by Jay McLean
"Yeah, that's kind of what I was going for with the whole proposal thing."
She shoves my shoulder with hers. "You know what I mean."
I wrap an arm around her waist.
She sighs and leans in closer. "I don't like not being with you. Even for one night. I know we shouldn't be seeing each other, but I had to see you."
"I'm glad you did, I was going a little crazy."
She leans up and kisses me quickly. "Let's stay until the sun rises," she says. "It'll be the perfect start to our new lives."
So that's what we do.
We talk all night about anything and everything. And even though we spend every spare second together, we never run out of things to say. She cries a few times, mainly about missing her mom, and remembering everything that we've been through. I sit, and I listen, and every second that passes, it's like a reminder of why it was so easy to fall for her so many years ago—why when Logan asked if there was a defining moment, I didn't have an answer. Because I think I've always loved her.
Always.
And forever.
***
I take one more look in the mirror, and chew my lip.
"You nervous?" Mark asks.
I release a breath. "Yeah. I'm kind of shitting myself, actually."
"Why? Doubts? Second thoughts?"
I shake my head. "Not for a second."
"Then what is it?"
"You know that feeling you get? That sense of calm, right before something bad happens? I feel like that. I feel calm. Almost too calm, and that's what's making me nervous."
He rubs my shoulders. "Maybe you're calm because you're just that sure."
"Maybe."
"Or maybe you need a shot of whiskey to get you through the calm."
***
We didn't want a big wedding. Just something with our closest friends near the dock by her lake. She wanted it in the afternoon so we could say our vows and then party as the sun sets. I told her it was perfect, because it was. It was everything I didn't know I wanted.
"You're making us all look bad," I whisper loudly to Dylan as I stand at the altar that I designed and Tom built. Everyone else is wearing matching tuxedos, but Dylan's wearing his Marine dress blues. He said he didn't have much of a choice considering he had a day to prep.
"Hey, you think I can borrow it later?" Little Logan asks him. "I think the girls would love it, you know?"
Dylan ignores him.
I look down the line to where my groomsmen stand next to me. All of Lucy's brothers, Dylan, Jake, Logan, and by my side, my dad. "You good?" Mark asks.
I nod.
"Still calm?"
I nod again, wiping my hands down my pants.
He smiles, but stays quiet.
Turning around, I eye the bridesmaids one by one. Claudia, Micky, Amanda, and Heidi.
Amanda lets out a sob as she wipes her cheeks. The girls console her, but she tells them she's fine. She's just so happy for us.
"Keep it together, Marquez," Logan whisper yells. He shakes his head, but he's smiling. "I can't take you anywhere."
She sobs again. "Shut up, asshole. I love you."
That gets laughs, even from the pastor standing between us—the same one that helped us with our Hope.
The guests gasp and I know it means they can see Lucy.
I stand there, and I wait.
Wait for my forever.
"Breathe," Marks says. I turn to him now, my eyes stinging with tears. And there's that same feeling I had from when I was in the hospital waiting to see her. All my senses are off. As if I'm under water, unable to hear, unable to breathe. The pounding in my chest gets faster, harder.
The music starts.
Mom lets out a cry.
And then I see her.
I see everything—clearer than I've ever seen before. It's the opposite of the calm I always thought. It's the calm after the storm. Like after the rain suddenly stops, and the sun shines through. It's perfect.
She's perfect.
She walks toward me, her hand on the crook of her father's elbow. She smiles, and I know that it's just for me.
I sniff once, pushing back the tears.
The music plays on, and it finally hits me—why Mom cried when she heard it. It's not the song we all expected. It's my mom's favorite song, the one from Aladdin. The one right after the boy asks the girl if she trusts him, and she says yes. And off they went, on an epic adventure. On a magic carpet ride, where he promises to show her the world, shining, shimmering, splendid...
