As they continued to eat their meal, Loraine listened with interest while Jake told her more about the horse ranch in Montana where he’d worked and how he’d purchased a couple of thoroughbred horses the other day and hoped to breed them.
“I’ve worked with horses ever since I was a buwe, and I’ve had the dream of owning my own business since I turned sixteen.” Jake leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table and a serious expression on his face. “That’s the reason I went to Montana—so I could make more money.”
“Money isn’t everything,” she said with a catch in her voice. “Being with family and friends—that’s what’s important.”
“I agree, but a fellow can’t provide for a wife and family if he doesn’t have enough money.”
“Weren’t you making a decent living working for your daed?”
Jake shook his head. “Not enough to save up much money. Besides, I don’t want to shoe horses for the rest of my life. It’s hard on the back and not nearly as much fun as training them.”
Loraine took another bite of chicken and washed it down with a swallow of water. “Your daed must enjoy shoeing horses. He’s been doing it for quite a few years.”
Jake nodded and swiped his napkin across his chin where some juice from the chicken had dribbled. “That doesn’t mean I want to follow in his footsteps.”
“Who’s going to take over the business when your daed retires?” “Maybe my younger brother Elmer. He’s only twelve, but he’s already taken an interest in helping Dad.” Jake reached for his glass of water and took a drink. “I just know it won’t be me takin’ over my daed’s business.”
“I guess if you don’t like it that well, then it’s not something you should do for the rest of your life.”
“How about you?” he asked. “Do you enjoy your job at the hardware store in Shipshewana?”
“I like it well enough, but it’s not something I’d want to do forever,” she replied.
Jake jiggled his eyebrows. “Nothing’s forever. Nothing here on earth, at least.”
“That’s true. We won’t know eternity until we get to heaven.”
Jake’s gaze shifted to the other side of the room. “Say, isn’t that Fern Bontrager sitting over there? I haven’t seen her in a good long while.”
“I don’t think so. Fern and her folks moved to Ohio a few months after you left for Montana, and they’ve not been back since.”
Jake continued to stare. “Sure does look like her. Same mousy blond hair and turned-up nose. Jah, that’s gotta be Fern.”
Loraine’s head snapped to the right, and her breath caught in her throat when she saw the young woman Jake was referring to.
“It’s her, isn’t it?”
Loraine nodded slowly. “I wonder what she’s doing here, and who’s that young man sitting with her?”
“Maybe she’s gotten married since she moved to Ohio.”
“Or maybe he’s a friend or a relative.”
“There’s only one way to find out. Let’s go over there and ask.” Before Loraine could respond, Jake pushed his chair away from the table and started across the room.
With a sigh of resignation, Loraine rose from her seat. The idea of talking to Wayne’s ex-girlfriend held no appeal, but it wouldn’t be right to remain at the table while Jake went over to say hello. Besides, Loraine was curious as to what had brought Fern back to Indiana.
By the time Loraine reached the table, Jake had already pulled out a chair and taken a seat next to the young man with a thick crop of sandy brown hair.
“Hello, Fern,” Loraine said, forcing a smile. “I’m surprised to see you here. I thought you were living in Ohio.”
“We have been, and my folks are still there, but I’ve been asked to teach the older grades at the schoolhouse where your cousin Jolene used to teach, so I’m moving back here.”
Loraine’s heart started to pound. “Y–you’re going to be teaching here now?”
“That’s right.” Fern motioned to the young man sitting across from her. “My brother Freeman came along to see about opening a bicycle shop here similar to our Uncle John’s bike shop, where he’s worked for the past several years.” She smiled at her brother. “Freeman misses Indiana and wants to get settled in here. Since our Grandma Sara is widowed and has plenty of room, we’ll be staying with her, at least for now.”
Jake thumped Freeman on the back. “Wow, you’ve sure grown up since I last saw you. I didn’t even realize it was you.”
“I’m almost twenty-two years old now,” Freeman said with a grin.
Fern motioned to the empty chair beside her. “Would you like to have a seat, Loraine?”
Loraine shifted uneasily, wishing Jake would say they ought to return to their table. He made no move to get up, however, because he was deeply engaged in conversation with Freeman.
Reluctantly, Loraine pulled out the chair and sat down. Other than the fact that she and Fern had both dated Wayne, they really had nothing in common. She didn’t have a clue what to talk about, either.
Fern seemed equally uncomfortable, as she fiddled with the fork beside her plate. “I ... uh ... heard about the accident you, Wayne, and the others were in. It must have been horrible for him, losing a leg like that.”
“Jah, it was quite a shock.”
“How’s Wayne getting along now?”
“As well as can be expected.” Loraine saw no need to tell Fern how depressed Wayne had been or that he’d called off their wedding. Since Fern was moving here, she would probably hear all about that soon enough anyway—especially if she talked to Ada.
I wonder how things will be once Ada finds out Fern’s moving back? Loraine wondered. It would be just like Ada to try and get Wayne and Fern together again. But then, she reasoned, if Wayne thinks he’s not capable of taking care of a wife and family, it’s not likely that he’d start going out with Fern—especially since he was the one to break up with her.
