by Noelle Adams
She chuckled again, wondering if that were true. Wondering if he were so desperate for her to touch him that anything she did couldn’t fail to please him.
She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about that—it thrilled her at the same time it made her feel guilty.
“Just tell me if I’m doing something wrong,” she murmured. “I promise you won’t hurt my feelings.”
Caleb leaned his face down and kissed the part of her head he could reach. “I don’t think you’ll do it wrong.”
She really didn’t know what she was doing, so she made some experimental strokes with her fingers, up and down. Heard Caleb suck in his breath, so she figured it had felt pretty good.
Bringing one hand to the tip, she played a little with the head, trying to familiarize herself with how each part of him felt. Held his balls in her hand. Explored the different textures of his shaft. Soon, she was so fascinated with figuring him out that she forgot she was supposed to be nervous.
When she remembered to look up, Caleb was smiling at her slightly.
“I’m sorry. I got distracted.”
“You don’t hear me complaining.”
She couldn’t believe she could love anyone so much. She wanted to protect him, take care of him, give him everything he needed. So she did so in the most obvious way available to her at the moment.
She got a firmer grip on him and applied a little more pressure with one hand.
Caleb groaned, and his head fell back against the couch cushion. “Good, baby. That’s good.”
Feeling encouraged, she kept that up for a while, then tried something she’d read about in one of the erotic stories. Moved her fingers up to swirl around the head. Then placed one palm on the tip of his erection and moved it in tight little circles.
This move was a rousing success.
“Sweet Jesus.” His whole body tensed up against her. His hips gave an involuntary buck into her hands.
She’d never heard him utter that particular exclamation before, so she figured it was a very good sign. Her belly tightened with excitement, and she felt a little tingly between her legs as she continued.
Returning her hands to the shaft, she encircled it and ran both hands up and down. He grunted in response.
She noticed the fluid gathering at the tip, and she knew exactly what to do with that—those books were turning out to be very helpful. She used her hand to rub the fluid and massage it into his hard flesh.
Caleb was breathing rapidly now, and his whole body seemed to have gotten hotter. The heat radiating off him was flushing her as well, and the rough, uncontrolled noises he made aroused her even more.
She pumped him more intensely and was rewarded when he began muttering—just under his breath. Saying things like, “Yes,” and “Good,” and “Marissa.” He made little thrusts into her hands, and she felt her inner muscles clenching as she watched him lose control.
Losing track of specific actions now, she acted by instinct and did her best to follow the rhythm he established. His arm at some point had moved down across her shoulders and was pressing her body against him, and, without slowing down her hands, Marissa tilted up her face to kiss his jaw.
“Caleb, I love you,” she whispered.
He made a harsh, desperate sound, and his face contorted with pleasure.
Almost overwhelmed with the power of it—the power she possessed to please him—Marissa wanted to let him know how much she was enjoying doing this for him. “I love this, Caleb,” she breathed into his ear, continuing to pump him with alternate hands. “I love making you come.”
This wasn’t anything like having sex—at least, not from Marissa’s experiences. She felt in control of this, felt potent and needed. Was almost as aroused now as she’d been yesterday.
Caleb was tossing his head against the couch cushion, clenching one of his hands in the armrest. She felt him swell and contract under her hands.
“Yeah. Come.”
He choked out, “Marissa.” And then he did.
His release was strong and took over his body, and it made Marissa suddenly feel ridiculously frightened. But as he came down, breathing harshly and slumping back on the couch, she distracted herself from her anxiety by reaching over to grab some tissues to clean both of them off a bit. By the time he opened his eyes again, she had pulled herself together. Was nestling against him.
“That was pretty amazing for someone who says she doesn’t know what she’s doing,” he said dryly, adjusting to pull his jeans back into place and refasten them.
She grinned up at him. “I got inspired.” She had also gotten very aroused.
His body was more pliant than she’d ever felt it, and it was pretty nice to just snuggle against him for a while. But soon, he nudged her backwards. Following his gentle urging, she leaned back until she was lying on her back.
“Now it’s your turn.” He moved over her and nuzzled her neck. “We’ll see what we can do for you without all the preliminaries.”
Marissa laughed breathlessly as he teased the sensitive place on her sides with light brushes of his fingers. “Oh, good. My turn. And good luck to both of us. ‘Cause if we always have to go through a lengthy spa routine before I'm able to come, we’re both going to end up really exhausted.”
He shook with amusement as he nibbled a line from her throat up to her cheek. Made a detour to her ear and tongued it in a way that made her squeal. Then he captured her lips in a deep kiss.
While Marissa was diverted by the kiss, Caleb unzipped her jeans and pushed them with her panties down over her hips. She made a throaty noise into his mouth when she felt his warm hands on her bare skin, but she kicked her jeans off over her feet as he gently stroked her thighs.
“You ready?” he asked, after pulling his mouth away from hers at last.
Marissa clasped her hands around the back of his head, keeping him from pulling very far away. “Oh, yeah.”
