by Mina Carter
“Did my sacrifice mean anything to you?” I was trembling, not from cold, but from the loss of all I thought I knew to be true. “Did I mean anything to you?”
“I try not to think about you.” His head lowered. “Or how good it used to be with us.”
Used to be. Tears burned my phantom eyes at the strain I heard in his words. Without even thinking about it, I moved toward him wanting to soothe the man who had once been my entire world.
“Back away, Thyme. Don’t come any closer. I’m cloaking my true form to keep from frightening you. Remember me the way I was. Us the way we were. I don’t want you to see me like this. I’m not restrained. I could lose control any minute. I could hurt you worse than I already have.”
After the way that fall had felt I believed that he might. But on the other hand this was Shane and he was only a couple of feet away. I had drifted off to sleep for a decade dreaming of being in his arms once more. Imagined heart beating erratically, I drifted forward.
A cascade of pebbles hissed as they showered into the tiny stream. I caught a clearer glimpse of broad shoulders and long legs as he scrambled backward, but couldn’t make out much more in the impenetrable mist he had created.
“Shane! Stop! Please!” I begged when I realized this was it. He was lumbering away. “Don’t leave me. Come back.”
He froze and his shoulders slumped. He was on the other side of the stream now but he didn’t turn around to look at me. “No, Thyme. There is no Shane. I told you. It’s just Hyde now. There’s no going back to the way it was. I stayed away for a good reason. I know you. Knew how you’d react. Knew you wouldn’t let me go. But you need to do it now.”
His last words were barely understandable. His spine arched in a way I wouldn’t have thought physically possible. He dropped to all fours and loped off becoming one with the darkness. My heart ached for him. For me. For us. For what we lost. For what would never be.
I stared at the spot where I had last seen him for a long time. The soft trickle of the stream seemed too loud in the silence that remained after his departure. The ravine too wide. The space too empty. Yet, I stayed weaving my fingers tightly together and waiting some more. Eventually, it sank in. Eventually, I faced the truth. He wasn’t going to return.
A new resolve forming inside of me I closed the door gently but firmly once and for all on my past. On the man who’d turned his back on me…twice.
I wasn’t going to let anyone determine my fate anymore. Not Apollyon. Not if I could help it. Not Morpheus. Not even Billy. Though I ached for him, and wanted to share with him what had happened. I knew just being with him would be a comfort but I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t.
The next time we came together it wasn’t going to be because we were Fated. It wasn’t going to be because he felt sorry for me. It was going to be because we were equals. Flesh to flesh. Desire matching desire. Real desire. Not imagined. Because he had to have me above all others. The way I wanted him. The woman. Thyme Avens Bellerose. Not the shade.
There was a way.
And I was going to take it.
Even if it could only last for one night.
Chapter 40
When we met first and loved that I did not build upon the event in marble.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Billy
My ball cap pulled brim low shadowing my features, I stood just outside the entrance to the underground. I leaned against the iron railing of the vault opposite it, on high alert waiting for the sun to go down. I was going in to get her.
Wherever she was.
Whoever she was with.
Didn’t matter.
She was mine.
The sun had just dropped below the horizon when the Dream Falcon shot out even before I could duck inside. “Morpheus,” I hissed low, ignoring everyone and everything else that was spilling out all around us.
Without speaking he grabbed my forearm and pulled me down a row of tombs, turned right and walked us both out between the iron gates of the cemetery, his eyes scanning all the while.
On the sidewalk outside I planted my feet, my unease ratcheting higher than it already was when I saw the worried look on his face. “Where’s Thyme?” I asked getting right to it.
“I hoped she was with you,” he countered.
I shook my head. “You told me she was safe.” I rounded on him, clutching both his arms partly to convey my concern partly because I needed an anchor. “What’s happened?”
“She was safe. I retrieved her. But then she absconded as I slept. My efforts to locate her have been in vain.” Looking strung out he started pacing the sidewalk, his dark feathers ruffling with his inner agitation, but his was no match for mine.
“Where do you think she went?” I asked the next question because I had to, but I never dreaded an answer more. “Do you think she’s taken off with Shane?”
“Do you want the truth?” he asked.
I nodded and he hit me with a brace yourself look.
“It is possible. I can find no trace of either one… anywhere.” He studied me. I held it together under his scrutiny, but only just barely. My fingers opened and closed and then remained open and empty at my sides. I dropped my chin. I didn’t want him to see the despair in my eyes. Was I always destined to be the man fate fucking frowned on?
“Since you are obviously distraught, I am reluctant to press you. But I am curious as to the source and depth of your knowledge as it concerns Shane Lamar.”
“It was Arla. He told me everything.” Morpheus was my brother. The one I was just starting to remember bits and pieces about. My world was in enough turmoil. I’d just found him. Our bond was new and fragile. I wasn’t going to shut him out.
“I am not familiar with the name. Can you describe him? Does he bear any identifiers?”
“Cajun guy.” What was Arla? I had forgotten to ask. “Tall. Thin. Large nose. Nothing on his wrist but he has a tattoo down the center of his spine. A staff with a pinecone on the top and ivy and leaves wound around it.”
