'You still have to get taxis. You can use it with car seat belts—it doesn't need the bolt.' And then Jeremy fired the parting shot. 'Anyway, what would I need it for, Alice? Now that I don't have you.'
CHAPTER EIGHT
Somehow Alice stumbled through the next few weeks. Her tiny flat only seemed to get smaller as Maisy's ever-increasing accoutrements took over. The sink seemed to be forever flowing with mountains of used bottles waiting to be sterilised. Her laundry basket was growing like a weed in compost and was threatening to invade the couch. The already cramped bathroom was now filled with baby baths and endless creams and ointments, all proclaiming to be the one that would get rid of Maisy's infantile eczema. No matter how many times she tidied and vacuumed and ironed it was time to start again. Even a hasty morning shower and a quick drag of the comb seemed decadent when Maisy was wailing to be fed. It seemed like light years since she had last plucked her eyebrows—not that Maisy cared, Alice consoled herself.
Despite the dark gloom that seemed to have descended indelibly on her life, her one shining light through it all was Maisy, and every day Alice marvelled at the miracle she had been blessed with.
Wearily climbing the stairs to the flat one day, weighed down with Maisy and a pile of freshly laundered Babygros, her mood lifted somewhat at the sight of Josh, standing grinning at her door.
'Dianne's holding a coffee morning for her fellow postnatal depressees. Not wanting to be left out, I swiped a coffee cake and thought I'd hold my own.'
'You're not wrong there.' Josh had been marvellous since she'd come home, popping in and out, not remotely fazed by Alice's tears and self-doubt.
'You'd be banned in a moment if you tried to get in,' he joked as he followed her in. 'They're all insisting on the merits of breastfeeding to get one's pre-pregnancy figure back, and here's you not a gram over fifty kilos with little Maisy happily on the bottle.'
'Don't go there, Josh,' she warned with a half-smile; her abandoned breastfeeding still irking.
'So, how are things?' he asked after making the coffee and dishing up two huge slices of cake.
Alice shrugged. 'Not the best. I've just spent the most humiliating morning of my life trying to explain to a clerk at the unemployment centre how a doctor can only work as a doctor once she's completed her internship. And how, just because the baby's father is a fully qualified dentist, that doesn't stop him being the biggest—'
'Alice,' Josh chided, 'that's not the sweet, smiling girl I used to know.'
'I'm sorry.' Alice blushed. 'I'm sure you don't need to hear my tales of woe. How are things with you?'
Josh fiddled with the fork, pushing his cake around the plate. 'Like a minefield,' he admitted. 'We spend most of the time trying to reassure each other that Eamon is every bit as bright as Declan, and then Declan goes and coos and gurgles or tries to roll over while poor little Eamon lies there, staring at the ceiling, and either Dianne or I crack.'
Alice put her plate down and moved along the sofa, reaching out for her friend. 'It's early days yet, Josh. He's been through so much, it's just too soon to try and compare.'
'I know, I know, but sometimes I get so scared for him.'
Glancing over at Maisy, lying on a rug, her little legs almost chunky now cycling the air in jerky movements, Alice knew then that she was the lucky one. For all the complications, for all the risks, she had a healthy baby. It made her hellish morning at the unemployment centre look like a trip to the circus.
'I'm sorry, Josh. Here's me banging on about my problems when you've got more than enough of your own.'
Josh managed an engaging grin. 'But yours are so much more refreshing. While I've got you on a guilt trip, tell me, Dr Masters, exactly what did happen between you and the dashing Mr Foster?'
Mumbling, Alice retrieved her plate and took a hefty bite of her coffee cake. 'I guess my bump didn't quite act as the crucifix you so eloquently predicted.'
'So what went wrong?' Josh probed.
Alice stared at the cake for an age, then her eyes looked over to where Maisy lay. 'I grew up.' Her voice was almost a whisper and Josh had to strain to catch what she was saying. 'Maisy needs security, and asking for that from Jeremy would be like asking for the moon.'
But Josh wasn't convinced. 'I like Jeremy, I always have. OK, I admit he's got the worst reputation imaginable, and that this time last year I'd have cracked up laughing at the thought of him changing nappies and burping a baby, but, Alice, Jeremy has changed.'
