by Konen, Leah
She set it inside — carefully — and as she did her body rocked and the tears started, harder than ever. Here was all that she’d missed. All her friend had wanted to tell them. All that she hadn’t. All that they’d never thought to ask.
And Ella closed the box and shoved it back under the bed, and lay down on the floor and just let the tears come.
• • •
Ella spent the next week helping Jake and Claire when she could. Scrubbing. Packing. Getting everything in tip-top shape. She’d thought the house would be too much for her, but once she’d gone the first time, she knew it was okay. It wasn’t Astrid’s house anymore. It was just a house.
In their downtime, she and Jake hung out — they listened to music, walked around town; she tried to teach him the potter’s wheel, and he failed miserably. She and Jake and Sydney and Carter went miniature golfing and out to dinner together. Or they all went to Carter’s basement and watched bad movies.
They didn’t touch, and they didn’t kiss. It was all so beautifully undefined.
That Saturday, August 4, was Sydney’s birthday. Carter’s parents were — oddly enough — on a weekend trip with Max’s — so a party was in order. A good party. One without a fight and without any secrets. One where they could just have fun.
Ella and Jake arrived together, and Sydney’s face lit up as soon as she saw them.
“Yay,” she said. “My favorite people!”
“Hey,” Carter said, and Sydney gave him a sideways glance. But one of those cute, we’re-a-couple-now ones.
“Happy birthday,” Ella said. And she hugged her friend.
“Thanks,” Syd said, pulling back. “Now first thing’s first. You guys need a drink. We have beer or Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”
Ella saw Jake make a face at the latter. “Beer,” she said.
“Fab.” Sydney hopped over to the cooler and grabbed two.
“Salut,” Jake said, holding up his drink. She and Sydney raised their beers with him. “Cheers,” Ella said. And she tipped it back, and it tasted good.
It was the perfect night for a party. The air was cool, but not too cool. The night was clear and star-speckled. The lightning bugs glowed and the smell of honeysuckle reminded them of where they were.
Carter had a porch that opened onto a wide yard, which met a flowing creek, and people were scattered across the lawn, drinking and dancing, while Sydney and Carter serenaded them between drinks.
Everyone was there. Becky and the other guys from the café. Ben and his football buddies. Half-friends and acquaintances that Ella had forgotten to think about since Astrid died.
After a couple beers and a few hugs and the unavoidable, How are yous and the, Oh my God, I heards, she and Jake made their way down to the creek where there weren’t so many people. Ella pointed out the constellations she knew, which weren’t very many.
“You having a good time?” she asked, when she’d run out of stars.
“Yeah,” he nodded, smiling, his shaggy dark hair catching a bit of the moonlight. “I am. Is it crazy to say I love this place?”
“What?” she asked. “Carter’s house?”
Jake laughed. “Yeah, Carter’s house. And Aunt Grace’s house. And everything. The whole place. The way you guys get together and drink and dance and play good music. The way the mountains and the rivers and the houses are all just mixed in together. It’s like twenty-four-seven camping.”
Ella laughed, but she knew it was bittersweet. Once the house sold, Jake would be gone. There’d be no more reason for him to be here.
“I guess it’s not this way in Chicago,” she finally said.
“No,” he said. “Not even in my part of West Virginia — it’s just strip malls, there. This place definitely has its charms.”
She smiled.
“And you do, too,” he added.
And at that she didn’t know what to say. Thank you? My stomach just did a somersault? Do you really think that?
So she stayed quiet, but Jake kept on. He was so cool like that. He never let anything get the best of him.
“Is it weird that it’s been like the worst and best summer of my life?” he asked.
In the distance she could hear Sydney’s fiddle, going a mile a minute, and screams from people probably chugging beers or taking shots. But right here she heard the coo of the creek, and the sound of Jake, so close to her, breathing in and out.
“No,” she said. “No, it’s not.”
His eyes locked on hers, and she couldn’t look away. She wouldn’t look away. She didn’t want to.
