Val put the book down. Gina’s excitement could be contagious.
“No, this book can wait.” A mischievous smile flickered across Valerie’s face. “We could have an old-fashioned movie night, with popcorn and everything.”
Gina grinned. “Sure, that would be really neat.”
Val got up to go to the kitchen. “Coke, wine, tea?”
Gina paused a moment and then replied, “Hot tea, but chamomile or something without caffeine.”
“Okay, you set up the DVD and I’ll bring the food.”
Gina turned on the television and popped the DVD into the player, then ran upstairs to go to the bathroom. She quickly returned, patted Sam, and gave the dog a treat, all in about the same the time it took Valerie to run a bag of popcorn through the microwave, fill a big bowl for them to share, and heat water for tea.
Soon they were seated together on the large leather sofa with Lianna playing away on the TV. They laughed and passed the popcorn bowl back and forth, offering a few kernels to Sam who had stretched out on the carpet before them.
Valerie recalled that Lianna told the story of a professor’s wife and student in a Midwestern college town who became attracted to a female professor. Lianna’s husband was distant and was, as the story began, being unfaithful to her with a female student. Recognizing his infidelity, Lianna decided to turn the tables on him. She enticed the professor and the two women had a passionate sexual encounter that evolved into a relationship. When the husband found out, he turned Lianna out of the house and sued for custody of their children. Lianna, overwhelmed and living alone in a tiny apartment, then faced learning how to live life as a lesbian. Not surprisingly the female professor had a partner back in Canada and ultimately returned to that relationship. No happy ending to this story.
Valerie had forgotten much of the film. She recalled the story line as they began watching the DVD and thought privately that it was a good thought-provoking film for Gina to see. Gina seemed very taken with the movie. Her eyes were open wide and she was totally focused on the television set. They had turned the lights down and sipped their tea in silence, continuing to pass the popcorn bowl back and forth.
At one point, while grabbing some popcorn, Val unintentionally touched Gina’s thigh and Valerie felt a jolt of electricity. She was very aware of it but just said “Sorry” for the accidental contact and they turned their attention back to the film. She couldn’t help but wonder if Gina had felt the same electrical charge and, if she had, what it may have meant to her. Gina’s going to San Francisco, Valerie reminded herself quickly. She definitely did not want a casual affair. She would not want to ruin her own life or Gina’s, or cause either of them emotional pain.
Gina remained entranced until the film was over. Then her shoulders suddenly slumped and she was silent for a moment.
Finally she spoke. “That was kind of sad, wasn’t it? No happy ending. Being a lesbian can be really lonely, can’t it?”
“Yes,” Valerie agreed. “It can be. But if it’s who you are, better to live the truth in loneliness—if it happens that way—than to endure a false life in utter misery.”
Gina nodded but suddenly she dropped her head into her hands and began to cry. Her shoulders heaved.
Valerie was stunned. She had never seen Gina lose control like this. Touched and not knowing exactly what to do, Val put her arm around Gina’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, Gina,” she said gently, “I know you are going through a hard time.”
Gina leaned into Valerie, who threw both arms around the younger woman and tried to soothe her. It seemed to Val that all the pent up feelings that Gina had pushed aside to do what she needed to do were suddenly exposed, suddenly on the surface. Valerie patted her gently and instinctively kissed her lightly on the cheek.
Suddenly Gina’s eyes, tear stained and a bottomless blue, looked up into Valerie’s face, searching for something. And then, even more abruptly, she pushed upward and kissed Val on the mouth. Taken by surprise, Val responded to the kiss.
Before either could think, they were wrapped in a passionate embrace. Mouth on mouth, arms around each other, stroking, holding, reaching, exploring.
Valerie put on the brakes first. She stopped and gently but firmly held Gina away from her. She looked directly into her eyes and said, “Gina, I’m sorry, but this isn’t right. I can’t do this. We can’t hurt each other like this.”
