by London Casey
“Who said that?”
“You just did,” Anna said. “You know I’m trying to find a job.”
“You just got fired two nights ago for getting drunk at work!”
“Oh, so I drink with a few customers and that’s bad? They were buying me the shots. I was making that bar money. Fuck that guy that owns it. Stupid tool.”
“Anna, you can’t continue to live like this. You have to take care of yourself.”
Anna backed up and eyed me up and down. “Oh, what, be like you? I see you really take care of yourself. You know why you need to wear your hair down? Because it takes away from how fat your face is.”
She made a scoffing laughing sound and walked out of the bathroom. I heard a few thuds, a few more slams, and then she was gone.
“Shit,” I whispered.
I had chased her away.
She’d go out and get really messed up.
Which meant I couldn’t go out. I’d need to be home in case she needed me. Or the police needed me when they picked her up.
I shut the bathroom door and looked at myself in the mirror.
Anna was right about the way I looked.
Plus, I didn’t want some guy buying me food and listening to me talk with the sole intention of getting me into bed.
Not that anyone would want me in bed, right?
I touched my cheeks.
My stomach felt sick.
I grabbed my phone and sent a text to Gavin, canceling our plans.
He didn’t even bother to text me back.
I ended up on the couch, alone, waiting for Anna.
She never came home that night.
Want to know where she ended up?
She tracked down Gavin (after stealing his number from my phone) and she spent the night with him…
Chapter Twenty-Eight
(Cleaned Up to Get Dirty)
NOW
(EVAN)
I couldn’t wash my hands or face any longer. I was as clean as I could get, not that I was a mechanic working on cars twelve hours a day. That was years ago for me. Now I just wore a mask and welded for hours on end. Focused on flame and spark, manipulating metal and steel the way I wanted to create frames of what would be custom motorcycles.
Why was all this shit running through my head right then? I had no idea.
I splashed water on my face and grabbed a hand towel. I looked around the bathroom in my apartment. The bathroom, hell, the entire place was a cliché for a single guy living alone. Random clothes on the floor. The ones that weren’t exactly dirty but definitely weren’t clean. A pile of towels that had been in the corner long enough that I was convinced if I moved them I’d disturb whatever was living under them, or had grown under them.
I exited the bathroom and directly to my right was my bedroom. It was actually a nice setup there because the room was big and the length of the apartment. Almost like a second living room, an open flat feel to it. There were old hardwood floors throughout the place that creaked and had a few uneven spots where you could catch your big toe if you weren’t careful enough.
There were no other defined rooms in the apartment either. The kitchen opened to the living room and that ended I guess where the couch ended because that’s where I slapped a small four seater dining room table. Two of those four chairs had never been pulled out or sat in. Half the dining room table had boxes on it for work. Paperwork. Orders. Financials. All the shit Uncle Davey felt he was too old to take care of. Yet the old son of a bitch wouldn’t entertain the idea of selling me the business.
I walked through the apartment and thought about what I was doing. What I wanted to achieve tonight. Taking Adena out on a date. I mean, it was all for fun, I got that part. Our stupid attempt at pretending the past wasn’t real and everything that happened since Anna died wasn’t relevant. I had spent years convincing myself to not take Adena out so I didn’t mess up her life. But here I was, looking at myself in the mirror on the wall that held my old ripped up hats and keys, wondering if I should splash a little cologne on my neck. The cheap shit Uncle Davey bought me at a drugstore on Christmas Eve after he realized he forgot to get me something.
I smiled as I lifted my middle finger to the reflection in the mirror.
Here’s the thing… I couldn't do fake anymore. I had been pretending for longer than I could ever remember. Hiding behind my own pain and sadness. Hiding behind all those dirty secrets that Anna promised me to keep. And hiding away in this town at Uncle Davey’s shop, in this shitty apartment, letting time slip away.
There was no more hiding anything. There was no more holding back.
And I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing for Adena.
I pulled up to the front of the house and laughed to myself. How many times had I pulled up to this exact house in my life? How many times had I pulled up with the headlights off and shut the engine off, leaving my car in neutral so I could push it down the street without waking anyone?
I looked at the passenger seat and saw all the damn papers.
“Shit,” I said.
It was all the new proposals for work at the shop.
I hurried to scoop them all up and shoved them under the passenger seat.
When I looked up I saw Adena.
She was shutting the front door to the house and captured every ounce of my attention. All I could see was her ass in a pair of jeans. Then she turned and I pulled at the steering wheel, sliding myself toward the passenger window to get a better look at her.
It was everything I could ever need in a woman. Jeans, curves, and a smile that shot all the way from the sidewalk to my heart.
Adena was perfect. Beautifully perfect. And to her this was probably dressed up. Her best pair of jeans. The curves of her hips where my hands had once been resting. The way she could have a shirt on with a zip up hoodie over it and look like she was ready to go to the fanciest restaurant in the world. Her hair had these little curls to it too, something I never saw before. That meant she took the time to do her hair for tonight.
