Her mind rattled on. What about sex, if they did go to bed? Valerie had been with Doreen for 20 years and with no one since her death. Gina had been, so she implied, with several partners briefly, although nothing lasting. What kind of sexual partner would Gina make? Or Val herself?
“Oh, phooey,” she said to Sam. “I feel like I’m on a roller coaster way up at the top of the lift hill, ready to hang on for dear life. I think I want to get off.” She looked at the dog. “Or do I?”
Valerie’s phone rang. It was Lanie. “I hear rumors that Gina is back in town,” she began before Val could even say hello.
“Yep, the rumors are true,” Val affirmed.
“Just visiting?”
“She says she’s here to stay. Got a job at the movie theater, assistant manager I think she said, found an apartment, and she’s applying for teaching work at Humboldt State.”
“Wow! How do you feel about that?”
“I honestly don’t know,” Val admitted. “She looks good, and she’s so much more confident. It’s like San Francisco made her into a new person.”
“Hmmm,” Lanie said and was quiet for a moment.
“I know she wrote to you,” Valerie said. “She didn’t mention that she was thinking of coming back?”
“No, not a word.”
“Well, it sure was a surprise to me,” Val acknowledged. “The doorbell rang, and there she was on the front porch. I was shocked.”
“Hmmn,” Lanie said again. “I somehow suspect she’ll be courting you, if she hasn’t already.” She laughed sardonically. “I guess I should have made my move sooner.”
Valerie could feel her pain. “Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry. The timing is terrible, isn’t it? I treasure you so much. You’ve been such a loyal friend. But I don’t at this point know what I am going to do, beyond listening and thinking and trying to decide what is right for me. I’m sorry if Gina’s coming back is hurtful to you.”
“Yeah, well a girl can dream,” Lanie commented wryly. “I thought Gina was gone for good. Then when I started selling real estate and making good money, that you’d change your mind about us being a duo.” She sighed. “Oh, well. I’m still your friend. Just keep me informed, so I know whether to wish you the best or come by and hold your hand.”
Gina was behind the snack bar running a register tape when Rick came on duty for his shift. It was the first time she had seen him since she had returned to Eureka. Rick’s eyes lit up, and he instinctively started to approach her to give her a big hug. Then he saw her blue manager’s suit and stopped.
“You did it!” he gasped. “You’re a manager!”
“Assistant in training,” Gina replied with a grin.
“Well look at you in those duds!” Rick danced around in front of her. Then he realized he was making a display. “Sorry,” he said, bringing himself under control. “You’re a manager now. I’ll have to show more respect.”
“Probably,” Gina said, but she smiled. “Save the other stuff for after hours. You’re still my friend when we’re not on duty.”
Rick started down the hallway to clean an auditorium and then turned back. “It’s so good to see you again,” he said. A big grin spread across his face as he pushed his cart through a doorway.
Gina locked the register, grabbed her paper tapes, and headed for the box office. She was struggling with her job, as she had known she would. The paperwork and computer operations for a manager were so much more complicated than the tasks she had been responsible for as a staff member. But she liked it and she knew that in a few weeks she would be more at ease in the job. And the position required such weird hours, including night and weekend shifts, that she could do some writing and also handle a part-time teaching job. One full-time job made it easier to juggle her other interests and obligations.
She had located a reasonably comfortable furnished apartment. Using other people’s things didn’t bother her. She had made do with recycled furniture many times. But she had plans to fix up the apartment, add her own personal touches, and it would feel like her own very soon. It was great to have a small kitchen with her own full-sized refrigerator—a whole refrigerator in which to put whatever she wanted. She didn’t have all the shelves filled yet but she would.
And soon, she had promised herself, she would trade the battered Beetle for a better car. It had served her faithfully through graduate school and in the years afterwards, but it was time for a more suitable, more adult car, maybe even an SUV.
“Right,” she said aloud to no one in particular. “You want to make an impression on Valerie, don’t you?”
