by J. M. Madden
"Apparently."
Roz paused and Andromeda could tell she was building up to something. "Parker seems like a decent guy."
Andromeda laughed. "Yes. Seems to be. It shocked the hell outta me when I saw him out there fighting those guys. Total blast from the past."
"I'm sure. Any lingering feelings?"
She sighed, knowing what Roz was getting at. "I don't know. We have some things to talk about, definitely. But I'll wait until he's better and we're out of this mess."
Roz nodded her dark head and burrowed her fingers into her hair, propping her elbow on the back of the couch. "I just don't want you to get hurt again. He looks at you like he wants to eat you up."
Andromeda flushed and shifted, looking away. Maybe he did. "He wouldn't be here if he hadn't been sent. He didn't look for me for any other reason than to make sure I was safe. Apparently, someone wants me to keep doing what I'm doing."
Frowning, Roz reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder. "I just want you safe. You are so very important to me."
Andromeda's eyes watered and she leaned forward to hug her best friend. "I know I am, and you're just as important to me."
Roz laughed as she pulled back, wiping her eyes. "I know, but I'm not being chased by international terrorists and being saved by Navy SEALs."
Andromeda shook her head in exasperation. "I'm going to bed. I'm a walking zombie right now. I love you, Roz."
"I love you too, dear. Sleep soundly."
Andromeda could have wept as she crawled into the bed. This was where she normally stayed and she loved this mattress. She could feel bruised areas on her hips where she'd fallen, and her tailbone was definitely tender.
She thought about Roz's words. Her friend had a right to be concerned about Parker being back in her life. It had taken her a long time to recover after the last time, and she'd never had a relationship to equal it. They'd only been together two weeks, but it had been the most impactful two weeks of her life.
And it had fallen apart because of her.
She wasn't looking forward to talking to Parker about it.
When she woke up the next morning feeling rested and restless, Roz suggested they go ahead and run down the mountain to get supplies. It was early, just after dawn.
"Parker's going to be pissed."
"He may not even notice. I checked on him early this morning and he was running a bit of a fever. I gave him more pain pills and he went back to sleep almost immediately."
Mac stood in the living room, perusing Roz's shelf of books on the far wall.
"Mac, can I get you some things?"
He looked relieved and nodded his head. "I would really appreciate it. I doubt I'll be allowed back into my apartment in the near future."
Andromeda agreed but she gave him a smile. "I'll take care of everything. If you can write down your sizes it would make it easier on me."
The big man gave her a single nod and moved to Roz's window desk, looking for pen and paper. He jotted a few things down then handed it to her. Andromeda tucked it into her pocket. "If you can watch for Parker and let him know where we went, I would appreciate it."
Mac nodded. "Of course."
Roz had already started her truck and they took off as soon as Andromeda was strapped in. It was easier going down the mountain than up, but both ways were exceptionally bumpy. By the time they reached the bottom Andromeda felt like a milkshake.
Though it was a little farther away, Roz drove them to a bigger town so that they would be a little less noticeable. They went to a Kohl's and found most of the clothes they needed, even the big and tall they needed for Mac. Then they headed to a grocery store to stock up. Andromeda even found Mac a couple of paperback books to read. By the time Roz filled up at a gas station, several hours had gone by. After making one last stop, they headed back to Roz's mountain.
Parker was standing on the front porch when they pulled up and Andromeda didn't like the expression on his face. He looked livid.
"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?"
Andromeda frowned as she circled the vehicle to the back. "Well, you were ass out asleep, which you desperately needed. No one has followed us here and we needed supplies."
One hard hand wrapped around her arm. "I'm supposed to be protecting you."
She hadn't even realized he'd come down the steps.
"No, you're supposed to be protecting him." She tipped her chin at Mac, who had come down the steps to help them unload. "He's the linchpin in this case, not me."
Parker scowled but she could see he agreed with her.
"Here." She handed him the stack of pizzas. "Can you carry those in?"
Parker tried to stay grumpy, but it was hard. She knew he loved pizza. Especially this kind.
"Did you get a Founder's Favorite?" he growled.
"Yes."
She waited to grin until he turned back to the steps. Roz caught her eye and shook her head. "You two already sound like you're married."
That sobered Andromeda hard. They weren't like that. They never had been. She just knew things about him and ... well, she didn't know. She'd always been attracted to Parker, and the experience that life had etched onto his face looked good. It had matured him. But she knew at the heart of the matter when this was all done, they would go their separate ways again, and she would be left wanting all over again. It had taken her years to get over him.
As she looked at his broad, strong back disappearing into the cabin, she knew she needed to guard her heart. Again.
Chapter 11
Parker would not admit that she'd been right, but he did feel a lot better after the twelve hours of sleep he'd gotten the night before. He was normally a fast healer and this wound would be just like the rest. Pure pain for a couple of days, then aggravation. By the third day he would be able to push it to the back of his mind.
