by Nell Dixon
She sighed and tapped the end of her pen thoughtfully against her cheek. Gemma had made a good point earlier. She ought to tell Evan about her illness. A secret had come between them once before, though then it had been Evan who hadn’t placed his trust in her. Was she guilty of the same thing by not telling her secret?
The phone rang and startled her out of her reverie. “Hello, Bridal Belles?” she answered without thinking.
“Hi, Nathalie. It’s Evan.” The sound of his voice made desire pool in her stomach like liquid amber.
“Is everything okay?”
“Fine. I was just ringing to let you know Polly and I are home.”
“You must be exhausted.” She pictured his face, blue eyes shadowed with tiredness and his jaw dark with stubble.
“I’ll be okay once I’ve grabbed a shower and had something to eat. Polly’s lying on the sofa watching television.” His voice rumbled low and husky in her ear.
“It sounds as though she’s on the mend.” Nathalie wondered if Polly missed her mother at times like these. Her heart ached for the little girl. From what Evan had told her about Laurel’s relationship with Polly, Nathalie doubted if the model would cancel her engagements or drop everything to be with her sick child.
“Children heal quickly. That’s one good thing I’ve learnt from Polly’s problems,” he said.
Nathalie felt the smile in his voice. “I promised Polly I’d visit her once she was home. Would it be okay if I call in tomorrow?”
“Of course. She’d love to see you.”
“Tomorrow it is, then. I’ll come once I’ve closed the shop.” She replaced the phone in the cradle, glad that Polly seemed better.
****
The phone rang again straight after Evan had finished talking to Nathalie. “Hello?”
“Hi, Evan.” The fake mid-transatlantic twang of his ex-wife’s voice resonated from the receiver.
“Hello, Laurel.” He peeped through the hall door into the lounge, where Polly was still engrossed in the television, before pulling the door shut. “What can we do for you?” He hadn’t bothered attempting to track Laurel down to tell her about Polly’s hospital admission. He knew from past experience that she wouldn’t be interested.
“Can’t a mother just call to check on her baby?” Laurel’s voice took on the pouty little girl tone she always adopted when she wanted something.
Evan’s heart sank. Polly had begun to settle in her new surroundings. The last thing she needed was her mother upsetting her all over again. “Most mothers, yes. But let’s be honest, Laurel: you’re not the maternal type.”
“Maybe not, but she’s still my daughter,” Laurel snapped, all pretence of pleasantry at an end.
“What do you want?” Evan felt too tired to hold an argument with Laurel, especially when there was a risk that Polly might overhear.
“I’m flying in tomorrow, and I want to see Polly.”
“She’s not very well at the moment—”
Laurel didn’t wait for him to finish. “Bring her down to London. I’m staying at the flat.”
“She’s not well enough to travel. She spent last night in hospital. You’ll have to come here if you want to see her.” He wondered what else was on Laurel’s agenda. She usually only asked to see Polly when she wanted something.
“Oh, that’s very inconvenient!” Laurel huffed.
Evan gritted his teeth. “You’re welcome to come here to see her.”
“Are there any good hotels?”
“There’s a five-star country club, The Langstone. I’ll book you a room.”
“Make sure it’s a suite. I can only spare one night. I’ve something exciting to tell Polly.”
Evan suppressed a sigh. Whatever Laurel had to tell Polly probably wouldn’t be good. It never was. “Do you want me to tell her you’re coming?”
“Of course. I’ll be there Saturday morning.”
“We’ll look forward to it.” The irony in his voice went over Laurel’s head, and she rang off.
He opened the door to the lounge and went through to break the news to Polly.
“What does she want?” Laurel had hurt Polly too often in the past for there to be much trust between them now. Even so, hope mixed with the wary expression on her small face.
“She wants to see you. She said something about some exciting news she had to tell you.” Evan hugged his daughter, cuddling her up close on the sofa where they both sat.
