Pearl sat back, stunned.
“How have you not been told this?” Sammie asked.
Pearl shook her head. “Roy never liked to talk about his parents.” Pearl didn’t continue, to say she understood what that was like. “I just never pushed the subject.”
“I can’t believe you married a guy, and you know nothing about his past,” Sammie said unapologetically.
Pearl brushed her off. “Of course I knew his parents were gone. I just didn’t know why.”
“Well, I guess Roy’s dad was a real asshole. Rumor has it he used to beat his wife. No wonder she went out on him.”
Pearl cringed at Sammie’s words.
“It were me, I’d’ve shot him myself,” Sammie said with certainty. Sammie’s attention was diverted by the ringing bell on the door. “Oh, great.” She frowned.
Pearl looked to see a group of girls pile into a booth in the corner. They hunched together, peeking at Pearl and Sammie over their menus.
Sammie jumped down, a little wobbly on her land. “Wow, that made me dizzy.” She stood for a moment, getting her balance.
“You okay?” Pearl asked.
Sammie nodded, placing a hand on her stomach. “Yeah, just a little queasy is all, must be lunch.” Sammie took a deep breath. “Look, you stay here. I’ll go deal with those girls.”
Pearl shrugged. She was perfectly fine not being social today. She watched Sammie saunter over. A heated discussion that Pearl couldn’t hear broke out between her and the girls. Sammie leaned forward, her hands on her hips, speaking quietly but sharply as the girls looked up to her with smug grins. The blonde in the middle of the table broke her eyes away from Sammie just long enough to give Pearl a devious smile.
Pearl turned back to the coffee machine just as Sammie grasped her stomach, then covered her mouth as she bolted from the table to the restroom. Pearl took off behind her, banging on the bathroom door as the sounds of Sammie heaving echoed through the wall.
“Go away, Pearl, I’ll be out in a minute!”
Back at the counter, Pearl picked up a rag, heading to the recently abandoned table by the door.
“Hey, you,” the brunette from the corner booth called out.
Pearl looked up to see the girls snicker at her surprised expression. She walked over and asked, “Can I get you girls something?”
“No,” the brunette smirked. “Just wanted to get a good look at the girl Roy is doing a little double dippin’ with.”
“Suzy!” the blonde who had given Pearl the stare earlier exclaimed.
Pearl looked at the brunette and then the blonde, confused. The blonde’s cheeks reddened as she dropped her head.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Pearl said. “I’m Roy’s wife.”
“Pearl!” Sammie yelled, stepping out of the bathroom. “Get away from those pigs!”
The brunette shot Sammie a swift sneer. Pearl backed up from the table, almost tripping over her own feet as she made her way back to the counter.
“Don’t listen to those girls,” Sammie said. “They are nothing but trouble.”
Pearl peeked at the girls, her eyes hiding behind wisps of hair. “What did she mean by ‘double dipping’?”
Sammie glared back at them. “It means she’s a no-good sack-of-shit liar. Now come on, ignore them.” Sammie pulled Pearl away, her step not as perky as usual.
“You okay?” Pearl asked.
“I don’t know,” Sammie admitted. “I either got a serious case of food poisoning or went and got myself knocked up.”
The lights were on when Pearl came home, a sight she was not used to. Roy was in the kitchen, warming up last night’s leftovers. It was a scene that made Pearl’s mouth drop.
“Baby, you’re home!” He smiled. He greeted her at the door, taking her coat and purse and setting them on the couch. “I got dinner all warmed up—looks delicious, baby. Wish I would have been here last night when you cooked it.”
Pearl smiled hesitantly at him. He leaned in for a kiss, his breath sweet and buttery. She sighed, and found herself relaxing to his touch.
“How’s your day, Roy?” she asked.
“Oh, baby, you are never gonna believe this.” He motioned for her to sit down at the dining room table. He unscrewed the lid of the rosé box wine and poured them each a glass. “I got good news, baby, good news.”
She took a sip, watching him pound back his glass in one gulp. Her palms began to sweat.
