“Was I that bad of a mother?”
“No, you were the best Mom I could ever want. I know I haven’t done that, that is why I have written a bucket list.” Fuck, getting married had just gone on the fucking list. I would do it for her. If I could find a half sane woman insane enough to do it with me.
Dad handed me a scotch and sat down beside me. Shoulder to shoulder while Mom cried herself out. We sat like that for nearly an hour.
This was fucking awful.
“I never said thank you,” I said softly. “For everything.”
“You never had to,” Dad answered, taking another drink from the decanter.
Shorty
I’d been sitting watching Hannah for three days. I’d sat in Hannah’s apartment looking at screens of the cameras that had been placed around the building. I’d been set up in a small closet.
Hannah moved around like nothing was weird.
Billy was playing her boyfriend while he got her to and from her office. But didn’t stay. Nothing yet had happened during the night.
But three nights in a row? I needed a day off.
I’d been working flat out for months with very little down time. The kids were being very full on, no matter how cute they were or how much I loved them, they had three million questions. I was tired. I had Saturday off, so I was spending it with them. Exhausted or not. My children deserved all the time and all the love I could possibly give them.
We played with our menagerie of animals while we washed and cared for them. Ryan and Ella loved to be wet. They were loving the fact that they could wash the animals. The dogs especially since they loved the water as much as the kids.
The cats were…tolerant. I washed them, so I made it quick. They stood there giving me a filthy look while I did.
The kids told me a million little stories about what they watched, what they did with Nanny and the imaginary friends they had. Not forgetting, the funny farts the dogs did.
Tired or not, I loved every moment of it. I was blessed to be a mother. It hadn’t happened the way I’d planned but I had a part of Chris with me and that was all that mattered. They were my saving grace.
They’d saved me when I thought I would put a gun in my mouth to stop the pain of a broken heart and betrayal.
Ryan turned smiling at me. He was Chris through and through. His brown eyes, blonde hair. His smile. Even the way he moved and the way he laughed. Ella though, she looked like Chris but for the green eyes, a similar shade to mine. Which was weird because Venessa’s eyes had been brown like Chris’.
The animal care took a good four hours to complete. Food and water bowls were cleaned out, the cages, stalls cleaned. The kids were happy at the end of it when I told them it was time for lunch.
It was days like this that although there was a lot of work, this brought me back to center. Work would always be important, the work I did would always be important but this was my family. After quick showers and a healthy lunch, they sat down to veg out. We picked a movie to watch.
A daytime nap was a rarity but apparently, we were all tired. The dogs and cats lay around joining us.
When I woke a couple hours later, I didn’t even know what year it was. It took me a couple moments to work out what had woken me. I reached for my phone and groaned when Brian’s caller ID came up.
“You know I used to love it when you called. I got excited and couldn’t wait to chat,” I told him without saying hello. “I am not working. I’m napping with the kids. I’m tired. I haven’t had a fucking day off in four weeks. I’ve been working 16-hour days. I need a fucking break.”
“I was going to see if you wanted to go to Mum and Dads for a barbie?” he said sounding a little concerned. “Shorty, why are you working after hours? You work investigations.”
“I’m trying to get on top of my workload. And this thing with the Boss’ doctor, it’s pretty serious.”
“Then get someone else working it with you. Other than Billy.”
“I have told her I will need to but Hannah is a rape victim, her trust is fucked. Billy managed to talk her around but she only wants me there at night.”
Brian sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you just put it on my desk saying to sort it,” I grumbled, knowing I was in the wrong and should have told him.
“Yeah, well Emma or one of the other girls could keep watch at night,” he said gently.
I could still hear that he was annoyed with me. “Only Emma might have a hope in stopping him.” I sighed and looked at the sleeping kids and animals around me. “What time is the barbie?”
“Well, I’m going to cook at five. Do you want me to just to bring the party to you?”
I gazed around at the house. The dishes weren’t done, toys were everywhere, I hadn’t vacuumed in god knows how long. “Um… No. I’ve washed the animals. I haven’t even started on the house yet…” I sighed rubbing my eyes. “Smith, I will give it a miss. I’ll just hang with the kids and get the house cleaned up. I will call Billy, see how he is doing.”
“You’re just mumbling things you still have to do today. Shorty, don’t worry about work. Just go back to finishing your nap. I’ll bring you some tucker and save you cooking dinner. I will see you soon.” With that, he hung up.
I sighed, then teared up. I was tired. I hadn’t had a holiday since moving over here, three years before. I’d been having weekends off up until two months ago. I’d worked hard in the army but this had been so different.
I got up, loaded the dishwasher, finished wiping down the benches before Ryan lifted his head and grinned at me. I grinned back at him as he got up and came to me. I put the dishrag down and bent down to get my cuddle.
He wrapped his arms around my neck. “Mummy?”
I hugged his little body. “Yes, my boy?”
“When you go on holiday, can we stay at Nanny’s?”
I smiled and kissed his cheek. “Don’t you want to go on holiday with me?”
“No, you have fun in Vegas on holiday. You bring home a new Daddy.”
“I’m not going to Vegas.”
