by Chuck Crabbe
Ezra looked over at Pastor Mark, who was nodding his head in sympathetic agreement with the truth being spoken.
"So be prepared," Alex continued, "because it will be the same for the world when Jesus Christ returns. The Bible tells us that two men will be working together in the fields. One will be taken and the other will be left behind. Two women will be doing their housework. One will be taken and the other left behind. Now some people will tell you not to take these words literally. They'll tell you about symbols and that God doesn't mean the things that are right there on the page in front of you. But mark my words, if you do not accept Jesus into your heart, if you are not born again as you must be to be saved, the day will come when you turn a street corner, or get out of bed, and you will find that the brothers and sisters in Christ will be missing from the world of sin. On that day God will release his grip on the evil he is protecting us from and it will attack like the flood that Noah's doubters drown in. So, the question is: Where will you be? All of us as youth need to be ready. We need to watch and wait, because the day of accounting is almost here. If you haven't given your life over to Christ, today or tomorrow might be your last chance. We do not know when he will arrive, but the Bible tells us he will come in darkness. He will come as a thief in the night."
Who was this boy? Several members of the group on the floor applauded and praised what he said. Then he passed around copies of the song he wanted to sing to close his lesson. Alex showed a silent four count with his hand and gestured for the group to begin singing.
Pastor Mark had them hold hands and say a closing prayer. Ezra closed his eyes and felt his stomach turn. Anxiety at the boy's words and passion shook his balance as Pastor Mark began to pray. The faces of the other young people became earnest as their lips moved silently along with the pastor.
But, mostly, he was glad to have friends around him again. Over the next couple of months he continued to play basketball with Alex and the others. Each Friday, after either a member of the youth group or Pastor Mark had spoken, they all went and ate fries and drank Coke at the Charcoal Pit. A grumpy old Greek man owned it. He was always kicking kids out who made too much noise or hung around too long after they had finished eating. Ezra got to know some of the others better and soon they offered to pick him up for Wednesday night services at the church itself.
Calvary Pentecostal Assembly was an ugly modern church made of red and brown bricks. It was stripped down both inside and out, left "open" in that barren and cardboard Christian style that is a reflection of our Age's arrogant belief that our reason has transcended our need for symbols and ritual. The altar was an empty stage with a shiny black piano and a pulpit. Office style chairs were used in place of pews. A lone lit cross, bright white against the red and brown brick, was attached to the front of the building. It threw its pale light on the closely cut, flowerless front lawn.
Well, it all came as a great shock to him. He had never seen people behave this way before. The young people were joined by their families at these Wednesday night meetings. While the pastor spoke they called out and praised God and Jesus with their hands in the air. They kept their hands extended towards heaven while they sang and shut their eyes like babies being put to sleep while they swayed to the music and prayed. During the first service the man beside him broke into a sweat with his eyes shut tight and began mumbling and chanting.
"Bim da la bim da bim...Sashacon saba....Sashocaon saba."
"What was he doing?" he asked the Bird Man after the service was over.
"He was speaking in tongues."
"Speaking in tongues?"
"You haven't heard that before?"
"No."
"It's the language of the Holy Spirit. When you pray, sometimes you're filled with the Holy Spirit and it speaks through you like that."
"Like possession?"
"No. Possession is what demons and evil spirits do to you."
Ezra's eyes opened wide. "You believe in demons?"
"Of course," the Bird Man said. "People here have had experiences with them."
"How do you know?"
"Because I have."
"What kind of experience?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
If the history of man has proven anything, it is that extremes are not sustainable. The other thing it has proven is that certain natures are always attracted to them. It was precisely at these extremes that the people who attended and ran Calvary Pentecostal Assembly lived. The adults, almost to a person, were former drug addicts, alcoholics, and criminals. Several of the men wore faded motorcycle gang tattoos, perhaps a skull or a grim reaper with some appropriate phrase like "Love and Hate" smeared in bluish-black ink around it. They did their best to cover these with their much newer, clean white shirtsleeves. The marks on the women were not always so visible, but in all of them the hard lines of their faces told the stories of lives they had tried to leave but could not escape. Prison, abuse, divorce, and children left behind but not forgotten made up many of the days they had lost to the snares of the devil.
From the gutter they went directly to the rooftop and declared for all to hear that they were reborn, that the devil had been driven out, and that all who had ears to hear should follow or risk eternity in flames. Many of them attended church three or four times a week because they knew, but would never have admitted, that if it wasn't the temple, then it would be the tavern, or much worse. They came to the pulpit to be healed, and the pastor laid his hands upon them. Sweat from the effort of summoning the Holy Spirit streamed down his strained face.
The repentance of some lasted months, that of others years, yet all but the old and tired eventually found themselves face down in the muck again. The bottle and needle were picked up once more, the call of the city streets proved too strong for their flawed wills, and the beds of strange men and women too warm. Before long this too, in its turn and according to the course of the pendulum, could no longer be sustained. Then, just before the final note on the tragedy was struck, they returned beaten and bloodied to the God and church that, so long as they were willing, would always welcome the prodigal home. These were the poles that their lives threw them back and forth between, and the ones most of them were able to pass on to their children.
