"I wondered where you were, " said Lisa.
Natalie looked back and forth between us, suddenly seeming a little embarrassed to be right between the best-friends dream team. She shifted uncomfortably and tucked some messy hair behind her ear.
"Well…I should go find Daddy. I'll see you back in the room."
"See you, " said Lisa. "And thanks."
Natalie hurried off.
"Does she really call him'Daddy'?"
Lisa cut me a look. "Leave her alone. She's nice."
"She is, actually. I heard what she said, and as much as I hate to admit it, there was nothing there I could really make fun of. It was all true. " I paused. "I'll kill her, you know.The queen, not Natalie. Screw the guardians. I'll do it. She can't get away with that."
"God, Rose! Don't say that. They'll arrest you for treason. Just let it go."
"Let it go?After what she said to you?In front of everyone?"
She didn't answer or even look at me. Instead, she toyed absentmindedly with the branches of a scraggly bush that had gone dormant for the winter. There was a vulnerable look about her that I recognized-and feared.
«Hey.» I lowered my voice. "Don't look like that. She doesn't know what she's talking about, okay?
Don't let this get you down. Don't do anything you shouldn't."
She glanced back up at me. "It's going to happen again, isn't it? " she whispered. Her hand, still clutching the tree, began to tremble.
"Not if you don't let it. " I tried to look at her wrists without being too obvious. "You haven't?…"
«No.» She shook her head and blinked back tears. "I haven't wanted to. I was upset after the fox, but it's been okay. I like the coasting thing. I miss seeing you, but everything's been all right. I like… " She paused.
I could hear the word forming in her mind.
"Christian."
"I wish you couldn't do that. Or wouldn't."
"Sorry. Do I need to give you the Christian's-a-psychopathic-loser talk again?"
"I think I've got it memorized after the last ten times, " she muttered.
I started to launch into number eleven when I heard the sound of laughter and the clatter of high heels on stone. Mia walked toward us with a few friends in tow but no Aaron. Immediately my defenses snapped on.
Internally, Lisa was still shaken over the queen's comments. Sorrow and humiliation were swirling inside of her. She felt embarrassed over what others must think of her now and kept thinking about how her family would have hated her for running away. I didn't believe that, but it felt real to her, and her dark emotions churned and churned. She wasnot okay, no matter how casual she'd just tried to act, and I was worried she might do something reckless. Mia was the last person she needed to see right now.
"What do you want? " I demanded.
Mia smiled haughtily at Lisa and ignored me, taking a few steps forward. "Just wanted to know what it's like to beso important andso royal. You must be so excited that the queen talked to you. " Giggles surfaced from the gathering group.
"You're standing too close. " I stepped between them, and Mia flinched a little, possibly still worried I might break her arm. "And hey at least the queen knew her name, which is more than I can say for you and your wannabe-royal act.Oryour parents."
I could see the pain that caused her. Man, she wanted to beroyal so badly. "At least Isee my parents, " she retorted. "At least I know who they both are. God only knows who your father is. And your mom's one of the most famous guardians around, but she couldn't care less about you either. Everyone knows she never visits. Probably was glad when you were gone.If she evennoticed."
That hurt. I clenched my teeth. "Yeah, well, at least she's famous. She really does advise royals and nobles. She doesn't clean up after them."
I heard one of her friends snicker behind her. Mia opened her mouth, no doubt to unleash one of the many retorts she'd had to accumulate since the story started going around, when the lightbulb suddenly went off in her head.
"It wasyou, " she said, eyes wide. "Someone told me Jesse'd started it, but he couldn't have known anything about me. He got it from you.When youslept with him."
Now she was really starting to piss me off. "I didn't sleep with him."
Mia pointed at Lisa and glared back at me. "So that's it, huh? You do her dirty work because she's too pathetic to do it herself. You aren't always going to be able to protect her, " she warned. "You aren't safe either."
Empty threats.I leaned forward, making my voice as menacing as possible. In my current mood, it wasn't difficult. "Yeah? Try and touch me now and find out."