“I’ll try to get over and see Wayne sometime this week,” Fern said, scattering Loraine’s thoughts. “I’d like to see how he’s doing and offer a few encouraging words.”
“I’m sure he’d appreciate that.” Loraine looked over at Jake again, silently begging him to say that they needed to return to their table. If he didn’t say something soon, maybe she’d say it herself.
After what seemed like an eternity, Jake rose to his feet. “I guess Loraine and I should get back to our table before our food gets cold.” He smiled at Fern and her brother. “It’s been nice seeing you both. If you ever have a horse in need of some shoes, just give me or my daed a call.”
***
Jake glanced at Loraine out of the corner of his eye. She hadn’t said more than two words since they’d left Topeka. In fact, ever since their brief visit with Fern and her brother, Loraine had been quiet.
“It was sure strange seeing Fern again, wasn’t it?” he said, hoping to break the silence between them.
Loraine nodded.
“Her brother’s sure changed. I wouldn’t have recognized him if Fern hadn’t said his name.”
“Uh-huh.”
“While Freeman and I were gabbing, what’d you and Fern talk about?”
“Not much. Just said a few things about the accident.”
“It’s good that the school board’s found someone to take your cousin’s place, don’t you think?”
“I suppose, although the older scholars are doing okay with their temporary teacher, and I know from what I’ve heard that they really do miss Jolene.” Loraine sighed. “She was a good teacher, and it’s a shame she won’t be able to teach school again because of losing her hearing.”
“Maybe she’ll find something else to do—something that doesn’t require her to hear.”
“Jah, maybe so.”
“Getting back to Fern,” Jake said, “as I recall, she always had an easygoing way about her. Hopefully, she’ll get along well with her students.”
“Time will tell, I guess.”
“I overheard her say something to you about visiting Wayne. Are you bothered by that?”
Loraine shook her head. “Why should I be?”
“I just thought since he and Fern used to date that you might—”
“Wayne and I aren’t engaged anymore, so he can see whomever he pleases.”
Jake decided to drop the subject. From the responses Loraine had given, he figured she wasn’t too excited about Fern moving back, and he had a hunch she hadn’t gotten over Wayne yet, either. Could she be jealous of Wayne’s old girlfriend? Or could Loraine’s coolness toward Fern have something to do with the fact that she’d be taking over Jolene’s teaching position?
“Are you warm enough?” Jake asked. “Because if you’re not, there’s a buggy robe under the seat.”
“It is a little chilly.” She reached under the seat but came up empty-handed. “There’s no buggy robe there, Jake.”
He scratched the side of his head. “Maybe my mamm washed it and forgot to put it back. She said something about washing all the buggy robes the other day.” He patted the empty space beside him. “You could move closer to me if you’re cold. There’s nothing like a little body warmth to chase away the chill.”
Loraine didn’t make a move at first, but then to Jake’s surprise, she scooted a little closer. So close, in fact, that their shoulders touched.
Jake smiled. The warmth of her arm against his brought back memories of their courting days. They’d been so happy and carefree. It felt good to be out with her again—almost like old times. He wished the evening never had to end. He wished they could get back to where they’d once been. Well, given some time, maybe they could.
“Look at that starry sky.” Loraine pointed out the front window. “It almost seems as if the stars are hung on invisible threads.”
Jake nudged her arm gently. “Listen to you now. All those flowery words make you sound like a poet.”
She nudged him back. “For your information, I have written a few poems.”
“Oh, really? Why don’t you let me hear one of them?”
“Are you sure? I mean, some people aren’t interested in poetry.”
“Well, I’m not some people. I’m interested in any poem that was written by you.” Throwing caution to the wind, Jake reached for her hand and was pleased when she didn’t pull it away.
“All right then...” Loraine cleared her throat. “My poem goes like this:
“I looked up at the sky one night;
across the horizon, clouds were bright
with streaks of red and pink hues,
and the sky was a brilliant blue.
I gazed upon this glorious sight,
and knew the Artist had done it all right.
God had painted the sky for everyone to behold,
so that His glory could always be told!”
Jake gently squeezed Loraine’s fingers. “That was really good. I think you have a talent for making up poems.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “Maybe you ought to quit your job at the hardware store and become a poet.”
She snickered. “Jah, right.”
“No, I mean it, Loraine. You ought to at least try to get some of your poems published.”
She shook her head. “I’m not interested in that. I only write poems when the mood hits, and I doubt that anything I’ve written would be considered good enough to publish.”
“You’ll never know unless you try. Want me to check at the library and see if there’s any information available about where you could send your poems?”
She shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I think not.”
He shrugged. “If you change your mind let me know.”
They rode in silence the rest of the way home, but Jake found that words weren’t needed when he was with Loraine. It felt so natural and pleasant, sitting here beside her like they were meant to be together.
“I wish I’d thought to bring my harmonica along,” he said, breaking the silence. “It would have been fun to play it on the drive home.”
“You’ll have to bring it next time,” she said.
He nodded. Next time. Why did that sound so good?
