by A. M. Hodges
He lets me lead at first, lightly exploring our first kiss. Soon though, he gets tired of the gentle coaxing and takes control, filling the kiss with heat and hunger as he wraps an arm around my waist and cradles my neck with the one of his hands. My hands move on their own accord, sliding up and entwining my fingers into his hair. When the kiss breaks, he drops his forehead to mine and we stand there, looking into each other’s eyes as we fight to catch our breath.
He visibly swallows the lump in his throat before clearing it and stepping back from me.
"I'm going to set up camp," he mutters before turning and busying himself unloading the horses.
I decide to search the forest for firewood but stop before wandering away alone.
"Is it safe here," I call over my shoulder.
He pauses his search through one of the bags to look up at me, "We are perfectly safe here. This place was declared a sanctuary long ago. Not even the Mists will be able to break through these wards. Nothing will harm us; you are safe to wander about two miles out in each direction before you reach their borders."
I nod my acknowledgement and continue my pursuit. I don't have to go far, and after five arms-full, I decide that we have more than enough for the night.
He has the tents built and bedrolls laid out inside them when I'm finished. After retrieving a wooden looking platter, he sets about arranging berries and cheeses on it in an organized fashion before topping it off with some dried meats in the middle. While he does this, I build a fire in the center of our little camp before grabbing our water skins and walking to the river.
Once both skins are filled to the brim with water, I return to the camp and sit cross-legged by the fire. Josiah settles the platter of food next to me before plopping down on the other side of it and I pass him his water skin. We eat in silence, listening to the flames crackle against the burning wood as we stare intently into the fire. It doesn't take long for me to feel the need to fill the silence. After all, we have a conversation to finish.
"I understand you know," I state softly without looking at him, "I understand what you meant when you said you didn't have a choice."
"No, you really don't," he laughs humorlessly.
"Then explain it to me," I reach over and take his hand calmly, forcing him to look at me.
"I didn't push you away for Jeb. I didn't even push you away for you. I pushed you away for me," he admits.
"When I first saw you, it was like my world suddenly burst with long forgotten colors. My hands itched to paint instead of to pick up a sword. My mind calmed and my heart raced. It was as if you were the last piece of my puzzle, finally clicking into place," he sighs, "And then I smelled the mating bond. My heart seized in my chest and my blood froze in my veins. My mind stuttered and my emotions went numb with dejection."
He tears his eyes away from me and once again stares intently into the fire.
"So, you see, it wasn't a selfless act for my brother that made me push you away. It was purely selfish. I pushed you away because I'm selfish, and I needed to protect what little of my heart that was left from shattering completely."
We sit quietly for a moment as the truth of his words impales my chest. He was right. I didn't understand before, but I do now. And the truth, honestly, fucking hurts. Not because I am hurting for me, but because I am hurting for him. I know that feeling, when the world clicks into place after finding someone you feel is meant solely for you. I couldn't imagine having that ripped away.
"You don't have to push me away anymore. I don't really know what this is yet, but neither do you and neither does Jeb. We made a promise to figure this out together, and that includes you.
You are just as much a part of me now as he is. So, give me that last little piece of your heart. I promise not to break it."
"We will see, dande faash. We will see," he utters, his voice barely above a whisper before he clears the struggle from his eyes and returns them to me, "We should get some sleep. Remember you are safe here. I'll be in my tent if you need me."
With a quick kiss to my temple, he stands and strides away to hide in his tent. I linger by the fire for an hour or so, chewing on the words he spoke and the possibilities that we are facing. When the flames die to embers, I go to my tent with a newfound determination.
I will keep my promise. Should he choose to give me his heart, I will not break it. Everything else can be figured out along the way. But he is mine, I am his. I need him to remain whole. We will just have to see how much he needs me.
Chapter 43
After three days at the sanctuary, we head back to camp feeling rested and at ease. Josiah isn't actively pushing me away anymore, but I can tell I still have some walls to get through. Most of the walls I'm sure will remain in place until we get the answers we need in Valterra.
I get it, he is protecting his heart. Even though I promised him I wouldn't break it. Once upon a time I would have been just as guarded, before his brother turned me into a sappy mess.