He looked confused. “How you get us a Daddy?”
I sighed and kissed him. “Your Daddy was the best.”
“I know that.” He grinned before kissing my cheek. “But a new Daddy will be cool. I gotta pee.” He wriggled and she put him down. He ran off to the bathroom.
When he came back, after one reminder to wash his hands, she asked him who told him he was getting a new Dad.
“Dad did in my dream,” he said and sighed then changed the subject by waking up Ella with a, “Ella! Come play!”
She grumbled, “Why you waked me up?” Ella got up. “What we play?”
They ran off to their room as I started picking up all the toys scattered on the floor. The kids caught on to what I was doing and helped for a little while. By the time I finished vacuuming and sitting down to color with the kids, Brian or Smith as I called him most of the time because he gave me such a hard time, had arrived.
Smith walked in, put food on the bench as the kids ran over to maul him with hugs and kisses. He returned all of it and showed them the food he brought before he sat down to color with them.
They decided that they wanted to go down to their rooms and destroy them more before dinner was served.
Ninja came and lay beside me putting her head on my lap. I loved this Doberman.
“Shorty?”
I looked up at Smith and waited. I must have fucked up something.
“You really need a holiday. I’m going to pull you off this case with Billy.”
“No, the client only wants me.”
“That’s all good if you can sort this in a week but this really should be handed over to the police—”
“I am working with the police. We’re keeping watch on her because they’re understaffed. I have a feeling this guy is going to try something again soon. I want to be there to stop him.”
He sighed and rubbed t
he bridge of his nose before looking at me. “You’re exhausted. I’m sending you on holidays. I’m just finalizing bookings. You will have two weeks.”
This should have had me cheering. Instead, I covered my face and started to cry. “Have I fucked up?”
“NO!” he exclaimed as his big arm went around my shoulders “Of course not. You haven’t had a holiday in years. You’re tired. You need some time off.” He stroked my hair. “Stop it. I hate it when you cry.”
“I’m sorry. I had a nap today and I didn’t even know what year it was when I woke up.”
He chuckled. “You used to do that when the twins were born.” He sighed. “One more shift, then I will get you out of here and send you on vacation. You just pack your bags to go away.”
“I don’t need to go away, I’m happy to just chill at home.”
Smith smiled at me. “I know but getting away and recharging might just be the ticket.”
Ian
We’d just had an awesome lunch with Mom and Dad. The kids had stayed with Rita, so it was nice just to have the adult family conversation.
Charlie was smiling and animated.
We all sat in the sitting room. We had drinks in our hands. I glanced at Mom and although, she’d been ok for most of the meal, she was now looking like she would be sick.
“Mom? Are you all right?” I asked and put an arm around her.
She looked at me with heart broken eyes and nodded.
I didn’t understand why she was heartbroken.
Charlie cleared his throat and said, “I have some news.” He sighed and looked us in the eyes, Tammy, then Richard, Susan, then me… “I have started working on my bucket list.”
“Why the fuck would you be working on a bucket list?” Richard voiced my thoughts.
“Because I have terminal cancer and I’m dying,” Charlie responded casually. “So I need help with my bucket list. I was thinking a week in Vegas with the boys then Tam and I will do a few things…” He waffled on about things he wanted to do.
Richard, Tammy and I looked at each other before back at Mom who covered her face and cried into her hands…
“What do you mean you’re dying?” Tammy asked softly, her voice ready to crack.
Charlie shrugged. “I had a melanoma. It spread right through my body. I’m going to die from it.”
Tammy looked Charlie in the eye and then took his face between her hands. “No. No you can’t die! This is a really fucking mean joke. Take it back!”
I couldn’t have agreed with her more as I stood up, walked to the wall and leaned against it feeling like I would be sick. It had to be a sick joke.
“It is not a joke,” Dad said hugging Mom with tears in his eyes. “We have seen his test results. He has been to the top doctors in America… There isn’t anything to be done.”
I put my fist through the wall in frustration. Then sunk down sliding against the wall. How the hell could he be dying when he looked perfectly fucking fine? I couldn’t lose my big brother! I had only three years ago, lost my wife. I’d only just survived that. I don’t know if I would have if I didn’t have him. I couldn’t do more death. I needed him here.
I sat staring at my bleeding knuckles. Heart thumping in panic and grief. I wanted to vomit. I looked up at Richard who looked like he wanted to hit something but was just maintaining control.
How the fuck, are we supposed to deal with this news?
Richard
Charlie just sat there looking perfectly fine.
Ian just destroyed one of the walls… He hadn’t done that since he was sixteen.
Tammy got up and sat on Charlie’s lap. As the youngest of the four, she was the only one to get away with getting a hug out of him.
First Aria and now Charlie? What the fuck? I could feel anger giving way to rage.
My wife, Susan went to touch me in comfort then thought better of it. Thank god, she knew when and when not to touch me. Now wasn’t the time.
I looked over at Dad and Mom, they’d obviously known for a couple days. Mom had already started to calm down.
Charlie held Tammy as she sobbed softly into his collar.
