“We didn’t come through the door,” the woman said. “We came from Bangkok.”
“Bangkok?” Jay-Tee asked. “Are you Reason’s mom?”
“Yes. I’m Sarafina. She rescued me.”
Reason took a step towards Tom, and he saw that her eyes weren’t human. It was as if they’d been removed and replaced with burnished gold. The irises were completely regular, like a doll’s: no lines, no variation in colour.
Tom found himself edging away from her. He was too scared to get up.
She wasn’t Reason anymore. She was bigger and golder, and looking at her made Tom feel weird. “Reason…” he said, trailing off, not sure what to say. It was as if he were attempting conversation with a wild tiger from the remote reaches of Kalimantan.
Sarafina pulled out a stool and sat down heavily, looking at everything going around her with wide eyes, as if it were action taking place in a movie she was watching.
“Are you okay, Reason?” Jay-Tee asked.
Reason didn’t say anything. She took a step towards Tom.
“Better watch out,” Jason Blake said. “She’s hungry.”
Tom wished Danny would punch him again.
“There’s not much time,” Reason said at last. It startled Tom that she sounded just like herself. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected.
“Time for what?” he asked.
She bent down and looked at him, so close that he could see her skin was too smooth, like a retouched photograph in a fashion magazine: no hair, no pores.
“Reason?” he said. The muscles of his throat and mouth were tight.
She moved even closer. “I have to turn your magic off.”
“No,” Tom said. “No way.”
“Magic is evil, Tom. Our enemy. It will kill you.”
“I know that. Well, not the evil part.” He wondered if the gold had eaten part of her brain. The only thing that looked evil right now was her. Her golden expression did seem hungry, like she was getting ready to snack on him. He realised that he couldn’t even hear her breathing. “I like how I am, Ree. I want to stay that way.”
“This is your only chance, Tom. Either I change you now or you stay that way.”
“Fine,” Tom said, taking a step back from her. “I’ll stay this way.”
“What do you mean, this is his only chance?” Jay-Tee asked.
But Reason was looking closely at Tom, like she was figuring out how best to cut him up.
“But what about my mum?” Tom asked, his voice shaking. “Can you change her?”
“Yes. I can make her sane again.”
“Do that, then, Reason. Please?” Tom swallowed. His mum sane, living with him and Da. It was hard to believe it was possible. He wondered if he could love her if she was sane. He knew you were meant to love your mother no matter what, but he’d never felt it.
“Can you trust her, Tom?” Jason Blake asked. “She’ll take your mother’s magic as well as your own.”
“No, she won’t,” Jay-Tee said. “She didn’t take mine. Just turned it off.”
Tom frowned. “I don’t want my magic turned off. Just my mum’s.”
Reason nodded. “Okay. Just your mother’s.”
She grabbed hold of Tom and the kitchen floor dropped away. His body moved faster than his stomach. Wind rushed past his eyes, making them water. The ground beneath them, the trees and houses and roads, blurred into one another, becoming a dark grey stream. Tom wanted to scream at first, then thought he might chunder, but before he had time to do either, he found himself in a huge bathroom in front of a long row of sinks.
His mother’s face was looking at him, reflected in the mirrors.
33
Asylum
Tom stumbled out of Reason’s arms feeling like he weighed three tonnes. He grabbed one of the eight white basins to steady himself, then faced his mum’s reflection. The mirror was so old that in places he could see the rusted metal backing.
His mum was washing her hands at the sink and staring back at him. She didn’t scream or act startled. She wiped her hands on her jeans and nodded at them both, as if this was just what she’d expected.
“Mum.” Tom turned to face her but didn’t know what to say. His mum’s eyes weren’t right. Not freaky gold like Reason’s, but unfocused, like they were when she was at her most—what did his da call it?—disconnected. She looked completely disconnected. She probably didn’t even recognise him. “Mum,” he said again, breathing deep. “Reason’s here to fix you.”