***
Our vows don't take long. We wanted it that way. We didn't want to have to wait to become man and wife. We worked on something together, something small and personal for the pastor to read right before we say I do.
'There is a love so fierce it cannot be measured.
A heart so strong it will never slow.
There is a promise so sure it can never lie.
And we promise that love forever.
Forever and always.'
We write our own notes, neither reading each other's, and we release them in paper lanterns. We hold hands and watch the sun set as they rise to the sky. In those notes we write a message for her mother, so she knows she wasn't forgotten.
I didn't say much in mine, only that I'm sad I never got to know her and that I'm thankful to her for making Lucy the strong, witty, and beautiful girl that she is. I promise to take care of her, and to love her, through good times and bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part—just like her and her husband.
We cut the cake, and all sit down.
We opted for no speeches; Luce said she always thought it was strange that people talk about the love of others. She said that no one could ever say anything true enough, especially when it was so personal. And the day itself—the vow of marriage—should say it all.
So when Lucas stands up on the makeshift stage and taps the mic twice to get attention, we start to worry.
"I know that the lovely couple didn't want speeches, but I have something I want to say, and I'll fight anyone that tries to stop me."
"Oh no," Lucy says, the same time I laugh.
We glance at each other quickly before turning back to him.
He continues, "A lot of you know about my mom... about her passing and leaving behind seven children. You know about the life she lived and the person she was, so I'm not going to harp on about that. The only thing I will say is that when she left, someone in my life replaced her presence. Not just my life, but my brothers, and definitely Lucy Goosey's. Now, I'm not saying that Cameron's a girl, or that he’s feminine in any way, regardless of the stories you may have heard." He pauses to let the guests’ laughter fill his ears. "I remember when I was twelve, before I grew into this manly, flawless body—" More laughs. "I was out in the yard, where Cameron had helped us boys make a baseball diamond... we were playing, and Lucy was out there reading, holding Lachlan in her arms... and I kept seeing him look over at her. It wasn't like he was staring or being creepy in any way; he was just watching her. Anyway, months passed and those two finally got their sh—stuff together and started dating. One day I wanted to go for a swim out on the lake, but I stopped when I saw them sitting on the dock. They were opposite each other, legs crossed, schoolbooks in front of them. And then I saw it, him—glancing up and looking at her. He didn't do it for long, maybe he thought she would catch him and think he was a creeper or something. But as soon as his head was down, I'd see her do the same thing. And I sat there watching them, for over an hour... he'd look up, watch her for a bit, then look back down at his books. Then she'd do it... then he'd do it... and I just wanted to yell at them, 'Just look at each other already!' Months later, I'd still see him doing it. Whenever she wasn't looking, he'd watch her. So one day, I got the balls to actually ask him why. He laughed at first and said that I wouldn't understand. Honestly, I got a little pissed, because the thing is—Cameron always treated me like a friend, like h
is equal. Even though I was three years younger, he never spoke down to me. He never treated me like a kid. Which in a way was odd now that I look back on it—because even though he thought of me as an equal, I kind of always thought of him as a hero." Lucy sniffs and holds my hand tighter. I clear the lump in my throat. So does Lucas. "Anyway, I asked him why he did it..."
He looks right at me and laughs once. "You said that you were reading her. You said that you liked to know what it was that made her smile, or made her laugh, or got under her skin. I asked you why you didn't just ask her—that it would be so much easier. Do you remember what you said?"
I shake my head.
"You said that it wasn't the same. You said that you could ask her what made her happy, and she could say books—but the answer wouldn't be enough. You told me that you wanted to know what type of books, and that you wanted to be the one to give them to her. And even then, you said, it still wasn't enough for you. You said that you wanted to be her reason for loving books. You said you wanted to be her reason for everything."
Lucy wipes her tear stained cheek on my arm.
