Feels Like Home

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  “We can.” He drew her closer. “I refuse to believe we’re as far apart as you say. I love my job and you love yours. And by the way, I can’t see your job transferring to Jackson Hole, but I’m sure you could find something in San Francisco. You’d love the challenges of that city, Meg. There’s heavy traffic, hills and trolley cars. You could really sink your teeth into the problems there.”

  She grew very still in his arms. “Is that why you were asking me about my work today? So you could convince me to give up Jackson Hole and put San Francisco in its place?”

  “Not exactly. I was curious about how you planned to make that transition, and I really can’t see it happening easily here. But in a city the size of—”

  “I don’t want to move to another big city, Rafe. Living here would make me happy.”

  “Will you be happy if you’re unemployed? Not doing the work you love? I don’t think so.”

  “You know what? I’m not worried about how the job situation will work out. If I can’t get hired in my field, I’ll find something similar. I have some savings, and I can live on that until I figure out my next step. But if I can hang out in this area, ride horses, admire the mountains and learn to ski, then I’m going to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

  “Wow.” He took a deep breath and gazed up into the branches of the spruce towering above them. “You’re more of a free spirit than I thought.”

  “Then you weren’t listening,” she said gently. She stroked her hands from his cheeks to his shoulders. “Rafe, what we’ve had was great, but I think it’s time to—”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “I have to say that. I was starting to fall for you, but after tonight I realize how crazy that is. I—I’ll return the necklace.”

  “The hell you will.”

  “It’s far too expensive a gift for a woman you spent only one night with. I don’t care how well-off you are, that’s a ridiculous extravagance.”

  His heart broke slowly and painfully into dozens of pieces. “Look, it’s been a long day, and neither of us got much sleep last night. We shouldn’t be having such a heavy-duty discussion right now.”

  Giving his shoulders a squeeze, she stepped out of his arms. “Rafe, I care for you, but I also care for myself. I’m not going to continue toying with an emotional connection that has the power to derail my plans to live a happy life. I refuse to allow you to make me miserable.”

  “So you don’t care if you make me miserable?”

  “Of course I do. But my first obligation is to myself. I know who I am and what I want out of life. It’s not the same as what you want.” She took a shaky breath. “I’m going in.”

  “Sure. Okay. I’m going…down to check on the horses.” He had no idea if the horses needed checking or not. He didn’t know if that was the sort of thing that cowboys did on a ranch. But the barn felt like a refuge right now, and he needed one.

  Fortunately the place wasn’t locked up. All he had to do was lift the bar across the double doors, and he was in. No overhead lights were on, but soft lights placed at ankle-height along the aisle between the stalls kept him from stumbling around in the dark.

  So he was here in the barn, with its comforting scents of hay, horses, leather and old wood. Now what? He wandered down to Destiny’s stall. Although he’d hoped for at least one more ride with Meg, that probably wouldn’t happen.

  Destiny looked up expectantly as Rafe leaned against the stall door. Belatedly he realized that paying a visit like this might work out better if he’d brought some carrots or apples. “I got nothin’, Destiny,” he said. “Sorry.”

  The horse came over anyway, and nudged Rafe’s arm. Rafe stroked the white blaze that ran from Destiny’s forehead to his wide nostrils. “She doesn’t want me, horse. Simple as that. I guess she’s looking for some guy who doesn’t give a damn where his next paycheck is coming from.”

  Destiny snorted and pawed the straw with one hoof.

  “I know. That’s nuts, but what can I do? I’m not going to give up a client list worth seven figures so I can hang out with her in some tiny house in Shoshone.” But as he said it, the pieces of his broken heart throbbed. It didn’t sound so bad.

  “But sure as the world, we’d be poor, Destiny. There’s nothing noble about being happy and poor. I don’t care what she says. I—” He fell silent as the sound of booted feet came down the aisle between the stalls.

  “Kinda hard to see an eclipse if you’re in the barn,” Jack said.

  “Turns out I was mistaken about the eclipse.”

  “I know.” Jack walked over and leaned against Destiny’s stall, facing Rafe. He had on his hat, which made Rafe wish he’d worn his tonight, but he hadn’t felt right doing it. Chalk one up for his dad’s influence.

  “I was just trying to help you out by going along with that eclipse nonsense,” Jack said. “But when Meg came in alone, I figured everything had gone south.”

  “So you came down here to check on me?” That made Rafe feel somewhat better.

  “Hell, no. I came down to check on the horses. I like doing that. There’s a peaceful feeling about a barn full of horses at night.”

  Rafe let that stand, but he still had the impression Jack was here on account of him, not the horses. “As long as you’re here, let me say one thing. My dad’s a pain in the ass. I won’t apologize for him because it’s not my responsibility that he acts like that, but I will acknowledge it.”

  “The good part is, he’s proud of you.”

  “I wish he’d keep that to himself. His bragging didn’t help the situation with Meg. But then, that was probably doomed, anyway.”

  “How so?”

