by Lauren Dane
“I’m fine. You see? Now you can go. I’m not up for company right now. I don’t feel well.” Cassie followed them into the kitchen where they had her blender out and were assembling ice, tequila, limes and salt.
“You even have mix.”
“I don’t want to have drinks. I want to go to bed.”
“Too bad. You’re going to talk to us and if some margaritas make that easier, great. If not, we’re still drinking them and you can tell us all about whatever the hell has you so spooked.” Penny began to assemble everything in the blender.
“Oh, Penny said hell, I’m telling,” Liv teased.
Smiling and shaking her head, Maggie pulled out her cell phone. “I’m going to call Shane to let him know you’re all right. He’s worried about you. He didn’t come here himself because we were concerned about how you’d react to a man right now.”
“I...”
Maggie held a hand up to silence Cassie while she made the call and Cassie sighed heavily and went to sit on the couch. Liv laughed and plopped down next to her.
“We’re your friends, sugar. You need this. You may not even know how much but you do. Friends will sit your ass down and give you the ‘Come To Jesus’ talk when you need it most. And girl, you need it.”
Penny brought a tray with the pitcher of margaritas and glasses and even a bowl of snacks.
“You’re a pretty good hostess with my stuff.” Cassie snorted.
Penny laughed. “Why thank you, I do try. Now stop being so damned difficult. Drink up and tell us what the hell brought you here today. And see, you made me curse. Three times in twenty minutes and Liv is going to call my mother and tell on me. So you’d better make this worth it.”
Cassie blinked a few times and couldn’t help but smile. Penny didn’t swear much and it was sort of funny and hell, why not? Why not just let part of it go?
Maggie and Penny moved the small coffee table out of the way and they all moved to the floor on pillows.
“I don’t suppose I could just say I had a bad ex-husband and it makes me wary of all men, can I?”
Penny arched a brow at her and Cassie sighed.
“Okay, the truth is that I did...do have a bad ex-husband. Really bad. He didn’t start out that way. I met him when I was nearly done with school. He was so sweet. Funny. Concerned about my well-being. He went out of his way to be sure I slept enough and ate well.” She didn’t want to talk about being a doctor, she wasn’t ready to reveal that much just yet.
“At first, I thought it was wonderful. He brought me roses and took me to lovely places. He bought me clothes. Lots of clothes. I didn’t think anything about it. But really, that’s where it all started. They were not the kind of thing I’d normally wear. But slowly, he made me into another person. The person he wanted to marry.”
Cassie shrugged and drank several gulps of the margarita. Of course she’d thrown up everything in her stomach so it hit pretty fast and she felt the alcohol began to work on her inhibitions.
“And we did of course. My father liked him well enough and I wanted him so that satisfied him. But my brother always disliked him. God, I should have listened to that.
“Over time, he took over every aspect of my life. Little by little. I didn’t even notice it until it was too late. He controlled everything. Where I worked, what we ate—he even hired a cook to make things the way he wanted—we lived in a house he chose. My hair color was his choice, along with my hairstyle. I lost most of my friends because he thought they were unsuitable and many of them thought he was an arrogant ass and didn’t want to be around him.”
She closed her eyes and a tremor worked through her. While she’d been able to relate this to the therapist and even in court, it was not easy to talk about. Shame burned hot on her cheeks.
“Take it slow. We’re all here as your friends, Cassie.” Penny squeezed her hand.
“The hitting started. Well wait, back up a bit. The emotional and mental abuse started after the control. If I questioned anything he did, he’d grind me down. Make me think I was stupid or mean to him, that I didn’t love him or appreciate what he did for me. I’m a smart woman, graduated at the top of my class, but he made me feel stupid. Worthless. Invisible. Ugly.” She gulped the last of her margarita and winced as the icy drink made her head ache. Still, she held up her glass and Penny refilled it.