Polly sighed and picked at the stitching of the fleecy throw over her legs. “She doesn’t want me to live with her again, does she, Daddy?”
Evan did his best to reassure her. “I don’t think so. This is our home now. I’ll take you to see our new house soon, when you’re feeling better.”
“I don’t want to live with Mummy.” A tear rolled down Polly’s face, and Evan’s heart squeezed in pain.
“Hey, no tears. You’re staying with me—it’s all settled, remember?” She sniffed and snuggled up against him. “I phoned Nathalie earlier. She’s coming to see you tomorrow.”
Polly brightened and sat up. “Is she bringing me a present?”
Evan laughed. “I don’t know. You’ll have to wait and see.”
She settled down with a contented expression to play with her doll. It didn’t take much to make Polly happy, Evan decided as he held his daughter close. But he wished Laurel would try a bit harder to put her daughter first in her list of priorities. Sadly, he could never see that happening. The only person on Laurel’s list was herself.
A bigger contrast to Nathalie would have been hard to find. When he first met Laurel, he’d been taken in by her good looks and apparent charm. They’d only dated for a few weeks before he’d realised her charm only existed if there was something for her to gain from it.
His brief relationship with Laurel had been the biggest mistake of his life, excluding the fact that it had given him Polly. When they had broken up and he’d returned to his hometown, he’d thought he’d never see her again.
Then, when he’d become reacquainted with Nathalie and they’d begun to date, he’d fallen in love for the first time in his life. Their lives had been in front of them. He’d intended to ask her to marry him. They’d made plans and discussed the future.
Then, out of the blue, Laurel had dropped the bombshell of her pregnancy, and everything had changed. One meeting with her had convinced him that she wasn’t going to be fit to care for a baby alone — at least, not his baby — so he’d proposed.
He kissed the top of Polly’s head. For a solicitor, he’d been pretty stupid, but how could he regret his child?
****
Holding a small gold gift bag, Nathalie waited on the doorstep for Evan to answer the bell.
“Hello, Nathalie.” Evan still looked tired. He must have been at work, because he still wore his dark grey business suit.
“I’m not disturbing you, am I?”
“No, come in. She’s waiting for you.” He led the way into his mother’s sitting room. Polly sat on the floor in her pyjamas, a row of dolls lined up next to her.
“What a lot of dolls!” Nathalie smiled at Polly.
The little girl’s face lit up when she saw the bag in her hand. “I got them all ready to see you. I told you I’d got lots of princess clothes for them.”
“I’ve got something special for you, too.” Nathalie beckoned Polly to come sit beside her on the sofa. Evan sat opposite them in an armchair and slackened his tie as he watched.
Nathalie passed the bag to Polly. Nathalie’s heart pounded as she watched her open it. She hadn’t been too sure what a small girl like Polly would really like, but she’d wanted it to be something special.
“Oh!” Polly gasped, her mouth a small O of astonishment as she drew out a tiny gold crown made of filigree.
“I thought every princess should have her own crown. So, this one is yours.” Nathalie took it from the child’s trembling fingers and settled it on top of her blonde curls.
“Daddy, look! I’m a princess!” Polly turned to Evan. Her eyes shone with excitement.
“Princess Polly.” He smiled at her, then his gaze locked with Nathalie’s. She read the silent thank-you there.
“Can I go and show Nanny?” Polly bounced to her feet.
“I think you should say thank you to Nathalie first,” Evan reminded her.
Polly threw her arms around Nathalie and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.” Then she let go and went skipping from the room.
Silence grew. Nathalie plunged into speech, determined to fill the gap. “She looks much better. The antibiotics must be working well.”
“I’m hoping she’ll be able to go back to school on Monday.” Evan rubbed his face. Exhaustion lines pulled at the corners of his eyes.
Nathalie longed to cross the room and kiss his strain away. She pulled herself up at the craziness of her thoughts.