When Val returned from her morning walk with Sam, she found an envelope tucked under her front doormat. Inside were four movie passes and a note. “Bring the gang, on me. Gina.”
Valerie chuckled to herself and was soon on the phone to Lanie, Josie, and Judee. They all checked their schedules and decided they could go to the movies on the following Saturday evening. The three met at Val’s house and rode to the theater in her Volvo. Despite a chilly evening with heavy fog rolling in from the ocean, they were all excited to be seeing Gina again.
The new assistant manager was tearing tickets at the front door, something the management staff did on busy nights. Valerie thought Gina was impressive in her navy blue uniform. Gina smiled warmly when she saw her old friends standing in line but maintained her professional composure and quickly tore their tickets. “That’s theater three to your right,” she said, directing them to their auditorium and quickly turning to the next customer.
Judee, Josie, and Lanie bantered with each other as they walked down the hallway. “Doesn’t she look great?” Judee exclaimed.
“I love her new hairdo,” Josie whispered, then looked at Valerie, who seemed preoccupied. “I thought we’d lost her to San Francisco forever,” she said. “But I’m glad she’s back, aren’t you?”
Val came out of her funk and nodded. “Yes,” she replied, “I am.”
Josie left the group a few minutes later to pick up a large popcorn to share with her friends. She was surprised to see Gina behind the concession counter helping out the staff.
Josie got in line and, when her turn came, gave Gina a welcoming smile.
Gina looked a bit flustered but her blue eyes sparkled as she greeted her old friend. “Hi, Josie.” Her head turned to the sound of business around her, and then she looked back at Josie. “Is there something I can get for you?”
“Large size popcorn for the gang. Please.”
Gina nodded and went back to the popper, picking up a big corn barrel on the way. “You want butter?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at Josie.
“Little bit, thanks.”
Gina buttered the corn, then reached under the counter and pulled out a brown rectangular box. She brought both items back to the place where Josie stood watching her. “That’ll be $5.75,” Gina said. “And take this extra box, so it will be easier to share. Just pour some out of the barrel into the box.”
“Oh, thanks.” Josie handed her a bill.
Gina counted out the change from the register and came back to Josie. She put the change in Josie’s hand and started to turn toward another customer.
Josie stopped her by putting her other hand on Gina’s arm. She looked deeply into Gina’s eyes. “You came back for Valerie, didn’t you?”
Gina’s eyes widened, but a small smile played about her lips. “We’ll see,” she said and quickly faced the next person in line.
Valerie’s phone hadn’t been this busy for months. Whenever she picked up the receiver, Lanie, Josie, or Judee was on the other end of the line, asking if she had heard anything more from Gina or had seen Gina around town. Val could honestly say that she had not, and she was beginning to feel a little concerned. She tried not to let her discomfort show. Gina’s new job must be taking up a lot of her time. Surely she’d call when she could.
The following week the phone rang, and this time it was Gina. Val was surprised, never having he
ard the sound of Gina’s voice on a telephone before. She held her tongue, tempted to comment on the fact that Gina was now using what she had once thought of as a dreaded instrument.
“Hi,” Gina said brightly. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to get back to you, but I was getting organized as a manager. I’ve still got a lot to learn but it’s getting better. I have Thursday evening off, and I was wondering if you would be free to go to dinner and maybe dancing afterward.”
Valerie paused a second, wanting to sound casual and to hide her deep-seated nervousness. “Yes, I’d like that,” she finally managed.
“Good. How about I pick you up at 6?”
When Valerie put down the phone, she took several deep breaths. She could sense that, whether she was ready or not, the roller-coaster ride was about to begin.
