“Me,” I stated dully.
Jason sighed and nervously raked his fingers through his hair. “It sounds so stupid—I guess it is stupid. They expected me to ask Angela, and, well—you don’t know what it’s like being on the team, Kathy. They’re seniors, and they can make life pretty ugly for me—for anyone on the team. I thought it was cool being friends with all of the Varsity seniors and juniors at first, but it’s hard. I mean, they demand one thing, while inside my head, I know I’ve been taught better. But if I push against them, well, it’s just me against a lot of guys older and bigger than me.”
I still didn’t respond, which seemed to make Jason even more nervous, a fact I guiltily had to admit I liked. It made up for the fact that I knew I was going to start bawling any second.
Jason sighed. “The only thing I could hold onto after Jeff and Brad cornered me into asking Angela was the hope that maybe you hadn’t taken my invite seriously.” He attempted a nervous sounding laugh. “After all, why would you want to go out with a dumb jock like me?”
Somehow I managed to make my voice work. “Sorry I had to disappoint you.”
Jason frowned and shook his head. “Don’t say that.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of Jason’s moment of soul-baring. I was surprised that he’d done it. In fact, I was grudgingly impressed. It had raised him a notch out of the deep sludge I’d mentally sunk him into, but it didn’t change the fact that he’d hurt me. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know—maybe that you’ll forgive me, eventually?” Jason asked, looking at me hopefully.
I looked away from him while I reached down for my book bag with one hand and slung it over my shoulder. I walked the few remaining steps to the school’s front doors before turning back to look at him. He was watching me closely. My heart hadn’t stopped pounding the whole time he’d been near me.
“Maybe,” I said softly. Before Jason could say anything else, I pushed the heavy doors open and headed for home.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Kathy, happy birthday to you!”
Alex and Julie, and Sam, Stephen, and Curtis came over for a late birthday lunch on Saturday because I was, of course, going to the homecoming dance. Everyone was so overjoyed that I was going
with Dennis instead of Jason, it was almost sick. But because I was
going to the dance in a new dress, it was impossible for me to be in anything but a good mood.
“Okay, Kathy, make a wish,” Mom said while lighting the last of the candles.
“Make it a good one!” Dad winked.
“And keep it clean!” Alex threw in, just to get everyone laughing.
I wish Jason—
I looked up for a second above all sixteen glowing candles on my chocolate cake, my eye catching the shiny glints off Mom’s heart locket around her neck.
I wish Brett—
“Come on, Kathy! We’re going to be eating wax if you don’t hurry!” Alex complained.
“And Curtis will dive in if you don’t hustle!” Sam was wrestling with Curtis in her arms, who was reaching his little arms for my cake and grunting in protest at being kept away.
I closed my eyes tight and blew. Hard. Everyone clapped and cheered, and after eating a small sliver of cake, I was attacked with presents. Lots of good stuff, too—music CDs, books, clothes—all kinds of things I’d been wanting for a while now.
“I have one more thing for Kathy. Something really special—”
I looked up when I heard Mom mention another gift, but my eyes found the kitchen clock. “Dennis is going to be here in less than two hours! I’ve got to get ready!”
“Oh, I didn’t realize it was so late.” Disappointment was in Mom’s voice, and an anxious tone, too, which was strange to hear during a birthday cake-and-presents moment.
“Well, I guess I can spare a couple of minutes.” I rose from the table and gathered all my birthday loot. “So what’s this last thing, Mom?” There had to be time for one last present.
Mom shook her head sadly. “It can wait. I’ll give it to you after the dance.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. You hurry and get in the shower. You don’t want to keep Dennis waiting. Don’t you have dinner reservations?”
~
After yanking on my bathrobe and wrapping my wet hair up turban style in a towel following a record-breaking shower, I hurried into my bedroom—
“Hi, Kathy!”
—and nearly jumped out of my skin. Sam was sitting on my bed, her legs crossed, grinning away, as if she had every right to be there.
“Sam! What are you doing in here?”