“He didn’t hit me all the time. He didn’t need to really. I was so afraid to do anything wrong, I had no life outside of my job and our marriage.
“Being his wife was a full-time job. He made me weigh in every Friday. If I gained a pound or lost more than two, he’d punish me.”
The other women cringed but stayed quiet, letting her tell her story in her own way.
“He was a doctor. He knew just where to hit where it would hurt me but not do outward damage. Kidney punches so hard I urinated blood. He punched me in the head, no bruises that way but I developed a vision problem so he stopped that. All of the physical stuff was where it wouldn’t show. On my stomach and lower back, my thighs were a favorite place.” Her voice seemed so calm as she related it all. Almost like she was reading it, or even talking about someone else. It was the only way she could get through it.
“Anyway, it all started getting really bad two years ago. The physical abuse was getting severe enough that my co-workers began to suspect something was wrong. He was questioned by his boss, which only made things worse for me. Our sex life—” Cassie shuddered “—was awful. He raped me more often than I consented. It was like this one part of me I could control. He couldn’t make me want him or even pretend to.” Her voice became choked and tears welled up. Maggie moved closer and stroked a hand over her hair.
“I wanted to leave. I don’t know why I didn’t. I was afraid. He told me he’d find me and kill me. I believed him. I had every reason to. I took birth control shots and thank heaven I never got pregnant because he really wanted kids.
“And then my father died and he deteriorated because I had money. A lot of it. In his crazy mind, enough to leave him. He became paranoid. He’d weep, begging me to forgive him one day and beat me nearly bloody the next. I was missing work and I knew it was a matter of time before I lost my job or he killed me.”
She got up and went into the kitchen and took two shots of the tequila, wiping her hand on the back of her mouth before coming back. “Okay, I think I’m better now.” Her words were slurred a bit but she wanted to finish it. Or at least most of it.
“My boss was...is a wonderful woman. Really supportive. I love her to this day. Anyway, she cornered me in her office and demanded that I tell her the truth. I’d been lying so long, hiding it, that I started to deny it automatically but for some reason, I shook it off and told her the truth. Showed her the bruises on my back and stomach and she called the cops and my brother. The cops took my statement and pictures and my brother made me move out of the house and in with him.
“I filed for divorce and we started going through the process. It sucked but my ex couldn’t do much. My brother is a hotshot family law attorney and he had my back. There were pictures and lots of evidence from people who’d seen my physical problems getting worse at work. I got my divorce but I gave him the house and the car and the vacation house and all the clothes he ever bought me. I wanted to be free, I didn’t care about the stuff. I just took what I brought into that house and my books.
“But it wasn’t enough. And he wouldn’t stop. I thought I had my life back but he wasn’t going to let me. He just pretended to and he attacked me. A little over year ago. Bad.” She couldn’t detail that night. Could not.
She shook her head hard and began to cry. “I can’t say more.”
The women, her friends, surrounded her and enveloped her into a hug as they murmured. Comforting her.
She cried a long time until she couldn’t anymore and sat back, head on the couch.
“Girl,
I don’t know how you came out of that clusterfuck with such a good head on your shoulders. You’re a strong woman, Cassie. I admire you.”
Cassie moved her head enough to look at Liv in utter disbelief. “Strong? I let this asshole fuck me over and beat me up, rape me, for four years! I’m not strong. I’m a doormat. I was weak and stupid.”
Penny moved, holding her upper arms. “You are not stupid, Cassie. Domestic violence happens to women across class lines, across educational backgrounds, across race and religion. It happens to all kinds of women. It’s the frog-in-the-pot syndrome. You didn’t know the water was boiling until it was too late. That makes you human, not stupid.”
“And that’s what these asshole abusers do. They make you believe you deserve it. It’s a mindfuck. He worked you over physically as well as mentally. But you got out. That’s the key here, Cassie. I can’t believe what you’ve gone through. No wonder you get spooked by men. It’s amazing to me how totally together you are.” Liv’s voice was tinged with anger.
