by London Casey
Just like my mother.
I was so angry when I saw Anna standing at the gate at the end of the yard. All the overgrowth and shit had been chopped down and now a chain link fence stood there. If Anna couldn’t piss me off even more, she was smoking.
The second she got within reach I grabbed the cigarette from her. “Are you insane?”
“What?”
“You think you’re pregnant and you’re smoking?”
“So?”
“You can’t smoke if you’re pregnant.”
“Why not?”
I stared in disbelief.
“Oh, so you’re mad at me now? This is your fucking fault, Evan.”
“My fault? I’m not the one…”
I held back my words.
If I pushed too hard at her, she’d run. And then who knows what she’d do to herself.
So I swallowed down all my goddamn words again.
“Did you get one?” Anna asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
I reached into my pants and pulled out the pregnancy test.
Anna took the box and stared at it.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“How does it work?”
“You just pee on it,” I said. “Read the instructions.”
“You read the instructions,” she yelled at me.
So I did. I read the instructions out loud for Anna and the rest of the goddamn world to hear. Nobody else was around though. They were asleep, getting ready to go to sleep, or maybe meeting up with their friends and enjoying the last little bit of freedom we all had before the summer came to an end. Some would head off to college. Some would stay put and take a year off. Some would go to a trade school. Some would go right to work if their Mommies and Daddies had the money and the company to let that happen. Anna was supposed to go to school - she still had two years left.
“Okay, give me the thing,” she said, breaking up my thoughts.
Anna took the box and held the pregnancy test in her hand. She looked at me and it was one of the few times I thought she looked vulnerable. There was nothing innocent about Anna - not from the day I met her and she handed me that stolen gold watch - but there were a handful of times when her eyes had an innocent look to them.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said to her. “No matter what the test says. It’s going to be okay. We’ll talk to Beth together. I’ll make it clear that I’m going to be there. I’ll make sure you get to all your appointments and stuff. Okay? I can find some extra work and whatever money I make I’ll give to Beth to put away…”
“I have to pee,” Anna said. “I drank a lot of water after I called you.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah.”
Anna walked around the corner of the fence to where I couldn’t see her. I walked to the fence and leaned against it, staring at the back of the house. The window on the left was Anna’s room. That window I had watched her climb out of how many times? Or how many times had I climbed up that little roof and jumped through the window?
On the other side of that room was Adena’s. Of course I couldn’t see her windows. I couldn’t tell if her lights were on. Off. If she was sleeping. Awake and reading a book. Or just there in bed, wide awake, staring at the dark ceiling, wondering about life.
I wanted that. I wanted to go into her bedroom and do just that. Side by my side, holding hands, in silence, trying to figure out the future…
“Evan.”
I turned and Anna stood a few feet away, a silhouette in the dark.
“I’m still here,” I said.
I swallowed hard, shoving my feelings down.
“Evan…”
“Anna, did you do it? What did it say?”
I saw that Anna’s hands were empty. She just stood there.
“It said we have to wait-”
“Don’t need to wait,” Anna said.
“Oh…”
“Evan, I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
(Forget About Forgetting)
NOW
(Adena)
I stood at the open door and knew the only thing left of letting go was going through the closet. Scoop up all of Anna’s clothes, box them up, and donate them. I’d probably save a couple items, depending on what was there. I figured she would have nothing that was worth keeping, but I could leave a little hope lingering.
Once the closet was emptied, then I could fill it up with extra stuff of mine. Buy a new bedding set and curtains, plug in some smelly things to take Anna’s smell out of the room for good, and I’d be in business. I’d have a nice house with nothing and nobody in it.
It didn’t bother me so much to go into the room anymore. I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to clean out the closet. And clean up the room. I couldn’t figure out how many times in my life I had cleaned out Anna’s room. Starting years ago when Aunt Beth would reach a breaking point and call the police. And I was stupid enough to clean out all of Anna’s stuff so she wouldn’t get arrested. In my heart I believed the scare would get to her. But it never did.
Hell, for all I could figure, there would be some leftover stuff in the closet. What would I do then? Call the police? I guess that would be the…
I felt hands slide around me and pull me back, out of the room.
I let out a yell.
“I’m taking you away,” Evan said in a deep voice. “Stealing you for the rest of your life.”
He spun me around and pinned me against the wall in the hallway next to Anna’s bedroom.
“Funny,” I said.
“What are you doing, Dena?”
“I thought you were on the phone.”
“I was. Quick call. The power of emails and being organized.”
“How was your call?”
“Fantastic,” Evan said. “At this rate, Uncle Davey will be rolling in millions. And I’ll be… rolling in fives.”
“Fives, wow,” I said. “Big money.”
Evan laughed. He pulled from the wall and hugged me. “How the hell do you make me laugh when I’m pissed off?”
I pushed away a little, put a finger to his chin. “Why are you pissed off?”
