“I wanted to see you, and I can’t sleep day and night, can I now? Kinda makes sense, yeah?”
I watch closely for his reaction, which seems to be intrigued. How he never considered meditation as an option is beyond me, although the host would clearly have to bear the ability. It can be difficult for some to achieve a full meditative state. Fortunately for him, I have been meditating for years during yoga, so I’m somewhat of a pro.
As I continue staring into his eyes I begin picking up on something, something unusual. I can hear him, but he isn’t speaking. It’s…
“Oh my god, I can hear your thoughts! This is freaking crazy, Nick! I can see myself through your eyes.”
“Stop that,” he orders.
“Oh Nick, I don’t think so, baby. This is what we call tit for tat.”
The first peek into the window of his mind begins simmering to the surface of my brain. We are communicating—awake! I’m simply astonished.
His displeased grimace alerts me to the fact that he loathes the fact that I can hear and see everything within his twisted mind.
“Sydney…please don’t.”
I ignore his plea, focusing on the images clearing before my eyes.
“Let’s see what’s going on in Dominick’s mind, hmm?”
As his memories fill my eyes I notice the first memory I see my face as I sleep. He’s watching me, touching my cheek, gently. He smiles lovingly as he soaks in my restful peace. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. His cockiness, his arrogance, they’re gone. He isn’t looking at me as a pawn in his little game. He’s looking at me—just me. I dizzily pull myself from his mind, suddenly feeling like a trespasser.
“You like me,” I gasp.
“And you like Heather.”
“Oh my god—that’s why you smashed my mirror up, isn’t it? You saw I had been out with Heather—you were jealous.”
“I—I don’t know.”
“Say it, Dominick. Be a man and tell the truth.”
“Fine. I was jealous.”
“Now the rest.”
“What rest?”
“I don’t want to get all weird on you or anything, but you were crying earlier. Is that why?”
“Kind of, but not exactly. Most people have a filter for their emotions. Mine seem to just appear full force. When I was alive I had—issues. I guess some things don’t change, dead or alive.”
“You were undergoing psychiatric care. Wasn’t it helpful at all?”
“Mrs. Peyton didn’t seem to have much luck treating me. She was more of a buddy, I guess. I know it’s crazy, but I even think she might have had a little crush on me.”
“I’m sure that’s just your ego talking. It’s against the code of ethics to have a relationship with a patient in therapy. Years of school and a solid paying career is not worth casual fling with a patient—not worth it to any sane person, but that’s just my opinion. What you were being treated for?”
“I’m bipolar, or so they say. I have a hard time controlling my mood swings. My lows can follow my highs within seconds. When I hit rock bottom, it’s really hard to get back up.”
“Well, that clears a few things up. Had I known, maybe I could have helped you a little better last night. I didn’t know what to do.”
“You did help me, Syd. Nobody has ever calmed me so quickly. I was so angry, I can’t describe it. I actually scared myself. I really thought I was going to hurt you. I couldn’t handle hurting you, of all people. Since I’ve been dead I’ve felt nothing, then you come along and stir everything up. Looking at you, craving you—needing you. It’s like pouring alcohol on an open wound, made worse by the fact that my wounds can’t heal, and never will. I can’t have you. I can’t touch you. I might be dead, but my emotions are still very much alive.”
“I didn’t mean to…”
“This was not your fault, Sydney, none of it. This one’s all me.”
“But—I kissed you before, told you I wanted you. I fueled it.”
A painful expression masks his beautiful face as he begins to continue. Seeing him so raw and vulnerable makes my heart bleed. I feel physically sick knowing that no matter how much he denies it, I am at least partially responsible.
“Just listen to me, you are not responsible. Use my memories, you’ll see.”
“No, Dominick, I’m not digging through your mind. If there is something you want me to know, then tell me. Speak what you want me to hear. I will never violate your personal thoughts again, it’s not right.”
