“I really don’t know why, Scarlett. It’s always been her. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, sorry if I’ve given you the wrong impression. But with or without Willow, there would never be an us. Your blame is misplaced.” He’s only saying what I’ve already figured out.
Never. Never an us. But for the first time it occurs to me, he could push me out of the business. The thought of not having my job, my work causes bile to rise up in my throat like a geyser of fear.
“What about PAN Industries? BlackHouse? Are you firing me too? Cutting me out of every facet of your life?” My desperation is now transparent, because I can handle being alone… but not without a purpose.
“Of course not. I’m going to take a bit of a leave. Focus on my family, the London Lost and some other endeavors. Things will be business as usual.” I hear what he’s saying, but the words that I hear the loudest are, other endeavors.
“And Anderson’s deal?” I can’t help the quiver in my voice, I knew he would be angry and push me away. He chose her years ago… but I never imagined my paranoia and insecurities would affect our friendship and now the office.
Stupid, stupid girl. What did you think would happen? I hear my mother’s voice in my head as take a seat at the table.
“You can handle it; you said so yourself. It’s been your baby from the start. I’ll be checking in from time to time, but I think it’s better if we don’t work so closely together...for a while.” Silence hangs heavy on the line, as more tears fall. But this time they aren’t so silent.
“Piers. Please, don’t. Don’t do this to me.” I’m ashamed but I find myself begging. This played out exactly like I thought it would, but getting what you want, isn’t always what you need. I still need him, even if he doesn’t need me. Doesn’t love me. He’s my family.
“Scarlett, I’m sorry. I’ll be in touch. Let’s just take some time.” He sighs and his apology cuts me to the quick, because I know Piers is loyal to a fault and I’ve done this, handle this all wrong. Put him in this position.
“I’ll apologize to Willow. I’ll fix it,” I offer, swallowing my pride like a bitter bill.
“It’s not that simple.” He explains.
“I have no one else,” My voice breaks and I mumble out loud. I thought maybe Cohen felt something to, but I woke up to an empty bed. Regardless, his presence in my life, however brief gave me the push I needed.
“I have always been there for you, and I thought you were there for me too. But lying to me after Willow left, not telling me she called. Making her think I was with you. Putting me on the phone pissed out of my ever loving mind, letting me tell her that I had forgotten her...when you knew I had been searching for her. That I was lost without her.” I gasp, stunned into silence by his accusation. “You contributed to me losing out on five long years with my son. So, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a little time while I sort all this out in my mind.” He keeps talking, while my mind tries to process everything including the shame for the things I did, and the hurt for the things I didn’t.
“I didn’t know,” I whisper, as my heart falls to the floor and flops like a fish out of water. “I swear I didn’t know that’s why she was calling.” He has to believe me.
“Scarlett, I know you can’t see it now. But what we have, isn’t what you think it is. It’s love, the same love I have for Theo. It’s because we were all we had...for so long, a family unit. I’m sorry that my keeping you so close all these years possibly hindered you from finding the other kind of love. But there is another kind, and it’s all consuming, and it doesn’t go away over time or fade across the miles. I hope you find that love, Scarlett. You deserve it. We all do.” His voice waivers, and I know what he’s saying is true. Because after last night, I felt what more feels like. And now he’s gone too.
“Goodbye, Piers.” I end the call, unable to hear anymore tonight.
Standing, I walk to my room. The aspirin now unnecessary, because numbness is spreading thought my body from the center of my chest like a plague.
Climbing in to bed, I grab a pillow and hold onto it tightly, wishing it could hug me back.
I often feel like a puzzle because my broken pieces get ripped apart and scattered only to be put back together… so many times when people look at me, they see all my ugly and broken pieces, but they miss the real beauty, the seams running between the mosaic. That evidence that I put myself back together. My beautifully broken and perfectly imperfect.