Chapter Sixteen
Despite her fears and reservations, Valerie found it hard not to be totally awed by Gina. The new Gina, that is, who seemed so independent and capable. The ongoing courtship was very apparent—flowers, nice restaurants, arrival at Valerie’s door well-groomed and smiling. And Valerie’s defenses were crumbling, as if a young girl still existed inside her just waiting to be enticed out of hiding and flattered by attention. Even her adult, often cynical self was melting in the heat of Gina’s constant attention.
On Thursday Gina arrived with a bouquet of red carnations. She had gotten her hair styled. It was a bit shorter and framed her face nicely. “Goes with the uniform,” she had joked, when Valerie complimented her on her “new do.” But Gina was impressive, no doubt about it. She had put on a few pounds during the past year. Instead of the fragile, scrawny lass she had been when she first arrived in Eureka, she now—while still trim—seemed strong, her clothes fitting instead of hanging on her. And she had healthy color in her cheeks.
Gina opened doors and treated Valerie like a special lady. That was impressive too. In the long run Val knew she would prefer a more casual equality—after all she could open her own door quite well—but she knew that Gina was trying to demonstrate that she was no longer a child-tenant, that Valerie was no longer a landlady-mother, that she could initiate things and could set her own boundaries and rules. So Valerie allowed herself, for a time anyway, to just bask in the attention.
One evening the two drove north around Humboldt Bay to a popular steakhouse in Arcata, where they shared wine, a shrimp cocktail, a large porterhouse steak, and a chocolate monstrosity for dessert. And they talked.
“You seem reserved tonight,” Gina noted after their order had been taken.
Valerie smiled. “I’m still absorbing all the changes in you. That excited but scared young woman who left for San Francisco has come back a totally different person.”
“Like, how different?” Gina asked, with interest and amusement.
“Well, in charge, in command. It’s like, wow, I don’t know what to say.”
Gina buttered her warm roll, trying to decide what to share. Her enthusiasm sometimes boiled over. “You know,” she began “in San Francisco, when I started working in the classroom as a teaching assistant, I had to deal with all these people who didn’t speak English, or very little English. Geez, I was terrified. But I wanted to survive so badly that I began to practice bluffing. I’ve never really been good at bluffing. If I’m scared to death, I look scared to death. You know what I mean? But I started watching the teacher, Linda Sue Gibbins, who was very strong—or else the best bluffer I’ve ever seen—and I kind of imitated her.”
She smiled, remembering. “After a few weeks it got easier to pretend to know what I didn’t, until I had a moment to catch up and find the answer to the question. I pretended to be at ease and after a while I gradually felt more at ease. It was like some light bulb had gone off in my head and I knew that I could do things I’ve never done before. I’d be ‘as if’ until I really was.”
She looked down at the table and toyed with the saltshaker for a moment. “But I’ll risk telling you the truth. I’m doing a little bit of bluffing right now. Inside, I’m really scared that you’ll tell me to get lost,” Gina confessed.
Valerie put her hand gently on Gina’s arm. “After knowing you for two years and after seeing your growth, I’d be stupid to tell you to get lost—unless you give me some good reason that I should.” She chuckled to herself. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, but I’m not going to tell you to get lost, believe me.”
Gina heaved a sigh of relief, smiled tentatively, and looked down at Valerie’s hand touching her. She was getting the old vibrations, like a jolt of electricity running through her body. “Thanks,” she said, wanting to keep their conversation light for now. “I appreciate the vote of confidence.”
Valerie sipped her wine and she withdrew her hand slowly. Then she asked, “Did you like this Linda Sue Gibbins person?”
Gina giggled. “Who? Rowdy? That’s what she called herself. Oh, she was okay.”
Gina studied Val for a moment before going on. “She was a lesbian and she took me to a bar one night in The Castro. She had designs on me but she wasn’t the one for me. She was a rough dyke, with this big scar running down the side of her face and a cigarette constantly either in her hand or in her mouth. I respected her abilities as an instructor, but I was really turned off to the idea of anything personal with her.” She blushed. “All she did was remind me of how special you were.”