He swallows hard, digging courage and strength from a place which he’s had it buried it for so long.
“You asked me before why I didn’t get the information I needed from Heather while I had access to her thoughts; now you know. I was distracted by this beautiful girl Heather had stored in so many of her memories. She had auburn curls that bounced along her back as she walked, green eyes that reminded me of priceless emeralds—the most addictive laugh I’ve ever heard. I couldn’t get to her memories because I was too busy falling in love with something I could never have—you.”
“Nick, I….”
“Let me finish.” He puts a finger to my lips, shushing me. “When you moved in I was terrified at first by the feelings I felt. I had to get it together quickly and make sure I stayed focused on what I needed to do, which was finding my way home. Pushing you and Heather together was nothing more than selfishness. I had to put those thoughts of you away. I thought seeing you as a couple would dull my ache for you, and also that you could use her to help me get home. Only it didn’t dull the feelings, it pissed me off. I don’t want to see you with her—ever. She isn’t right for you, she had something to do with my death, she’s dangerous and I don’t want her anywhere near you. I want you to move—today. We know how to communicate outside of the room now. You can still help me, but safely away from her.”
I don’t know how to respond. Even my thoughts remain silent.
“Please,” he begs.
“Nick, I don’t know how I feel right now. You have twisted me into a confused world I don’t even recognize. I feel strong feelings for you, but how do I know if that was a side effect of you tampering with my mind? Can you let me figure this out before I commit to anything? Stay out of my head, let me know you—just you. No more mind fucking.”
“Will you agree not to go on anymore dates with her? It kills me to even think of you with her.”
“For now, but remember, I like her. I’m sorry to hurt you, Nick, but I do. Not only is she my best friend but she loves me, I know she does. Please don’t think I don’t like you too, because I do. I really wish I didn’t. Obviously our situation is—complicated, but I know how you make me feel. Contrary to how good you might think you are with your mind control, I can’t imagine wanting someone as much as I wanted you earlier. I can still taste you. Part of my feelings had to have been my own, they were real. I care about you, I miss you every moment I’m awake. I crave you. Why do you think I’m here right now?”
“You’re meditating right now, we can’t even touch each other. It’s all mental. I want you to see me with your own eyes, without me messing with your head. Leave Heather tonight and come to me, be with me—stay with me.”
“Nick, I have to go. This is too much to comprehend right now. I need to think—ALONE.”
“I think I love you, Sydney.”
***
Tears stream down my face as I pull myself out of meditation. How could I have not seen this coming? Sensibility should have told me that the longer we exposed ourselves to one another something was bound to eventually blossom between us. I honestly don’t know how I feel right now, other than trapped. Trapped between my own reality and my own subconscious. The distinguishment does nothing to soothe the searing tear splitting my body and mind into separate forces.
I have to get myself together. I throw some sweats on with a matching dull gray sweatshirt and walk from the apartment, desperately searching for the air that has been sucked from my lungs.
The cool breeze is refreshing, exactly what I need.
I walk aimlessly until I begin smelling food, directly into restaurant block. Athena’s Grill is only a couple more minutes from here. I decide Greek salad might do the trick. I also wonder if Mia might be able to join me. I pull my phone from my purse and give her a call.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Mia. What’cha up to?”
“Nothing really, about to grab lunch with Cayden. What’s up?”
“Oh. Well I was going to invite you to lunch with me, but I am thrilled you already have a lunch date. I’m happy for you.”
“It’s just a friendly lunch. I’m—trying, Syd. Why don’t we both join you? Where are you?”
“Athena’s Grill, a Greek restaurant.”
“I know where it is. We should be there in fifteen minutes or so. I can’t wait for you to meet Cayden,” she whispers.
“Me too. See ya’ soon.”
“Bye.”
As she hangs up a rush of excitement hits me. Not only is my sister finally taking steps toward moving forward with her life, but I get to meet the Dominick’s brother. This could be a really great opportunity to find some answers about my mystery man.