I was so caught up in staring at her, I almost didn’t get out of my truck to greet her.
I then had to scramble like a damn fool. That’s what Adena did to me. What she always did to me. I was the guy that could throw back a shot of whiskey while driving away from the cops. I was the guy who would pick a fight with the biggest guy in a bar or a pool hall. Just for fun. I was the guy who never turned down a dare, no matter how dangerous. But around Adena, it was like I had two left feet, couldn’t focus because I needed glasses, my brain scrambled like I had been reading text in another language.
As I ran around the front of my truck, Adena started to reach for the passenger door.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I said. I grabbed for her wrist. “You look beautiful.”
“Evan…”
“No,” I said. “You look beautiful, Dena.”
I grabbed her and pulled her toward me.
Here’s the thing - no matter how scrambled she made me feel when I looked at her, the second I touched her, everything made sense. The stupidness subsided and the devil inside me crept up. But at the same time, my heart swelled enough to take on that devil. Which left me debating on whether to open the door for her and take her out to dinner or to just scoop her up and walk her back into the house and pick up where we left off previously. Her body exposed. My hands memorizing her. The sounds of her breathless moans. The taste of her…
“You really look fucking beautiful, Dena,” I whispered. I slipped my other hand around to the small of her back. Right at that lower curve that gave way to her ass.
I saw the way her cheeks flushed. “Thanks, Evan. You look handsome.”
I started to lower down, needing to kiss her.
“Is this what you do to your first dates?” she whispered. “Well, even before the date begins?”
I caught myself and grinned. “Right. Of course. I would never.”
I broke away from her and opened the passenger
door to my truck. I reached in and grabbed the flowers off the dashboard.
“Here you go, sweetheart,” I said.
“Evan,” she said. “They’re beautiful.”
I knew nothing about flowers. I stood at the little section in the grocery store picking out flowers like I was buying a house with a thirty-year mortgage. I figured I couldn’t go wrong with roses. Plus, flowers would die in a week. The way I felt about Dena, that was going to be there forever.
I help her into the truck. She held the flowers, smiling, her cheeks bright red.
That meant it had been a really long time since someone bought her flowers. Since someone did anything nice for her.
And that really fucking pissed me off. It made me hate this town even more. That nobody could see what I saw in Adena.
But now I had my chance.
She looked at me. She smiled.
I grabbed for her hand again. “For the record, sweetheart, this isn’t our first date. And even if it was, it’s you, Dena. It’s you. I can’t control myself around you. So I should apologize for anything that happens tonight. But I’m not going to do that. I’ve waited too long. I’ve got you, sweetheart, and I’m not going to let you go.”
Her jaw dropped because her cheeks couldn’t get any redder.
I shut the door to the truck and turned to catch my own damn breath. I looked at the front porch.
The spot where I had my first date with Dena.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
(Front Porch Top Step Confession)
YEARS AGO
(Evan)
“Bro, I’m telling you, flowers lock it down.”
“He’s right,” Scott said.
I couldn’t take stock in what Scott said because his eyes were mostly shut as he sucked on another one of his special cigarettes. The room was fogged up with thick smoke. I had to get out of there soon or else I’d end up high as a kite.
“Flowers,” I said, shaking my head. “What the fuck. I don’t buy flowers.”
“You should,” Andy said. “You want this shit to go down? Get some flowers.”
I curled my lip. “Chicks are confusing, man.”
“Of course they are,” Scott said. “They got the power over us, man. It’s like the way the universe…”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, if he’s going to start talking like that, I’m leaving.”
I opened the door to the garage and almost choked on the fresh air. I could feel the cloud of smoke following me.
Andy called out something about flowers again.
I slammed the door and stood in the driveway to Andy’s father’s house. His old man was the kind of guy that believed if he couldn’t control the partying, then he would let it happen at his house. He figured it was safer that way than having all of us scattered around, trying to hide, getting wasted and driving.
Which made sense.
Fuck all that though, I was thinking about flowers now. Stupid flowers. Because Anna had been acting crazy and I was afraid she was going to hurt herself. She and I had gotten into an argument over something stupid. Stupid because she was drunk at a party when she started making out with some stranger. Not that it really bothered me because we weren’t exactly an item but I went to the party with her because she asked me to go. I saved her ass from that guy because he had intentions and Anna had no judgment capabilities.
So now I was considering buying Anna some flowers to get her to calm the hell down and let me talk to her. The only problem was that I had no damn cash on me. There were some family issues that popped up and I had to use all my savings to help out. To put it honestly - my burnout of a mother forgot to pay the rent on the house for three months. The landlord - a short, fat guy named Archie with gold chains around his neck - told me that we had to get out. Not my mother. He came to me. Tracked me down outside Andy’s father’s garage. Andy’s father thought I was dealing drugs or some shit. I told him what was happening and he offered to give me the money. I said no. I said I would work and earn money. So I had to give up all my savings to make sure we didn’t get kicked out of the house. That was just the rent though. The utilities were a whole other mess.
