'It would mean a lot to me...'
Jeremy swept her words away and planted a brief kiss on her cheek. 'Now, you, young lady, ought to get some sleep, and I'm off home to do some reading. Did you know that in some cultures they actually eat the placenta afterwards? I think we'll skip that part and settle for a bottle of Moet.'
'Jeremy...'
He turned in the doorway.
'You'll make sure I stay presentable, won't you? I mean, I'm not into baring all in front of everyone.'
'I hadn't noticed,' he quipped, then, seeing her anxiety, he stopped the jokes.
'Leave it with me.'
As he left Alice couldn't wipe the smile from her face. He always did this to her, somehow managed to cheer her up, make her load seem a little lighter. And tomorrow he was going to be there with her every step of the way.
When the night nurse came in to check Alice's prescription chart and her IV site, half expecting to find her in floods of tears, she was pleasantly surprised to find Alice in the deepest of sleeps, her hair fluffed out over the pillow, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
'What a beautiful day to have a baby.' Bridgette, the midwife, flung back the curtains as Alice sat up slowly, blinking in surprise.
'Goodness, I did sleep well.'
'Now, I'm just going to do your obs and then you can have a shower. Do you want to wear your own nightdress or one of our gowns?'
Alice took the white hospital gown Bridgette was offering.
'Good choice. Right, I'll be back in fifteen minutes or so,' she said, after checking Alice's temperature and blood pressure and listening to the foetal heart on the small Doppler machine. 'Do you want to ring your mum again?' she asked gesturing to the phone.
Alice shook her head. 'She wasn't particularly inspiring when I called her last night. I think I'll wait till it's over.'
'Second good choice of the morning,' Bridgette said enthusiastically. 'Surround yourself with positive vibes.'
'Are you going to be with me this morning?' Alice asked, trying not to sound anxious.
Bridgette came back from the door and enveloped Alice in the biggest of hugs. 'I wouldn't miss it for the world. Now, do you have any favourite oils you'd like me to burn?'
Alice shook her head dumbly.
'Good. That means I can choose. You enjoy your shower.'
Alice smiled as Bridgette left. Normally the most un-tactile person, Alice was surprisingly comforted by this slightly eccentric woman. Many nights she had sat on the edge of Alice's bed and told her how she'd 'surfed the menopausal internet' and had discovered massage and aromatherapy, convinced it had calmed her raging hot flushes and palpitations. As a doctor Alice was somewhat sceptical, but Bridgette was so utterly convinced and delightfully wacky, yet still completely assured and professional, that Alice felt soothed immeasurably that it was Bridgette who would be with her during this most special of times.
After she'd showered, Bridgette took her down to the delivery suite and showed her around.
'In the first stages you can wander around. Here's the television room, but don't have anything to eat or drink. Some mums have a bath but as Brett will probably rupture your membranes we'd rather you didn't have one; you can always have another shower.'
Alice took it all in, eyeing everything nervously. Her medical training seemed to have flown out of the window and she felt a complete novice.
'We'll monitor you and the baby regularly throughout, but try and be as mobile as possible in the early stages— it helps speed things along. Here's Brett now.'
Brett was as kind and efficient as ever. 'OK, then, Alice, we're going to start you on a small dose of Syntocinon. We can always increase it if needed, but we don't want to start the contractions off too violently, especially with the baby being a bit on the small side.'
Alice watched as he checked the dosage with Bridgette and the IV infusion was connected to the bung in her arm. 'Now I'm going to rupture your membranes. It won't hurt, just be a bit uncomfortable.'
As Alice lay back through the procedure she did her best to relax and try not to feel too embarrassed. Brett would have done this a thousand times before but, still, it was most undignified. Through it all Bridgette held her hand reassuringly.
'There, now, we'll just attach you to the CTG monitor for a short while to check how the baby's doing, and then you can get up and have a wander. I'll be in to check on you a bit later.'
Bridgette stayed after he had left. 'Baby's looking fine. I'm just popping out for five—here's the call bell if you need anything.'
She returned a moment later. 'Here's Jeremy.'
'Are you decent?' His haughty tones filled the room as he breezed in, carrying a bundle of newspapers.