“Just annoyed,” he said. “So much work and I feel… I don’t know. I knew who Uncle Davey was when I took the job. He never promised me anything. He is who he is. Truth is, I’ve had a couple job offers elsewhere.”
“Oh?”
“I don’t know if I want that shit.”
“Why?”
“Uncle Davey is the last of my family,” Evan said. “Not that I’ve had this long and glorious line of family either. Uncle Davey gave me a chance when there was nothing out there. I mean, when I left…”
“You know, I never got to ask about all that,” I said.
Evan turned his head. “What were you doing in Anna’s room?”
“I have to clean out the closet,” I said. Evan obviously changed the subject. “I want to just be done with it.”
“Then be done with it,” he said. He broke away from me and grabbed Anna’s door and shut it. “Screw it. Not today, Dena.”
“Oh?”
“I want you to do something for me,” Evan said.
“What’s that?”
“Bake me something.”
“What?”
“You heard what I said. Bake me something.”
“Bake you something…”
“Pretend I ordered something off you.”
“Evan…”
“Come on,” he said. “I never got to try anything.”
I sighed. “Are you serious right now?”
“Yes. You’re famous for your bakery and business and I have never tried it. I’m jealous of everyone in this town.”
I laughed. “Stop.”
“I’m serious.”
I couldn’t say no to Evan. “Fine. I’ll make you something.”
“Good,” he said. “When you’re done, I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise for me?”
“Yup. Just let me know when-”
The doorbell chimed.
Evan raised an eyebrow. “Company?”
“Oh, crap,” I said. “It’s my other boyfriend.”
“Ut-oh,” Evan said. “Need me to hide under your bed?”
“No. He only likes to go straight to the bed. You better hide in another room.”
“Maybe I’ll just linger and watch. Get some pointers.”
“Now you went too far,” I said.
I turned and Evan grabbed my arm. “Hey. You called me your boyfriend.”
“Oh?” I asked.
“I like that,” he said. “I mean, it’s still a little too low on the totem pole, so to say.”
“Meaning what? You want to be my… what? What comes after boyfriend? Fiancé? Husband?”
Evan didn’t smile. He just stared. A very direct and honest stare.
Enough that my heart suddenly picked up its pace.
What did…
The doorbell rang again.
“You better go tell your boyfriend he has five seconds to leave because I’m here.”
“You know I’m joking, right?” I asked.
But Evan just kept staring at me with that serious look.
I went down the stairs, heart racing, a little confused.
When I opened the door and saw Tommy standing there in his full police uniform, I opened my mouth to ask ‘What did Anna do now?’.
But there was nothing Anna could do now.
“Tommy,” I said. “What’s going on?”
“Just on patrol,” he said. “Wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. Haven’t talked to you in a little while.”
“I’m okay,” I said. “I’m actually…”
“Tommy?”
I turned and saw Evan walking down the stairs.
“Evan?”
“Holy shit, man. How are you?”
“Working,” Tommy said. “How are…” Tommy looked at me. Then back to Evan. “Are you back in town?”
“Here and there,” Evan said.
I stepped to the side and watched as the two shook hands and hugged.
Evan hugging a cop…
A sight I never thought I’d see. Anytime I saw Evan with a cop, he was getting arrested and thrown into the back of a police cruiser for something he did.
“You know, Tommy’s father was a real dick,” Evan said with a laugh.
“Is that so?” I asked.
“My father’s name is Dick,” Tommy said. “Thankfully my mother wouldn’t let him name me after him. His middle name was Thomas after his grandfather. I’ll take Thomas over Dick.”
“But you’d still take a dick if it came down to it, huh?” Evan asked.
“Is that supposed to be a joke?” Tommy asked.
“So you knew his father?” I asked Evan.
“His father is the one who rode my ass all those years,” Evan said. “Arrested me with that gold watch after I stole the car…”
“Oh,” I said.
I remembered that day. The day I met Evan.
“But his dad was a fair guy,” I said.
“Yeah, he had his moments,” Tommy said. “I think he had a soft spot for you, Evan. He always talked about you. Actually, if it wasn’t for you, Evan, I wouldn’t have become a cop.”
“Really?” Evan asked.
“Why don’t you two come inside?” I asked. “Have a coffee or something.”
“A beer?” Evan asked.
“I’m on duty,” Tommy asked.
“Never stopped your father,” Evan said with a wink.
“What?” Tommy asked.
Evan laughed. “Coffee is fine. Thanks, Dena.”
I walked toward the kitchen and listened to Evan.
“He busted up a little thing I had going with Andy and Mike. And a few girls. Everyone split but me. He gave me a lecture about underage drinking, just for the hell of it. Then he sat down, right in the middle of the woods and asked for a beer. We drank a beer together. Right before I left too. It was almost like the full circle of getting to know him.”
“Only in this town can you get busted by a cop for underage drinking and then drink with that cop,” I said.
