Closing her eyes, she could still see her friend. Laughing, teasing, gossiping. Anya was supposed to have been getting married this year and instead she’d been buried at the same church. She missed her so much, her smile, her laugh, her company. In the seven months since the accident, Hero had barely seen anyone. It had shown up, painfully, the fact that many of the people she had met through her career were not friends. They were acquaintances, nothing more, and sometimes not even that.
Partly, it had been her fault. She knew that. Knew that she should have made more of an effort with people, like Anya had with her, but it had never come easy to her. And then there were the ones who wanted to be seen with her because of what she was, not who she really was. How to tell the genuine from the fake? Not that it mattered anymore. Hero was no longer a part of that world, their world. Anya had been the only one she had trusted to be true in that one. And she was gone.
It had taken ages for Hero to accept Anya’s death. To really believe that her friend was gone. Forever. Even now she still expected Anya to come bursting through the door with some scandalous piece of gossip or the latest bargain. The flat was so lonely without her. She was lonely without her.
Hero forced herself up, taking the now empty mug out to the kitchen. As she did, something caught her eye and her footsteps slowed. Putting down the mug, she moved her hand to the boxes of pills stacked in neat piles on the dresser. Her fingers ran lightly over the top of each one. Some were for the pain, some to help her sleep when flashes of bright lights and screams haunted her dreams. The others? She couldn’t even remember now. Didn’t even bother to try most days. As she’d said to Rupert – what was the point? Hero sat slowly in the overstuffed armchair that stood next to the dresser, staring at the innocuous looking boxes. It would be so simple, so easy. No more pain, no more guilt at being the one to survive, no more loneliness. A single tear escaped from Hero’s eye and ran slowly down her cheek. She waited for more. It might help, Juliet had said. But no more came. She reached out, nothing in focus but the small boxes that rested there. Picking one up, she opened it. It was almost full. Doing the same with the second, she found it to be the same. One by one she pushed the capsules from their foil, placing them in neat piles back on the dresser.
As she began work on the final strip, the telephone rang. Its shrill electronic call pulled her from her trance. Reaching out, she picked up the receiver, mostly just to stop the noise tearing through her skull.
‘Auntie Hero? It’s me. Marcus.’ Her nephew’s chirpy voice with its broad Antipodean accent was clear on the line. ‘Hello?’ he said again.
Hero couldn’t speak. Her eyes were fixed on the collection of drugs inches away from her.
‘Mum!’ Somewhere in the distance, she heard Marcus call for his mother, and then mumbled voices before Juliet’s voice came on the line.
‘Hero? Hero, darling, are you there? Please answer me!’
Hero’s voice was small and scared when she finally spoke, and she saw nothing but the pills in front of her.
‘Jules?’
‘Hero, sweetheart. What’s wrong? What’s going on?’
‘I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t.’ The pain tore through her as she spoke, her throat constricting.
‘What sweetheart? Do what? Please talk to me!’ Juliet felt the ice filling her veins, chilling her to the core despite the warm spring day. As Nick and Pete walked into the kitchen, they stopped short, watching as the colour drained from Juliet’s face.
‘Who’s on the phone?’ Pete asked his son who was now busy driving a small car around the kitchen table.
‘Auntie Hero.’ He jumped his car off the end of the table and headed off into the playroom. Exchanging a look, Pete and Nick sat down silently at the table, listening as Juliet gave instructions to her sister.
‘It’ll be all right, sweetheart. I promise. Just get the next flight out and call me with the flight number. I’ll be waiting for you.’ She paused for a moment, as she looked a question at her husband. He reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘We’re all here, darling. It’s going to be OK. I promise you. You’re not alone. We’re all here, waiting for you. OK?’
She spoke a little longer then reluctantly replaced the receiver. Looking up, she met the silent enquiry of their eyes.
‘Hero is coming to stay for a little while. I know I should have checked with you both, but it was—’
‘What’s going on, Jules?’ Nick interrupted.