“J.T. Tucker liked the job I did at Rick Homer’s so well he asked me to come work a few days a week at his place. He’s building himself a mansion! And needs help with a barn and stables. Work like this could keep us rolling in the dough for months!”
“That’s fantastic news, Roy! Congratulations.”
He dished up her plate, adding double the portion size she usually ate. “Yeah, even better, I’ll still be able to work here on the farm, which means we will be doing so good, you won’t have to work anymore.”
Pearl chewed her chicken slowly, looking up to see Roy’s beaming smile. “But I like working, Roy. It gives me a reason to get out of the house and meet people.”
Roy shoved a bite in his large mouth. “I like you here. When I get home, I want to see my wife.”
Pearl was always home when Roy returned. She just never knew what hour of the night he would come in. She watched his shoulders relax as he ate his supper with a smile. Maybe if she worked less, he would make an effort to be home with her.
“Okay, Roy, I’ll quit Vinny’s.”
“That’s my girl.” He grinned. “Think about it, baby, we could make enough to get out of this trailer, even start our own little family, what do you think?”
Pearl’s eyes widened at the mention of children. Roy had never said he wanted kids before. It was a topic neither of them had discussed. Was she ready to be a mom?
She looked around the filthy trailer. No, she would not have children here. They would need to have a clean space for babies, not a moldy trash pile. The thought of the trailer gave her chills as she remembered what Sammie had said to her that night. Could it be that this was the same one that Roy’s mom was killed in? She glanced around the room, wondering where it could have happened. And then she remembered that they were caught in the act. Pearl swallowed hard. Could it have happened in her bed? She choked back a glass of wine, her grip slipping as it moistened with sweat.
“What is it?” Roy asked, his voice light but concerned.
Pearl hesitated, but couldn’t get the image out of her head. “Roy,” she began, “why didn’t you ever tell me about what happened to your parents? About your father being in prison?”
Roy set his wine glass down, his third since she’d been home. She watched his blissful brown eyes turn dark and black as coal. “Who told you about that?”
She shrugged, wishing now she had kept her mouth shut. “I, uh, heard it down at Vinny’s.”
His fork hit the plate, making a loud clank that caused Pearl to jump. “This goddamn town can’t keep its mouth shut.”
Pearl reached out to touch his hand, but he jerked it away. “No, Roy, I just wanted you to know that I understand…”
“Understand what?” he spat. “That I’m the son of a killer? Does it make you feel better now that you know that?”
She shuddered in her seat. “No, that I understand what it’s like to not have a parent, and…”
He laughed loud and viciously. “Oh, so now we are the same, ’cause your mommy ran off to be some wild gypsy singer, and my mom got shot?”
Pearl swallowed loudly, sinking deeper into her seat. “That’s not what I meant.”
Roy stood. The table vibrated from his aggression. “Of course it isn’t. ’Cause you don’t understand a damn thing about how this world works. You’ve been stuck in your little homeschooled bubble, and now in your little farm wife land. You couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to struggle. What it’s like to have people talk about you, rebuff you, ’cause they think y
ou must be the same as your daddy.”
Pearls tears streamed down her face. “No, I don’t know what that’s like. I’m so sorry, Roy.” She reached for him again, but he shoved her arm away.
“I can’t even look at you right now. You disgust me.”
He grabbed a beer from the fridge, his back turned to her as he stood silently and drank it down. “I don’t need your pity,” he scoffed, tossing the empty can into the sink. “Believe me, there are plenty of girls out there I can be with who know how to keep their mouths shut.”
Pearl drew in a sharp breath, thinking of the girls in the booth that night. “No, Roy,” she begged, rising from the table, reaching out for him. “Please, don’t say that. I don’t pity you. I promise I don’t. ” She wrapped her arms around his waist. He took her fingers in his hand, at first gently, before stretching and twisting them back, causing Pearl to drop to her knees in agony.
“No, please,” she gasped from the pain. “Please, stop.”
