He looked around comically. "You can't throw me out. We both signed the lease."
"Get. Out! " she yelled. "I hate you!"
He bowed. "Anything you want, Your Highness. " With a final dark look, he left the attic.
Lisa sank to her knees, letting out the tears she'd held back from him. I could barely make sense out of all the things hurting her. God only knew things upset me-like the Jesse incident-but they didn't attack me in the same way. They swirled within her, beating at her brain.The stories about Andre.Mia's hate.
Christian's kiss.Healing me. This, I realized, was what real depression felt like. What madness feltlike. Overcome, drowning in her own pain, Lisa made the only decision she could. The only thing she could do to channel all of these emotions. She opened up her purse and found the tiny razor blade she always carried….
Sickened, yet unable to break away, I felt as she cut her left arm, making perfectly even marks, watching as the blood flowed across her white skin. As always, she avoided veins, but her cuts were deeper this time. The cutting stung horribly, yet in doing it, she was able to focus on the physical pain, distract herself from the mental anguish so that she could feel like she was in control.
Drops of blood splattered onto the dusty floor, and her world began spinning. Seeing her own blood intrigued her. She had taken blood from others her entire life. Me.The feeders. Now, here it was, leaking out. With a nervous giggle, she decided it was funny. Maybe by letting it out, she was giving it back to those she'd stolen it from. Or maybe she was wasting it, wasting the sacred Dragomir blood that everyone obsessed over.
I'd forced my way into her head, and now I couldn't get out. Her emotions had ensnared me now-they were too strong and too powerful. But I had to escape-I knew it with every ounce of my being. I had to stop her. She was too weak from the healing to lose this much blood. It was time to tell someone.
Breaking out at last, I found myself back in the clinic. Dimitri's hands were on me, gently shaking me as he said my name over and over in an effort to get my attention. Dr. Olendzki stood beside him, face dark and concerned.
I stared at Dimitri, truly seeing how much he worried and cared about me. Christian had told me to get help, to go to someone I trusted about Lisa. I'd ignored the advice because I didn't trust anyone except her. But looking at Dimitri now, feeling that sense of understanding we shared, I knew that I did trust someone else.
I felt my voice crack as I spoke. "I know where she is.Lisa. We have to help her.»
CHAPTER 19
It's hard to say what finally made me do it. I'd held on to so many secrets for so long, doing what I believedbest protected Lisa. But hiding her cutting did nothing to protect her. I hadn't been able to make her stop-and really, I now wondered if it was my fault she'd ever started. None of this had happened until she healed me in the accident. What if she'd left me injured? Maybe I would have recovered. Maybe she would be all right today.
I stayed in the clinic while Dimitri went to getAlberta. He hadn't hesitated for a second when I told him where she was. I'd said she was in danger, and he'd left immediately.
Everything after that moved like some sort of slow-motion nightmare. The minutes dragged on while I waited. When he finally returned with an unconscious Lisa, a flurry arose at the clinic, one everyone wanted me kept out of. She had lost a lot of blood, and while they had a feeder on hand right away, rousing her to enough consciousness to drink proved difficult. It wasn't until the middle of the Academy's night that someone decided she was stable enough for me to visit.
"Is it true? " she asked when I walked into the room. She lay on the bed, wrists heavily bandaged. I knew they'd put a lot of blood back into her, but she still looked pale to me. "They said it was you. You told them."
"I had to, " I said, afraid to get too close. "Lis'…you cut yourself worse than you ever have. And after healing me…and then everything with Christian…you couldn't handle it. You needed help."
She closed her eyes. "Christian. You know about that. Of course you do. You know about everything." "I'm sorry. I just wanted to help."
"What happened to what Ms. Karp said? About keeping it all secret?"
"She was talking about the other stuff. I don't think she'd want you to keep cutting yourself."
"Did you tell them about the 'other stuff'?"
I shook my head. "Not yet."
She turned toward me, eyes cold. "'Yet. But you're going to."
"I have to. You can heal other people…but it's killing you."