Juliet stared at him. Then at her husband. ‘I don’t know … I think …’ She swallowed hard and tears filled her eyes. ‘I can’t lose her! Not now!’ Her voice broke in a sob and Pete stood quickly, wrapping his arms around his wife. He had no idea what was going on but whatever it was, he would be there for his wife, and her sister. They all would.
***
Juliet didn’t relax until she saw Hero walk through the Arrivals doors. But as she took in the change that had occurred in her sister, the relief was short lived. Hero’s limp was pronounced but she refused to rely on any form of crutch. The confident walk that belied her shyness before had gone, her dark head was bowed. The green eyes lifted nervously, breaking their link with the floor only to search for Juliet among the crowd. Relief flooded both faces. If Hero could have run to her she would have. Instead she locked eyes with her, holding on with them as she weaved her way through the other travellers. Juliet knew now for certain that she had been right to dictate her sister onto the next flight out. The intensity of pain in her little sister’s eyes devastated her. She didn’t dare break the eye contact. It was Hero’s lifeline until she could get through.
Hero almost fell into her sister’s open arms as she guided them aside, away from the stares of others. Hero looked different but there would still be people who might recognise her, and the media were still on the hunt. That was yet another bonus for being out here. In London she still had to hide. It didn’t matter out on the station. No one there would judge her. There, all she would receive was love.
It was quiet in the house when the two women finally arrived back from the airport. Juliet explained that, as it was a school break, she’d arranged for the kids to spend some time at their grandparents’ place in the city, along with Joe whom the kids rarely wanted to go anywhere without. It would give Hero a chance to settle in a bit before they came back and started bombarding her with demands for attention. She stole a glance at her sister as they sat, Hero lowering herself to the sofa a little awkwardly.
‘Have you slept at all?’ Juliet asked, her hand covering her sister’s.
Hero looked startled at the question. ‘A little.’
‘I thought the doctor gave you some pills to help?’
Hero nodded. ‘He did.’
And then Juliet knew. The broken look on Hero’s face told her everything her words didn’t.
‘Oh my God! That’s it, isn’t it?’ Her voice was almost a whisper. ‘That’s what you meant on the phone. I thought I was overreacting but … you didn’t …?’
‘No.’ Standing, Hero limped across to the window, finding it easier to talk as she looked out across the fields dotted with sheep. ‘I had them all piled up. Neat little piles. And then Marcus rang.’ She turned back to face her sister. ‘I’m so, so sorry, Jules. I never meant …’ Her voice tapered away.
‘Would you have done it?’ Juliet forced herself to ask the question.
‘I don’t know,’ Hero answered softly, honestly. Hero shook her head as she looked at her sister. She knew it wasn’t the answer Juliet had wanted to hear. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said again. Her voice was low and unsteady. ‘It’s just that I felt so, I don’t know, just … adrift. The flat was so quiet and lonely without Anya.’ Hero stopped and gave a sad laugh. ‘She was always so bloody noisy, even when she was trying to be quiet. And messy. She was the messiest person I have ever known. It used to drive me up the wall but now the place is so clean and tidy and it’s awful. I’d do anything to bring her back and find clothes in e
very room and mugs on every surface. I miss her so much, Jules!’
Juliet watched her sister. There were no words to say that would comfort her.
‘I haven’t even cried. Can you believe that?’ Hero asked, anger in her voice. ‘What sort of person does that make me? My best friend died beside me and I can’t even cry for her!’
‘That doesn’t mean you don’t care.’
‘Doesn’t it? I don’t know anymore. I’ve spent most of my life building a barrier to protect myself from being hurt, or abandoned or whatever and where has it left me? Why couldn’t I deal with Mum and Dad like you did? You didn’t shut yourself off from everyone, or push them away. You kept your belief in people and found all this.’ She waved a hand, encompassing Juliet’s world.
‘I wasn’t carrying around that spiteful knowledge Mother imparted on you. You’ve done a hell of a lot better than most people would in the same circumstance. We’re not all made the same, Hero. People deal with things the best way they can.’