Rage overtook me. I kicked the coffee table, hard. A split second later… pain registered. I grabbed for my foot, hopped twice and—I fell over the fucking coffee table. I landed with my legs on the coffee table and Susan was with me a moment later. The pain in my foot throbbed as I gazed up as Susan who was looking worried for a moment… then I heard Charlie roar with laugher.
I turned my head, stared at the big goof, and realized this was the Charlie we never really got to see anymore. His face was bright, so full of life. He was laughing so hard that Tammy nearly fell off his lap. She started laughing, then he laughed harder as he tried to stop her falling.
Slowly, I smiled. Then I chuckled before I looked up at Susan and started to laugh.
Poor Susan was somewhere in between grief, to finding Charlie and I funny. She smiled and put her head on my chest laughing or so I thought. She’d started to cry.
Putting an arm around her to give her support, I laughed with my brother and sister.
“I hope you didn’t break your foot, you idiot. I plan on going to Vegas in a couple days.” Charlie kept laughing. “I’m taking you boys and Ben with me.”
Ben? Why is he taking Ben? I don’t mind him but he is so… straight. Like a line straight. Do no fucking wrong straight. Excellent lawyer but there was something about him… Maybe it was the puppy eyes he always had when Tammy was around… “Why Vegas?” I had to ask.
“Because that’s where I want to go.” He grinned looking at Susan, his face fell when he realized she was crying. He got Tammy off his lap, plucked Susan off my chest and cradled her in his lap as he sat down again.
My Susan wrapped her arms around his neck as she sobbed.
“Shh, don’t cry. It’s all right.” He stroked her hair glancing at me.
This prick was up to something, I just knew it.
“Geez, the amount of times Susie wanted to fucking kill me over the years… I didn’t think she would be this upset.”
She slapped his chest. “I wanted to strangle you! You idiot! I never did it because you like it rough! We can’t lose you too, Charlie.”
“I have about as much say in the matter as you do,” he stated softly. “But I am going to go out, hopefully on a good note. So… Can you, my beloved, most beautiful and wonderful sister in law, give your husband a free pass for a week? Susie? Can Richard come play with me?”
She just nodded. “He can have a free pass.”
Charlie beamed a naughty smile at me.
Shit, this fucker was going to get me divorced.
Charlie
Well, I’d just told them all.
Susan, the one woman who’d never succumbed to my charm—broke down.
Tammy of course, had to have a hug.
Richard in the most slapstick moment of pure comedic genius, hadn’t only kicked the solid wooden coffee table but he’d fallen over it.
Even Mom and Dad had laughed at that.
I had also just managed to talk Susan into giving Richard a free pass. I looked up to see Ian.
He was still sitting against the wall, his knuckles dripping blood onto the carpet.
I had a think about it and then asked, “Isn’t that the same wall you hit last time?”
He didn’t even crack a smile, just nodded. He looked like he’d been gut punched. He gazed at his hand absently then went back to staring at the back of the couch, off in his own thoughts.
I knew this would be hard on him. I’d managed to get through to him when no one else could after Aria died. I was sure I would find him dead. He should’ve been too, with alcohol poisoning after the way he tried to drown his sorrows. After three weeks of bullshit, and a very worried call from his housekeeper and groundsman…I’d forced him out of his funk.
Yes, it was horrible, the way Aria died. It was disgusting that the driver had never been caught. N
o, she didn’t deserve what happened. It was terrible he didn’t get to spend the rest of his life with her. But she got to spend the rest of her life with him.
Aria would never have wanted him to fall apart, break like he did. Still, he hadn’t really come back like he was, more of a shell with no intention to move on. His focus was his kids, his family and working on his empire.
The Vegas trip would fix that…I hoped.
I hoped he would have time to get his head around me dying and be ok after I was gone.
I put Susan down and got up. I clapped my hands. “Okay, well now that it’s all out in the open, let’s have a drink. My life is a celebration, not a commiseration. I don’t expect you’re happy with the news. I am a bit pissed off myself but I do have a little time left and I’m going to make the most of it.”
“How long?” Ian asked, not bothering to look up.
“Well, they told me a month two weeks ago,” I admitted gently, knowing this would be a hard hit.
Ian groaned and looked up at this news.
“I didn’t like the answer, so I went to other doctors until it was pointless. That took up the extra two weeks.”
The shock and pain in Ian’s eyes was enough for me to turn away and get the scotch decanter. I looked at my Dad while grinning before taking a big sip from it.
Dad shook his head and grinned.
“Come on, it is not fun doing this if you don’t yell at me.” I laughed.
Billy
I wasn’t even out of the car and Brian was on my case about the doctor. Straight into the conference room and shut the door.
“Has Shorty been operating effectively?” he asked straight out.
I stared at him like he was losing his fucking mind. “Of course, she is. When doesn’t Shorty function in the field? Her investigations load has been heavy but Shorty is aboveboard on everything, running it by the book as always. Other than being a bit tired and more of a bitch? She is a normal Shorty.”
Brian thought about it for a moment. “So is she showing signs of PTSD, anxiety or depression?”
The Vegas Random Page 4