“I appreciate you coming to see Polly. The asthma attack has unsettled her again, just as she was about to get to know her new classmates.” Evan pulled his tie from round his neck and undid the top button on his shirt. His simple action caused the breath to catch in Nathalie’s throat. She realised how hollow her protestations to Gemma about Evan being just a friend had been.
“You look exhausted.” Her eyes lingered on the open neck of his shirt. She really had to stop staring.
“I didn’t get any sleep at the hospital, and Polly is awake a lot in the night. Her medicine makes her hyper, and when she lies down the coughing starts.”
“Are you working from home?”
“For the moment. I’ll probably go to the office tomorrow. Mum’s going to stay with Polly.” He folded his tie and placed it across the arm of the chair. “Let me go and make you a drink. Tea or coffee?”
Nathalie felt awful that he planned to wait on her when he looked as if he’d like nothing better than to go to sleep. “I don’t want to be in the way.”
“Polly will be back in a minute. Mum’s gone to have a lie down,” Evan assured her.
“I’ll have coffee then, please. Can I do anything to help?”
Polly came twirling back into the room. She’d dressed herself in a ballerina skirt over the top of her pyjamas. The gold crown was still perched on top of her head, and she waved a toy wand in her hand.
Nathalie smiled at the comical sight. “You look lovely.”
Evan raised an eyebrow and shook his head in disbelief at his daughter’s outfit. “I’ll get you a drink, Tali.”
Polly picked up her dolls and started to show them all to Nathalie. By the time Evan returned with a tray of cups, the sofa was covered with toys. Nathalie was unused to playing with small children and felt awkward at first when Polly instigated a game. Much to her surprise, though, she enjoyed herself.
She had avoided contact with children for a long time, ever since she’d realised it was unlikely that she would have any of her own. She’d been pleased when her friends had become pregnant—of course she had—but it had hurt, too. It had been easy to hide her pain by buying generous gifts for the new arrivals. She had lost touch with many of her friends as their children had grown up, only sending gifts for birthdays and Christmas.
“It’s hard to tell who’s enjoying that game the most,” Evan remarked as his daughter started to arrange the dolls in a circle, ready for a tea party.
Nathalie smiled at him as he cleared a space on the far end of the sofa and sat down. “I never played with dolls when I was little. With my brothers around, there was always something else to play with that looked more fun, like racing cars or bows and arrows.”
Polly gave her a pitying look. “Poor Tali. You can share my doll.” Evan grinned, and Nathalie couldn’t help smiling back at Polly’s generous offer.
“Don’t you have a doll of your own at all?” Polly asked.
“No. Grown-ups often don’t,” Nathalie explained.
“Well, when you’re poorly and have to go the hospital for your operation, I’ll come visit you. You can borrow one of my dolls to help you get better.” Polly concentrated on placing plastic teacups in front of her dolls.
Evan shot Nathalie a questioning look, and the colour began to rise in her cheeks. She’d forgotten she’d told Polly about her planned surgery.
“Operation? I didn’t know you were ill. It’s nothing serious, I hope.” He leaned forward, his face concerned.
Nathalie could feel the faint heat from his body and smelt the hint of musk from his cologne as he moved nearer. “It’s not till the autumn. Women’s problem.” She tore her gaze away from his and busied herself with drinking her coffee. He surely suspected there was more to know. She would have to tell him the truth, but not while his little girl was in the room. “I really should go now. I bet it’s almost your bedtime.”
Polly looked disappointed. “Will you come again?”
“Maybe. Perhaps your daddy will bring you to the shop, and you can look at the pretty dresses,” Nathalie suggested as she reached for her handbag.
“Can we, Daddy?” Polly begged.
“I suppose so, as Tali’s invited you. Tidy these toys away, and I’ll be back in a minute.”
Polly gave her a farewell hug, then Evan escorted her to the front door, leaving his daughter in the lounge. She stepped outside.
“Thanks again.” Evan leaned on the doorframe.