It was true. As she pressed his face back down toward hers for another kiss, she wasn’t even nervous. She knew what to expect. Knew how good it would feel. Knew it was Caleb, and never wanted to not be this close to him.
While his tongue caressed the inside of her mouth, one of his hands moved up to fondle her breast over her shirt. The other slid in between her legs, his fingers exploring her wet entrance.
When he found that she was indeed ready, he thrust a finger inside. Then two. She moaned helplessly as she continued to kiss him, feeling pleasure from so many parts of her body that she could barely distinguish between them.
He soon worked out a rhythm, between his fingers pumping inside her and his thumb rubbing steadily at her clit. His other hand caressed one of her breasts, playfully twirling the nipple, and he never stopped kissing her.
It didn’t take nearly as long this time before she felt that exquisite pressure start to build. But this time she didn’t even begin to panic. She tried to rock her body into his rhythm, in an instinctive attempt to help it along.
“Marissa,” Caleb murmured, pulling his mouth away to trail kisses down to the side of her neck. “Talk to me, baby. Is it good?”
She cried out sharply as his finger flicked her hard nipple, the corresponding tug shooting down to where his other hand was skillfully working her over. “God, yeah. So good. Perfect.”
He kissed her again, and she felt like she was drowning—like there was nothing but Caleb in the world, nothing but the way he was making her feel.
He mouthed the side of her jaw, scraping it slightly with his teeth, causing a deep shudder to start low in her spine. “You feel so tight, and hot, and sweet,” he said, his voice just another caress. He pulled his face up slightly to gaze at her. “Marissa, you’re so beautiful like this. So beautiful when you let yourself go.”
His face was starting to blur in front of her eyes, as her orgasm steadily rose. She was burning up and sweating and grunting out strange noises, but she felt just as beautiful as he said.
She cried out wordlessly as his
thumb applied extra pressure to her clit. It felt too good to form words, but she couldn’t keep herself quiet.
“That’s right. Just like that,” he breathed, increasing the pace of his hand. “Do you think you can come?”
“Uh huh.”
He kissed her once more, but this time she was too far gone to respond. Just felt him everywhere—in her mouth, on her breast, inside her, at her clit, draped over her. Pushing her over the edge. Keeping her safe.
“Come, Marissa. Let go. Come for me, baby.”
“Yeah. For you,” she gasped, hardly knowing what she was saying.
“Come for me,” he murmured one more time, pushing his fingers into her hard and pressing into her clit simultaneously.
She felt the same moment of almost freezing in midair, and then her entire body erupted into pleasure. Her inner muscles clenched, sending out spasms of sensation. Her upper body flew up, and her fingers dug into his back. She couldn’t contain the cry that forced its way out of her throat, although it was loud and shrill and sounded silly.
Caleb kept stroking her gently afterwards, as she finally relaxed beneath him. “Wow,” she gasped, waves of contentment washing over her. “I could really get used to this.”
“Me too.”
He adjusted their positions until he was lying on his side and Marissa was pressed up against him. Her bare butt was getting a little chilly in the cool apartment, but she had no complaints in the world.
He reached over to grab a throw blanket and drape it over her lower half.
Just a small gesture. Just taking care of her.
He wanted to take care of her.
As much as she wanted to take care of him.
He was strong.
He was stronger than she’d given him credit for in the past.
He was strong enough to hear what she needed to tell him.
He was strong enough to not fall apart.
So she heard herself saying into the silence, “Can we…can we talk?”
He stroked her back leisurely. “Of course. What do you want to talk about?”
“You always wanted to know what happened. When I was a kid.” She reached down to pull back on her panties and jeans, since she felt too exposed as she was.
She felt him suddenly tense up. “Yes. I want to know.”
“Well, if it’s all right, I wanted to tell you now.”
Eighteen
Caleb was slightly queasy from shifting gears so abruptly—from a mind-blowing hand-job to a sudden confession of painful knowledge.
He straightened up and reached to pull on his shirt. “Yeah. Of course, it’s all right.”
She’d been flushed before, but now her face had paled dramatically. He could see her taking fast, uneven breaths.
Immediately worried, he said, “You don’t have to tell me now, if it’s too—”
“No. I want to. I need to tell you. Just give me a minute to get my thoughts together.”
“Okay.” His heart drummed violently in his chest, and his breathing grew as shallow as hers. He knew this was big. Important. A boundary she was about to cross—one that would shape their relationship from this moment forward.
And he felt momentarily trapped. Claustrophobic. Suffocated by the weight of what was impending.
He somehow knew, on the other side of this boundary, it would be different. They would be different. There would be no going back.
For either of them.
He loved her too much to stop her from speaking, though, no matter how stifled he felt. She needed this, and he was determined to give her anything she needed.
“You know my mom was an alcoholic,” she said at last.
“Yeah. No one talked about it much, but everyone pretty much knew. That’s the reason they took you away from her?”
“Yeah. She did go through times of recovery. She tried. They never lasted, though, and when she was drinking, she had…she didn’t have very good judgment.”