“Nah,” Evan said. “Dick knew better. He chased away everyone else. He had a way of handing down justice that worked. I mean, if it weren’t for him, I don’t know where I’d be.”
“I could say the same,” Tommy said. “He cared about you, Evan.”
“What’s he up to now?”
“Living in Florida,” Tommy said. “Does private work on the side when he’s not golfing.”
“So you became a cop because of me?” Evan asked.
I grabbed three coffee mugs and started to pour this morning’s coffee into them.
“I guess you could say that,” Tommy said. “Dad was worried about you all the time. So I wanted his attention. So I started talking about becoming a cop.”
“Damn,” Evan said. “How about that.”
“You know, he’d be pissed if he saw you here,” Tommy said with a laugh.
I brought the coffee cups to the table. “Why’s that, Tommy?”
“Well, he told Evan to stay away from you,” Tommy said. “Right, Evan?”
Evan’s eyes went wide. “Uh… well… what the fuck, Tommy?”
“What?” Tommy asked. “Shit. I thought… I mean, that was years ago, right?”
“Tommy’s father told you to stay away from me?” I asked.
Evan looked up at me and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s a long story, Dena.”
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Tommy said. He quickly stood up. “I thought we were all catching up.”
“We are,” Evan said.
“It’s fine,” I said. “I just didn’t know that part of the story I guess.”
There was suddenly tension in the room.
Tommy barely took two sips of his coffee before he said he needed to get back on the road.
He and Evan shook hands and hugged again.
“If you hear from your father, tell him I said hey,” Evan said.
“I will,” Tommy said. “Adena, good seeing you. If you need anything, let me know.”
“Thanks, Tommy,” I said. “For everything. All the times you…”
“I get it,” he said.
I hated the idea of Tommy leaving on a somber note. But my head was spinning as fast as my heart had been racing just a little bit ago, thanks to what Evan said.
But more importantly now…
What did he mean by Dick asking him to keep away from me?
“I’m going to take off for a few,” Evan said as I stood in the kitchen. I was going to keep to my word and make him something.
I nodded.
I didn’t look back.
Petty? Yes. I could have been a little more mature but I was sort of feeling hurt at the time.
“Dena,” Evan said.
“I have to get all this mixed together,” I said. “Then I have to-”
Evan turned me around.
He wasn’t going to play any games, even though maybe he already had.
“Dena, what’s…”
I turned my head.
Evan sighed. “Right. So here’s what happened. Dick told me time and time again to stay away from you. Because you had a chance at life. And I didn’t. Your sister didn’t. The town didn’t. But you did.”
“So you suddenly started listening to a cop?”
“No,” I said. “I already had my own thoughts about everything. And I already told you about it, Dena. I didn’t want to fuck up your life. It made sense then even if it doesn’t make sense now. Okay? I stole a cup of coffee… in a mug… from the corner shop…”
“You stole a mug with coffee?” I asked.
“Dena, I had nothing when I was younger. I had to take all the money I earned and pay the rent because my mother was so strung out. I was going to use that money for something else in life. I was lost, walking in the shadows,
with no direction. When I saw you, Dena, I felt hope. You always made me smile. You made my heart beat fast and reminded me that I could feel things. But what was I going to do? Tear you away from all you were doing? I always thought by keeping your sister out of the way you’d have a chance to run like hell and never look back.”
“Is that what you really wanted?” I whispered.
“Fuck no,” Evan said. “What I really wanted was to climb the other side of the house, Dena. Knock on your window. Sit there in your room and talk. I wanted to know all your dreams. I wanted to hear about the best day of your life to see you smile. I wanted to know about the worst day of your life so I could catch your tears with my finger. I wanted to gently kiss you in the stolen midnight hours and feel that wild temptation burning between us and flirt with making a memory that would forever make you blush.”
I felt my cheeks turning red.
He was so honest. He could cut through the wall I spent years building within seconds. I hated that. But I secretly loved it.
Evan touched my cheek. “But I never did any of that. I’ll never let that go, Dena. I thought Dick had a point when he kept saying to stay away. I was lost, Dena. The only time I felt found was near you. So that’s why I’m here. I’m years late, I get it. I’m asking you to bake something you don’t want to because it hurts. I get it. I’m asking you to trust me with the heart that’s been forgotten and stepped on over and over. I get it. But what I want you to get is this… I will pick up that heart of yours and brush it off and never drop it. I will never let anyone step on it.”
“Jesus, Evan,” I whispered. “Now I feel like a petty high school bitch. Picking on you for something stupid.”
“Don’t,” he said. “You have every right to be mad at everything.”
“Evan, there’s so much on the tip of my tongue that I want to ask you,” I said. “But the answers…”
He nodded. “I know.”
I sighed. “Shit.”
“Dena, I missed all that I dreamed about. But I have the rest of my life to show you who I really am.”
Evan winked and leaned in to steal a kiss.
Then he slipped away.
With my breath. With my heart.