“Whose reasons? What are they? They’d want to be pretty good.” She kept her eyes on the mirror. High above her head was a window covered with wire mesh. On the other side he could see metal bars.
“Mum, this is my friend Reason. That’s her name.”
“It’d have to be a bloody good reason. I don’t need fixing. Why’s your friend that strange colour?”
“She’s not well,” Tom said, pleased that his mum was making some kind of sense.
His mum nodded again. “She got the flu?”
“Sort of. She wants to help you.”
“But she’s sick. How’s she going to help me? I don’t like her looks.” She put her hand over her eyes.
“She’s, ah, she’s a kind of doctor.”
“Doesn’t look like a doctor. She looks like a kid.”
“Do you want to be fixed, Mum?”
“Not broken, am I?” she said, sneaking him a look from between her fingers. “What kind of fixed?”
“She’ll make you—”
“Less confused,” Reason said. She held out her hands. In her palms was a golden shape, quivering like those golems the old man had sent into the house. “I can give you this if you want.”
“What—?” Tom began. That was Cansino magic! It would hurt his mum just as bad as it had hurt him.
His mother’s eyes changed. Sharpened. She looked at the magic on Reason’s hand and trembled. Slowly she reached out a hand towards it.
“You want it, don’t you?” Reason asked.
She nodded. “Yes, please. It’s pretty.” Reason leaned forward and whispered in her ear. His mum nodded again, even more emphatic. “I want it.”
“You see, Tom? That’s the magic in your mother calling out to more magic. Even though it’s the wrong kind. Magic is greedy, Tom. That’s what you’re clinging to: greed.”
His mum lunged for the golden thing, but it disappeared back into Reason.
“Why not?” his mother cried. “Why can’t I have it?”
“Because it will hurt you. You need to sit down. You need me to fix you another way. You’re clearer now, aren’t you? You want to stay like that, don’t you?”
Her eyes did seem more focused, as if just a glimpse of magic had taken some of the insanity away.
“I can give you something better,” Reason told her.
“All right, then.” Tom’s mum sat down on the tan tiles. The grouting between them had gone black. Tom suspected the tiles had once been white. Reason sat down beside her.
“Close your eyes.”
His mother did, but immediately opened them again. “Will it hurt?”
“No.”
“Will I regret it?”
“I don’t think so.”
“But you don’t know so?”
“No.”
She closed her eyes again. Reason’s arms and hands began to change, becoming longer, skinnier, metallic. Tom’s mum opened her eyes again, looking at Reason’s hands suspiciously. “You’re sure it won’t hurt?”
“Yes.”
Her gaze darted down to Reason’s metal hands. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“All right, then.” She closed her eyes.
Someone started to open the door, but Tom dashed to push it shut. The man on the other side yelled and pushed hard, and Tom had to lean all his weight against it. There was no lock, and the old door rattled on its hinges. He shoved his foot against the bottom and turned around to put his back against it. R
eason’s arms were buried in his mother up past her wrists. His mum’s eyes were wide open and staring.
“Don’t hurt her, Ree.”
“Open the door!” the man on the other side yelled. The door started to open. Tom’s feet slid on the tiles.
“Use your magic, Tom,” Reason said.
He opened his mouth to protest. He had to be sparing. He’d promised Jay-Tee. He wanted to make it to thirty.
“Tom!”
He felt for the jade button in his pocket, put his hand to the chain around his neck. He pushed the tiniest amount of magic into the door. It slammed shut. He eased off his pushing, but the door didn’t budge. He wondered how many hours of his life he’d just used up.
Reason pulled her hands out of Tom’s mother and laid them in her lap. Tom watched them turn back into normal hands. Well, not exactly normal; they were still gold. He was too afraid to look at his mother.
Reason stood up and then helped Tom’s mum to her feet. She was wobbly, but her eyes were much clearer. She looked at Tom and her eyes went wet, but the tears stayed on the surface, not teetering out to spill down her face. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it.
He stepped into her arms and she held him.