Ezra, being a helpless extremist in thought but not in deed, felt, almost immediately, that he was on familiar ground.
He liked the young people that he had met there. Some had cars and they would pick him up when they went out to witness in the streets and malls and restaurants. They passed out little comic books called tracts that had cartoons about temptation and the apocalypse. Some of them left the little stories in public washrooms on urinals and the backs of toilets. Ezra participated when they prayed and sang and listened to the older ones talk about all the wonders Christ had performed in their lives. He struggled with the words they asked him to speak but often spoke them anyways. Then, after he had given one strained utterance or another, or after he had raised his hands with his friends, a dread washed over him that he had crossed some holy line and betrayed the God his mother and Elsie had raised him with.
But there was another part of him. It was the one that told him he had only turned to the question of God because the world had rejected him. He found comfort in turning his face away from it only because he knew it had first turned away from him. It was not some high virtue that had led him to the church and away from evil. If only evil had embraced him! God would have never heard his voice again. If only all those scantily clad girls had invited him into their pants instead of ignoring him. Had the thieves invited him out to pillage with them he would have never dropped a single coin in the collection plate. He knew this from the small tastes he'd had. There were a few boys from the youth group who were thought to behave badly. After they had eaten with the others they would go off on their own and buy packs of matches, light them on fire, and leave them burning in rows in the middle of the street. Ezra had gone with them a few times. They bought spray p
aint and used it to write swear words on the brick walls of the plazas and schools. He hungered to do these things and worse. But then, when he had done them, he was struck with remorse so deep that he thought only suicide could heal his bleeding conscience. Returning home he would search Elsie's face for signs that she knew what he had done, but he found none. His unspoken lies stung him. Then, for days, he would wish she had found out, just to be relieved of his lonely burden. So he would repent, having found that perhaps he had no stomach for evil after all, and return to God and prayer, taking solace in what he had been told: That God forgave everything if only one came to him with an open heart.
MESSENGER
All the odd and devout families that attended the Pentecostal church had children and young men and women that belonged to one of three groups: the moderate ones, to which the Bird Man and most of the others Ezra hung around with belonged to; the extremists like Alex DaLivre; and the lost sheep, which included four or five boys and one girl named Demi Cullen.
For most of the time he had known her, Demi Cullen was Tom Mason's girlfriend. Tom delivered the Windsor Star to Ezra's house every day except Sundays, when there was no paper. Demi's parents attended Calvary Pentecostal Assembly, and that is why she went. They were British immigrants and spoke with an accent. It was common knowledge that Demi and Tom Mason not only had sex, but that they had sex often. Because of her carnal activities she was generally looked down on, but charitably accepted by the older members of the youth group. She didn't seem to care much either way, and when she was done with Tom Mason, her eye fell upon Ezra.
Without a pause she put the word out to his disapproving friends, and they, though they disapproved, put the word out to him. He'd heard about her and Tom Mason right? He knew what kind of girl she was, didn't he? He wouldn't, would he? Demi Cullen had young firm breasts, and of course he would... She'd invited him to come to the house where she was babysitting that weekend. Nick Carraway, who was a year younger than Ezra, agreed to bicycle there with him.
It was a long bike ride. But on that hot day in May Nick Carraway became Ezra's best friend. They rode together along the country roads outside of Belle River. As they road they talked about girls, and Ezra told him the story of his family and his mother.
Nick and Ezra stopped at a store that sold drinks. They bought cold root beer in bottles that looked like real beer bottles, and Nick entered into a conspiracy with his new friend about all the things they knew would happen with Demi Cullen.
The house was old and was on land that had once been a farm. Weeds grew up around the old barns and pieces of wood were missing from the roofs. He thought about how rain would have gotten in if animals had still lived there. Barns like these, even if he was just driving by one, had always made Ezra sad. As they rode up the long lane they saw old rusting farm equipment through the broken barn doors.
They laid their bikes down at one side of the crumbling concrete steps that led up to the entrance and knocked on the front door. Demi Cullen answered in a spaghetti strap top. She had big clay looking clumps of cover-up over her pimples.
"Hey, hon," she said and hugged Ezra. "Hi Nicky."
Hon? The feeling ran through his body as she pressed her chest up against his. Do girls know? Yes.
There were two little girls there. One was seven or eight and the other was just over a year and stumbled and fell through the huge mess of toys all over the living room floor. Ezra and Nick sat down on the couch, and she sat sideways on the chair at the other side of the room and pulled her legs up to her chest. The inside of the house smelled like cat piss. They talked about people at the youth group and she told him about some of the bad and awful things some of them had done. Ezra didn't believe her but when he looked at Nick he was smiling and nodding his head in agreement with her. Nick would never have said those things himself but he didn't see anything wrong with confirming them.
"Please... Half those guys there have tried to get in my pants at one time or another. Mostly when they were backsliding, but they still did it."