“Is that all you got?” he asked with a wicked smile on his face.
She crouched on the floor, her hand in the power of his grip. “Please, Roy,” she cried. “I believe you, I believe anything you say, just don’t leave me, please don’t leave me.”
He tossed her limp hand to the ground. She could already feel the swelling in her fingers. He pushed past her huddled body and stormed out of the house.
For the next several days Pearl wallowed in bed, getting up only at times when Roy was home to make him food and see that he was comfortable. He went about their days as though nothing was different, that she wasn’t different. But when he was gone, which was most of the time, she found her way back under the sheets. She was too dried up to cry, too far gone to sleep, and too miserable to answer the phone. She couldn’t even summon the energy to answer Vernie’s hammering on the front door. By the fifth day after her fight with Roy, the swelling in her hand had decreased. She showered, tended the house, and took a good look in the mirror at her sunken face. She had lost her glow, her iridescent spark. It was no wonder Roy couldn’t find the beauty in her. She took a deep breath, knowing there was only one way to get her out of this funk. She needed to get on a horse and ride.
CHAPTER 14
“Well,” Ben said with a delighted grin. “I think you’re ready for some pasture riding.”
Pearl’s eyes widened. “Really? So soon?” She had wished for this moment, and now the idea of taking Molly out of the corral sounded frightening.
“Pearl,” Ben teased. “It’s been over a month, and look, the sky is blue. It’s actually sunny out! We only get a couple of days like this before spring. Let’s use it.”
She beamed at his enthusiasm. It really was a glorious day. It looked deceptively warm. Except that the shiver down her spine, even in a down vest and riding boots over her jeans, reminded her that it was still chilly winter. The field just outside the stable glistened from the morning dew as the newly unveiled sun crept across the grass like a warm blanket. It called out for her, and she begged to embrace it.
“I got you a little present,” Ben said, stepping away to the bench behind the fence. “It’s nothing big, just something I saw down at the feed store.”
He returned with a sturdy mahogany-colored helmet in his hand. “You’ll need this,” he said.
It was perfect for her, but even more than that, it was touching that Ben had thought of her. He placed it in her grip, and she ran her fingers over the smooth arch.
She smiled kindly, and held it out for Ben to take. “Thank you, but I can’t accept this.”
Ben furrowed his brow. “Of course you can. You can keep it here, of course, if you don’t want Roy to know.”
She hesitated before placing the helmet back in Ben’s hand. She moved away from him, grabbing the beaten-up ragged helmet she had always worn and was comfortable with.
“That one doesn’t even fit you,” Ben grumbled. “It’s a child’s helmet.”
She squeezed her head into it, turning to show him. “See, it fits fine.”
“Pearl, you’re being stubborn. Take the new helmet.”
She didn’t budge.
His face fell. “Do you not like it?”
She sighed, turning away from him. “Of course I like it. It’s just that I don’t usually get gifts, besides the Thunderbird, and you...” She caught her breath, feeling Ben’s eyes bearing down on her. “You’ve already done too much, teaching me how to ride, and taking your time. I don’t want you to have to buy me anything on top of it.”
“I don’t have to buy you anything,” Ben said. “I wanted to buy this for you.” He paused. “So are you saying you don’t get birthday or Christmas or any gifts at all. Even from Roy?”
She shrugged, finally turning to meet his confused gaze. “I don’t need anything. Roy gave me his home and a car. I don’t need him to buy me gifts as well.”
Ben stood straight, crossing his arms over his chest as he thought. “Well,” he finally said, “that’s a shame.”
“I don’t need anyone doing more for me than they already do.” She crossed her arms, matching his pose. “It’s not like I can give you anything in return.”
“Is that what this is about? Eye for an eye? I can’t do for you unless you do for me? Is that how you see things?”
She pressed her lips together, unresponsive.
He let out a sigh. “’Cause that’s not how I do things. I don’t need anything in return from you, Pearl. You won’t see me asking for any more than what you can give.”