“I’m not some charity case, you know. I heard all this at my group counseling. You must all think I’m such a flake. I thank God my father never lived to see how it ended.”
Penny shook her head. “I think you’re amazing. I’ve thought that since the first day you came into the store and I continue to think so. You’re a survivor, Cassie. He took your life for four years but you took it back. You’re here, working, living, dating even. This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You’re my friend.”
“You have nothing to be ashamed about. What happened was not your fault. It wasn’t. He hurt you, that’s on him. I hope that bastard got what was coming to him.” Maggie’s face held an emotion Cassie couldn’t quite identify.
Cassie sighed. “He didn’t. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Thank you for listening to me. You don’t know what it means to be able to share this with someone other than a therapist.”
“That’s what friends are for. Cassie, nearly two years ago now, I was kidnapped, assaulted and nearly raped by a stalker. It’s not the same as what you endured but I understand the guilt and the shame. If you ever want to talk, please call me or come over. Anytime. I mean that.” Unshed tears shined in Maggie’s eyes.
And suddenly, a weight moved from Cassie’s chest and she took a deep breath. Deeper and more relaxed than she’d taken in quite some time. Her brother and her therapist were right, it did feel better to share her burden with people.
They stayed a while longer and talked until Cassie was well enough to laugh again. Alone in her bed that night, she didn’t feel the specter of Terry over her shoulder. It was just her.
Chapter Seven
After a long day at work, Cassie slumped into her superheated apartment, turned on the air conditioning and hit the shower before even considering what to make for dinner.
Shane had left her a phone message, checking on her earlier in the day. He’d wanted to come by for lunch but it was a big new release day and she’d been rushed off her feet and had worked several hours overtime.
She’d called and left him a voice mail that she couldn’t do lunch but hoped to see him later on if he still wanted to. She hoped like hell she hadn’t freaked him out. Gauging by his wanting to have lunch with her, she didn’t think so but hell, he may have wanted to lay it all out that he thought she was a freak and to stay away from him. Maggie was his sister-in-law after all, she probably told him all about the craziness of the night before.
Standing in front of her open fridge, hair in a ponytail, feet bare, legs exposed by a pair of cutoff shorts, she jumped when someone knocked on the door.
A quick check showed Shane Chase waiting on her doorstep. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, wincing at what a mess she must look.
He looked her up and down and shook his head. “Darlin’, how do you manage to look as gorgeous in cutoffs as you do in a dress that hugs every curve? You’re magic.”
Taken by surprise, she smiled and blushed. “Oh, well, thank you.” He held up a bag. “Takeout from China Gate. You hungry?”
Stepping back she waved him inside. “Come on in, it’s hot out there and I’d never say no to those spring rolls.”
She put out plates and silverware as he opened all the containers and put spoons in them.
“I hope you like it spicy.” He grinned and grabbed her wrist, pulling her to him carefully.
“I do.” Her voice was low, sultry.
“I’m gonna kiss you now, Cassie Gambol.”
“Why? I mean, why do you want me? I don’t understand it. I can’t lie and tell you I don’t know you’ve been regarded as a player here in Petal. I like men, yes, but I’m afraid of being a casual indulgence to a man like you.”
“There’s not a damned thing about the way I feel about you that’s casual. Now, I’ve been dying to do this for so long.” He closed the last bit of distance between them and he brushed his mouth over hers. His lips were lush and delicious, spicy and masculine, just like the rest of him. They both groaned as he moved away.
“Cassie, you fascinate me. I’m shocked by how much I want you. I think I started wanting you when you kicked my ass at pool. No, I’m a damned liar. Since you stumbled out of your wrecked car and called my momma Crash.” He put his face into her neck and inhaled deeply. “God, you smell good.”