"Backsliding?" Ezra asked.
"Backsliding is a word we use when someone has lost track of Jesus in his heart," she said. "For a long time I was backsliding, and so was my brother, but not anymore."
"I see."
"Alex has probably been the worst," she continued.
"Really? Alex?"
"Alex has been into a lot of shit. Drinking and drugs and he used to get into a lot of fights."
"What kind of fights?"
"In ninth grade Mike Shoe wanted to fight him and waited for him in the park near the school with a whole crowd of other kids to back him up. Alex walked right into the park after school. It was only him and Sam Redyard, and Alex walked right up through the crowd and got in Mike Shoe's face. Mike asked him if he wanted to fight and pushed him, and Alex hit him so hard in the face, and so fast, that Mike's blood exploded all over Alex's t-shirt. He probably hit him fifteen or twenty times before Mike could even breathe."
"Really?" Ezra smiled.
"Believe me when I tell you that Alex has been into a lot of shit."
"Didn't he and Mike Shoe fight again?" Nick asked. "My sister said something."
"Yup. And Alex kicked his ass again. But it wasn't as bad this time because Mr. Staley broke it up."
Ezra was interested. "So Alex is really tough?"
"Really tough," Demi answered. "Tom and him had a problem one summer and I told Tom to stay the hell away from him. And Tom's no wimp."
"You probably didn't know that Alex got arrested for dealing acid either."
"Nah! Come on."
"Ask Nicky. His parents kicked him out of the house for it."
Nick Carraway looked back from trying to fix one of the little girl's broken toys for her.
"Uh huh," he concurred.
"But he isn't like that now," Ezra said. "Kev was telling me that he's always standing on the cafeteria tables and preaching at lunchtime, and that he's always handing out those little cartoon tracts."
"He does. Now, at least... He's not backsliding anymore."
The image of a man falling helplessly down a slippery slope popped into Ezra's mind. Then he saw another one of a young man plunging into the sea from a great height.
"Have you ever seen the tracks the Bird Man draws?"
"Why do you hang around with him?" she asked, sneering a little.
"I like the Bird Man," Ezra said, defending him.
She raised her eyebrows and looked away. There was an awkward silence and Nick, wanting to move things along for his new friend, changed the subject.
"So, what happened with Tom?" he asked.
"I told you. He and Alex had some sort of problem and I—"
"I meant between Tom and you."
"Oh, we broke up. He cheated on me."
Ezra and Nick both laughed out loud.
"It wasn't funny," she protested. She got up and pulled the toddler off the wooden staircase. "Anyway, they've probably been telling you, Ezra..."
"Telling me what?"
"That I like you now."
There it was. He sat still, attacked and happily embraced by what she had said. "Well, I heard that. I just wasn't sure if it was true."
"Well, it is."
"Oh."
"Do you think I'm pretty?"
"Yes."
"Good." She thought a little to herself. She turned toward him. "Do you think I have nice tits?"
His head spun and a wide embarrassed grin broke across his face.
"Come on," she prodded, "do you?"
Ezra looked over at Nick, who was hiding his face in his hands.
"Yeah," he said tentatively, "I do."
"I'm glad," she answered. Demi smiled, but then the look on her face changed as something else occurred to her. "Will you say it out loud?"
"Say what?"
"That I have nice tits."
Nick flopped faced down on the couch and laughed out loud.
"You're not serious?" E
zra said.
"I am. I'm being really serious. I want you to say it."
"There's little kids here."
"The older one is watching TV in her parents' room, and the baby won't understand anyway. Come on..." she whined. "Please?"
"You have nice tits."
She squirmed happily and smiled. "Thank you," she beamed. "That made me happy."
The three of them sat around and talked for a while longer. She brought out a bag of cookies and they ate them all. Then they had to go because the people she was babysitting for would be home soon and she wasn't allowed to have anyone over. She hugged him again when they were leaving. "I'll see you on Friday," she said.
Demi Cullen was the first girl he ever kissed. He kissed her in the back of her parents' van with her father driving and her mother sitting in the passenger seat. A group of kids including Demi's brother Michael, Alex DaLivre, and Nick Carraway had been at Calvary for a youth rally with music and prayer. He was worried that her parents might see them but Demi said they wouldn't mind. She leaned over on him and put her hand on his leg. Ezra felt like a boy his age already should have kissed several girls but he had never kissed even one. He didn't want her to know so he decided that it was better to go right into the French kiss, which he knew nothing about except from description. He tilted her chin up towards him and went right into it. It was a bit awkward and their teeth hit once but it was warm and wet and he wanted more. They made out in the back of the van right in front of Nick Carraway and the others.
Ezra stopped to look at her mother and father in the front seats. They must have seen them kissing, he thought, but they just continued on driving and talking. Demi again squeezed his leg where she had laid her hand. Her father stopped at each of their houses to drop them off. After they had brought Nick home, Ezra kissed her one more time and then moved up to the seat beside the sliding door. He put his hand on the handle as they pulled up in front of his driveway.