'For now.' Alice answered. 'You seem set for a relaxing morning,' she said, eyeing the newspapers.
'I hope so. It's not every Tuesday I get the day off.'
Alice pursed her lips and tried not to show her disappointment.
Ruffling her hair, he started to laugh. 'I thought you might like to keep them for the baby as a momento.'
'Oh,' Alice gasped. 'How nice of you. Thank you,' she managed, instantly mollified.
She had read the same books as Jeremy and both, despite their medical training, were somewhat deflated to find that Alice wasn't suddenly thrown violently into overwhelming contractions. Her confidence ebbing as the minutes ticked by, she agreed to Bridgette's suggestion that they go for a wander. Ever the gentleman, Jeremy guided her IV pole, making sure it didn't overbalance with the weight of the IVAC pump that carefully regulated the medication Alice was receiving. Alice waddled alongside him, her slippered feet not making a sound on the highly polished floor. They didn't wander far as there really weren't a lot of options. Alice peered through the theatre doors, watching as the midwives—identified by their floral paper caps—bustled along.
'Don't even look—that's one corridor you're definitely not going down today.'
'I hope not,' Alice replied nervously.
They settled in the TV room. Jeremy refused a drink at first, but when Alice assured him that she didn't feel like one anyway he eventually succumbed and made himself a coffee as Alice pretended to watch Good Morning, Australia.
Watching Jeremy, long-limbed in designer blue jeans and a casual polo shirt, she felt she had to pinch herself. She still found it hard to believe that he was really here with her. A small sigh escaped her lips and Jeremy was instantly by her side, the coffee forgotten.
'Anything?' he asked anxiously.
'I'm not sure,' she lied. She was saved from further explanation by Bridgette breezing in.
'Only me.' After checking Alice's blood pressure, Bridgette gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 'If only your blood pressure had behaved as well as it's doing today, huh?' Discreetly moving the gown, she squirted some jelly on Alice's abdomen and listened for the heartbeat with the Doppler. 'Everything's fine.'
Alice caught her breath. A tightening in her stomach seemed to be intensifying. Bridgette didn't say anything but calmly held her hand on Alice's bulge until the tightening eased off.
'Things are starting to happen,' she said brightly. 'I'll leave you two to it.'
Trying to concentrate on the cookery demonstration taking place on the screen, Alice found she was rocking in the chair as the tightening intensified, and Alice found herself suddenly irritated by the noise of the television. Jeremy, seemingly relaxed, laughed as the TV host made one of his usual jokes.
'Turn it off, would you?' she barked uncharacteristically.
Jeremy knew better than to argue and immediately flicked off the screen. 'If I'm taking up too much of your time?' Alice snapped.
Suddenly it wasn't tightenings that she was having, it was definitely pain. Alice started to rock harder in the chair.
'Can I do anything?' Jeremy asked. 'Should I get someone?'
'Just talk to me, instead of watching the damn television,' she demanded.
'I think we ought to head back to
the room, Alice,' Jeremy suggested, and something in his voice told her he wasn't to be argued with.
Surprisingly obedient, she allowed him to help her stand, unaware that he had pushed the call bell.
'Everything all right?' Bridgette appeared in the doorway.
'It would seem the TV's not the thing Alice wants to see right now!' Jeremy said sweetly, but Alice was sure he was raising his eyebrows at Bridgette.
'Oh, can you all just shut up?'
Without a word Bridgette led her back to the delivery suite and helped her onto the bed. 'Now, young lady, how about I do a quick internal...'
Bridgette was still smiling hours later as she came to the head of the bed and Jeremy swiftly arranged the sheet after another internal. 'What a clever girl. You're seven centimetres dilated.'
'Can I have some drugs now?' Alice gasped as another contraction gripped her. Jeremy held her against him and, guided by Bridgette, placed the ball of his fist into the bottom of Alice's back, applying firm pressure. As the pain abated Alice listened in horror as Bridgette gently explained she was too far gone for pethidine.
'By the time the drug took effect it would be useless anyway. Keep going with the gas—it won't be too long now.'