  “We look at things completely differently.”

  “Then it’s good you found that out now, before either of you got in too deep.”

  “Right.” Rafe nodded. “Right.” Maybe eventually he’d convince himself of that. But he ached for her so much that he couldn’t believe the pain would ever go away.

  “Incidentally, on a totally different subject, Sarah told me the story about how our grandparents died.”

  Rafe gazed at him. “Not pretty.”

  “No. I talked to Wyatt for a little while. He figured out that Diana was seventeen when that happened. Do you remember what you were doing at seventeen?”

  “Chasing girls and driving over the speed limit, mostly.”

  “Me, too.” Jack grimaced. “Stupid stuff. I had a home and people who cared about me, not that I appreciated it. She had none of that. I guess she was in foster care for a little while, but mostly she was on her own.”

  “Jack, I still don’t think that excuses what she did.”

  “It doesn’t. But I see her differently now.” He glanced up. “You ready to go back up to the house and grab us a couple of brewskies?”

  “As long as it doesn’t involve dancing.”

  “Nope. I’m saving myself for the party tomorrow night. If I get enough beer in me, I might ask Harlan to dance.”

  Rafe laughed. “I’d pay to see that.”

  “Yeah? How much? Lay some money on the line, and I’ll be even more motivated.”

  “Let’s just say I’ll make it well worth your while.”

  “That’s good enough for me.” He clapped Rafe on the shoulder. “Word on the street is that you’re loaded.”

  “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

  “Okay, but if you’re even half as rich as your dad says, you ne
ed to invest in a sure thing. I have this awesome stallion named Houdini, and a person could do very well with a percentage of his future stud fees.”

  “You’re probably kidding, but I kind of like the idea.”

  “I am kidding. You don’t want to do that. Breeding horses is a fool’s game, but my brothers and I love it. The only way we’ll ever get rich is by selling the ranch, and we have no intention of doing that.”

  Rafe remembered his first thoughts when he’d arrived here. “Do you have a good financial advisor?”

  “We do, but he’s getting old, about to retire. Are you volunteering for the job?”

  Rafe thought about it as they closed up the barn and walked back to the house. “Yeah, I am. But let’s use the barter system. I’ll take over as your financial planner in exchange for room and board whenever I come to visit my brother.”

  “Deal.” Jack stuck out his hand. “I assume you know Meg’s planning to relocate here.”

  “So she said.”

  Jack nodded. “Thought so. Just checking.”

  Rafe told himself that his offer to be the Last Chance’s financial planner had nothing to do with Meg. But in his heart he knew it had everything to do with her. In spite of their differences, he didn’t want to lose touch with her, so if he kept in contact with the ranch, he’d always have a link to Meg Seymour.

  * * *

  THE THRILL HAD GONE OUT of the wedding plans so far as Meg was concerned. She went through the motions and tried to inject some enthusiasm into the activities for Olivia and Wyatt’s sake. But every time she caught a glimpse of Rafe, she wanted to cry.

  She’d told him that she wouldn’t allow him to make her miserable, but…she was miserable all the same. The bachelor/bachelorette party was especially painful because she’d had such high hopes of dancing the night away with Rafe. Instead he danced with everyone else, including Jack.

  At one point Jack tried manfully to get Harlan out on the floor, but it didn’t work out. Meg wasn’t surprised. Rafe’s father didn’t have a spontaneous bone in his body.

  Rafe, however, threw himself into the party with gusto. No groom could ask for a more spirited best man than Rafe. As requests poured in for a repeat of Rafe and Jack performing the Texas Two-Step, they finally surrendered to the inevitable and danced together amid catcalls and wild applause.

  Meg applauded as loudly as anyone. In spite of everything, she loved seeing Rafe moving out of his comfort zone and attempting things that might make him look foolish. Once he was back in San Francisco, that could all change, but at least he was able to step up for Wyatt’s wedding.

  After Rafe’s dance with Jack, Meg lost track of him until he appeared unexpectedly at her side.

  “I think it’s customary for the best man to have a dance with the maid of honor,” he said.

  Her heart beat in triple time as she glanced up. He looked wonderful in the clothes she’d helped him choose in Jackson. He’d worn his borrowed hat tonight, and he blended in so well that an outsider wouldn’t have been able to tell he wasn’t one of the local cowboys.

  “I think it’s customary at the wedding reception,” she said. “But a bachelor/bachelorette party isn’t in the manual.”

  “So is that a no?” His voice was low, but there was a trace of raw disappointment there.

  “Actually, it’s a yes.” Grabbing his hand, she drew him onto the floor. “But I’m probably not as good a dancer as Jack.”

  He swung her into his arms. “No, but you probably won’t keep trying to lead the way he does.”

  “No, I won’t.” His touch made her slightly dizzy. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed him until she twirled in his warm arms and surrendered her hand to his firm grip.

  He executed a turn with smooth efficiency. “Wyatt and I took a ride today.”