Lucas clears his throat again and glances around, like he forgot he was speaking to an audience. "It took me years to work out what you meant, but I finally got it. I finally understood. Yesterday, I saw Lucy watching you when you weren't looking. Six years on and she still had that look in her eyes. The same look you've always had in yours. The kind of look that can't be described in words—only in heart. So, Cameron, all those years of watching her—reading her—it worked. You're her reason for everything."
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
-LUCY-
Lucas gets off the stage, walks toward us, shakes hands with Cam, they nod at each other, and then he sits in his seat. And that's all they do.
We sit in mostly silence, my tears still flowing. Amanda sobs. Logan rolls his eyes. "Why are you crying, pretty girl?" Lachlan asks from next to her.
"Dude," Logan says, leaning forward and looking past Amanda to him. "You're always stealing my game."
Lachlan clicks his tongue. "Fine, you can have her." His gaze moves around the table and lands on Heather. "I'll take that one." He gets out of his seat and taps Mark's shoulder. "Move please."
Mark's eyes narrow.
Little Logan speaks up. "You can't just go from one girl to another," he drawls.
Lachlan lets out a tiny growl as a snarl pulls on his lips. Then slowly, but too fast for any of us to react—he picks up a piece of cake and throws it at him.
We watch as it flies in the air, his shout of "YOLOOOOOOOOO!" filling our ears.
And then... smack.
Right on Little Logan's face.
I choke on my held in laughter.
Little Logan wipes just enough off so that his eyes aren't covered. "You little punk, you better run." He picks up his cake, gets off the chair, and starts for Lachlan. "Run, Lachlan!" Lincoln shouts.
So he does.
And so does Little Logan.
"Hey, babe," Cam says from next to me.
I turn to him, just as he smears cake all over my face.
My shoulders stiffen.
I use the napkin to wipe it off.
His lips are clamped shut, but his face is red with held in laughter. I hear Jake laugh, so I turn to him, exactly the same time Micky smashes cake on his face.
And this is how the biggest food-fight in town history starts. Even the pastor gets in on it.
***
Cam and I sit back down on the table after hitting the dance floor, which basically means watching Logan make an ass of himself while doing an impromptu strip tease just for Amanda. He knows he's being an idiot, but Amanda laughs with him, and if there's one thing I know about Logan—it's that he'd do pretty much anything to make her smile.
Jake and Micky watch with their arms wrapped around each other. Heidi and Dylan have been gone since Luke's speech. I'm sure we all know what they're doing.
Heather sits with us with cake in her hair, on her face, and on her chest. Mark—he's pretty much untouched. Although, he did go a little crazy with the food war. He paid my brothers to join his team. Their target: Her.
"Well, this has been an amazing wedding, kids," she says dreamily.
Mark scoffs. "You could have had one like this if you'd actually said yes any of the thirty-six times I'd asked you to marry me." He wipes a finger across her face and tastes the cake.
Her eyes search his for something. Or maybe she's just reading him, like Cameron does with me. "Ask me again," she says.
I grip Cam's hand, a squeal threatening to escape. "What the hell," Cam says, clueless to what's about to happen.
Mark's face drops and then his eyes roll. "Heather, will you marry me?" he asks, almost sounding bored.
I'm on the edge of my seat while Cam tries to pry my fingers from their death grip on his arm.
"Yes," she says, a smile forming on her lips.
I wait for Mark's reaction before revealing my own.
His eyes widen. "What did you just say?"
"Yes," she repeats.
He looks first to Cameron, and then to me, and then back to his new fiancée. He kisses her once, quickly, and then he's off.
I finally let out a squeal.
A minute later, he returns with the pastor. "Let's go," he orders Heather.
"NOW?"
He clicks his fingers at us. "Best man, maid of honor. Let's go."
"We can't do it now," Heather whines.
"I'm sorry, Heather, but I can't wait."
I laugh as Cam and I follow behind them toward the altar. "Like father like son," I muse.