The expletive that escaped from Alice's lips didn't seem to remotely bother Bridgette but Jeremy looked at Alice, stunned. 'She doesn't mean it,' he gasped. 'She's the most gentle, dignified—'
Bridgette cut off his excuses with a friendly wink. 'They're always the worst.'
From there on it was sheer and utter hard work. Alice sucked furiously on the gas, at times throwing it across the room in frustration, only to beg to have it back. Through it all Jeremy was beside her, slightly bemused but with an endless line of chatter that served to placate and irritate with alarming irregularity. He gave up trying to replace the sheet for the hundredth time when Alice stripped off her gown and demanded to stand. And suddenly he was behind her, taking her weight as he held her arms and she leant against him in a semi-squat. The urge to push was a wonderful relief, an almost primal instinct. No longer was the pain overwhelming her with nowhere to go. Suddenly there was something she could do. Bearing down, she grunted and gasped, pushing harder and longer as Jeremy and Bridgette urged and cheered her on. The sight of Brett tying an apron was the most welcome sight she could imagine.
'How much longer?' she gasped.
Brett gave her a steadying smile. 'That's up to you, Alice. The harder you push the sooner your baby will be here.'
It was all the incentive she needed. Suddenly an end was in sight, and with Jeremy murmuring words of encouragement, a life jacket in the stormy ocean, Alice could see land.
'Come on, Alice, one big push now—come on, Alice.' She could hear Brett's voice urging her on.
'Come on, sweetheart, I'm so proud of you. Push, Alice, one more, come on,' Jeremy urged.
And when she could push no more, when it all seemed utterly too much hard work, suddenly Bridgette exclaimed, 'Your baby's got black hair—feel it.'
Feeling the silken hair, knowing her baby was nearly out, was all the incentive Alice needed. Purple in the face, Alice took a deep breath, pushing harder and longer than seemed humanly possible. Suddenly, and far more quickly than she had imagined, a slippery bundle was being thrust into her arms, and Jeremy was gently lowering them onto the huge beanbag behind her.
Stunned, rapt, utterly shell-shocked, she gazed in wonder at the tiny angry bundle in her arms, watching as the denim blue colour of her baby almost instantaneously changed to a healthy pink, like litmus paper dipped in acid, and furious squeals of indignation poured from its wide open mouth.
'As he was so wonderful, shall we let Jeremy do the honours?'
Bridgette held up the scissors and Alice nodded, watching as Jeremy's normally steady surgeon's hand trembled with the sheer emotion of the moment when he severed the umbilical cord, tears streaming down his face.
'She's so beautiful,' he murmured.
'A girl?' Alice gasped. 'I've got a daughter? Hello, darling, hello, beautiful girl,' she crooned she held the slippery pink body to her naked breasts. 'Welcome to the world, little lady.'
Once the final stage of labour was over, and the placenta safely delivered, they had some time alone, the three of them, exploring the ten tiny fingers and toes, the sweet rosebud mouth, and the dark locks plastered to the baby's head, with the creamy vernix that had protected her inside her mother. And all the time Jeremy whispered words of endearment, telling her over and over how wonderful she had been, how proud he was to have witnessed this miracle. Bridgette joined them again, her eyes welling with tears. The wonder of birth never failed to touch her, no matter how many times she was privileged to share it.
'How about we give her a bath now?'
Normally it could have waited until Alice was more ready, but the babe was rather small and needed some warm clothes and rest, so the first bath was left to Bridgette as Alice sat shakily on a chair beside the sink, with Jeremy crooning beside her. The tiny nightie Alice, had brought seemed to swamp the infant, and when Bridgette produced a lemon woolly beanie and popped it on the baby's head Alice realised for the first time just how small her baby was.
A Perspex crib was wheeled beside Alice's bed and they watched as Bridgette deftly tucked her in then placed an overhead heater above the crib. 'Just to help with her temperature, but the paediatrician's very happy with her and said she can stay beside you for now—though we'll bring her into the nursery tonight to let you rest and to keep an eye on her.'
Alice couldn't take her eyes off her. 'Can I get her out a bit later?'