Gina appeared distraught and terribly pained, but she sat still and stared back. And then she nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry, too.”
She stood up and, with new tears streaming down her face, ran from the room and up the stairs.
Summer school was almost finished. Josie had completed two of her spring courses with passing grades, but two laboratory classes had posed difficulties. She hadn’t been able to participate in classroom experiments while she was on bedrest and had been forced to accept incompletes in those classes. She had to finish the work in summer school. Josie hadn’t been happy about that, because it took time away from her lawn service, but she needed the passing grades so she did what she had to do.
So on this summer afternoon, a lovely weekend afternoon, Josie sat in the Humboldt State library studying for her last final exam. Abruptly her cell phone vibrated. She asked another student nearby to watch over her books while she returned the call. Then she went outside the library building and quickly hit the button to dial the number showing on her screen.
It was Gina.
“Can I talk with you?” Gina asked. Her voice was strained.
Josie paused for a moment, obviously considering all the studying she needed to do. But Gina needed something. “Sure,” she said, keeping her tone light. “I’m over at the college in the library, in the main study area. I can leave my books for a little while if you can come over here and meet me.”
“I can be there in 30 minutes. Is that okay?”
Josie agreed and the two hung up.
Gina’s Beetle hummed its way up Highway 101 to Arcata, where she left the main roadway at the Humboldt State exit. When she got to the center of the campus, she searched for and found a parking place for visitors and then scurried to the library. She knew her way, having been there a couple of times before. She was so glad that Josie had agreed to see her for a few minutes.
When Gina entered the library, Josie waved. She had been concentrating on her studies but still looking up periodically for her friend. The two left the library and walked to the quad in front of the student union. Josie still moved slowly and with a pronounced limp, so Gina carried her books for her. They found an empty bench in the shade, with a breeze to keep them cool. There they could talk privately.
Gina put Josie’s pile of books down beside her. “How are finals going?”
“Really good. Better than I could ever have hoped. Judee’s tutoring in the spring really helped me get focused.”
Gina smiled. “I’m so glad for you. Maybe you’ll actually learn to like school.”
“Hmmph,” Josie mumbled. “But you didn’t drive all the way up here to ask about my exams. So what’s up? You sounded like it was something urgent.” She grimaced and positioned her braced leg as best she could to keep it from aching.
Gina took a deep breath but waited to speak until Josie was settled. “Well, last night Valerie and I were watching a lesbian movie and she touched me, I think by accident, but I felt this big jolt of electricity go through me. I was really startled—.” Gina stumbled over her words, not sure if or how to explain what had happened afterward.
Josie grinned. “Sounds like attraction to me. If you felt it, then the chances are that she did too.”
“Is it her sending me a signal or something?”
Josie chuckled. “More like you both were sending signals.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Gina looked confused and distraught.
Josie looked at her with amusement. “I told you months ago, when I was lying up there in Val’s house with my bum leg, that she likes yo
u—maybe a lot. You two live together in the same house. You’ve had time to build up feelings for each other, even if you haven’t been aware of them, and maybe both of you are living in denial. I’m surprised that this didn’t happen a long time ago.”
Gina thought for a moment and then admitted, “Well, it sort of did once, at the Purple Priscilla when we danced together, but I wrote it off to the evening, the music, the situation. I didn’t take it seriously.”
“I think you’ve been blocking this out for a long time,” Josie said, gently touching Gina’s arm, “but maybe now you’ll have to deal with it.”
Gina nodded. “But—.”
“But what?” Josie asked. “Do I get a sense that there is something more here?”
Gina sighed. “Last night, after the movie, I got upset. I don’t know why but I started crying. Valerie held me, and then we kissed. It was a shock, you know, because I didn’t mean—well, I didn’t want to do something wrong, but I had this urge. I’m upset and I think she’s upset too, and now I really don’t know what to do.”