“I need a table for three please,” I ask the hostess.
“Right this way.”
I plop myself into the cushy chair next to the window, resting my head in my hands for a moment, soaking in the peace of silence. Nick parades through my mind, like a beautiful plague. He’s infected me. Somewhere in the middle of all this I’ve learned to look at him in a different way. With great difficulty I manage to bury the need that begins to swell my heart, sad wishes that can never come true. I can’t allow myself to feel like this about him—it’s painful and tormenting. Fighting capture every second I’m near him is now slithering its way into my waking hours. Heather isn’t here to distract me and keep my feet on the ground. I need her here to remind me what life can be like for me. She is obtainable, she’s real. I want them both, but I can only have one. It’s a matter of what’s good for me and what I want most.
Mia happily plops into the seat next to me, snatching me from my somber reverie.
“Hey, Syd.”
“Uh—hey, where’s Cayden?”
“Parking. It’s a nightmare down here during lunch rush.” She eyes me cautiously, analyzing the unease discrediting my phony smile. “You okay, Syd? You look stressed.”
I struggle for a moment, realizing that I can’t handle this on my own for even a moment longer. I’m going crazy. I need help.
“Actually, stressed isn’t even the word. I need to talk to you. I need you to be open minded and discreet. Nobody can know—nobody. Can you do that?”
“Yes, of cour—”
Mia and I both stop and stare as the hostess leads him in our direction. He is spitting image of Dominick. Dark hair, aqua blue eyes, with a muscular build. He is much taller than Dominick, but even his smile has the same evil quirk to it as his brother. He lights up as he sees Mia. I like that.
“We will talk later,” I whisper.
I stand cordially, extending my hand in introduction.
“Hi, Cayden, I’m Sydney, the sister.”
“Nice to meet you finally, I’ve heard so much about you.”
“I’m scared to even ask.” I laugh.
“All good, I promise. So you’re a Greek fan too, huh? Your sister bragged about some of the wonderful food you cook, especially the Greek. We should all get together and have a cook off. I’m not half bad in the kitchen myself.”
“That sounds amazing, actually. I was thinking about throwing a get together soon for my friends and family. I just moved into an apartment in Atlantic Station with my buddy, Heather.”
“Just name the day and time and we’ll be there.” He looks lovingly at Mia, who squirms slightly in her seat.
Cayden is great. He’s lively and hilarious to cut up with. Personality wise you would never peg him and Dominick as brothers. Cayden is easy going and—normal. The entire lunch is filled with laughter. I even hate the thought that the hour is coming to an end. Cayden grabs for the bill before I can reach.
“My treat.” He hands his card to the waitress.
As he lowers his hand I notice a beautiful bracelet encircles his wrist. It’s silver and black with a shiny emblem of the infinity symbol. I find it fascinating.
“I love that bracelet. Where did you get it?”
A forlorn looks covers his face. He struggles to smile as he responds.
“My mother made it. She died last year, so it’s very important to me. She gave matching ones to my brother Dominick and me. They are the only two like it in the world.”
“Excuse me for a moment guys, I have to go to the ladies room,” Mia whispers.
I cash in on my opportunity to feel Cayden up for a little information on Dominick. She won’t be back for a few minutes. Anytime death comes into conversation she disappears, she can’t quite handle it yet. Poor Mia.
“So Cayden, I know—knew Dominick,” I proclaim.
“Really? Dominick didn’t really have any friends so that’s a little surprising. Meet him in school or something?”
“Just kinda ran into each other.”
“Have you heard from him lately?” he asks, startling me.
“Uh—n-no. Isn’t he, you know—um….”
“No, he isn’t dead. He took off. He’ll come back, he always does. My mother actually had him buried, she said she had a feeling. She never quite recovered. This stunt of his ran my mother into an early grave with grief and worry. When he does show up, I have a few choice words for him. Why would a sweet girl like you befriend a crazy bastard like my brother?”