The sentries sound their horns in the distance to indicate our return as we saunter in on our horses. When we approach the entrance, Jeb is waiting with a beaming smile gracing is features. He finally looks like himself again, standing tall and sure dressed in armor with his swords strapped to his back. I barely manage to halt my horse before his arms are lifting me out of the saddle and spinning me around.
Placing my feet firmly back on the ground, he presses a heated kiss to my lips before turning to acknowledge his brother.
They clasp forearms before doing one of those quick manly hugs. "So, did you two have a good time?" Jeb winks at me.
Josiah lets out an awkward cough as all the blood rushes to his cheeks. I cover my grin with my hand as he rubs the back of his neck with his palm, something I noticed he does when he is nervous. His blush only deepens when Jeb squishes me between them and throws his arm around us. I wrap my arms behind both of their lower backs, completely content with this new position in life.
"So, the two of you need to wash up and change. I have everything else packed and ready to go besides armor and weapons. I'll load your horses while both of you get ready. We leave for Valterra in an hour," Jeb informs us, unnaturally chipper as if he didn't just tell us that our entire plan changed in the three days that we were gone.
"An hour? Why are we leaving in an hour?" I come to an abrupt stop that causes both of them to stumble next to me.
"There was an attack on one of the shifter villages yesterday," his voice turns somber, "Not many made it out alive. Lucah's parents got word to us this morning. I met with the other generals and commanders and we decided it was time to move out.
We need to reach Valterra and plan our move on Crystaline. It's a week’s ride so we need to move fast."
Rage and sorrow swirl through my veins like a deadly hurricane. I can't seem to make myself do anything other than nod my head and stare blankly. So many questions ping around in my brain. How many died? Did the children make it out? How many survived? Where will they go? Who will help them rebuild?
"Dande faash, why don't you go wash up?" Josiah tucks some of my hair behind my ear, "I'll have someone drop your armor at the bath tent and help Jeb after feeding and watering the horses."
I nod at him with a smile that doesn't reach my eyes and he gently nudges me towards the bath tent.
When I step out of the magicked shower, courtesy of my water abilities, my armor is waiting for me next to a clean towel draped over the bath stool. Making quick work of my hair, I pull it back into a series of braids. After slipping my necklaces over my head, I pull on my armor and boots. With one more deep breath, the
Queen's façade is back in place and I step out of the tent.
To every other person, I am the picture of strength and dignity. No one else would know that I just spent thirty minutes bawling my eyes out in the shower.
When I find Jeb and Josiah, they both rush to me.
"Hey," one says and the other one gently starts rubbing my back, "are
you alright?"
Correction, everyone except the two of them will have no idea that I just spent thirty minutes bawling my eyes out in the shower.
"I'm fine," I say stiffly, pulling my shoulders back and walking towards our awaiting army.
They file in on either side of me, Josiah now in his armor with weapons strapped everywhere. As I take one last look around, camp is a ghost town. There's no light banter between warriors, no clanging of the black smith's hammer. All the fires have been put out and the tents abandoned.
When we reach the entrance, or I guess it's the exit now since were leaving, the entire camp is lined up in ranks. I swear it's something straight out of a movie and it takes effort to school my features into neutrality. On the inside, I'm about sixty percent still crushed over the recent attacks and forty percent totally geeking out over the Lord of the Rings similarities.
Every warrior is decked out in armor and weapons. There is a path cleared between the ranks, leading all the way to where the generals and commanders wait on their horses. Miles and Lucah stand solemnly next to the three empty horses waiting for us, which makes me wonder why they aren't on horses of their own.
Maddox dismounts as we approach. Even the horses have on some sort of armor, giving the scene a medieval feel. Maddox bows slightly in front of me, his forearm going across his chest in greeting.
"My Queen."
I give a curt nod of acknowledgement and turn to Miles and Lucah.
"The two of you aren't riding with us?"
Miles grins and Lucah shakes his head.
"We'll be shifted," Lucah says, "One to scout the air and one to scout ahead. We'll see any attacks coming and be able to make it back quickly to warn the army."
"Is that safe? Miles approaching the Valkyn unglamoured?"
Miles shrugs, "We don't have time for secrets anymore, and they will know eventually anyway."
I nod because, that makes sense.