Val smiled wryly. “So maybe I should be glad that she didn’t do it for you, right?”
At that moment a portly, graying waiter brought their humungous porterhouse steak, with two plates, a huge baked potato, and a large order of asparagus. “This is enough for four people,” they agreed, as they divided the steak and the trimmings.
For several moments they ate in silence, except for an occasional “Mmmm, so good!”
Valerie, who looked very much to Gina like someone trying to keep emotions in check, finally picked up their conversation. “Gina, you’ve done all this work on yourself, and you’ve put so many things together to get yourself to this place. How much have you thought down the road—to the future?”
Gina raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”
“Well,” Valerie began, then paused for a moment before continuing, “I’m nearly 20 years older than you are. Somewhere in the next few years I’ll be going through menopause. I could turn into some terrible bitch, which is very hard on a relationship.” She smiled at Gina before continuing. “Then my hair is going to go gray, and I’m going to dry up like a prune and get all wrinkly. And that’s the good part. Who knows what else might happen to me as I age. Is that what you want for yourself? Maybe pushing an old lady around in a wheelchair?”
Gina grinned. “My grandmother was ‘all wrinkly,’ and she was my favorite person. I loved my grandma more than anyone. What do wrinkles have to do with what’s inside?”
“Touché.” Val laughed. “But, sweetie,” she said, using this word for the first time. “Wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier to find someone your own age? You could look forward to 40 or 50 years together. With me, I could die on you and leave you to grow old alone. I’ve been alone and I’ve watched someone I loved die. Believe me, it’s no picnic. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”
Gina shrugged. “Doreen was your age, wasn’t she? That didn’t protect you from losing her?”
Valerie looked at her sternly. “That was cruel, my friend.”
Gina looked pained. “I’m sorry. But I don’t think our age is a real issue. It’s a made-up issue, to keep psychologists rich. It only matters if we build our lives around liking the exact same music, which we probably don’t, or any other cultural event that will be different because we grew up in different decades. But don’t you think it’s more important that we are both creative, that we enjoy irregular schedules rather than working 9 to 5, that we both love long ocean walks, that we both adore Sam and she loves us back, that the people you call your friends seem to like me and I care about them as well? Aren’t those thing
s more central to our appreciation of life?”
Valerie studied Gina for a long time. “You are really strong-willed, aren’t you? I knew it, but I don’t think I quite saw just how determined you are until this moment.”
Gina chuckled. “If I hadn’t been, I’d still be in Illinois milking cows and harvesting corn.”
Their dessert came, and they kidded each other over the chocolate. Without saying a word, Gina realized that, among other things, they were both chocoholics.
While they waited for the check, Gina studied Val’s face.
“What about Lanie?” she suddenly asked.
Valerie’s eyes widened. Then she smiled. “Lanie’s a friend, a good friend,” she said gently, putting her hand on Gina’s arm again. “Although I must admit that if you had stayed away or waited longer to come back, she might have become more than that.”
Gina heaved a sigh of relief. She had been agonizing over that concern for a long time.
After dinner they walked along the harbor and then went to the Purple Priscilla. They had just found a booth in the back and were settling in when Rick, followed by his ever-present sidekicks Eric and Paul, strolled into the bar.
Spotting them, Gina asked Valerie if she minded if they shared their booth, and Val agreed. Gina called out, and the young men slid in beside them. Their humorous antics kept the evening a bit lighter than it might have become if Gina and Val had remained alone at the table.
Rick kidded Valerie from the start. “Gina really liked you when she lived here before,” he whispered to her conspiratorially. “But she had this idea that she HAD to go to San Francisco and she’s pretty stubborn.” He glanced at Gina with a grin. “So she went. Thank God, she finally saw the light and came back to us.”
Val found Rick’s expressiveness cute. And she enjoyed his comments. What he said made it clear that Gina’s attraction to her had not been a total secret.
North Coast: A Contemporary Love Story Page 25