“He isn’t all bad.”
“Dominick thrived on sadness, inflicting it on everyone around him, including me. My mother worked her fingers to the bone to in order to pay for his medical care, and he repays her by crushing her heart into a million pieces and taking off. He was infatuated with his psychiatrist, and clearly she was reciprocating the behavior, or so we thought anyway.”
“Is that what happened?” I ask, astonished.
“That’s exactly what happened. When mother found out about the affair, she confronted them both. She threatened to report it, and Dominick took off the next day. We never saw him again.”
“Maybe she did something to him, that Mrs. Peyton woman,” I defend Dominick.
“How did you know her name? She was a private therapist, she didn’t even list through insurance agencies. There were only three people in this world who knew who Dominick was seeing: Dominick, myself, and Mother.”
“Nick told me.”
“Nick? He never let anyone call him that. You must’ve been pretty close.”
“Um—pretty close, I guess.”
“Were you dating?” He shakes his head in correction. “Of course you weren’t. He’s pathetic and way beneath your league.”
“I don’t really care for the way you’re talking about him. He’s no monster. He’s sad, hurt, and obviously very disturbed, but he is not pathetic. He’s a person—your brother. He loves me. And guess what? I have feelings for him, too. Save your crappy remarks for someone else,” I bark defensively, as I stand to leave.
“So, Sydney, you have seen him?” His eyes widen.
Mia comes back to the tense conversation at the table, looking warily at me as Cayden is stifling with anger.
“Um, is everything okay, guys?”
“Fine, everything is fine, Mia. I have to run, I forgot I have a photo shoot in a few minutes. I have to jet, like now.”
“That’s okay. Cayden and I have rounds in fifteen minutes so we are in a bit of a rush too. I’m coming over to discuss that THING after work, okay?”
“Yeah, cool. I gotta go.”
Cayden stands, shaking my hand once again.
“It was nice to meet you, Sydney. I would love to continue this conversation very soon. Here is my card. Call me ASAP.” His tone reflects that
this is no request—it’s an order.
I snatch it from his hand and jog toward the door, kicking myself for my mistake.
How could I have slipped so badly? Oh my god, this is not good.
I run from the restaurant frenzied and desperately seeking answers. The first order of business is going to be finding Lana. I fling the apartment door open and head straight for Heather’s room. It occurs to me that I’ve never really been in her room. I observe the numerous pictures of me scattered throughout. I don’t have time right now to consider the fact that it’s almost shrine-like—which is slightly creepy. I focus on the search for an address book, planner, anything that might lead me to Lana. If I don’t find her and figure this mystery out, Cayden will expose me and I could be implicated in Nick’s disappearance.
Heather’s drawer is perfectly organized as I expect, aside from a lump at the back. As I pull the liner up, revealing the hidden treasure underneath, I realize that if I had listened to Lana’s words—listened to Nick—I could have seen this coming. My balance sways as my mind wraps around what my eyes don’t want to believe.
“No!” I drop to my knees.
“Only two like it in the world.” Cayden’s words replay in my frantic mind.
6
Dinner Party
“Nick!”
I quickly ease myself into a meditative state so I can reach him, still wrapping my head around the fact that there is little doubt to be held; this bracelet is his and undeniably in Heather’s possession.
“Nick, are you here?”
“Where else would I be? I’m not going anywhere anytime soon,” he replies smugly. “Miss me?”
“Yes—um…no. Ugh, that’s not why I’m here. Do you know what this is?” I hold the bracelet in my hands for him to see.
“That’s the bracelet my mom made me. She made one for both my brother and I. Where did you get it?”
“Is master Dominick no longer parading around in my thoughts? You’re actually asking me instead of digging through my head?”
“I told you I wouldn’t do that anymore, smartass. I don’t break my word. Where did you find my bracelet?”
“In Heather’s drawer.”
Dreamers (The Dreamers Series) Page 8