  “I heard that.” She’d tried not to feel bereft that he’d gone riding without her. “How’d it go?”

  “Great. That’s something we’ll enjoy doing together when I visit, and I have you to thank.”

  “I’m glad it’s worked out.”

  “Damn it, Meg, I miss you.”

  She looked into his eyes. “I miss you, too.”

  “We had something special going on. I can’t believe that it—”

  “Great sex doesn’t equal a good relationship, Rafe.”

  “It’s a damned good start. Come down to my room tonight. We can talk.”

  She smiled, although her refusal was killing her. “We wouldn’t just talk and you know it. I thought I could have sex with you and let it go at that, but I can’t. I want more, and that’s foolish. We’re headed in different directions, you and I.”

  “But this is torture.”

  “Hang on until Sunday. Then it’ll all be over.” She didn’t believe that for a minute. She’d be months getting over Rafe, and maybe longer. But at least once the wedding had passed, she wouldn’t have the agony of seeing him every day.

  18

  TEN MINUTES BEFORE THE rehearsal was scheduled to begin in the ranch house living room on Friday afternoon, Diana hadn’t arrived. Rafe didn’t even know if she was in town yet. Her phone had been turned off for hours.

  He paced the hallway between the living room and the dining area because windows all along one side gave him a view of the front driveway. He could also have waited on the porch, but he’d be damned if she’d find him standing out there waiting the way he had so many times as a kid.

  When he’d sent her a message yesterday suggesting that she stay at the Bunk and Grub and rent a car at the airport, she’d replied Fine. That was the last he’d heard from her. Maybe the suggestions had pissed her off and she’d decided to stay home, after all.

  Rafe had mixed emotions about that. Personally he’d be relieved, but Wyatt would be upset. Jack would be royally ticked off after he’d mentally prepared himself for this meeting. So would Sarah, and anyone else who’d been around thirty-plus years ago, like Emmett and Mary Lou.

  So on balance, Rafe wanted to see a rental car with his mother at the wheel pull up in front of the ranch house within the next ten minutes. He glanced at his watch. Correction, nine minutes.

  “Any sign of her?” Meg came down the hallway from the direction of the living room. Like everyone else today, she’d dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt.

  “No sign of her, but this is typical. She creates drama wherever she goes, so I’m not surprised.”

  “It must be hard on you, though.” She stopped a short distance away. She’d been maintaining that physical distance recently, even though her expression and her tone of voice told him she was worried about how he was handling the stress.

  He’d manage a hell of a lot better if she’d let him hold her. But he wasn’t going to beg. Even so, he looked forward to the rehearsal because she’d be forced to take his arm during the recessional.

  He missed touching her more than he’d expected to. His body yearned for hers with a fierceness that kept him from sleeping at night and caused him to seek her out during the day. All morning he’d had a good excuse to hang around her because the whole family had pitched in to decorate the living room for tomorrow’s ceremony.

  Rafe knew Wyatt and Olivia were thrilled with the results. The ranch hands had carted the heavy living room furniture out to the tractor barn, where it would stay until tomorrow night. In its place all thirty-two dining chairs had been arranged in rows. They would provide plenty of seating because the guest l
ist was small.

  Tyler Keller, Alex’s wife, had supervised the decorating, which included piling flowers in the empty fireplace and draping vines all over the stones to create a backdrop for the minister and the wedding party. White satin bows adorned each chair, and more flowers in vases gave the room a chapel-like atmosphere.

  He glanced toward the driveway again and sighed. “It’s not as hard on me as it is on Wyatt. I’ve accepted what she’s like, but I don’t think he ever has. He keeps hoping she’ll be different.”

  “I’ve tried putting myself in her shoes,” Meg said. “How would it feel to walk into a place where no one is happy to see you?”

  “Nobody, that is, except Wyatt. He’ll be glad.”

  “Okay, one person, then. But a bunch of others who’ve condemned you for your past actions.” She met Rafe’s gaze. “If she comes, I give her props for it. She may have done some things that weren’t cool, but if she shows up, it proves she has guts.”

  “I suppose it does. But you’re not going to like her, Meg. If you think my father’s obnoxious, wait until you’ve met my mother.”

  She regarded him quietly for a moment. “Please know that it’s not because of your parents that I’ve decided we don’t belong together.”

  “Oh, so it’s just me, then?” He tried to make a joke out of it even though she was slicing him to ribbons. “Gee, I’d rather blame it on them, if you don’t mind.”

  “No, it’s not you, either! You’re fine. Wonderful. We’re just not in sync!”

  “Funny, but I remember a few times we were perfectly in sync. I don’t know if you realize this, but simultaneous orgasms aren’t the most common thing in the world, and yet we—”

  “Don’t, Rafe.” A flush spread over her cheeks. “You’ll only make it harder.”

  “Now who’s talking dirty?”

  “Make it more difficult! Sheesh!”

  She was adorable. And he, poor sap, was in love with her. He couldn’t convince himself that she was in love with him, though.