'So he tried to tell me.'
'Then why can't you believe him?'
She couldn't answer. In truth she didn't know herself where the rot had set in, where the doubts had started. But now as she sat there, scared, terrified of the future and as lonely as hell, it was an impossible dream to imagine Jeremy Foster could ever love her again.
'Alice, what went wrong?'
The cake seemed to have turned to sand. Swallowing hard, she turned her reddened eyes to Josh and for the first time that day looked at him. 'I really don't want to talk about it.'
'Fair enough,' Josh said wisely. 'But maybe you'll want to talk about this. You know Mai Wing filled your position practically immediately?'
Alice nodded, trying and failing to appear interested as she started to fold her washing.
'Well, as usual Linda was bitching, and for once it actually made sense. Mai Wing started her internship three weeks early, which means she's going to finish three weeks early...'
Alice clutched the tiny Babygro to her chest. 'So the team will be short.'
'Got it in one. Now, in a month's time little Maisy will have had her jabs and be able to go to the creche, which means that you, Dr Masters, will be more than able to step in and finish your internship.
'But what about the on calls?' Alice ventured, unable to believe it could really be that that simple.
'There wouldn't be that many, and if push came to shove I'm sure Dianne could manage one more.'
'Don't be ridiculous,' Alice retorted. 'She's got enough to deal with.'
'Well, I could chuck a couple of sickies and stay home to help. It would make your night a lot longer but, hell, Alice, it's only three weeks. Surely between us we can work it out.'
Suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It could work, it really could! She could complete her internship, start her GP rotation, get put of the bedsit and give Maisy the security she deserved. The only obstacle was Jeremy. Would he agree? And, more to the point, even if he did there was the fact that she would have to see him again, to work alongside him. Looking at Maisy mindlessly pedalling the air, the figures on her mobile making her go cross-eyed as she attempted to focus, Alice felt her heart-rate quicken. For that little girl she could get through anything.
'So do you want me to talk to Jeremy?'
Her eyes sparkling, her cheeks flushed, Alice threw down the laundry and made her way over to Josh. 'Yes.' She nodded breathlessly, 'Yes, please.'
The hows and whys, the practicalities of going back to work so soon, were only starting to surface when her doorbell rang later. Checking that the noise hadn't disturbed Maisy, Alice pulled open the door, her smile rapidly disappearing as she saw Jeremy standing there.
'J-Jeremy,' she stammered.
He didn't answer for a moment, his eyes, like the first time they had met, flicking over her body, taking in the huge changes. It was then she realised it was the first time he had seen her slim. But even that did nothing to bolster her confidence as she was achingly aware she must look a fright. She had wanted to look so cool and sophisticated the next time they met.
'I have a proposition for you.' His voice was stilted, wooden even, but what did she expect? Pulling the door fully open, she gestured for him to come through. Josh must have spoken to him straight away. Safe in the knowledge that she knew what he was about to say, Alice gestured to the sofa, hesitantly sitting down herself, desperate yet totally unable to meet his eyes.
'As you know, we found a replacement for you
straight away when you were taken ill.' His sharp tones ruled out the need for small talk as he headed straight to business. 'Well, the upshot is it would have left us short for three weeks at the end of the rotation.'
Alice didn't answer, not wanting to appear too keen. But her solemn face slipped into one of despair as Jeremy continued.
'Mai Wing—your replacement—has just had some bad news from overseas. Obviously she has no choice but to fly home. Now, I had initially been intending to offer you the position at the end of Mai Wing's rotation, but now that isn't an option.'
Alice felt the slimy walls of panic closing in again. Just when there had seemed some hope, a way out of the mess she was in, it had been snatched back. She hardly listened as Jeremy went on. 'However, I've told Mai Wing to take a full three weeks—that will bring us into line with the rest of the rotations when she's finished. Which leaves us short for now. I've spoken with Mr Felix and, given the circumstances and our heavy workload, he's agreed that we can offer you the chance to complete your internship. You can start on Monday—three weeks from now you could be fully qualified and off to the country. How about it?'