“I had a nice time tonight. Danki for inviting me to have supper with you, Jake.” Tenderness laced Loraine’s words like a soft blanket against rough, calloused skin.
“You’re welcome; I had a good time, too.”
Jake smiled to himself. If Loraine’s response on this drive home was any indication of how she felt toward him, then he was confident that they were making some headway toward getting back together. The expression he’d seen on her face during supper and the way she’d listened so intently to his description of Montana and life on the horse ranch had made him think she still cared for him, too. She’d seemed happy and relaxed while they were eating—at least until they’d talked to Fern and her brother.
Jake guided his horse and buggy up the driveway leading to her place and stopped it on the side of the barn, facing the pasture, where he knew they couldn’t be seen from the house.
His stomach lurched with nervous anticipation as he slid his hand under Loraine’s chin. Should he tell her about Roxanne, and how they’d almost become engaged? Was there any reason she needed to know? Pushing the thought aside, he slowly lowered his head and captured Loraine’s lips with a kiss that stole his breath away.
She leaned closer and placed both hands around his neck.
Caught up in the moment, he moaned and deepened the kiss.
With a sudden gasp, she pulled away, trembling like a blade of grass shaken by the wind. “I’d better go.” Without waiting for Jake’s reply, she hopped out of the buggy and made a beeline for the house.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have done it,” Jake mumbled. “I hope that kiss won’t keep Loraine from going out with me again.”
CHAPTER 34
Loraine’s legs shook like a newborn colt as she stumbled into the house. She could hardly believe Jake had kissed her. She could hardly believe she’d let him.
She leaned against the door, her heart racing so hard she feared she might pass out. Gulping in several deep breaths, she tried to calm herself.
Should I have agreed to go out with Jake tonight? Am I falling for him again? Oh Lord, how could I have let this happen? If I allow myself to fall in love with Jake, how can I ever face Wayne?
Loraine remained slumped against the door, breathing deeply and replaying Jake’s kiss in her mind. At first it had taken her by surprise, but then she’d begun to relax, and had found the kiss to be comforting and kind of nice. Then, when he’d deepened the kiss, it had taken her breath away. That frightened her a lot!
She stayed at the door for several more minutes. Once she’d calmed down enough to walk without shaking, she tiptoed up the stairs and into her room. Thankfully, Mom and Dad’s bedroom door was shut, so she assumed they were asleep. Good. She didn’t feel up to engaging in any small talk or answering anyone’s questions about her date with Jake. She needed to be alone to think, pray, and read her Bible.
Loraine found the Bible lying in the drawer of her nightstand. She’d been negligent in reading it regularly, using the excuse that she was too tired by the time she went to bed each night. Tonight, however, she needed some answers and knew they’d best come by filling her mind with God’s Word.
She took a seat on the bed, opened the Bible, and turned to Psalms, one of her favorite books. She thumbed through a few pages, until her gaze came to rest on verse 4 of chapter 37. It was the same verse that had been attached to a loaf of friendship bread she’d gotten from Ella several weeks ago. “Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
I don’t know what my desire is, Lord, Loraine silently prayed. I used to think I wanted to be married to Jake, but after he left, I fell in love with Wayne. Now Jake’s back, and I’m having some feelings for him again. Yet whenever I see Wayne, I long to be with him. Is what I’m feel
ing for Jake really love? Or am I merely attracted to Jake because Wayne’s pushed me away? If I continue to see Jake, will he think we’re back together? Do I want us to be? Wayne says he doesn’t love me anymore, but I can’t seem to let go of what we once had. Oh Lord, what do I want? What should I do?
No answers came; just the steady tick-tock of the clock by her bed.
She stood and moved over to the window. The bright, full moon she’d seen earlier was now hidden behind the cloudy night sky. As she stared into the yard, she saw nothing but darkness. Even the stars she’d made comment about on the drive home had disappeared.
She pulled the window open, and a chilly breeze blew in, causing her to shiver. She didn’t care. The cold air might help clear her head. Leaning against the windowsill, she drew in several deep, even breaths.
Still, no clear direction as to what she should do.
With a sigh of resignation, she closed the window and returned to her bed.
Flopping against the pillows, Loraine closed her eyes. Almost immediately, an image of Jake popped into her head—playful, teasing, full of laughter and life. Then she saw Wayne in her mind’s eye—not the way he used to be, but the way he was now: somber, pessimistic, full of self-doubt.
What happened to you, Wayne? Loraine’s soul cried out. Why’d you have to stop loving me? Have you given up on life? What happened to our plans to live together as husband and wife for the rest of our lives?
Tears coursed down her cheeks, and she sniffed and swiped them away with the back of her hand. Maybe I should give Jake a chance. That’s what Wayne wants, after all. I may not love Jake in the same way I love Wayne, but I do enjoy being with him more than I care to admit. Maybe it’s okay to settle for second best.
***
Feeling a tug at his heart to spend some time in God’s Word, Wayne lifted his Bible off the nightstand and took a seat on his bed. He opened it to the book of Proverbs, and his gaze came to rest on chapter 3, verses 5 and 6: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
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