Sam shrugged and slid off the bed. “I’m going to help you get ready for your big homecoming dance, what else?”
I was dumbfounded. Truly. “You are?”
Sam laughed. “Yes, I am. Just think of it as an extra birthday present from me.”
I wasn’t sure I really wanted Sam’s help, but after seeing myself in my full-length mirror in my hot blue dress and heels, with my hair in an expertly done French twist and makeup that could rival a fashion model’s, I was glad Sam had been there to help.
I turned to face Sam nervously. “Well? Do I have what it takes to pull this off?”
Sam stepped back to slowly and critically look me up and down before meeting my eyes. And then she smiled. At me! “I believe I’m going to be forced to retract my earlier statement. I think you’re going to pull off wearing this gown just fine.”
~
After Dennis arrived, embarrassing photo snapping occurred, followed by bad jokes from my entire family, who had insisted on hanging around until poor Dennis made an appearance. We’d been standing around in the living room, so while everyone else babbled at Dennis, I turned to catch one last, quick look in a mirror that hung in our living room. My gaze skimmed my hair and makeup, and then, over my shoulder, I saw a pair of eyes watching me. A familiar, laughing pair of eyes. I whirled around, my heart pounding—and was eye to eye with the picture that rested in the same spot where it had for years, on the top shelf of our living room bookcase. I reached out with trembling fingers and touched the frame before hurrying out the front door with Dennis while my family grinned and waved good-bye.
~
Homecoming was held in Central High’s gymnasium. Maroon and gold balloons and streamers were everywhere, music was blaring, and couples in all colors of dresses and suits were out in the middle of the floor dancing. A punch bowl and treat table were set up to my right, and a few couples were lounging around it, munching cookies and sipping punch. My heart pounded fast when I saw that Jason and Angela were one of those few couples.
“Want to dance?” Dennis grinned and tried to pretend he was totally comfortable going to a dance in a suit with me in my hot blue dress.
I forced a smile. “Actually, I’m feeling kind of thirsty. Would you mind getting me a drink first?”
“No problem. I’ll grab us some punch, okay?” Dennis walked over to the punch bowl and stopped to chat with a girl in a green dress standing with a guy in a gray suit.
I stared at Jason. He hadn’t rented a tuxedo but wore a nice Sunday type of suit and tie. Angela, of course, looked gorgeous in a pink dress that looked as if it had been made for her. He and Angela were talking with Brad and Jeff and their dates, but when Jason turned to set his punch cup down on the treat table and saw me, he didn’t look away. His face held a mixture of happy surprise and nervous fear, as if he was unsure exactly what to do now that he’d seen me. Against my will, I could feel my lips curving upwards into an actual smile. A small smile, but a smile, nonetheless. Jason’s face immediately relaxed. He smiled back at me, which only made my heart pound harder and faster. I watched, hardly daring to breathe, while he leaned down to whisper in Angela’s ear before turning to move in my general direction. Purposefully. Behind Jason, I could see Brad and Jeff craning their thick necks to see what
Jason was leaving them for. When they both saw me, their stunned reactions, whether over me and my dress or the fact that Jason had abandoned them for me, was truly satisfying.
“Hey, Kathy.” Jason tried to call up some casual bravado and Coolness. I kept the tiny smile on my face, but I didn’t respond. He shook his head and raised an eyebrow as he took a look at my dress. “Wow, look at you!” And then he lifted his hand into position for a high five. What kind of a stupid joke was this? I frowned at his hand before grudgingly obliging, only our hands didn’t come apart once the high-fiving was done. Instead, before I could pull my hand away, he shocked me by casually intertwining his fingers with mine until our hands came back down to our sides. Even then, he didn’t let go. “That’s an interesting dress,” he grinned.
“I’m not sure whether I should feel flattered or insulted,” I said dryly, even though my heart was still pounding and pounding away. He was, after all, still holding onto my hand!