Tom couldn’t remember her ever holding him. Her face was wet against his. The tears had escaped. He had to bite his lip to keep from crying too. She put her hands to his cheeks, pushed him a little away so that she could look at him. “You’re so big,” she said. “So big…” She ran her hand down his cheek and onto his shoulder. “I don’t believe this. I’m so…”
Tears still poured down her face.
“What happened…?” she began. “I don’t understand.”
The banging on the door got louder.
“We have to go, Tom,” Reason said, grabbing hold of him.
His mother looked confused, but not disconnected, not lost. “What’s going on?”
“Why can’t we take Mum?” Tom asked.
“She’s not magic anymore.”
“We’ll be back,” Tom said. “Through the front door next time. I’ll explain everything. Dad too…I love you.” He kissed her cheek, but then Reason grabbed his hand and pulled, zooming him across the red terra-cotta-tiled roofs of Leichhardt and back to Esmeralda’s kitchen. He hoped them using magic to leave wouldn’t drive his mum mad again. She didn’t know about magic. She didn’t know why she’d gone mad.
It occurred to Tom for the first time that his mother’s madness might have spared him. Jay-Tee and Reason had both had such a rough time because of their magic relatives. But not Tom. It was almost like his mum had sacrificed herself. Just for him.
8
“Is she okay?” Jay-Tee asked, rushing up and hugging him hugely.
Tom nodded, hugging her back. “I think so. It was a bit weird. I mean, she’s not mad anymore.” He could still feel his mother’s tears on his face.
“It worked?” Esmeralda asked.
“Yes,” Reason said. “There’s no magic left in her.” She turned to Tom. “Are you certain you want to keep yours? This is your last chance.”
“You keep saying that. What do you mean, my last chance? Where are you going?”
“I’m changing fast. When I’ve changed completely, I won’t want the same things. I’m not sure I’ll care enough to do anything for you. I’m going to turn my own magic off before that happens.”
“You what?” Tom, Esmeralda, and Jason Blake all said at the same time.
“Magic is wrong,” she said once again. “I don’t want it.”
“And you can’t change me once your magic’s gone.” It was obvious, but Tom had to say it out loud. He felt dizzy. His mother. Her face. She’d looked…He didn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been afraid of his mum. He didn’t remember ever wanting her to hold him. And now he did. Because her magic was gone.
“But what about Esmeralda?” Jay-Tee asked. “She’s still magic. And your mother.”
“You don’t want to do this, Reason,” Jason Blake said.
“Why?” Esmeralda asked. “Is it really necessary?”
“Magic is wrong. It’s always been wrong. I don’t want to become the magic.”
“No,” Jason Blake said. “It’s not wrong. It’s beautiful. Why turn it off, Reason? You’d be throwing centuries away! Why would you do that? Give it to me instead.”
“Will you turn mine off too?” Sarafina asked. “Will you turn it off for the baby in your belly?”
“She doesn’t have to,” Jason Blake snapped.
“What?” Esmeralda asked.
“Haven’t you guessed? Hers is the Cansino magic. Like ours, only stronger—”
“If she turns it off, she turns off ours as well?” Esmeralda blanched. “Reason, no. You can’t do that to me. I need it. I need this magic.” She grabbed Reason’s wrist, a horrible expression unlike any Tom had ever seen on her face. Reason just shook her off.
Jason Blake reached out towards her, and Danny punched him in the stomach, sending him to the floor. Maybe Danny wasn’t so bad.
“Tom, I’m asking you,” Reason said. “I don’t have very long. Do you want me to save you from becoming like them?” She pointed a golden arm at their hungry faces, their grasping hands.
Tom didn’t want to turn into a Jason Blake. Or Esmeralda, the way she looked now. But he couldn’t imagine his world without clothes and patterns and magic pulsing through the jade button in his pocket. The shapes cascading through his head and the surge of it through him, the electrical jolt of it.
But how would it feel to be magic and Jay-Tee and Reason not. And to go mad, to die. He looked at Jay-Tee…
“Tom,” she pleaded.