Bridgette nodded reassuringly. 'Of course you can. We'll let her rest for now, though. You, too, Alice—you're probably exhausted. Have you thought of a name?'
'Maisy,' Alice murmured, looking over at her sleeping baby. 'Maisy,' she repeated, her eyes darting to Jeremy. 'Do you like it?'
She watched a smile steal across his face as he gently repeated the name. 'I think it's beautiful.' Walking over to the crib, he gently stroked the tiny soft cheek. 'Hello, little Maisy,' he whispered, and Alice thought her heart would burst.
* * *
After what felt like the longest, most important day of her life, Alice awoke from a deep sleep. Her eyes instantly focussed on the crib beside her and her heart beat faster as she realised it was empty. Turning slightly, she saw Jeremy silhouetted at the window, a swag of blankets in his arms, whispering baby talk to her precious daughter.
'Is she awake?'
'Wide awake,' he said softly, and, making his way over, he gently placed Maisy into her mother's arms. 'She smiled, Alice, I swear. I was showing her the moon and the stars and she smiled.'
Alice gave an indulgent smile as she held her newborn close. 'I don't think they smile ;this early, Jeremy, it was probably just wind.'
She looked up, holding his gaze as he moved closer on the bed, his strong hands gently reaching out for both of them. 'Thank you Jeremy, for being there today.' Her voice was shaking with emotion and the words seemed a paltry offering for the gratitude she felt, but Jeremy swept her words away.
'It's me that should be thanking you, Alice, for letting me be there.' He glanced down at the tiny babe. 'I wouldn't have missed this for the world.'
CHAPTER SEVEN
Physician, heal thyself. Alice had heard the old saying a hundred times but, just as most doctors did, she ignored her increasingly obvious symptoms as she struggled on in those hormonal, exhausting postnatal days. As Josh had before her, she ignored signs most doctors would have seen at a glance if only they hadn't applied to them. A difficult pregnancy, lack of support, financial problems, custody issues, a difficult baby all pointed to an increased susceptibility to postnatal depression.
It was probably unfair to call Maisy a difficult baby, when really she was the most sweet-natured little thing. But the lack of those precious last weeks in utero meant that for now she needed strict two-hourly feeds, and the sight of her tiny body with a litt
le woollen beanie tore at Alice's heart. The doubts and angsts that had plagued Alice before Maisy's birth seemed to have resurfaced and multiplied at an alarming rate, and the fact she was having great trouble with her milk didn't help matters. She felt that she had failed Maisy more than once and that breastfeeding was her chance to rectify this, but it wasn't to be.
'How are my two beautiful, girls?' Jeremy breezed in, immaculate as usual, and Alice lay there defeated after yet another unsuccessful attempt at feeding Maisy, all too aware of her unwashed hair and shiny puffy face. 'I stopped by your flat and picked up your post as you asked. Here.' He placed a pile of letters on her bed. 'And I even cleaned out the fridge. Just as well I carry some latex gloves in the car—there were a few science experiments going on.'
'You didn't have to do that.' Alice gritted her teeth. 'I'll be home tomorrow. I could have sorted it out then.'
'It was no trouble,' Jeremy said airily, deliberately ignoring the tense note in her voice. 'Have you had any visitors?'
Alice shrugged as she flicked through her post then wearily placed it in her locker. She didn't have to open them to know they were all bills. 'Josh dropped by, and Fi, and a couple of other colleagues.'
'Your mum didn't come, then?' he asked gently.
'Well, it's hardly a five-minute car journey; it's over an hour's flight from Adelaide,' she said defensively. 'And it's not as if the flat's the most luxurious of accommodation. She'll probably come over once I'm home.'
'Of course she will,' Jeremy said, trying to sound more positive than he felt. Mrs Masters had barely shown any interest even when the pregnancy had gone so horribly wrong. She had also made it perfectly clear she didn't want to know until Alice had her life sorted. Privately Jeremy would have liked to have indulged in a few choice words with her but he knew it wasn't his place—yet. He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to tell Alice while she was in this mood that he really could only stay for five minutes. 'Alice, I have to get back to work, I'm on call tonight and there's an urgent lap choly scheduled this evening...'
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