“I’m going to miss you,” she said, but he didn’t answer, he just leaned forward, and before she knew it, his lips were on hers, and his arms were wrapped around her, and he was holding her, supporting her, kissing her like she’d wanted him to all this time. But it was even better than even imagined. It was real.
He pulled back, and she caught her breath, and he smiled. “I’ve wanted to do that all summer,” he said.
She smiled back. “Me, too.”
He leaned in again, and she felt light and weightless, like the gravity tethering them to this world was nothing, and they could float out, up into the sky and be their own constellation.
And in that moment, everything felt right.
• • •
They found Sydney back up on the porch.
“And where have you two been?” she asked, flitting her eyes from Ella to Jake. Jake just laughed, but Ella felt herself blush.
“Let’s get a drink,” she said, pulling Sydney aside and pushing her towards the cooler. Ella grabbed two beers and handed one to Syd, who was practically jumping for joy.
“You guys totally did it, didn’t you, like right in the grass.”
Ella looked at her friend. “You’re disgusting.”
“Okay, okay,” Sydney said, pulling Ella to the railing where there were fewer people. She leaned up against it and took a sip of her beer. “So really, tell me what happened.”
Ella smiled, taking a sip herself. “Okay, so we kissed.”
“Yay!” Sydney said, jumping up and down. Her honey-brown roots were really starting to show.
“Get ahold of yourself,” Ella said.
“Okay, okay,” she said. “I’m good. But seriously, finally. Cheers to that.”
“Cheers.” And they clinked bottles.
“So was it good?” Sydney asked.
Ella nodded. “Yes, very.”
“Awesome,” she said. “Now who says I don’t throw an amazing party? Apparently that was all you guys needed to, like, confess your love to each other.”
Ella rolled her eyes, but she leaned on the railing, looking out at the people scattered across the yard. “It is a good party.”
“I know,” Sydney said, looking out at everyone herself. “It certainly is.”
They were quiet for a moment, silently sipping their beers, and Ella knew that they were both thinking the same thing. That it was good. That it was very good. But that Astrid wasn’t here.
Because even though the night was beautiful and Sydney was happy, and Ella could close her eyes and think about how good it was to kiss Jake, and Ben — even Ben — was here, there was someone who should have been here, too. Either standing with them on the porch, sipping on a beer, and jumping up and down at the latest Jake news, or out there on the lawn, with her hair falling across her back and her long hippie skirt spinning and her favorite key dangling around her neck. But she wasn’t. And she never would be.
And even when they went to college and they made new friends and graduated and went into the real world and found husbands and started families and gained weight and clipped coupons and made time to watch the news every night and yelled at their own teenagers for drinking and throwing parties, there would be a hole, a missing piece, bigger some days than others, but always there nonetheless.
Ella took a sip of beer, and stared at the stars, and moved closer to Sydney, so their arms just barely touc
hed.
No matter what happened, it would always be after.
But for tonight, at least, that was okay.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many thanks to my agent, Danielle Chiotti, for ingenious ideas and moral support; to my editor, Jacquelyn Mitchard, who helped bring this story to life; to Micol Ostow and the Mediabistro crew, for spot-on notes and advice; to all the NC and NY friends who encouraged me and generously read my stories and drafts; to my mom and dad, for teaching me to do what I love and never doubting that I could; to my sister Kimberly, teen-fiction expert, stand-in editor, grassroots publicist, and best friend all in one; and to Thomas, for adventure, positivity, and much-needed laughter along the way.
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Copyright © 2013 by Leah Konen.
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any
form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are
made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.
Published by Merit Press
an imprint of F+W Media, Inc.
10151 Carver Road, Suite 200
Blue Ash, Ohio 45242
www.meritpressbooks.com
ISBN 10: 1-4405-6108-7
ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-6108-5
eISBN 10: 1-4405-6109-5
eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-6109-2
Cover art © 123rf.com