More tears fall as I grieve for a chapter of my life that is now over. This is not the happily ever after I planned on, but I gave up on fairytales a long time ago I’ll allow myself this one last night to wallow in my misery.
Tears soak sheets that still smell of Cohen, as I empty everything I have left.
I thought Piers was the one, turns out I was wrong. He was a dream. An ideal. He was safe.
And all it took for me to figure it out, was for the right one to come along.
I thought I would never find someone, but Cohen found me.
He may be basically a stranger, but my body and soul recognize him.
He’s my never say never. But he left.
#####
Cohen
As soon as the plane lands, I switch on my mobile. No missed calls.
There are however, three texts, all asking the same thing.
Where are you?
Then nothing. Silence. Please let her be okay.
I hated leaving Scarlett there alone, sleeping peacefully curled up in white sheets, looking like an angel. Every mile further away I flew from her put a wedge of doubt in my heart that matched the distance.
Was she with me because she truly wanted to be? Or was I still just chasing away ghosts? I normally wouldn’t mind being used for my body, wouldn’t be the first time.
But this is different, she’s gotten to me, mind, body and heart. And it’s my heart I’m most worried about. It just started beating again.
Every mile closer I got to her, I felt my resolve slipping. I was ready to call the whole thing off and stay there, wrapped up on soft white cotton. Sheets that smelled of sex and cotton candy.
Then I got the call.
“Come home.” The quiet sobs caused me to panic, so I jumped out of Scarlett’s bed and on the first plane home. It wasn’t her usual demands, or empty threats. It was her rock bottom voice. A voice I had been hearing since I was old enough to understand what rock bottom really meant.
So now I sit in a sterile room, the smell of antiseptic heavy in the air and wait for them to bring her back to the room.
After what feels like forever, an orderly wheels her in and I’m stricken with guilt seeing her once tan skin has an ashen grey, and her once lovely brown hair is matted to her head. But it’s the eyes, eyes shaped like my own, but the color of amber that hold me captive.
Eyes that accuse. You left me.
Eyes that judge. You failed.
Eyes that demand. You promised.
“Cohen.” Her voice cracks.
“Yes, Mum. I’m here. I’m back.” I stand, and my black loafers squeak as I walk to where they lift her into a bed. Just for observation, only a couple of days, the doctor advised when I first arrived. She must have sent all her texts before she passed out.
“Did you find him?” She asks, when we are alone, obviously still out of it from whatever they gave her to counteract the drugs she consumed. She knows I found James, knows he’s sick…a different kind of sick than she is. She must not remember, I’ve been in contact with her the whole time I’ve been gone.
“Why did you do it Mum?” I try to take her hand, but she rolls over and turns her back to me.
“You left me.” She cries. “Just like him.”
“You sent me!” My voice is full of anger. She sent me to find him. For revenge.
Instead I found her. And now… I don’t care about getting even. I just want come clean to Scarlett and make all this okay, to be the man she needs. The man she deserves. But now I�
��m stuck here, in a room with a grown woman who was too drunk to realize she’d downed a bottle of her anti-depressants. So pissed out of her ever loving mind, she didn’t realize that she was calling for help, drawing me away from where she sent me.
From the bed of the woman I was dangerously close to falling in love with. Back here to drag me down with her, to drown in the past. Yet here I am, and here I’ll stay, to see her home and get her the help she needs.
“You weren’t coming back. That woman! That woman is stealing you, you’re leaving me for her. I hear it in your voice when you talk about her.” Her words become hard to decipher as she mumbles incoherently about moving on and I think she’s talking about me and Scarlett until I hear her talking about her long red hair. She thinks I left her, like him.
“Mum. I’m here. Shhhh.” I try to console her but she keeps her back to me.
When her breathing settles and I’m certain she’s asleep, I sit back down in the uncomfortable plastic chair, shifting around to get comfortable, wearing my tux from the night before. Taking out my mobile to text Scarlett, I see that my battery is dead. In my haste, I didn’t go by my hotel to grab anything, not even a change of clothes or my charger, when I left London. I’ll go buy one, but I can’t leave just yet.