I hoped she would. I wanted her to. We didn't need her messed-up vendetta in our lives just now. She was a distraction-one I very much wanted to punch right now.
Looking past her, I saw Dimitri move out into the garden, eyes searching for something-or someone. I had a pretty good idea who it was. When he saw me, he strode forward, shifting his attention when he noticed the crowd gathered around us. Guardians can smell a fight a mile away. Of course, a six-year-old could have smelled this fight.
Dimitri stood beside me and crossed his arms. "Everything all right?"
"Sure thing, Guardian Belikov. "I smiled as I said it, but I was furious.Raging, even. This whole Mia confrontation had only made Lisa feel worse. "We were just swapping family stories. Ever heard Mia's? It's fascinating."
"Come on, " said Mia to her followers. She led them off, but not before she'd given me one last, chilling look. I didn't need to read her mind to know what it said. This wasn't over. She was going to try to get one or both of us back.Fine. Bring it on, Mia.
"I'm supposed to take you back to your dorm, " Dimitri told me drily. "You weren't about to just start a fight, were you?"
"Of course not, " I said, my eyes still staring at the empty doorway Mia had disappeared through. "I don't start fights where people can see them."
«Rose,» groaned Lisa.
"Let's go. Good night, Princess."
He turned, but I didn't move. "You goingto be okay, Lis'?"
She nodded. "I'm fine."
It was such alie, I couldn't believe she had the nerve to try to put it past me. I didn't need the bond to see tears shining in her eyes. We should never have come back to this place, I realized bleakly.
"Lis'…"
She gave me a small, sad smile and nodded in Dimitri's direction. "I told you, I'm fine. You've got to go."
Reluctantly, I followed him. He led me out toward the other side of the garden. "We may need to add an extra training on self-control, " he noted.
"I have plenty of self contr-hey!"
I stopped talking as I saw Christian slip past us, moving down the path we'd just come from. I hadn't seen him at the reception, but if Kirova had released me to come tonight, I suppose she would have done the same for him.
"You goingto see Lisa? " I demanded, shifting my Mia rage to him.
He stuffed his hands into his pockets and gave me that look of bad-boy indifference. "What if I am?"
"Rose, this isn't the time, " said Dimitri.
But it was so the time. Lisa had ignored my warnings about Christian for weeks. It was time to go to the source and stop their ridiculous flirtation once and for all.
"Why don't you just leave her alone? Are you so messed up and desperate for attention that you can't tell when someone doesn't like you? " He scowled. "You're some crazy stalker, and she knows it. She's told me all about your weird obsession-how you're always hanging out in the attic together, how you set
Ralf on fire to impress her. She thinks you're a freak, but she's too nice to say anything."
His face had paled, and something dark churned in his eyes. "Butyou aren't too nice?"
"No. Not when I feel sorry for someone."
«Enough,» said Dimitri, steering me away.
"Thanks for 'helping, then, " snapped Christian, his voice dripping with animosity.
"No problem, " I called back over my shoulder.
&nb
sp; When we'd gone a little ways, I stole a glance behind me and saw Christian standing just outside the garden. He'd stopped walking and now stood staring down the path that led to Lisa in the courtyard.
Shadows covered his face as he thought, and then, after a few moments, he turned around and headed back toward the Moroi dorms.
CHAPTER 12
Sleep came reluctantly that night and I tossed and turned for a long time before finally going under.
An hour or so later, I sat up in bed, trying to relax and sort out the emotions coming to me.Lisa. Scared and upset.Unstable. The night's events suddenly came rushing back to me as I went through what could be bothering her.The queen humiliating her. Mia. Maybe even Christian-he could have found her for all
I knew.
Yet…none of those was the problem right now. Buried within her, there was something else. Something terribly wrong.
I climbed out of bed, dressed hastily, and considered my options. I had a third-floor room now-way too high to climb down from, particularly since I had no Ms. Karp to patch me up this time. I would never be able to sneak out of the main hall. That only left going through the «appropriate» channels.