‘I know.’ Hero’s anger died as quickly as it had risen. Turning back to the window, she spoke again. ‘I just wish I’d been made more like you.’
Juliet stood, crossing the room to hug her sister. ‘You are who you are, Hero. And you are good and decent and kind and loving. I know that. Pete knows that, and so do Nick and Joe and the kids. Anya knew that too. It’s why she chose you to be her friend.’
Hero asked, her face filled with pain and confusion, ‘Then why can’t I cry for her?’
‘You’re grieving, sweetheart. Just because you haven’t physically cried doesn’t mean that you’re not, or that you don’t care. The tears will come. When it’s time.’
Juliet took a seat on one end of the big, squishy sofa, pulling Hero down gently next to her. She looked exhausted.
‘Here,’ Juliet said, and her sister followed her direction, too tired to do anything. Laying her head in her older sister’s lap, Hero closed her eyes. Juliet rested one hand on her sister’s jutting hip bone while the other stroked the smooth, dark hair. The combination of exhaustion, relief, and Juliet’s rhythmic motion hastened Hero into the much-needed embrace of sleep. Juliet sat back and thought again of her sister alone and staring at the drugs that would make it all go away forever. She looked down at the sleeping face and her blood ran cold. As if feeling her gaze, Hero opened her eyes blearily.
‘Go back to sleep, sweetheart,’ Juliet whispered.
Hero obeyed. Within moments, her breathing was steady and slow again. A tiny fragment of the emotions raging within her had been released, and Juliet was glad of that. She knew it was going to be a slow process, but Juliet promised herself she would be there for her every step of the way.
Hearing footsteps some time later, she leant towards the open door a little, putting a finger to her lips as her husband and Nick entered the living room. Pete crossed the floor and kissed his wife before looking down at Hero with a question in his eyes.
‘She’s going to be fine,’ Juliet said, determination in her hushed words. ‘It’s just going to take a bit of time.’ Hero barely stirred. ‘I don’t think she’s slept much recently. I don’t really want to wake her. Could you take her upstairs for me so that she can rest until dinner’s ready?’
‘Right-oh.’ Pete lifted Hero effortlessly from the sofa. She slept on. Nick hadn’t moved since they had entered. He watched Pete carry her out and started as Juliet touched his arm.
‘Penny for them?’
‘Huh? Yeah, right. What?’
‘You finished for today?’
‘Yep. You want me to do anything? Peel some spuds or something?’
‘That would be great. I’ll be back down in a minute.’ Smiling at him, she patted his arm in gratitude, before crossing to the door to check on Hero.
‘Jules?’
She turned.
‘You really think she’s going to be OK?’
Tilting her head a little, she smiled. The look in her brother-in-law’s eyes confirmed what she and Pete had suspected for a long time. Nick’s feelings for Hero ran a lot deeper than he had even begun to hint at.
‘She’ll be fine, but it’s going to take time and she’s going to need help.’ Juliet let out a sigh. ‘She lost her best friend, her career, and got dumped by her boyfriend, in one fell swoop. Added to that, I think her leg is more painful than she lets on. Because of the injuries, and the fact that her career is over, she thinks her looks and appeal are gone too. Those two things have been synonymous with one another for so long, it’s hard for her to believe that it’s not true. It’s a hell of a lot for her to deal with, but she’s here now, with her family, and I think that’s a good start.’
Nick didn’t reply, but Juliet hadn’t missed the shadow that had passed over his face when she’d mentioned the existence of a boyfriend.
‘I’ll go and get …’ He didn’t finish the sentence, jabbing his thumb towards the kitchen instead.
‘That’s great. Thanks.’ Touching him gently on the forearm, Juliet then turned and headed out of the room and up the stairs.