Josie looked at Gina and firmly grasped her hand. “Well, my friend, you’re gonna have to decide what you really want. You and Valerie are, well, not in the same place. You came here to hang out while you settle some debts. Then you’re off to San Francisco, right?”
Gina nodded reluctantly and stared at the ground.
“Valerie came to Eureka to build a new life,” Josie continued, “and she’s doing that. It’s been long enough since Doreen’s death that her feelings could be waking up. Even if she doesn’t consciously know it, she might be ready for a new relationship. But when she opens herself up again, she’s not likely to settle for a passing affair.
“If you aren’t ready to settle down here in Eureka and be loving and loyal to her until she’s old and wrinkled and beyond, then you had best stay away from her.”
Gina stared at the ground, frowning, at a loss for words.
Josie finally pushed again. “Are you ready to give up San Francisco?”
Gina sighed and shook her head. Then she studied Josie’s face, impressed with her mature assessment of the situation. “Geez, Josie, you should be a psychologist!” she said—adding, with a deep sigh, “Actually that’s what I was afraid you’d say. I guess I knew it, way down deep inside. I just didn’t want to look at it.”
Josie grasped Gina’s shoulder. “I can understand that. She’s nice, you’re nice, and you’ve had a good place to stay in her house. You’ve gradually become comfortable with each other. Now you’re good friends. Under other circumstances, you could become lovers. It’s hard now to sort out things. At some level, you don’t want to leave. Why would you?”
Gina nodded. “You’re right. But it looks like I’ll have to go.”
“How much more do you owe that therapist?”
“Maybe $200. Another month will put it behind me.”
“Well, you had better make sure you don’t have any more intimate evenings with Val. You know how to make yourself busy, you with your million and one jobs. Don’t invite her to go dancing, don’t hang out around her, and keep very busy. Maybe mention that you’ll be leaving for San Francisco soon. Give her a clear message that you are following your original plan. There will be less pain that way. She’ll miss you when you leave, but she won’t have a broken heart.”
Gina gave Josie a hug. “Thanks, Josie, you are really a good friend. Thanks for listening to me.”
Josie grinned. “You’re welcome. It’s kind of fun, giving advice to a Ph.D.”
Gina cuffed her playfully. “I bet.”
“Well, I’ve got to get back to my books. You gonna be okay?”
Gina sighed. “Sure, and thanks again.”
Josie struggled to get to her feet. “We’re all gonna miss you, Gina, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. You’ve waited so long and fought so hard for it.”
Gina watched as Josie hoisted her books. “You want me to take those back for you?”
“Nope, I’m fine. See you later.”
Gina nodded and watched as Josie, with her persistent limp, headed back across the campus toward the library. Although Josie still had a brace on her leg, Gina admired how far she had come in the months since her potentially tragic fall from the ladder.
It seemed that her fate had been sealed so Gina dragged home empty boxes. She looked at her belongings, the many things she had accumulated during her months in Eureka. Deciding what she would take with her and what she would leave behind, she began loading the boxes with things to go and things destined for a local charity. She avoided any personal conversations with Valerie, and Val said little to her.
She saved every penny she could from her jobs, worked extra hours, and pushed to get that last $200 paid off as quickly as she could. After three weeks she had accumulated the money and she mailed the final check. Then she felt free, as if an immense burden had been lifted.
She phoned Rick to tell him the news. They met that evening at the Purple Priscilla, and Gina danced the night away with several young women. She told Rick that she was about ready to leave Eureka.
“We’ll miss you,” he said to her. “I don’t see that San Francisco has anything to offer that we don’t have here, but that’s my take on it. I mean what could be greater than the Rhododendron Parade in April and the Kinetic Sculpture Race in May and the Blues by the Bay Festival in August? And then there’s that Trucker’s Parade, too.”
Gina giggled at him and shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I suspect it’s not the same thrill as seeing the Golden Gate Bridge or Fisherman’s Wharf or riding on a cable car.”