"I healed you."
"I would have been okay eventually. The ankle would have healed. It's not worth what it does to you. And I think I know how it started…when you first healed me…."
I explained my revelation about the accident and how all of her powers and depression had started after that. I also pointed out how our bond had formed after the accident too, though I didn't fully understand why yet.
"I don't know what's going on, but this is beyond us. We need someone's help."
"They'll take me away, " she said flatly. "Like Ms. Karp."
"I think they'll try to help you. They were all really worried. Lis', I'm doing this for you. I just want you to be okay."
She turned away from me. "Get out, Rose."
I did. They released her the next morning on the condition that she'd have to come back for daily visits to the counselor. Dimitri told me they also planned on putting her on some sort of medication to help with the depression. I wasn't a big fan of pills, but I'd cheer on anything that would help her.
Unfortunately, some sophomore had been in the clinic for an asthma attack. He'd seen her come in with Dimitri andAlberta. He didn't know why she'd been admitted, but that hadn't stopped him from telling people in his hall what he'd seen. They then told others at breakfast. By lunch, all the upperclassmen knew about the late-night clinic visit.
And more importantly, everyone knew she wasn't speaking to me.
Just like that, whatever social headway I'd made plummeted. She didn't outright condemn me, but her silence spoke legions, and people behaved accordingly.
The whole day, I walked around the Academy like a ghost. People watched and occasionally spoke to me, but few made much more effort than that. They followed Lisa's lead, imitating her silence. No one was openly mean to me-they probably didn't want to risk it in case she and I patched things up. Still, I heard "blood whore " whispered here and there when someone thought I wasn't listening.
Mason would have wel comed me to his lunch table, but some of his friends might not have been so nice.
I didn't want to be the cause of any fights between him and them. So I chose Natalie instead.
"I heard Lisa tried to run away again, and you stopped her, " Natalie said. No one had a clue why she'd been in the clinic yet. I hoped it stayed that way.
Running away? Where in the world had that come from? "Why would she do that?"
"I don't know. " She lowered her voice. "Why'd she leave before? It's just what I heard."
That story raged on as the day passed, as did all sorts of rumors about why Lisa might have gone to the med clinic. Pregnancy and abortion theories were eternally popular. Some whispered she might have gotten Victor's disease. No one even came close to guessing the truth.
Leaving our last class as quickly as possible, I was astonished when Mia started walking toward me.
"What do you want? " I demanded. "I can't come out and play today, little girl."
"You sure have an attitude for someone who doesn't exist right now."
"As opposed to you? "I asked. Remembering what Christian had said, I did feel a little sorry for her. That guilt disappeared after I took one look at her face. She might have been a victim, but now she was a monster. There was a cold, cunning look about her, very different from the desperate and depressed one from the other day. She hadn't stayed beaten after what Andre had done to her-if that was even true, and I believed it was-and I doubted she would with Lisa either. Mia was a survivo
r.
"She got rid of you, and you're too high and mighty to admit it. " Her blue eyes practically bugged out.
"Don't you want to get back at her?"
"Are you morepsycho than usual? She's my best friend. And why are you still following me?"
Miatsk ed. "She doesn't act like it. Comeon, tell me what happened at the clinic. It's something big, isn't it? She really is pregnant, right? Tell me what it is."
"Go away."
"If you tell me, I'll get Jesse and Ralf to say they made all that stuff up."
I stopped walking and spun around to face her. Scared, she took a few steps backward. She must have recalled some of my past threats of physical violence.
"I already know they made it all up, because I didn'tdo any of it. And if you try to turn me against Lisa one more time, the stories are going to be aboutyou bleeding, because I'll have ripped your throat out!"
My voice grew louder with each word until I practically shouted. Mia stepped back further, clearly terrified.
"You really are crazy. No wonder she dropped you. " She shrugged. "Whatever. I'll find out what's going on without you.»