Chapter 12
Nick’s stomach was doing somersaults as he waited for the two women to come down the stairs for dinner. He busied himself with pouring drinks for everyone until he heard an uneven step on the stairs and Hero limped self-consciously into the kitchen, Juliet at her side. The difference in her demeanour was the first of many changes Nick took in. For the first time since he’d met her five years ago, she was free of make-up. But there was one thing that remained exactly the same, if not stronger. She was beautiful. All Nick saw was Hero. The relief at seeing her back at Hill Station combined with the rush of desire this woman always fired within him stunned him for a moment and all he could do was smile at her.
‘Hi,’ he managed eventually. ‘Had a nice sleep?’ Nick groaned inwardly at his lame conversation, but Hero didn’t seem to mind.
She gave him a small smile and nodded. ‘Yes. Thank you.’ She paused. ‘How are you?’
‘Good, thanks. Starving.’
Pete pulled out a chair for Hero and she slid into it. The dinner was relaxed and although she was quiet, Hero contributed now and then. Nick topped up her wine glass and returned the smile she gave him in thanks. Juliet asked her sister’s opinion on a matter and Hero turned her attention across the table. Taking the opportunity to quietly study their guest without, hopefully, looking too creepy, Nick considered the changes fate had wrought on Hero since she had last sat at this table. The dark hair was a little shorter and she now had a fringe and long layers that fell slightly across one eye. Hero peeked from behind it, as did the large deep scar the new hairstyle did its best to disguise. It was strange to see her with no make-up. Nick felt almost like he was seeing her for the first time. The conversation swung back towards him, and Hero turned, meeting his eyes. Her beauty still took his breath away, just like it had done the first time he had seen her, however much he had tried to deny it. Except now there was something different about it, something that had nothing to do with make-up. It was softer now, more approachable, more real. That mask of protection she’d worn before that had been the subject of such contention between them was gone, shattered in the same instant that had taken her best friend and changed her life forever.
***
Hero was quiet during the first few days at Hill Station. She walked around the property, exercising her leg, although she was yet to accept the offer of using the pool, remaining self-conscious of the angry scars that would be on show. Gradually though, she began relaxing into the land, and this new passage of life. She didn’t know how long she’d be staying, and she didn’t think about it. One of the many lessons she had now learned was just to enjoy today. Tomorrow would come soon enough. Or not.
Juliet stood at the kitchen window, watching as Hero made her way over to feed the chooks.
‘Who are you spying on?’ Pete teased, coming to stand behind his wife before following his wife’s line of vision.
‘I’m not
spying,’ she said, batting his arm, as he wrapped them around her waist. ‘I hope I’ve done the right thing bringing her out here, Pete. It’s a completely different way of life from what she knows.’
‘That fact could be the best thing about it.’ Pete squeezed his wife’s waist, leaning round to drop a kiss on her furrowed brow. ‘Stop worrying. She’ll be all right. I’ll see you later.’
‘Making the most of the peace and quiet before Joe and the kids get back?’ Nick called out when he saw Hero standing on the bottom rung of the fence watching two half-broken Brumbies dance about, the now empty bucket from the chicken feed dangling from her wrist – a definite change to the five figure designer handbags that had often swung there before the accident.
Hero turned her head at his approach and gave a warm smile in response to his question. ‘I can’t wait to see them all.’
Reaching her, Nick turned, resting his back against the same railings.
‘The feeling is mutual, believe me.’ He laughed and her smile increased. He turned again, focusing his attention on the horses. Looking at Hero like that was causing all sorts of effects that Hero wasn’t anywhere near ready to deal with yet. She had enough to cope with, without him adding to the situation. They stood in silence for a few moments, watching the horses.
‘Pete said you’ve just started breaking them in.’
Nick eyed the animals, squinting briefly as he concentrated. ‘Yep. Still a fair way to go yet though.’
‘I’d never really seen any like this, you know, in real life, before I came here. At the stables where I used to ride, they were all just there. Ready and waiting.’
Nick nodded, never taking his eyes from the Brumbies. Glancing at him, Hero caught his expression.
‘I know what you’re thinking.’
Second Chance At the Ranch Page 17