“Hey, Jason.” Dennis. I’d almost forgotten he even existed. Jason stepped back to let Dennis move in between us with his two cups of punch. I quickly slipped my hand out of Jason’s, thanked Dennis for the punch, and made the necessary brief intros. Jason raised an eyebrow at Dennis and looked him up and down in a measuring way that almost made me giggle. Jealous, Jason? Surely not a big, popular football player like you! Although Dennis wasn’t my type, and I knew I wasn’t his, he definitely was still fine eye candy. And a junior, besides! I glanced back at Jason after my own look-see at Dennis and had to catch my breath. Jason was looking at me again. Really looking. My hands were so trembly while I took a quick, nervous sip of punch that I was amazed I didn’t drop the cup and splash punch all over the three of us.
Jason turned back to Dennis casually and said, “Hey, Dennis—my date, Angela, is busy messing with her hair, her face—I don’t know. Mind if I dance with Kathy?”
Dance? With Jason? My heart irritatingly pounded faster.
Dennis shrugged. “If it’s okay with Kathy.”
Jason turned towards me with such a hopeful look on his face that it was impossible for me to say no.
I raised my eyebrows, trying my best to pretend I was Cool with this. “One dance.”
The current song was fading out, to be replaced by another tune before there was even a second of silence—a tune with a softer volume. And a definitely slower beat. Not a slow song—please! I wanted to tell Jason I didn’t mind waiting for a fast song, but he’d already put his hand on my lower back and before I knew it, I was out on the dance floor, both of us in a slow-dance position: my hands on his shoulders, and his arms around my waist, both of us swaying and turning a slow circle to the slow beat of the song. It would be impossible to explain how strange—surreal—it felt to be slow dancing with Jason. Just the fact that he had his arms around my waist was—unnerving.
Neither of us said anything while I stared at his right shoulder, wondering if this was going to be a completely silent slow dance. I sneaked a look at Jason just as he turned to look down at me, and he smiled. A real smile.
“I’ve never seen you in a dress before. You look nice dressed up.”
“Glad you think I clean up okay. And you look pretty nice yourself. For a big dumb jock.”
Jason laughed. “Yeah, okay. Insult me. I guess it’s better than being ignored.”
“I suppose.”
We lapsed back into silence for another thirty seconds before Jason spoke again.
“So, did you make it to the game last night?”
I raised my eyebrows at him again. “The game?”
Jason laughed. “Obviously not, I see.”
“Oh, yeah. Homecoming. Of course. No, you’re right. I didn’t make it.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t go!”
“I guess the idea of freezing my rear end on a hard, wooden bleacher for at least two solid hours watching people I don’t know chase a ball around doesn’t sound appealing to me.”
Jason laughed again. “Where’s your school spirit?”
I grinned back at him. “I guess I don’t have any. Darn.”
“Have you even been to any of the football games?”
“Can’t say that I have.”
“I can’t believe that—I think I’m actually offended!”
“You shouldn’t be. You’ve got plenty of fans to cheer you on. You wouldn’t even notice if I was there. And obviously you haven’t, if you had to ask if I’ve been to a game.”
Jason sighed and rolled his eyes before grinning down at me. “Well, I think you need to come see a game. Next weekend. If only so you can at least say you experienced one high school football game during your sophomore year. Who knows? You may actually have fun!”
Jason wasn’t going to get me to commit. I was going to stand firm. “I don’t know—”
“Come on, say you’ll go. You know you want to!” Jason teased. “Don’t you want to see me play? Even just a little bit? Just once? I thought you’d jump at the chance to get some ammunition for making fun of me later.”
I laughed. “We’ll see. Maybe.” That was all the commitment he was getting out of me.
Jason nodded, obviously satisfied. “Okay, then.”
We lapsed back into silence. Not as uncomfortable as before, but I wasn’t relaxed, either, and I wondered if he was as acutely aware of me as I was of him. When Jason decided to speak again, he spoke so softly I had to strain to hear him. “Kathy, I don’t know if I did that great of a job yesterday, but you need to know—I’ve been wanting to tell you all week how sorry I am about this whole mess. Homecoming and everything else.”