“Bacchus has revealed himself to you,” he whispered, his expression awe filled.
“My manager is the god of wine?” I exclaimed dumbstruck. “Thyme’s father?”
“Both would appear to be true. That marking is his talisman,” Morpheus clarified. “He is more than just the god of wine. He’s the god of ritual madness and religious ecstasy, the god of epiphany, the god that comes. Dionysus in the Greek. Some call him Eleutherios the liberator. He is also called the divine communicant between the living and the dead. He sits on the Council. As one of the Favored. A powerful ally without question.”
“And he and Thyme?” I prompted.
“The paternity is certain, but I’d be surprised if he were even aware of her existence, much less that she is his daughter. He has had many Offspring over the centuries. Most Progeny procreate indiscriminately. He and Eros even more so than the rest.” He tapped a talon to his chin.
“Arla told me he was the one to do this to us,” I said low flipping over my wrist. “How he hid us and has kept our secret.” It was my turn to study him. “He’s got some big idea about us changing things.”
“He has not apprised me of his plans,” Morpheus muttered thoughtfully. “But apparently he is ready to take overt action. I wondered whether he would ever make a public move.”
“What do you think?” I asked leaning heavily against the cemetery’s concrete wall, my hand in my pocket, fingers folding around my harmonica.
Morpheus didn’t answer right away peering up at the night sky. I could see the longing in his multihued eyes. I got the impression he would’ve preferred to ponder that weighty of a question while in flight. “It is a difficult thing. Once our true lineage is revealed, there will be many who will call for us to be immediately cast down just like our father was.” He pinned me with a look. “We will require many allies if we hope for a fair hearing, let alone changing the way things have always been. The old prejudices run long and deep
in our world.”
“Sounds like a lot of intrigue and diplomacy. Not something that I’m good at.” I exhaled a tension laced breath. “I barely can handle those kinds of challenges as a performer. This kind of stuff, who he says we are, what we might be able to do to change things, I get it. And I sure as hell am all in but I have to find Thyme. And…” I trailed off, but he picked up the crumbs easily.
“You want things resolved with her first.”
I nodded. To me she was the most important. My priority. The center of everything. What happened with her would affect everything else I did.
“I understand your fondness for her. But I have misgivings about the future of such a relationship. After all, she is a shade, Billy.”
“I was dead in here before she came along.” I tapped my chest. “She brought me back to life. She is my life. We were working things out. Even with those limitations, no one else has ever come close to comparing to her. It’s not ideal for sure. But I have to have her, any part of her.” I looked him in the eyes wanting him to see my resolve. “You really think Thyme took off with Shane?”
“If she went to him, it would’ve been hard for them to communicate for very long.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I have a spy close to Apollyon. He assures me that the Destroyer does not yet hold her, though his lackeys are hunting her as we speak. No doubt she is conflicted. She searched for Shane zealously. Maybe she has simply gone off to sort out her thoughts.”
“I hope you’re right. You don’t have any idea where she’d go to do that?”
“No. If she is truly soul searching,” he gave me a worried look that twisted my guts up more, “her timing leaves much to be desired. On the eve of carna vale with Apollyon’s dogs at her heels.”
“Arla…Bacchus mentioned carne vale, too. Something about the rules not applying. I don’t get why that’s significant.”
“It is a grand mélange. Anything and everything goes. Humans mix with immortals. Light with Dark. I believe Bacchus will use the festival as an example to persuade the Heirs that if we can set our differences aside for such an observance, then we should dispense with them all together. Thyme usually retires to the canyon house but returning there is no longer an option now.” He looked away. “Not for the foreseeable future.”
“I don’t like not being able to do anything. It’s driving me insane. I’ve got all these Bacchus Krewe duties to perform. The parade. The performance at the masked ball. Not to mention the pleading our case to the immortals stuff. But I’ll ask Tony. Look through Ty’s books. See if I can find a clue to where she might have gone.”
“I’ll keep looking, as well.” Morpheus shifted and clasped my forearm. “But whatever may come of you and Thyme, whatever doom may befall us, we will meet it together. Side by side. As brothers.”
Chapter 41
Time and tide wait for no man. - Geoffrey Chaucer
Thyme
I rose from where I had been sitting on the bank near the Governor Nicholls Street Wharf. My feet didn’t hurt so badly anymore though the hem of the projected sundress I wore stuck to my phantom calves. When I’d had my feet in the river drawing its comfort I’d registered its wetness, but I think it was mostly just wishful thinking. Nothing like what I felt when Billy touched me.
I had made my peace with the past. Listening to the water always soothed me. I remembered the lofty hopes I’d had all those years ago for the shop and for myself and Shane. It was time to let all that go.
I retrieved the handful of lemon yellow Louisiana irises from my pocket and tossed them one by one into the flowing water. One for each year I’d wasted living in limbo, hoping for a man to return who had gone on with his life without me.
No longer. Whatever it took. I was moving on. Maybe there was a way to bring me back permanently, but I think we all knew deep down that it was unlikely. In the meantime, there was a way to come back temporarily, and I was going to use it even though I would have to make a deal with Apollyon.