'Monday?' she gasped. 'I can't. I'm not making excuses, Jeremy, it just isn't possible. Maisy hasn't had her inoculations yet so no crèche will take her.' She thought of Josh's kind offer but knew she couldn't land this on him and Dianne—they had more than enough troubles of her own. Her mind flashed to her mother. 'I could try Mum...' she said doubtfully, knowing deep down it would be useless.
'There's no need to do that,' Jeremy said crisply. 'I knew before I offered you the position the obstacles you'd be up against, and I've got something to run by you. You may or may not recall I told you my mother first came to us as a nanny. Well, she's a fully qualified mothercraft nurse. She's kept her registration up and still does casual shifts at the local creche now and then. She's always eager for any excuse to come down and stay with me and fuss. I've spoken to her and she's more than happy to look after Maisy.'
'I could never afford—'
'For God's sake, Alice, not everything comes down to money,' he snapped.
'It does when you're broke,' she retorted, flushing at revealing her plight.
'As if I'd offer if we were going to charge you. The only down side is that there's no way my mother would stay here.' He seemed almost to sneer as he looked around her flat. 'Which would mean you'd have to move into my place for the duration.'
'So my flat's not good enough?' Why she was being argumentative she didn't know, but Alice couldn't stop herself.
'Frankly, no.' Hell, he could be such a snob sometimes, and yet seeing his hostile face, knowing the pain she had caused and, more importantly, all they had been through together, she understood his contempt. Coming here today would have been hard.
'Why are you doing this for me?' she asked, genuinely bewildered that he would go to all this effort for her, but Jeremy wasted no time in shattering any illusions she might have had.
'Let's get one thing straight.' His eyes bored into her, cold and distant. She could almost taste the bitterness in his words as he spat out his speech. 'I'm not doing any of this for you. I'm doing it for Maisy. You may have chosen to disregard what I said about turning over a new leaf, but let me tell you this. I made a promise to Maisy and I fully intend to keep it. She deserves better than this.' He gestured to the untidy room, the overflowing ironing basket, the small electric fan battling fruitlessly against the oppressive afternoon heat.
'And you've got a chance now to give it to her. I don't expect you to make up your mind straight away, but I shall need to know by tomorrow morning. Personnel will need to be informed and obviously my mother will need to make some arrangements.' He put down a manila envelope on the coffee-table beside the remains of the coffee cake.
'These are my mother's certificates of registration. I know you won't want to take my word.' Picking up his car keys, he seemed to freeze on the spot as Maisy let out an indignant wail.
Alice walked over to the crib. Picking up her baby, she rocked her quietly against her, smelling the fragrance of baby powder and milk.
'She's grown,' Jeremy said softly. Looking up, Alice saw all the contempt had gone from his eyes, his features mellowing as he gazed on her daughter.
Alice took a deep breath. Jeremy was right, Maisy did deserve more. 'I don't need time to think about it. I'd like to start work on Monday.' She picked up the envelope and handed it to Jeremy. 'And of course I don't need to check the details; it's a very kind offer. Thank you.'
'Fine. I'll pick you up on Saturday morning. Can you be ready by ten?'
'Saturday? But...'
His face hardened again as his eyes flicked back from Maisy to Alice. 'As my mother is going to be looking after Maisy from seven-thirty on Monday morning it might be prudent for them to have some time together. Don't make the mistake of thinking you're going to be in for an easy ride over the next three weeks, Alice. You're not pregnant now.'
That was unfair. She had never asked for favours because of her condition, but, achingly aware of the pain she had caused him, she let it go. For a moment she'd thought Jeremy was softening.
'It will do you good to get back to work,' he said more kindly as he opened the door, but her illusion was soon shattered. 'Who knows? It might even give you a reason to wash your hair.'
* * *
She felt like a refugee as Jeremy loaded her bags and cases into his boot.
'That the lot?'
'I think so. I can always come back for anything I've forgotten.'
Checking for the third time that Maisy was correctly secured, she finally made her way around to the front seat and clipped on her belt. Aware of Jeremy's eyes on her, she felt a blush starting to creep over her face. 'What?' she asked rudely.