"Where do you think you're going?"
One of the matrons who supervised my hall looked up from her chair. She sat stationed at the end of the hall, near the stairs going down. During the day, that stairwell had loose supervision. At night, we might as well have been in jail.
I crossed my arms. "I need to see Dim-Guardian Belikov."
"It's late."
"It's an emergency."
She looked me up and down. "You seem okay to me."
"You're going to be in so much trouble tomorrow when everyone finds out you stopped me from reporting what I know."
"Tell me."
"It's private guardian stuff."
I gave her as hard a stare as I could manage. It must have worked, because she finally stood up and pulled out a cell phone. She called someone-Dimitri, I hoped-but murmured too low for me to hear. We waited several minutes, and then the door leading to the stairs opened. Dimitri appeared, fully dressed andalert, though I felt pretty sure we'd pulled him out of bed.
He took one look at me. "Lisa."
I nodded.
Without another word, he turned around and started back down the stairs. I followed. We walked across the quad in silence, toward the imposing Moroi dorm. It was «night» for the vampires, which meant it was daytime for the rest of the world. Mid-afternoon sun shone with a cold, golden light on us.
The human genes in me welcomed it and always sort of regretted how Moroi light sensitivity forced us to live in darkness most of the time.
Lisa's hall matron gaped when we appeared, but Dimitri was too intimidating to oppose. "She's in the bathroom," I told them. When the matron started to follow me inside, I wouldn't let her. "She's too upset.
Let me talk to her alone first."
Dimitri considered. "Yes. Give them a minute."
I pushed the door open.
"Lis'?"
A soft sound, like a sob, came from within. I walked down five stalls and found the only one closed. I knocked softly.
"Let me in, " I said, hoping I sounded calm and strong.
I heard a sniffle, and a few moments later, the door unlatched. I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Lisa stood before me…
…covered in blood.
Horrified, I squelched a scream and almost called for help. Looking more closely, I saw that a lot of the blood wasn't actually coming from her. It was smeared on her, like it had been on her hands and she'd rubbed her face. She sank to the floor, and I followed, kneeling before her.
"Are you okay? " I whispered. "What happened?"
She only shook her head, but I saw her face crumple as more tears spilled from her eyes. I took her hands.
"Come on. Let's get you cleaned-"
I stopped. Shewas bleeding after all. Perfect lines crossed her wrists, not near any crucial veins, but enough to leave wet, red tracks across her skin. She hadn't hit her veins when she did this; death hadn't been her goal. She met my eyes.
"I'm sorry…I didn't mean…Please don't let them know. . " she sobbed. "When I sawit, I freaked out. "
She nodded toward her wrists. "This just happened before I could stop. I was upset…."
"It's okay, " I said automatically, wondering what «it» was. "Come on."
I heard a knock on the door. "Rose?"
"Just a sec, " I called back.
I took her to the sink and rinsed the blood off her wrists. Grabbing the first-aid kit, I hastily put some Band-Aids on the cuts. The bleeding had already slowed.
"We're coming in, " the matron called.
I jerked off my hoodie sweatshirt and quickly handed it to Lisa. She had just pulled it on when Dimitri and the matron entered. He raced to our sides in an instant, and I realized that in hiding Lisa's wrists, I'd forgotten the blood on her face.
"It's not mine, " she said quickly, seeing his expression. "It…it's the rabbit…."
Dimitri assessed her, and I hoped he wouldn't look at her wrists. When he seemed satisfied she had no gaping wounds, he asked, "What rabbit? " I was wondering the same thing.
With shaking hands, she pointed at the trash can. "I cleaned it up. So Natalie wouldn't see."
Dimitri and I both walked over and peered into the can. I pulled myself away immediately, swallowing back my stomach's need to throw up. I don't know how Lisa knew it was a rabbit. All I could see was blood.Blood and blood-soaked paper towels. Globs of gore I couldn't identify. The smell was horrible.
Dimitri shifted closer to Lisa, bending down until they were at eye level. "Tell me what happened. " He handed her several tissues.