They stand hand in hand, eyes locked, smiles wide, while the pastor does her second round of vows. Not everyone watches them, but I don't think it matters. Just like it doesn't matter that it's not official. They'll still need to get a license, go to the courthouse, and make it legal. The point is that they did it, and they did it for themselves, and maybe a little for Cameron and me.
Cam kicks the back of Mark's knee just as he's about to say 'I do.' That gets a mixed reaction of laughs and gasps from the guests. Heather... she laughs. So do Cam and I.
-CAMERON-
"It's been some night," I say awkwardly as I walk up to Tom.
He turns around from his standing position at the end of the dock. He's been here a good ten minutes, alone, with his head lowered and his hands in his pockets. He hasn't spoken much throughout the night, but I've caught him watching Luce and I with an array of mixed emotions. Sometimes he smiles, but most of the time it's forced, or at least it seems that way.
"Thank you for putting it on," I continue, stopping next to him and matching his stance.
He doesn't respond right away, but I don't expect him to.
After a few silent moments, he sighs loudly. "You're welcome, son. You don't ever have to thank me for giving my little girl what she wants."
I quickly glance back at the party, to the dance floor where Lucy looks like she's in some kind of robot dance-off with Logan. "What are you doing out here on your own, everything okay?"
His smile's tight when he nods once. His eyes wander past me, probably to Lucy. "She's been through a lot," he says. "I mean, you both have, but her especially... with her mom and everything after, and then with the pregnancy." His gaze moves back to me. "I'm proud of her, Cam. I've never been more proud of her in my life. She chose well, marrying you."
I open my mouth to speak but he does it first.
"I don't think it was ever really a choice, though. I think in your case, fate had a big hand. It's the same with Kathy and I. At least that's what she used to say. Fate, it's all about fate, Tommy." His brows bunch before he looks away, his gaze now focused on the water. "Do you believe in fate, Cameron?"
I think long and hard about his question before finally answering, "I try to, sir, but sometimes it's hard. It's hard to understand the reason why certain things happen, especially to those that least deserve it."
"Are
you talking about having children?"
"Yes, sir."
"Yeah," he sighs. "That's a tough one. I could sneeze in Kathy's direction and she'd be knocked up the next day. It doesn't seem to make much sense. But I believe there's a reason for everything—even when it's not clear to us." He clears his throat before adding, "Like when she passed away... you saw what I became, you were there at my lowest point, and I think that maybe you were supposed to be. Maybe that's what Kathy meant about fate. Maybe she was taken so that you would enter our lives. So that Lucy..." He stops and blows out a heavy breath, the struggle in his speech more than apparent. "Maybe it happened so that Lucy could find her strength. Her reason. And so that my boys could find their hero."
I use the back of my hand to wipe my tears.
"Not a day goes by that I don't thank her for bringing you to us, Cameron.
"I didn't do anything, sir. All I did was fall in love with your daughter."
"That's the thing. You didn't even know what you were doing for us while you were falling for her. She wouldn't be the same person if it weren't for you. You changed her life, Cam. And fate—it changed all of us.
***
Amanda catches the bouquet, but she tries to hand it off to someone else. Jake keeps telling Micky to take it, but her face goes red with embarrassment and she shakes her head. "Nope," she keeps saying. She tries to hide behind him, and I swear it—I see him mouth, "You're next."
We get in the stretch Hummer that Tom rented, along with our friends. When we know we're far enough that the guests can't hear us, we scream, and cheer, and cry.
We ask the driver to park on the side of the road and wait. Ten minutes later, Lucas pulls up behind us. "I told Dad I was going to visit Jason for a few days."
Logan hands him the fake I.D. he organized for him.
"I can't believe I'm allowing this," Lucy says.
His smile widens. "It's fine, Goosey. What happens in Vegas..."
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
-LUCY-
Because our wedding was so small and we didn't want to go on a 'real' honeymoon, Dad went all out on a four-day trip to Vegas. Not just for us, but for our friends too.