When she paused, Caleb prompted, “She didn’t…she didn’t treat you right?”
Marissa lowered her eyes. “It wasn’t really that. I mean, she didn’t in a lot of ways. But she loved me and she tried. It was better when I was older and could stay by myself. It’s just that she didn’t have judgment about who she left me with, when she went out, when I was little.”
As far as Caleb was concerned, Marissa had been little the entire time she was in her mother’s custody, too little to be left to her own devices, as she’d evidently been in the latter years. He didn’t say that, though. Another kind of fear was growing. “Who did she leave you with? You always said you weren’t raped or touched or anything like that.”
“That’s true. I never was.” She was so white and shaky that Caleb wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her somehow. “Some of my babysitters were fine. But I had a regular babysitter for almost a year. I don’t know if you remember her from when you were on breaks from school. She was always hanging around. Chelsea. She was a music student, an intern with—”
“I remember her.” Caleb cleared his throat, feeling even sicker than before. “What did she do to you?”
“Nothing. Not directly. She was fine until it was my bedtime. She had a…a boyfriend who would come over.” She wasn’t meeting his eyes.
Frozen as he tried to process this, he finally asked, “They had sex?”
“It was always in the other room. They never did anything in front of me. I’m sure they thought I was asleep and I wouldn’t know anything about it. But the apartment was small.”
“You heard things?”
“I heard everything. I tried not to. I would try to sleep with a pillow over my head. It…it really affected me. Those nights seemed to go on forever.”
It was such a horrifying picture—sweet little Marissa, just a child, trying to hide beneath a pillow while strangers fucked not far away—that he felt bile rise in his throat.
She reached out and put a hand on his arm. “Are you all right, Caleb?”
“Of course,” he said, pulling himself together. “I’m angry and disgusted, but you’re the one who had to live through it. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
She stared down at her lap. “He was married, which was why they did it there. Sometimes it wasn’t so bad. He wouldn’t come over, or they wouldn’t do as much. But sometimes… It was all so loud, and dirty, and animalistic. You should have heard the things they said to each other. I know it might not sound really traumatic, but it completely soured me to sex. You understand, don’t you, why sex has always been a problem for me? I have such trouble not associating it with that.”
She sounded so broken that he couldn’t resist anymore. He reached out and drew her into his arms. “Of course, I understand. Of course, I do. I knew there was a real reason and you weren’t just being melodramatic.”
To his relief, she didn’t try to pull away. She shook against him for a minute, obviously taking comfort in him, which gave him comfort too.
Stroking her loose hair, he said at last, “I completely understand about your feelings about sex, but I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me before. I know it’s hard—it’s horrible—but I would have understood. I could have tried to help a lot sooner.”
She made a choked sound, like she was smothering a sob, and then she pulled away. “That’s where it gets really messy.”
“I don’t understand.”
With a reluctant twist of her face, she said, “It’s about…about him.”
Caleb realized something he hadn’t processed before. “How did you know he was married?”
“I knew who he was. I knew him.”
Suddenly alerted to what he never could have expected, his heart caught in his throat. “Who was the man?”
She jerked her head to the side, hiding her expression from him.
“Marissa, tell me who the man was.”
“Your dad.” The admission sounded ripped out of her. “I’m so sorry, Caleb, but it
was your dad.”
He heard the words as soon as they were spoken, but they didn’t register in his mind. For a minute, the world blurred into safe confusion—the living room, Marissa’s face, the fisting of his own fingers, what she’d just said, all of it melting into fuzzy edges.
It was silent for a really long time.
Then finally, “I don’t believe you.” His voice was soft and raspy.
“It’s true. I’m so sorry, sweetie, but it’s true. I would never lie about something like this.”
He knew she wouldn’t lie about it. She was the most honest person he’d ever known. But his parents’ marriage had always been good. Had always been the model for him of how to be in a relationship.
“You were really young,” he said at last. “Maybe you didn’t—”
“I know it was him, Caleb. I promise it was him.”
He had no choice but to believe her.
“I’m sure it never occurred to him that I would hear what they were doing. He wouldn’t have intentionally hurt me. It’s just that he was…”
Doing exactly what he wanted. No matter what the cost.
He felt her hand on his arm again, his bicep so tense it was shuddering. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah.” He wasn’t, but what else could he say? “You’re the one who had to go through it.”
“You’re having to go through it now too.”
Her tender sympathy didn’t help. Only made him feel weak. He gently pulled his arm out of her grip.
“What can I do, Caleb?”
He shook his head and looked blindly in her direction. “I’m fine. It’s just that this is…it’s a shock. And it’s in my space now. I just need a little time to…”
To something.
“I know you do. I’m sorry to dump it on you like this. I could never tell you before because I wanted to protect you from this. But I guess I can’t really protect you. You can go home, if you need some time to process everything.”
He tried to focus on her face, see if she really meant it. Her expression was twisted with emotion, but her blue eyes were utterly sincere. “I shouldn’t leave you. I know it was hard for you to tell me—”