When the dance came that weekend, I decided I really didn't want to go. It had sounded stupid to begin with, and I'd only been interested in going to the after-parties anyway. But without Lisa, I wasn't likely to gain admission to those. Instead, I holed up in my room, trying-and failing-to do some homework. Through the bond, I felt all sorts of mixed emotions from her, particularly anxiety and excitement. It had to be hard hanging out all night with a guy you didn't really like.
About ten minutes after thedance's start time, I decided to clean up and take a shower. When I came back down the hall from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my head, I saw Mason standing outside my door. He wasn't exactly dressed up, but he also wasn't wearing jeans. It was a start.
"There you are, party girl. I was about ready to give up."
"Did you start another fire? No guys allowed in this hall."
"Whatever. Like that makes a difference. " True. The school might be able to keep Strigoi out, but they did a horrible job at keeping the rest of us away from each other. "Let me in. You've got to get ready."
It took me a minute to realize what he meant. "No. I'm not going."
"Come on, " he prodded, following me inside. "'Cause you had a fight with Lisa? You guys are going to make up soon. No reason for you to stay here all night. If you don't want to be around her, Eddie's getting a group together over in his room later."
My old, fun-loving spirit perked its head up just a bit. No Lisa.Probably no royals. "Yeah?"
Seeing that he was starting to get me, Mason grinned. Looking at his eyes, I realized again how much he liked me. And again I wondered,Why couldn't I just have a normal boyfriend? Why did I want my hot, older mentor-the mentor I'd probably end up getting fired?
"It'll just be novices, " Mason continued, oblivious to my thoughts. "And I have a surprise for you when we get there."
"Is it in a bottle? " If Lisa wanted to ignore me, I had no reason to keep myself sober.
"No, that's at Eddie's. Hurry up and get dressed. I know you aren't wearing that."
I looked down at my ripped jeans andUniversityofOregon T-shirt. Yeah.Definitely not wearing this. Fifteen minutes later, we cut across the quad back over to the commons, laughing as we recounted how a particularly clumsy classmate of ours had given himself a black eye in practice this week. Moving quickly over the frozen ground wasn't easy in heels, and he kept grabbing my arm to keep me from falling over, half-dragging me along. It made us laugh that much more. A happy feeling started to well up in me-I wasn't entirely rid of the ache for Lisa, but this was a start.
Maybe I didn't have her and her friends, but I had my own friends. It was also very likely that I was going to get head-over-heels drunk tonight, which, while not a great way to solve my problems, would at least be really fun. Yeah. My life could be worse.
Then we ran into Dimitri and Alberta.
They were on their way somewhere else, talking guardian business.Alberta smiled when she saw us, giving us the kind of indulgent look older people always give to younger people who appear to be having fun and acting silly. Like she thought we were cute.The nerve. We stumbled to a halt, and Mason put a hand on my arm to steady me.
"Mr. Ashford, Miss Hathaway. I'm surprised you aren't already in the commons."
Mason gave her an angelic, teacher's-pet smile. "Got delayed, Guardian Petrov. You know how it is with girls.Always got to look perfect. You especially must know all about that."
Normally I would have elbowed him for saying something so stupid, but I was staring at Dimitri and incapable of speech. Perhaps more importantly, he was staring at me too.
I had on the black dress, and it was everything I'd hoped it could be. In fact, it was a wonderAlberta didn't call me on the dress code right there and then. The fabric clung everywhere, and no Moroi girl's chest could have held this dress up. Victor's rose hung around my neck, and I'd done a hasty blow-dry of my hair, leaving it down the way I knew Dimitri liked it. I hadn't worn tights because no one wore tights with dresses like this anymore, so my feet were freezing in the heels.All for the sake of looking good.
And I was pretty sure I looked damn good, but Dimitri's face wasn't giving anything away. He just looked at me-and looked and looked. Maybe that said something about my appearance in and of itself. Remembering how Mason sort of held my hand, I pulled away from him. He andAlberta finished up their joking remarks, and we all went our separate ways.