My head falls back on a sigh. I’m exhausted from the lack of sleep from last night and flying across the country this morning. Memories of Scarlett’s skin under my hands, her quiet moans have me closing my eyes. Maybe I’ll just sit here and rest my eyes for a second.
My body is exhausted, but my mind is racing. She’s going to wake up and think I left without so much as a word.
My heart is torn between the woman who gave me life and the woman I want to make my life.
Chapter Twenty
Scarlett
When the sun rose, and sleep still hadn’t come, I decided to drag myself to the shower. It would be the Monday of all Mondays.
Piers was taking some time off, a polite way of saying avoiding me. And Cohen was, well who the bloody hell really knew?
All I knew, is that he isn’t here. I gave my body to him, and he walked away without so much as a word or a backwards glance.
I put on a pot to brew, while I let the hot water bring me to my senses.
After blowing out my hair and touching up the dark circles under my eyes, I thrown on some skinny black leggings and a black sheer top, before thinking better of it and replacing it with a bold black and white stripped tunic. I’m not mourning, I’m moving on.
No black veil needed here...what I need is a pop of color, so I slide cherry red gloss over my lips and slip my feet into black ballet flats. I’m ready to take on this week.
I leave the house with exuberance on the outside… that I’m not feeling on the inside. Fake it till you make it I’ve heard. Here goes nothing.
I don’t even make it down the walk before realizing I left my coffee on the work top.
Bloody hell!
As I fumbling in my bag for my keys to get back in my house, my mobile vibrates with a message.
I ignore the message, it’s probably just my assistant wondering where I am.
It buzzes again as I’m swiping my mug, and taking a deep drink. I allow myself a quick peek to see what all the fuss is about, digging in the bottom of my bag for my phone.
Two new messages from Sexy Pirate.
What the, what? Cohen! Coffee threatens to spray from my mouth, as I try not to be so amused. I’m still angry. He must have changed his name in my mobile. I scold myself for the smile tickling the corners of my mouth.
When I was sound asleep, before he walked out. That smile fades.
Sexy Pirate: I’m so sorry I had to leave. Family emergency.
That’s what they all say.
Sexy Pirate: Please Scarlett, it wasn’t a brush off. I’m not fucking about.
He may not be, but he can fuck right off. I’m done with chasing.
Throwing my mobile back in my bag, I rush out the door and jump into my car.
I crank up the music as my car purrs to life, while managing to drop my bag in the seat next to me without spilling anything. Job well done.
The mobile vibrates again, and again.
It’s not until I’ve pulled in to traffic that I realize I’ve left my coffee. Again.
Using the hands free I call ahead to the office and tell Mina, my assistant that I’ll be late.
I then swing by the coffee shop to grab us both a venti cup of steaming goodness.
I waste another ten minutes, circling for a place to park.
I could have sent Mina when I got to work, but I’m not that boss. The one who thinks it’s the little woman’s job to bring the coffee. I’ve never asked anything of my employees that I wouldn’t do for myself or someone else. Including get coffee.
Seeing how she’s a new mum, I’m sure she could use the caffeine.
Waiting in line, I find myself thinking about motherhood and a bit of the wind is knocked from my sails at the thought that I’ll probably never be a mum. Given my own mum’s less than stellar example and my general troubled state of chaos, it’s probably not in the stars for me.
While I’m a modern woman, independent and making my own money...I always envisioned myself a wife first, building a family with a man I love.
That was before my illusions of grandeur were crushed of course.
I think it has more to do with having what I didn’t, than living a stereotype. Family can be all sorts of things. Look at Teddy, Piers and myself. We’re a family. Were.
Are. I hope.
A family that’s expanding and I’m currently on the verge of being kicked out of. Because of my own issues. Jealousy, anger and inadequacy.