She caught his eyes and held his stare. She sucked in her breath, counting the seconds until his smile returned. “So wear the helmet and let’s get you out in the pasture.”
He saddled up beside her. It was the first time she’d seen him on a horse. The strength of his legs and curve of his back as he sat tall caught her breath. His long lean legs fit tightly in his jeans, and his fingers stretched out of his red flannel shirt to hold the reins. She moved her gaze to follow Molly’s path. He rode next to her in a calm walk as they reached the sunlight outdoors.
She took a deep breath, letting the crisp air sink into her lungs.
“Let’s bring them to a light gallop,” Ben said.
She gave Molly a light tap, and the horse obliged. Before long they were moving at a pace that Pearl was not accustomed to, though, surprisingly, she was unafraid. She put her trust in Molly, and in Ben, knowing wholeheartedly that he wouldn’t put her in harm’s way. This sense of trust was new to Pearl, as was the way it made her feel safe. She tilted her head to the sky as the breeze picked up, nipping at her skin. She let her shoulders relax, her mind malleable in a dreamlike haze. They crossed over the deep field in no time, riding together as they embraced this sanctuary of silence. They headed toward the deep woods, a small creek separating the field from the forest. Ben pointed to his right, gesturing to a bank that connected the creek to the land.
“Head over there,” he said. She did as she was told, expecting him to be right behind her. She looked back as she crossed, seeing him rise high above his saddle, his horse jumping across the deepest part of the creek. He galloped up to meet her, a refreshing smile on his face.
“Show-off,” she teased.
He laughed. “Just you wait—you’ll be jumping before you know it. You’re a natural at all this, and it will only get better. This summer, we can ride out to the pond on the back side of the forest to go swimming.”
Pearl hid her blushing cheeks from him. His unabashed confidence in her was startling, and yet she couldn’t help but smile at his idealistic plans. She knew every day she spent here with him and Molly could be her last. Roy could find out at any time and put an end to her riding days.
“I wish I could do this every day,” Pearl said as they slowed their pace to a walk, trailing the edge of the forest.
“I wish you could, too,” Ben said.
Pearl smiled sheepishly at him. “I’m sure you have plenty of girls to ride with you.”
> Ben laughed. “You think so, huh?” He shook his head. “Wish that were the case. Life would be a little easier then, wouldn’t it?”
She shrugged, not quite knowing what he meant.
“No, I usually like to ride alone. It’s time when I can just focus and think straight, or not think at all.”
That she did understand. “I feel like I can just let go when I’m here.”
He tilted his head at her. “I see that.”
She was surprised by his answer. “You do?”
“Sure. When you first pull up and get out of the car, I can see this fog over you…I don’t know…like a sadness, I guess.” He looked to her questioningly. “Is that wrong to say?”
She shook her head, though through his eyes she felt exposed and vulnerable.
“And then as soon as you get on the horse, it just disappears.”
Pearl ran her fingers through Molly’s mane. “I had no idea it was that obvious.”
Ben shrugged. “Maybe not to others but it is to me. I love waiting for that moment when I first see you smile as you saddle up. It’s like the fog is lifted and you can just be you.”
Pearl remained silent, watching her hand vanish beneath Molly’s hair. She wondered if she would be different, had she grown up like Ben with horses as a daily escape. Would her sadness consume her as it did now, or would she be light and carefree like Ben? She envied him his untroubled nature, not in a way that it made her angry, just in a way that made her want to devour his radiant energy.
“You’ve got it good here, Ben,” she said. “Is this why you’ve never left?”
“Could be,” he said. “Never really a reason to go anywhere else. I would, but not much tops this.”
“If I had this, I wouldn’t have left, either.”
“I think about it, though,” he admitted. “Leaving to go to school, do something other than contracting. My parents urge me to go. They don’t think I’m living up to my full potential. They’re afraid I could end up like Sam, who just floats.” He laughed. “He’s a good guy, just a little off-center.” He tightened his reins, slowing his horse to a stop. Molly followed suit.
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