“I know, but you’ve never given Eureka a chance. You’ve wanted to be down there ever since you got here. So I guess you should go and do it.” Rick shrugged. “And I guess that means this is goodbye.”
During the last days, Valerie was friendly but continued to keep her distance. When they chatted about anything, Gina mentioned San Francisco. She told Valerie that she had paid off the debt and she left the door to her room open, so that Val could easily see the boxes she was packing up.
Valerie had started a new painting and was spending every hour she could spare on it. Now that she was beginning to sell more of her work, maybe she could soon let go of her part-time job and make a living solely from her art. That would be incredible.
After she had watched Lianna with Gina, a night she would prefer to forget, she had become quite aware of the recent changes in Gina. For several months they had seemed to be moving closer to each other, but, since that night, they couldn’t be further apart. It was obvious that Gina was practically out the door. Soon Val would be looking for another roomer, partly for the money but also because this house suddenly seemed too big for just her and Sam.
Gina’s departure would probably be for the best. Feelings were running too deep, and Val was starting to feel very vulnerable.
She remembered the night they danced at the Purple Priscilla and how her body responded to Gina’s closeness. Even now she could feel the wetness between her legs. That had surprised and embarrassed her and yet she had felt pleasure. Because her passionate nature, dormant so long, was coming back to life and because she truly cared for Gina—maybe even was a bit in love with her—she knew she would hurt when Gina left. The longer Gina stayed, the more Val would hurt. And eventually Gina would go, no matter what. She saw her life as being out there somewhere else, not in Eureka.
The phone rang. It was Lanie.
“Hi, I’m just down the street. Can I stop by for a moment?”
“Sure.” Valerie brightened at the thought of spending time with a good friend. “I’m in the studio. Just come on in. The front door’s unlocked.”
Lanie soon popped through the doorway, patted Sam, and pulled up a chair for herself. She commented on Valerie’s new painting and then said, “You’ve been pretty non-communicative the past few weeks. I can’t help but notice. What’s going on?”
Val wanted to
say, “Oh, nothing,” but she couldn’t really avoid the truth. “Well, Gina’s getting ready to leave for San Francisco soon. I think I’m reacting to the reality that she’s going to be gone.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Lanie asked, smiling at Valerie as gently as brusque Lanie could smile.
Val gave her a rueful smile in return. “Yes, I know, you told me from the beginning to watch out for her.”
“Well my opinion of Gina has changed a bit over the months. But she does have a plan for her life, and you aren’t at the center of it. You deserve to be at the center of someone’s life—someone you love and someone who loves you,” Lanie told her.
“I know,” Valerie agreed with a deep sigh.
“You and me, kid, we’ve both been around the block. You once, me several times, and we both know what’s going on. If I weren’t so completely immersed in selling real estate, I’d probably be chasing after you,” Lanie confided, putting her hand on Valerie’s arm.
Val chuckled. “Yeah, I suspect so. But you know we make better friends than we would lovers.”
Lanie nodded soulfully. “So, as a good friend, I’m telling you to let this go. Let Gina go. Don’t make a play for her. She’s got an agenda, real or fantasy, and she’s got to follow it. Otherwise she’d always blame you for holding her back, keeping her from getting what she believes she wants for herself.”
Valerie nodded, her shoulders sagging. “You’re right. I know it. But I still feel a big emptiness inside.”
“That you can’t help. She’s been a big presence in your life for nearly a year now. Wave goodbye to her. Place an ad for a new roommate, allow yourself to grieve, and then move on.”
“You’re right.”
Lanie gave her a big hug. “Don’t shut me out, huh?”
Val nodded, and Lanie headed out the door to meet a client who was looking for a Victorian house.
On her final night of work at the multiplex, Gina turned in her uniform. Afterward she went to the Purple Priscilla to meet Rick and his friends for the last time. She danced until the place closed and then held Rick in a final goodbye hug.
North Coast: A Contemporary Love Story Page 17