“I can’t wait,” Ree said. “I have to change myself now. Or I…”
Tom squeezed his eyes shut against all their faces. Inside his eyelids, the world was made of beautiful shapes, all his.
“No, don’t take it. I need my magic.”
34
Cansino Magic
Cansino’s world of quiet and beauty and light was calling to me so strongly, it was hard to focus on Esmeralda’s kitchen, on all their questions that crashed around me in waves. Their arguments, yelling across one another. When they grabbed me, I pushed them away. They weren’t anything to me anymore.
I could feel glimmers of how it had been. Of friendship. Of how Tom and Jay-Tee and me had been learning to look out for each other. Looking at Sarafina, I could almost remember the love between us, what it felt like to be held tight in her arms. Sarafina had made this possible. By trying to steal my magic, she’d made me see again, made me remember being human, made me understand what magic really was.
But those glimpses were small and empty. In the corners of my eyes, magic danced, pulling at me. I longed to zoom across space again. Closing my eyes, going back there, would make me magic’s child forever. And my own child would be magic’s too.
To prevent that, I had to remember everything my mother had taught me. How to run, how to escape, the importance of reason.
It didn’t matter how calm it was, how beautiful. Magic had consumed my family, generation after generation. I had to stop it.
I was human. Or, at least, I wanted to be again.
And yet to win my freedom I had to close my eyes one more time, and if I did that, I didn’t know if I could resist Cansino’s world.
I slowly brought my eyelids down, seeing their faces through my eyelashes just briefly, lit in the colours of the setting sun. Their voices shut off, as did the smell of flying fox, of the fig tree, of jasmine. I clung to the memory of those senses. No sunset-lit faces, no squeak and flap, no sticky smells, no wood underneath my fingertips.
Here they all seemed so unnecessary, threadbare. Cansino’s world was vast, beautiful. Space opening up onto space. A giant ocean of magic stars. It called to me. I wanted to follow all the patterns, the twisting spirals of Fibonaccis, perfect numbers, primes.
I forced myself to narrow my gaze, to turn away f
rom the spreading universe of lights and into myself. My own magic. The numbers within.
I could see my Fibonaccis; I could see the Cansino magic inside me threaded through each one. I could see how to destroy it.
So I did.
Piece by piece, I turned it off. I saw lights wink out one after another. I watched Cansino space recede. First galaxies gone, then stars, then darkness, just the backs of my own eyelids.
I opened them and fell. Hard.
Sarafina and Esmeralda were already on their knees. Something shattered in the next room. A rank smell filled my nostrils, and little explosions went off all over the house.
“What?” Esmeralda asked.
“It’s going,” Sarafina said. “Gone.”
“Centuries…wasted,” Jason Blake said. He moaned, as if Danny had hit him again. But Danny was just standing there, confused.
My magic was gone and now theirs too. I hadn’t just turned off mine; I’d switched off all the Cansino magic. I’d freed my mother, my grandmother, my grandfather, and the hundreds of magic objects throughout the house.
I had become magic, after all, been the Cansino pattern itself. And now that pattern—unlike primes, or Fibs, or perfect numbers—had reached the end.
“Huh,” I said.
In front of me Jay-Tee and Tom were holding each other so close there was no space between them. I had a sudden horrible thought. They weren’t together, were they?
Ewwww.
The doorbell rang.
I stood up, feeling shaky and incredibly hungry. Hungry! And not for power or magic or knowledge. Just for food. I looked at the fruit bowl, but I’d already eaten all the rambutans. Didn’t matter. I was pretty sure that everything would taste good now.
“I’ll get it,” Jay-Tee said, but she didn’t let go of Tom.
“No,” I said. Somewhere in my mind—my newly restored human mind—I had the feeling it was important.
I walked to the door as steadily as I could, feeling the wooden floor beneath my feet, noticing that it was hot. I hadn’t been aware of the temperature since Raul Cansino had changed me. Summer felt wonderful. My skin started to glisten with sweat. Esmeralda and Sarafina followed.
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