I nodded without looking at him. “So am I.”
Jason looked down at me, his face serious now. “I miss studying with you.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You mean, you missed getting an ‘A’ on your paper this week.”
Jason laughed softly. “Torturing me, as usual.”
“Only because you deserve it. And need it.”
Jason looked down at me earnestly. “So, do you think you might decide to forgive me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know yet. Maybe. Eventually.”
“Does this mean you’d consider being my . . . tutor again?”
I sighed and looked straight into his way-too-beautiful blue eyes. Eyes that were pleading with me. With me! “No. I’m sorry, Jason, but I can’t. I have a lot to do to get my drama scenes ready for the Shakespeare festival. I just can’t help you right now.”
The song faded out to its end, so Jason mumbled that he understood, thanked me for the dance, and walked me off the floor back to Dennis. And to Angela, who glared at me before dragging Jason away. Dennis and I danced together, and I proved myself to be a better actor than I thought possible. I smiled, laughed, joked, and flirted as if I was having the time of my life. But all I had to do was catch a glimpse of Jason with Angela, and I knew that all I was doing was acting.
“Want to get our pictures taken? The line’s probably slowed down by now.”
“Yeah, sure. That sounds great, Dennis.” My beautiful high heels weren’t feeling so beautiful anymore, so I gratefully left the dance floor with Dennis and went through the whole dance-picture-taking ritual, as had every couple in line before us, each one posed in the exact same position for the photographer.
We made it back to the dance floor just in time to see Jason and Angela crowned homecoming king and queen. Everyone cheered while silly looking crowns were placed on their heads, and then everyone gawked while they had their royal slow dance. But I’d seen enough. It was late anyway, so with a word to Dennis, we left the homecoming dance behind.
~
I was all partied out, danced out, smiled out, and small talked out by the time I said good night to Dennis and locked the front door. I had just collapsed onto my bed when I heard a soft rap on my bedroom door.
“Yes? I mean—come in,” I mumbled, already more asleep than awake.
Mom stood in the doorway, one hand toying with
the gold locket around her neck, looking like she was about to burst.
“Mom? What is it?” If I thought I’d almost been asleep before, I was wide awake now.
“Nothing. Nothing, dear.” She smiled and dropped a letter into my hands. The envelope was a faded white, almost yellow color, with the name “Kitty” printed on it in bold, black capitals with a line drawn firmly below it—handwriting that was unfamiliar to me.
“I’ve kept my promise for over fourteen years and haven’t opened it. Even though I was tempted to more times than I care to admit.”
I frowned at the envelope and moved out from under the covers to sit on the edge of my bed. Kitty. That had been an old family nickname for me when I’d been really little, but no one had called me that since I was about four years old.
Mom soundlessly moved across the floor to sit beside me on my bed. “And I haven’t told a soul about it. Except your father, of course. But I did as he asked and didn’t tell Alex or Sam.”
I looked up from the envelope, truly bewildered. “Mom, what’s—what is this?”
“Open it and find out.” Mom smiled at me in a funny way before bumping my shoulder with hers. I looked back down at the envelope while Mom continued to sit by me, obviously waiting. “Well, aren’t you going to open it?”
I didn’t speak for a moment, and when I did, my voice sounded strange to me, all tight and strained. “Mom, whose name is on the envelope?” I didn’t look up but kept my eyes focused on the unfamiliar handwriting before me.
“Why, it’s your name, honey, of course.” Mom put her arm around me and rubbed my arm, but after a few seconds of that, I couldn’t help pulling away from her.
“Is anyone else’s name on it?” I said flatly, still without looking up at her.
“Well, no, but—”
I took a deep breath. “Then I think it’s safe to say the letter was meant for me. Just me.”
It took less than a moment for Mom to get the hint. I knew she was shocked—hurt—but to her credit, she merely nodded and quietly stood and walked slowly to the door before turning to me again.
The Secret Journal of Brett Colton Page 9