“Thyme!” His dreamy voice saying my name made me melt inside. I fought back the temptation to answer. No compromises, no going back. I deserved to have this chance. I wasn’t going to let anyone talk me out of it. I was going to do whatever it took to get what I wanted. To be his and for him to be mine.
I winked out.
But lingered just a moment in the ghost plane.
I had to see him.
Billy stopped where I had sat just a moment before running a hand through disorderly dark blond locks I longed to sift with real fingers. He glanced around searching. “Dammit, Thyme,” he muttered dropping down on the grass, long jean clad legs splayed out in front of him. “At least she wasn’t with Shane,” he muttered, but I heard him. I guess Morpheus had blabbed.
He brought one of the stray yellow blossoms I’d dropped to his nose, inhaling deeply while staring out at the water. It was completely black, sparkling only where it reflected the moonlight.
I moved closer wishing I knew what he smelled like. Musky and male, I was sure. I’d know soon. I lingered for one last glance knowing where I was going next, what I planned to do next, might very well be the end of me instead of the sweet interlude I envisioned.
His piercing blue gaze remained fixed on the water, a subtle dipping of his brows betraying that he was deep in thought. But what was on his mind exactly, I didn’t know. I hoped it was something good about me. That he wasn’t too angry that I was avoiding him. My thoughts were certainly all about him, a kaleidoscope of images flashing through my mind, the soundtrack
‘Through It All’.
Bitter Words and thoughtless tones
Haunt the silence in my brain
Now I’m empty to my bones
Only loneliness remains
But through it all
I’ll be holdin’ close to you
Through it all
Ain’t nothing else that I can do
Name the price, I’ll pay
My heart will find a way
Back to you someday
Through it all.
Can’t believe I failed to see
Thinkin’ only ‘bout myself
You were my priority
But I left you on the shelf
Now through it all
I’ll be holdin’ close to you
Through it all
Ain’t nothing else that I can do
Name the price, I’ll pay
My heart will find a way
Back to you someday
Through it all.
Ash to ashes, dust to dust
The Lord gives, He takes away
Be my jury if you must
There’s just one thing I will say
That through it all
I’ll be holdin’ close to you
Through it all
Ain’t nothing else that I can do
Name the price, I’ll pay
My heart will find a way
Back to you someday
Through it all.
I floated to the cemetery. It was infinitely faster than walking and there was no use holding to my self-imposed protocols now. Soon, hopefully very soon, I would be back to walking again on feet that were flesh and bone.
I slipped through the main entrance unnoticed. Since it was Mardi Gras and not near sunrise, the Main Concourse was practically deserted. There were just a few underworld denizens at the other end of the long hall waiting at the dock their voices carrying across the empty void.
Most immortals, dark and light, enjoyed the revelry of Mardi Gras every bit as much as the mortals. I certainly had looked forward to it every year in life. It was so much more than its reputation of intoxication and indecent exposure. It was a celebration, a colorful musical costumed tribute to everything that made New Orleans so unique. But I had never attended it as a shade. It brought back too many memories and was now just another grim reminder of all that I had lost.
I ducked into a tunneled passageway on the left, winking out to avoid a
pair of vamps. I didn’t want anyone knowing where I was going. Invisible, I exited the tunnel that brought me into another section of the underground that was like stepping back into medieval times. Over the hill to my right, a cobblestone path led to a village Apollyon controlled, but that wasn’t where I was bound. My destination was his dark castle. Its imposing artifice lay ahead, hewed out of a rugged rock face. Blood red lights and sinister shadows flickered within its many arched windows. Romanesque statues depicted torture scenes along the turrets. Its twelve story tall spires were topped with scythes that pierced the cavern ceiling.
I’d never been in the castle before, for obvious reasons. I sighed when I noticed the long line of immortals in front of the moat. Guess I wasn’t the only one who thought the reward was worth the risk of entering.
I was just about to materialize when I saw him. Morpheus. He was perched atop the General, the oldest tree in the underground. The bare branch his toes were curled around bowed under his weight. The ancient tree was as tall as the castle itself, its gnarled base resembling a skeletal foot, the circumference of its trunk nearly as wide as a car, its roots delving deep into the very core of the earth where molten obsidian that Hephaestus crafted into weapons for immortals flowed. It didn’t have any leaves during the winter but none lay on the ground either. There was a rumor that Marie used them in her potions. Its bark was striped, rough grey and shining black. The magical mist at the top provided a decent camouflage for Morpheus and the height of the tree made it a good lookout for him. He could surely see the entire valley from up there. I never would have noticed him except for the fact that I was used to scanning high places to look for my winged friend.
I had a feeling it was me Morpheus was tracking.
Did he know what I was going to do?
“Hey, watch it.” A river troll with a bird’s nest for hair and ghastly yellow teeth growled when my invisible form bumped her, but her look of annoyance turned to confusion when she couldn’t identify who had run into her. “Back off, loser,” she told the green skinned woodland elf in line behind her. “Give a lovely girl some space.”