Pizza would help, he decided, grabbing another piece. His gut was already achingly full, but the damn stuff was addictive. Andromeda had gotten hers and moved to the couch to eat it. Glancing into the room he could see she'd discarded the plate to the coffee table and now sat with a water glass in hand, talking softly to Roz. A fire had been built in the huge fireplace, radiating enough heat he felt it all the way over here. The temperature had fallen so Roz had built it up, just in case. Mac had eaten a few pieces of pizza, then immersed himself into the books Andromeda had bought him. He sat in a corner armchair, head down, flipping pages regularly.
Parker closed up the boxes and stacked them to the side. He would eat it for dinner, too. Pizza covered every food group.
Looking back at Andromeda, he felt an emotional pang in his chest. The woman was stunning, her short hair wisping down over her forehead and her full lips spread into a smile as she talked to her best friend. Roz shot him a glance and he wondered what they were talking about, exactly. He was too far away to hear.
Pushing up from his chair, Parker crossed into the warm living room, settling onto the couch beside Andromeda. She glanced at him from the corners of her eyes. "What are we talking about?"
He could have waited for her to answer but her gaze shifted away. He glanced at Roz.
"We were just wondering where you'd been all these years."
He glanced at Andy, but she was looking down into her water glass.
"I've been all over the world. It's what a SEAL does. If there's a hotspot in the known world, we probably have a team there."
"When did you get out of the SEALs?"
"Four years ago."
"Why?"
Parker blinked, wondering if he dared tell her a bit of what happened. "I had to take a medical discharge."
Roz stared at him, waiting for more, but he didn't think he wanted to humor her, so he stared right back. She'd seen his scars and she probably had an idea what had happened. Eventually she seemed to get that he didn't want to talk about it, and the conversation turned to other things.
Parker watched Andy talk. She'd always been an eloque
nt woman, but with age she'd become more self-assured. It was amazing to him that she wasn't attached to someone. Or that she hadn't had kids. "Did you move on?" He asked abruptly.
A touch of color shaded her cheeks and she looked at him. "What?"
"That was what you told me to do and I was curious if you'd followed your own advice. It doesn't seem like you have."
She frowned, glancing at Roz and Mac. "I don't think this is the time for this conversation."
Quietly, Mac stood up from his chair and headed toward the bedroom hallway. "I'll be reading in my room."
Parker didn't even acknowledge him, just stared into Andromeda's eyes. "Did you?"
The silence drew out painfully.
"Andromeda, I'll stay if you want me to."
Andy glanced at Roz and shook her head. "I'll be fine. Give us a minute, Roz."
Once the two of them cleared out of the room, Andy looked back at him. "In a way, I did, yes."
"What do you mean," he demanded.
Andy rubbed her hands together. "I threw myself into my work."
"You never had another relationship?"
"I didn't say that," she said carefully. "I've had relationships over the past eight years, just not long-term ones."
"Why not?"
She shrugged defensively. "Why do you think?"
He stared at her hard, anger boiling up inside him. "I don't know why, that's why I'm asking."
She looked into the fire, her arms crossed over her chest. "I loved you, Parker. With everything I had. But I knew if I stayed with you I would be in this endless loop of euphoria and despair. When you were home things would be good, but I knew as soon as you left, my life would go to hell. The job you were doing was dangerous in the extreme and I knew it was only a matter of time before my heart was broken. I knew the longer I was with you the worse it would be, so I chose to end it early, before I became any more attached."
"You gutted me when you did that. Literally, I think a bullet through the heart would have been less painful than the shit you spewed at me."
She flushed, looking down at her hands. "You're a strong man, Parker, and determined. When you wouldn't agree to break up with me I had to get dirty. You weren't listening," she cried, looking up at him. "I tried to break it off gently, but you kept pushing and teasing and cajoling until I lashed out. I'm sorrier for that than you can imagine, but I had to. I know all of those things I said were exaggerations, but I had to get my point across."
He sagged back against the cushions of the couch. "That was harsh, Andy. I carried that shit around for months, second-guessing everything I did."
Parker could hear her voice ringing in his brain as clearly as they were talking now. He couldn't even remember what had started the fight, but he'd tried to pull her into his arms and she'd resisted.
"See, you always do this," she snapped, snatching her arm out of his grip. "Any time I disagree with you, you manipulate me into agreeing. You do it every time you come over here. No matter what I have going in, you coax me into shoving it all aside for your benefit. My GPA has dropped a half a point because I'm not getting my work done on time, because I'm catering to you. You are the most self-centered, egotistical jock I've ever had the misfortune to meet, and I'm tired of it. You're spoiled, Parker. You get everything you want at the expense of everyone else."
"I don't do that," he said, feeling attacked.
She’d flung her hair back angrily. "The fuck you don't. I'll admit I was good with it for a while, but I can't cater to you every single day. You need to leave."
He remembered what he'd done then, too. Using all of his considerable charm he'd wheedled a smile out of her. A little more cajoling and apologizing and they'd been fucking on the couch. When they were done, she'd stood up from the couch and looked at him with despair in her vibrant golden eyes. "See what I mean?"
He'd left then and he hadn't returned. If Parker was honest with himself, he knew he'd manipulated her, but he'd been driven. They'd fucked from the first night they'd been together and every night after that, sometimes several times a night, and she'd been a fever in his blood that wouldn't allow him to rest.