"I came back about an hour ago. And it was there. Right there in the middle of the floor.Torn apart. It was like it had…exploded. " She sniffed. "I didn't want Natalie to find it, didn't want to scare her…so I–I cleaned it up. Then I just couldn't…I couldn't go back…. " She began to cry, and her shoulders shook.
I could figure out the rest, the part she didn't tell Dimitri. She'd found the rabbit, cleaned up, and freaked out. Then she'd cut herself, but it was the weird way she coped with things that upset her.
"No one should be able to get into those rooms! " exclaimed the matron. "How is this happening?"
"Do you know who did it? " Dimitri's voice was gentle.
Lisa reached into her pajama pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. It had so much blood soaked intoit, I could barely read it as he held it and smoothed it out. Iknow what you are. You won't survive being here. I'll make sure of it. Leave now. It's the only way you might live through this.
The matron's shock transformed into something more determined, and she headed for the door. "I'm getting Ellen. " It took me a second to remember that was Kirova's first name.
"Tell her we'll be at the clinic, " said Dimitri. When she left, he turned to Lisa. "You should lie down."
When she didn't move, I linked my arm through hers. "Come on, Lis'. Let's get you out of here."
Slowly, she put one foot in front of the other and let uslead her to the Academy's medical clinic. It was normally staffed by a couple of doctors, but at this time of night, only a nurse stayed on duty. She offered to wake one of the doctors, but Dimitri declined. "She just needs to rest."
Lisa had no sooner stretched out on a narrow bed than Kirova and a few others showed up and started questioning her.
I thrust myself in front of them, blocking her. "Leave her alone! Can't you see she doesn't want to talk about it? Let her get some sleep first!"
"Miss Hathaway, " declared Kirova, "you're out of line as usual. I don't even know what you're doing here."
Dimitri asked if he could speak with her privately and led her into the hall. I heard angry whispers from her, calm and firm ones from him. When they returned, she said stiffly, "You may stay with her for a little while. We'll have janitors do further cleaning and investigation in the
bathroom and your room, Miss
Dragomir, and then discuss the situation in detail in the morning."
"Don't wake Natalie, " whispered Lisa. "I don't want to scare her. I cleaned up everything in the room anyway."
Kirova looked doubtful. The group retreated but not before the nurse asked if Lisa wanted anything to eat or drink. She declined. Once we were alone, Ilay down beside her and put my arm around her.
"I won't let them find out, " I told her, sensing her worry about her wrists. "But I wish you'd told me before I left the reception. You'd said you'd always come to me first."
"I wasn't going to do it then, " she said, her eyes staring blankly off. "I swear, I wasn't going to. I mean, I was upset…but I thought…I thought I could handle it. I was trying so hard…really, Rose. I was. But then I got back to my room, and I sawit, and I…just lost it. It was like the last straw, you know? And I knew I had to clean it up. Had to clean it up before they saw, before they found out, but there was so much blood…and afterward, after it was done, it was too much, and I felt like I was going to…I don't know…explode, and it was just too much, I had to let it out, you know? I had to-"
I interrupted her hysteria. "It'sokay, I understand."
That was a lie. I didn't get her cutting at all. She'd done it sporadically, ever since theaccident, and it scared me each time. She'd try to explain it to me, how she didn't want to die-she just needed to getit out somehow. She felt so much emotionally, she would say that a physical outlet-physical pain-was the only way to make the internal pain go away. It was the only way she could control it.
"Why is this happening? " she cried into her pillow. "Why am I a freak?"
"You aren't a freak."
"No one else has this happen to them. No one else does magic like I can."
"Did you try to do magic? " No answer. "Lis'? Did you try to heal the rabbit?"
"I reached out, just to see if I could maybe fix it, but there was just too much blood…I couldn't."
The more she uses it, the worse it'll get. Stop her, Rose.
Lisa was right. Moroi magic could conjure fire and water, move rocks and other pieces of earth. But no one could heal or bring animals back from the dead.No one except Ms. Karp.
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