“I’ve enjoyed it. She’s a beautiful little girl.” Nathalie’s pulse roared in her ears. She knew he would ask her about the child’s remark.
His gaze fixed on her face. “Is it a big operation?” She knew he’d worded his question with care.
“Pretty big. It — it’ll mean I can’t have children.” There, she’d said it. The words were out.
Evan continued to stare at her, expression stunned.
Chapter Nine
Silence stretched between them.
Evan straightened up, no longer leaning on the doorframe. “Tali, are you okay? I mean, is it serious?” He looked bewildered.
“I’m fine. It’s a condition I’ve had since I was a teenager. As I got older, it got worse, and I’m at the point now where a hysterectomy is my best option.” She scanned his face for his reaction. She couldn’t remember ever feeling as scared as she did now, waiting for his response.
He came down the step toward her, the lines of his face harsh in the moonlight. “There’s no tablets that you can take? Nothing else they can offer you?” He placed his hands on her arms and gripped her gently as if to prevent her escape.
“No. I’ve had all the tablets and minor surgery before. This is it now. There isn’t anything else.” It felt weird to voice out loud all the things she had been hearing in her head ever since the appointment. “So, now you know. That’s where I was on Wednesday morning, why I was late getting home.” She tried to school her voice so the true extent of her anguish wouldn’t show.
“How long have you known about this?”
“Like I said, it started when I was in my teens, but back then everyone was optimistic. You know, try this drug or that one. Then they always dangled the carrot of a pregnancy maybe clearing things up and making me better.” Her voice trembled.
“Won’t that work now?” Evan’s voice sounded hopeful, and Nathalie wanted to scream with frustration and hurt. Did he think he could be the answer to her problems?
“The problem with this condition is that although sometimes pregnancy can cure it, it’s virtually impossible to get pregnant when you suffer from it. It’s progressed too far now.” She saw realisation dawn in his eyes and knew she’d said enough. “I have to go. I’ve a busy day tomorrow.”
He released her, and she walked away as fast as she could without giving him the chance to call her back. She reached the sanctuary of her car and drove off without a look back. Tears poured down her cheeks and plopped in hot, salty splodges on the steering wheel.
“Oh, I’m so stupid!” She dashed her hand across her cheeks and pulled in a deep breath of air. What else had she expec
ted from Evan? The rather impassive reaction she’d got had been just what she’d pictured. It was all her fault for dropping such a big bombshell on him.
Nathalie pulled to a halt in front of her house. Deep down, she’d hoped for a different outcome, one where Evan had taken her in his arms and sworn he didn’t care that she couldn’t have children, because he would always love her no matter what.
“Stupid!” she whispered. She’d misjudged the depth of his feelings for her. When he’d talked about a dream of the future, he must have had a different picture in his mind from the one in her heart.
Even so, as she opened her front door, she hoped her phone would be ringing. That he would call her and want to comfort her and be with her. She tossed her keys onto the kitchen counter. The answerphone was silent. Only Min waited next to an empty food bowl.
Nathalie opened the cupboard to get some food for her cat. Min wrapped herself around Nathalie’s ankles as she replenished the dish.
“Go on, ring me!” Nathalie muttered.
By the time she’d made and drunk a soothing cup of hot chocolate, it was clear she wasn’t about to hear from him. Her heart ached as she snapped off the lights and trudged upstairs to bed with Min at her heels. “I guess I’m better off knowing he can’t deal with this now, rather than further on down the line.”
The cat stayed silent.
****
“You look wrecked. Bad day?” Gemma asked. It was mid-morning, and the rush had begun to slow down.
“A bad life, more like.” Nathalie scooped up a bundle of hangers and dropped them into an empty linen basket behind the counter.
“You told Evan?” Her friend grimaced.
Nathalie pulled a cloth from under the counter and began to polish the front of a display cabinet. “Let’s just say it didn’t go well.”
Gemma frowned and crossed the shop floor to stand next to her. “What happened?”