It was hard, but he had seen what she'd meant, and he hadn't returned. The class he'd been attending had one more week in Boston, and the time there seemed to drag, knowing that he was so close to her but not allowed to be with her. If he could have left and headed back to Virginia early, he would have, but the training had been scheduled for a long time and he doubted he would be able to get it again. He’d gone back to the bar where they'd met twice but she hadn't been there. And he didn't see any of her friends, either.
Parker left a few days later, and it was like he was leaving a part of himself behind. Though she'd hurt him more than anyone else ever had, he still craved her.
When he got back to the team in Little Creek, Virginia he threw himself into training. Being a SEAL was a difficult job, and he pushed himself right to the edge. When the Lieutenant was telling you that you were going overboard and needed to chill, that was no small concern. The teams had taught him to be strong, and now he was being punished for it.
Breaking up with Andromeda had fucked him up in the head, and he had paid for it.
"I was young, Parker," she told him softly. "I'd dated, but I'd never been involved with someone as strong as you and it was a completely new dynamic. If I knew then what I know now, I think we both would have walked away with fewer scars."
Parker looked at her, wondering if she realized how offhand that comment sounded. "I was in love with you," he said simply.
Tears filled her eyes and she looked away, brushing her fingers across her cheeks. "I was in love with you, too," she whispered.
He'd almost missed those quiet words, thinking about what he was going to say next, but his brain stalled out. She'd loved him. Damn. He'd kind of suspected, but neither of them had actually said the words out loud.
That made the loss that much harder, and he felt his chest heaving, as if he'd just been struck a blow. "I'd have fought for you harder if I'd known."
She smiled sadly, looking at him sideways. "Neither one of us were ready for something that heavy. It hit us hard and fast and we didn't have the experience or maturity to know how to deal with it."
He thought of holding her in his arms down at the stream. That feeling hadn't diminished for him, and it scared him. But you didn't get anything in life if you didn't let your wants be known. Just the thought of the words he was about to utter made his cock hard. "We're older now and wiser, I hope..."
Andy turned to him, her mouth open slightly. Parker could tell he'd surprised her. Expressions of terror and surprise and softness all streaked across her face, before settling into a frown. She shook her head. "No, this is even worse. We're in a do or die situation, literally. This is not the place to rekindle a love affair gone wrong."
He shrugged lightly, though his heart shuddered in his chest. "Just thought I'd mention it."
He pushed up from the couch and hoped she didn't see the reaction of his body. Ignoring the pain in his gut, he slipped on his boots. "I'm going for a walk."
Andromeda sat in shock. Parker opened and closed the door softly behind him, and she had to wonder if he was really that calm. Last time she'd turned him down he'd gone a little crazy.
She looked down at her dark maroon t-shirt. Her nipples pressed against the fabric, hard. Her body totally remembered the feel of his body against, inside, hers. Throughout the past twelve years she'd had other lovers, but if she was honest with herself none of them had ever lived up to what Parker had been able to do with her body. He'd made her come more in those two weeks they'd been together than she ever had again, and it was a tempting offer he'd just dropped in front of her.
But they'd be in the same situation all over again. Yes, they were older and wiser, but when this job was done he would still be leaving. They lived over a thousand miles apart now, even further than they had before.
What had he bee
n thinking, throwing that down?
The same thing she had. That he'd been the best fuck she'd ever had, and she wanted to taste it all again.
Huffing, Andromeda pushed up from the couch and headed into the kitchen for a glass of wine. So, what if it was only lunchtime?
Roz didn't like seeing Andromeda in pain. By the time she left her bedroom to start some laundry forty minutes later, she thought she'd given them enough time. But Andromeda was alone on the kitchen. "Where did Parker go?"
Andy shrugged. "Not sure. He left about half an hour ago, after he offered to take up where we left off."
Roz stared, slipping into the chair across from her. "No way! That's ballsy. What did you say?"
"No, of course."
Roz looked at her friend sharply. "But did you mean it?"
"I don't know." Andy shook her head and when she looked up there were tears in her eyes. "I keep thinking back to when he'd been shot right in front of me. It went through my mind that 'damn, we’re never going to get it right'. If I didn't care anything for him would I think that? I mean, it's been eight years. Shouldn't that be enough time to get over someone?"
Shrugging, she reached out to stroke Andy's hand. "I'm not sure. I don't have the greatest experience to speak from."
Andy dropped her head to the table. "When we were down at the stream he hugged me, and it was like the years between us were just gone. My body, well," she said, her voice muffled. "My body remembered him. I'll say that."
Uh oh. "Doesn't he live in Colorado?"
Andromeda sat up and flung out a hand. "Exactly! Even though we're eight years out, nothing has really changed. He's still doing dangerous jobs and logistically we're nowhere near each other. It's the same now as it was then."
Then she blinked, and Roz could see tears in her eyes. Her friend was really struggling, and she had no good advice to give her. Men in general set her on edge and she couldn't even imagine going to bed with one again. Yeah, sex had been good, but she could do better with the toys in her drawer when the need arose.