Music blasted inside the commons when we arrived, white Christmas lights and-ugh-a disco ball casting the only light in the otherwise darkened room. Gyrating bodies, mostly underclassmen, packed the dance floor. Those who were our age stood in too-cool clusters along the edges of the room, waiting for an opportune time to sneak off. An assortment of chaperones, guardians and Moroi teachers alike, patrolled around, breaking up those dancers who did a little too much gyrating. When I saw Kirova in a sleeveless plaid dress, I turned to Mason and said, "Are you sure we can't hit the hard liquor yet?"
He snickered and took my hand again. "Come on, time for your surprise."
Letting him lead me, I walked across the room, cutting through a cluster of freshmen who looked way too young to be doing the kind of pelvic thrusts they were attempting.
Where were the chaperones when you needed them? Then I saw where he was leading me and came to a screeching halt.
«No,» I said, not budging when he tugged my hand.
"Come on, it's going to be great."
"You're taking me to Jesse and Ralf. The only way I canever be seen with them is if I've got a blunt object, and I'm aiming between their legs."
He pulled me again. "Not anymore. Come on."
Reluctant, I finally started moving: my worst fears were realized when a fewpairs eyes turned our way.
Great. Everything was starting all over again. Jesse and Ralf didn't notice us at first, but when they did, an amusing array of expressions played over their faces. First they saw my body and the dress. Testosterone took over as pure male lust shone out of their faces. Then they seemed to realize it was me and promptly turned terrified. Cool.
Mason gave Jesse a sharp poke in the chest with the end of his finger. "All right, Zeklos. Tell her." Jesse didn't say anything, and Mason repeated the gesture, only harder.
"Tell her." Not meeting my eyes, Jesse mumbled, "Rose, we know none of that stuff happened."
I almost choked on my own laughter. "Do you? Wow. I'm really glad to hear that. Because you see, until you said that, I'd been thinking ithad happened. Thank God you guys are here to set me straight and tell me what the hell I have or haven't done!"
They flinched, and Mason's light expression darkened to something harder.
"She knows that, " he growled. "Tell her the rest."
Jesse sighed. "We did it because Mia told us to."
«And?» prompted Mason.
"And we're
sorry."
Mason turned to Ralf. "I want to hear it from you, big boy."
Ralf wouldn't meet my eyes either, but he mumbled something that sounded vaguely like an apology. Seeingthem defeated, Mason turned chipper. "You haven't heard the best part yet."
I cut him a sidelong look. "Yeah? Like the part where we rewind time and none of this ever happened?"
"Next best thing. "He tapped Jesse again. "Tell her. Tell herwhy you did it."
Jesse looked up and exchanged uneasy looks with Ralf.
«Boys,» warned Mason, clearly delighted about something, "you're making Hathaway and me very angry. Tell her why you did it."
Wearing the look of one who realized things couldn't get any worse, Jesse finally met my eyes. "We did it because she slept with us.Both of us.»
CHAPTER 20
My mouth dropped open. "Uh…wait…you meansex?"
My astonishment prevented me from thinking of a better response. Mason thought it was hysterical.
Jesse looked like he wanted to die.
"Of course I mean sex. She said she'd do it if we said that we'd…you know…."
I made a face. "You guys didn't both, uh, do it at the same time, did you?"
«No,» said Jesse in disgust. Ralf kind of looked like he wouldn't have minded.
«God,» I muttered, pushing hair out of my face. "I can't believe she hates us that much."
«Hey,» exclaimed Jesse, reading into my insinuation. "What's that supposed to mean? We're not that bad. And you and me-we were pretty close to-"
"No. We weren'teven close to that. " Mason laughed again, and something struck me. "If this…if this happened back then, though…she must have still been dating Aaron."
All three guys nodded.
"Oh. Whoa."
Miareally hated us. She'd just moved beyond poor-girl-wronged-by-girl's-brother and well into sociopath territory. She'd slept with these two and cheated on a boyfriend whom she seemed to adore.
Jesse and Ralf looked incredibly relieved when we walked away. Mason slung a lazy arm around my shoulders. "Well? What do you think? I rule, right? You can tell me. I won't mind."
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