In other words, I had jack shit.
So I did what I always had to do.
I had to steal.
Which I honestly hated to do.
The thing was, I couldn’t just swipe an entire thing of flowers. So I snuck into the corner store, waited for my moment, and I plucked a rose out of a bunch. They wanted fucking twenty bucks for a dozen roses. That was a rip off. So I just took a single rose, that I could sneak in my zip-up. I grabbed a candy bar and threw a dollar on the counter. The old man behind the counter was more worried about the news on the TV. I probably could have gotten out of there without paying for the candy bar. But I was hungry. I hadn’t had dinner yet and smelling all that smoke from Scott had me feeling a little loose and even hungrier.
I drove to Anna’s and parked around the side.
I kept the rose hidden and had a tight grip on the candy bar.
I walked along the sidewalk and saw Adena sitting on the top step of the porch.
She was leaning against the side of the house, staring off into space. So I stopped walking for a few seconds. I smiled. Adena…
I let out a little whistle.
Adena looked at me and she quickly sat up. “Evan.”
“Hey,” I said. “You okay?”
“I’m okay,” Adena said.
She was obviously lying.
I stopped at the bottom of the steps.
She looked up at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“She’s not here,” Adena said.
“Anna?”
“Yeah. She took off a few hours ago. Her and Aunt Beth had a huge argument. Anna wanted to take a bus to the beach.”
“What? Now?”
“I guess some friends are going there,” Adena said.
“Friends? What friends can afford that?”
“Exactly,” Adena said. “Aunt Beth said no way and they started arguing. Anna stormed out the back door and left.”
“Shit,” I said. “This is my fault.”
“Your fault? Why?”
“Just… stuff happened,” I said. “Stupid stuff. She and I had a disagreement.”
“Anna has a disagreement with the world. So don’t take it personally. And you shouldn’t let her bully you around, Evan.”
I raised an eyebrow. Adena never talked about Anna like this.
“Bully me?” I asked. “She doesn’t bully me.”
“You do what she says.”
“I try to keep her safe.”
“Which you don’t need to do.”
I opened my mouth but held my words back.
Adena shrugged her shoulders. “Wanna sit?”
I looked over my shoulder. I gritted my teeth for a second.
“Let me guess,” Adena said, “you want to go help find her.”
Yeah, I sort of did. But in some ways, I was so fucking sick of it.
So I turned and plopped down next to Adena.
She looked surprised that I sat next to her. Sat so close to her, shoulder to shoulder.
“How’s your day, Dena?” I asked.
Her cheeks turned a little red. “Uh… it’s okay. Just… here.”
“So what’s the big plan?” I asked. “I mean, we’re done with high school now. All grown up.”
Adena sighed. “Who knows. Work. Save money.”
“No college?”
“Can’t afford it.”
“Not even some night classes?”
“Maybe,” Adena said. “But what am I going to go to school for?”
“Business,” I said. “You want that bakery, right?”
“That was a dream project, Evan. I sort of lost all my steam with that.”
“Right,” I said. “I wouldn’t give up on it if I were you. There’s always a way.”
“So what do you want to do then, Evan?
” she asked.
“I have no fucking clue,” I said and smiled.
Adena laughed.
God, that laugh was addicting.
“I’m serious,” I said. “I’m tired of turning a wrench at Andy’s old man’s shop. But it pays me. I don’t know what else to figure out. I had some money saved up but I just spent it paying the rent because my mother didn’t pay for months.”
“Oh, jeez,” Adena said.
“Yeah. So I’m stuck here for a little longer. I could call my uncle. He owns a welding shop. But I don’t know. You think you could deal with me sticking around, Dena?”
“I think so,” she said. “You’re not all that bad, Evan.”
I laughed. “You’re the first to say that. Hey, you hungry?”
I showed her the candy bar.
“Sure,” she said.
I pulled at the noisy wrapper and opened it. When I turned, I felt something poke at my chest. I wiggled and remembered I had a rose hidden in my jacket.
I started to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Adena asked.
I broke the candy bar in half. I pulled it as the gooey center made a long and skinny string.
I gave Adena half.
“Now, wait,” I said.
I reached into my jacket and pulled out the rose.
It was mostly squished by then, but hey, I didn’t pay for it, right?
“Here,” I said.
“What…”
“I stole it,” I said. “But I paid for the candy bar.”
I saw the smile creep across Adena’s face as she took the rose.
So we sat there, eating a candy bar together, Adena holding a rose. It was the first time I didn’t go chase down Anna when she played her disappearing game. Of course, this was right before the accident and that fallout.
I looked at Adena. She had chocolate on the corner of her mouth.
“Come here,” I said to her.
“What?”
I leaned toward her a little and reached for her. With my left thumb, I touched the corner of her mouth. I wiped away the chocolate.
“You’re a sloppy eater,” I whispered.
