue, Helena entered the tent, removed her duty gear, and slid into place beside me, but kept even more distance than normal. We laid there for a few minutes before I couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Are you all right?”
She didn’t turn to look. “There any reason I shouldn’t be?”
“You seemed awfully quiet today, that’s all.”
“Maybe if you hadn’t spent so much time with your new friend, you’d have seen just how talkative I really was.”
I shot up to a sitting position. “You see? That’s what I’m talking about. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were jealous.”
She finally looked at me. “I’m not jealous.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I just don’t trust her, and neither should you.”
“I’m not.”
“Then why go with her?”
“No, you tell me the truth first. Why are you so upset?” I tried to keep the frustration from infecting my tone, but I couldn’t help it. “I hate games.”
She sat up as well and barked a quick laugh. “Is that what this is to you? A game? I’ll tell you now this most certainly isn’t a game to me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand where you’re going with this.”
She looked surprised but laughed again as she shook her head. “You don’t? After all these months, and you still don’t understand where we’re ‘going with this’? After everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve shared?”
“Helena, what…”
“You really are a dense man, Lieutenant,” she said, practically yelling. “Fine. Go get yourself killed. Don’t expect any help from me.”
I was suddenly very, very, angry. “I never asked for your help, Helena! I don’t need it! I don’t need anyone’s!”
She looked at me with downtrodden eyes and nodded to no one but herself. I couldn’t believe I said what I said when I said it. I didn’t need anyone’s help? Why would I say something like that?
“Helena… I…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say. Helena gave me one last sad look before she crawled under her sleeping bag and rolled away from me. I didn’t understand how this conversation derailed the way it did and I didn’t understand why, through all of the anger, I felt the first real connection with her in months. I wasn’t an idiot. I thought I knew what she was implying and I was ready to go there as well, but everything had unraveled so quickly.
I stared at Helena’s shapeless form within her sleeping bag and wondered about my own comments. They were so unlike me that even I had trouble even believing, but I’d said them – and I’d meant them.
I had to sleep, so I shifted onto my side to face away from Helena and closed my eyes. Sleep would not come easily tonight. I’d crossed a line I wasn’t sure I realized I’d crossed until now and the thought frightened me. I didn’t want to become the kind of person who couldn’t or wouldn’t rely on anyone. I needed my friends, and I especially needed Helena.
What had I done?
The Last Roman (The Praetorian Series - Book I) Page 56