'Nothing. I was just thinking your hair looked nice.'
Alice shrugged dismissively. 'I just had a trim.' Which was a downright lie if ever she'd, told one. Jeremy's comment had hit home and she had finally thrown caution to the wind and taken her credit card up to its limit, having a few low-lights and a deep conditioning treatment, as well as her legs waxed and her eyebrows plucked. Feeling somewhat more secure of her ability to provide now her work problem was sorted, she was more than aware she had let herself go somewhat. Alice wanted to look smart for her colleagues and patients—and Jeremy, she thought reluctantly before pushing the thought firmly away. That door was most definitely closed. She had made her choice and now she had to stick with it.
Any concerns she had about leaving Maisy with a stranger were laid to rest almost as soon the door to Jeremy's apartment flew open and Mavis Foster engulfed Alice and Maisy in a huge scented hug.
'You're here at last. Welcome, welcome. Don't just stand there. Come on through.'
'I'm sure Alice would if you gave her a chance,' Jeremy said dryly, but his eyes were smiling as he spoke to his mother.
'You poor thing. You must be terrified about going back to work, but you mustn't fret. Work will be a breeze after the last few weeks.'
'Nice to hear you take my career so seriously,' Jeremy commented as he staggered in with the baby bath filled with bags. 'That's the last of it. I'll load up my stuff and be off, then. I'll see you at work on Monday, Alice.'
'Monday? But where are you going?'
'Off to Sorrento for the weekend. I thought you might find it easier to settle in without me interfering.'
Jeremy smiled as he spoke but his eyes were cold. He was obviously making an effort to appear friendly in front of his mother. Although he was probably right, and she should have felt relief at the reprieve, Alice could only feel disappointment.
'Right, Mum, I'll see you Monday night.' Alice was touched at the way he hugged and kissed Mavis goodbye.
'Right you are, darling. I'll have your favourite dinner waiting—steak and chips, just as you like them.'
Jeremy rolled his eyes and turned to Alice. 'My mother hasn't yet heard of oven chips, she still fries them in lard, and she
won't believe me when I tell her that eggs and bacon no longer qualify as a healthy start to the day.'
'Rubbish,' Mavis retorted. 'A man needs a good breakfast.' She gave him a final kiss and insisted on standing at the door, waving, till the lift door closed. 'Right, Alice, before this baby of yours wakes up, how about we have a nice cup of tea and some cake and you can tell me all about her little ways?'
That night, groaning as she climbed into bed, Alice found she was actually smiling into the darkness. Full, fit to burst from a huge roast dinner and the stodgiest treacle pudding imaginable, she'd had to plead for mercy when Mavis had appeared at ten p.m. with a tray of toasted cheese for 'supper'. Who would have thought, Alice mused, that Jeremy, the coolest of cool men, would have a mother literally dripping with maternal instinct. You could just imagine her whipping out a handkerchief to wipe away a smudge from his cheeks at his graduation ceremony. More importantly, Mavis had been an absolute marvel with Maisy. Not interfering or superior, she had listened carefully as Alice had taken her through her baby's routine— not that she really had one; it was more hit and miss at the moment.
Over the weekend Alice felt her confidence grow, not only with leaving Maisy but more amazingly her own ability as a mother. Mavis seemed to instil in her a quiet confidence that as Maisy's mother she really did know best. If only her mother could have shown half as much interest, life could have been so much easier.
In fact, by Monday, as she stepped off the tram and headed into the hospital, Alice's only concerns were for the day ahead. She knew beyond doubt that Maisy was in the best possible hands.
'Welcome back, stranger.' Josh let out a low whistle. 'My goodness, you do look the part. What happened to the girl I left on Thursday?'
'Two hours in the hairdresser's and a ton of foundation. I'm so nervous, Josh. I feel as if I've forgotten everything.'
Josh gave her a friendly pat on the arm. 'Don't worry, one look at Linda and it will all come flooding back with painful familiarity. She's really in a strop this morning— her hormone tablets must have run out.'
The Pregnant Intern Page 13