“Shampoo, sweat and a little bit of Delice,” she breathed out, running her tongue over the lips he’d just touched with his own. A sense of unreality washed over her. The connection between them was warm and sticky. Lethargic with want, she let him hold her against his body. The heat of him blanketed her skin. Her nipples hardened against the wall of his chest and a libido that she’d thought had been beaten out of her roared back to life. There was a moment where she wondered if she was dreaming. Hell, if she was, she sure didn’t want to wake up.
“Mmm.” He licked his lips as she’d just done and a shiver ran through her. “You taste good, too. Better than you should. I ought to be running out the door but damned if you don’t make me want things I’d thought I’d never want with a woman again.”
His hand rested at the small of her back, hot and inescapably present. The other rested on her shoulder. He held her in his orbit physically and mentally. His presence was so intense it boggled her mind. Things tightened low in her gut as her skin tingled everywhere he touched her. And yet, aside from general nervousness, she wasn’t afraid.
She caught her lip in her teeth and he groaned softly. “I know you want me too.” Leaning in, he pressed a hot, wet kiss to the hollow just below her ear. “I can feel your nipples against my chest,” he murmured, breath stirring the wisps of hair around her ear. His tongue darted inside and then he caught the lobe between his teeth. She shivered, going weak in the knees. “But I want more than your physical need of me. Let’s have dinner. Some snuggling on your couch. A liberal smattering of smooches. Let me get to know you as a woman.”
“I...yes.” She nodded, incapable of further speech. Especially when his grin widened and he looked like a predator.
They sat down and began to dish up the food, digging in. He watched her and she laughed. “What? Do I have a bean spout between my teeth?”
“No.” He chuckled. “I just like the way you look here with me.” He shrugged. “And I like that you eat. Not like some dainty thing who wants everyone to believe she survives on air and mist, but you eat like a real person.”
“Is that your finessed way of telling me I eat like a pig?”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Oh the unwinnable guy question. Darlin’, you do not eat like a pig. You eat like a human who likes to eat. I like that.”
She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment and shrugged before going back to her plate. She’d only just put the weight on she lost from the hospital and afterward in the last three months or so.
They kept a wide berth aro
und what happened the night before but Cassie was pretty sure Maggie had told him about Terry. He didn’t seem freaked, which made her more comfortable.
After they’d eaten, he helped her clean up and get the dishes in the dishwasher before they retired to the couch.
“Let’s get comfortable here, shall we, darlin’? Because I have some serious smooching planned and we should do it right.” He winked and pulled her into his lap, her body straddling his.
The hard ridge of his cock fit up against her and she undulated, grinding herself over him without even thinking of it. Little flares of pleasure played up her spine and the muscles inside her pussy fluttered and contracted.
One of his eyebrows rose slowly and his hands slid to rest at her waist. “So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh? Mmm. You feel so damned good, Cassie. I need to kiss you again.” Arching his neck up, he brought his lips to hers with crushing intensity.
Her head swam as she drowned in him. In a myriad of ways he affected her, overwhelmed her, turned her on and turned her out. Helpless to do anything more than hang on, she slid her hands up his chest and neck and into his hair. The soft, cool silk of it flowed over her skin, his skull solid and sure beneath her palms.
Grunting in satisfaction, he slanted his mouth to get more of her. His tongue slipped in between her teeth and he tasted her, met her warmth with his own. Her elemental flavor rocked him, he couldn’t get enough. When she sucked at his tongue, he pulled her to him tighter and delighted in the moan that came from her lips. Swallowed it down with the rest of her that he took from the kiss.
God he wanted more. The luscious flesh of her bottom lip seduced him as he sucked it into his mouth. Arching into him with a breathy sigh, she traced the outline of his upper lip with the tip of her tongue. Down over the seam of his mouth where her lip was captured, the wetness of her tongue, the tentative and yet utterly carnal way she responded, drew him in.
It’d never been like this with a woman before. Intense, sure. Really good, that too. But so good, so right that it made his chest ache with want and need of this woman in his arms? Never.