My determination to remain positive seems to be going right in the rubbish as I began ticking off all the ways I’ve jeopardized and self-sabotaged.
Those issues are another reason why I’ll probably never have a family to call my own.
I shake the ugly thoughts from my head, as I stand waiting for my drink.
“Scarlett?” A handsome blonde Adonis in a navy three-piece suit is calling my name. Feeling rather self-conscious at being caught zoning out, I smile politely at him as his eyes glance down and back up rather quickly. “Scarlett, right?”
“Hello…” I start, hoping he will fill me in, confused as to how he knows me. Surely I would have remembered meeting him. “I’m sorry, I haven’t had a proper dose of caffeine yet, do I know you?”
“You don’t.” He chuckles to himself. “But you are Scarlett with two venti’s to go?”
He must read the confusion on my face plain as day.
“They’re calling your name. Your order is ready.” He smiles and gestures to where two white cups wait for me on the counter.
“Oh, yes. Uh- thank you.” I offer as I grab my cups and rush to leave.
“My name is Max, by the way.” He offers with a wink, as he steps in my path to hold the door open for me.
“Thank you, Max.” I call over my shoulder as I rush down the street where I’m parked. Not today, Max. Not today.
He would have been totally my type. Before.
Instead of a Greek god, I find now I’m into someone a little darker… a bit more rugged, a lot less polished.
As if I’ve conjured him up, my mobile vibrates again.
I ignore it until I’m at work and I feel my mobile buzzing a few more times through the soft leather of my bag as I ride the lift up to my office.
Dropping Mina’s coffee at her desk, she gushes her thanks and I wave my hand not wanting to make a big fuss of it.
“No problem, welcome back.” I smile. “Please hold my calls for the day.” I tell her, as I hide away in my office. Barricaded in the one place I'm sure to be able to lose myself, and clear my mind.
Falling into my chair with a sigh I take the lid off my coffee to let it cool.
Firing up my laptop I checked my emails, trying to ignore the phone that taunting me, from th
e bag beneath my desk. I've waited as long as I could which is about the equivalent of two minutes. Five more messages.
Sexy Pirate: Scarlett please just reply so I know that you're okay.
Sexy Pirate: I know you're angry, please just answer the damn message so I know that you're okay!
Sexy Pirate: If I was there I would bend you over my knee for your insubordination!!!
Thought of his hands on me in that way have me pressing my thighs together, there's nothing quite like having your body owned by someone like Cohen.
I could do with him owning me day and night. But it's the possibility of him owning my heart, that scares me the most.
Sexy Pirate: Scarlett please! Don’t make me fly back there right this minute.
So, he has flown away then, he didn’t just leave my house… he left London.
The thought leaves my chest feeling heavy. I don’t like it one bit.
Sexy Pirate: You’re big trouble lady.
A new message comes in as I'm holding the phone and it vibrates in my hand.
Sexy Pirate: You do realize that I can see that you're reading my messages, right?
Oh, shit! I forgot all about that. I've been meaning to change that on my setting.
I start to reply but have no idea what to say.
Sexy Pirate: I see the little dots I know you're there Scarlett.
Fine! Cheeky bastard!
Me: Sorry about that, I was having coffee with a friend and thought it would be rude to ignore him to check the messages.
Sexy Pirate: What friend?
What was his name again? Oh, yeah!
Me: Max
Sexy Pirate: Max?
Sexy Pirate: A male friend?
Me: Yes, Max. Lovely fellow, but then my hands were full, and well I couldn’t exactly reach the phone.
The mobile buzzes in my hand.
Incoming call. Sexy Pirate.
“Sexy Pirate, huh?” I tease him. My mood significantly improved.
“Thank God you're all right! And that's your question?” He huffs out. “Your words not mine. But yes, sexy pirate which should actually read angry pirate. Bloodied mad as hell pirate.”
Never Say Never (Written in the Stars Book 2) Page 17