I mount my horse and the others follow suit. Josie acknowledges me with a dip of her head and a small smile, the most formal I've ever seen her be with me. The five of us sit in a straight line, Josiah and Josie to my right and Jeb and Maddox to my left. I keep my head held high, snuffing out the nerves and dread threatening to consume me.
"Are you ready?" Jeb whispers.
Again, I nod, because apparently, I've lost the ability to use my vocal cords. Miles shifts and takes off into the sky as Lucah does the same, his panther leading from in front of us. Jeb signals Maddox and he clicks his tongue, urging our horses forward.
"MOVE OUT," he commands with authority.
As one, the army behind us takes one step forward and then another, working together like a well-oiled machine. Then, our journey begins.
Towards Valterra. Towards war. Towards Death. Towards a tyrant King and a treacherous court. Towards my twin.
∞∞∞
Five days. Five, uneventful days. I'd like to say everyone is on edge waiting for an attack, but I'm not sure if that's true. I haven't been around the warriors as a group like this, and they aren't as casual with me as my group. This could just be their normal, but I doubt it. There haven't been any attacks or near attacks, so it's not that. That only leaves one culprit. Me.
Being in the presence of your Queen at all hours of the day for five days can't be comfortable. I can fix that.
I stand up from my spot by the fire and everyone snaps to attention. Every eye focuses on me as if they are awaiting an order.
"So. Anybody have any cool stories to tell?" I attempt at conversation but am met with dead silence.
"Relax guys, I swear I won't go all Queen of Hearts on you," I joke lightly, and they all stare blankly, the confusion clear on their faces.
"Off with their heads!" I do my best impression. Still nothing.
"No? Okay then. Moving on."
Jeb and Josiah both raise a curious brow at me, making them look excessively twin like. I widen my eyes and try to subtly jerk my head towards the tense warriors. Miles and Lucah try to hide their smiles over the fact that I am most likely making a fool of myself. I suppress a groan and look back to the twins, pleading with my eyes. Help me you fucking assholes.
Jeb chuckles and nudges Josiah with his elbow before they both stand.
"Who wants ale?" Jeb holds his hands out like the popular guy at the party, a charming grin on his face.
The warriors immediately relax as Josiah starts passing around multiple jugs and cups. Considering that we have at least two water elementals, it wasn't a necessity to bring. Apparently, ale was. It would have been nice if the males in my life would have informed me of that ahead of time. I could have led with that.
I plop back down in my seat with a groan as everyone breaks into light conversation and Jeb and Josiah move through the crowd of warriors, chatting them up like seasoned party hosts. Miles and Lucah take one look at the pout on my face and break out into uncontrollable laughter.
"Awe Princess, that was pathetic," Lucah chokes out.
"You were like the awkward girl at the party trying to make friends with the cool kids," Miles roars, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes.
"I hate all of you," I glare at them and swipe the jug of ale from Lucah's hands before he can bring it to his lips.
This is ridiculous. I am a Queen. Sure, an eighteen-year-old queen, but still a queen. I should have more confidence than this. Then again, I spent most of my life being ostracized from my community. I had a total of two friends, one practically forced herself on me and the other one turned out to be my little brother, so he has to like me. I've spent eighteen years avoiding anyone and everyone. Wait a minute.
"Lucah, what day is it?"
He thinks about it for a second, doing the math in his head.
"September 15th, I think. Why?
"Oh shit," Miles mutters.
"My birthday is in two days," I whisper distractedly. I can't believe I almost missed it. I almost forgot my own birthday. How lame is that?
"What? No, it isn't," Lucah scoffs.
"What do you mean no it isn't? I know when my own birthday is Lucah." Even if I almost forgot it.
It's not my fault. The last year has been absolutely insane.
"No, your birthday is the King's birthday. March 27th. Or the Month of Moons as we call it here. You were born just after sunrise on the twenty seventh day of The Month of Moons."
March 27th. Fuck. I really did miss my birthday.
"So, actually, I'm nineteen already," I muse.
"Damn, I'm sorry Princess. I didn't think about the fact that you wouldn't know your true birthday. We should have celebrated," Lucah grumbles guiltily.
"No, no it's fine. My birthdays have never been a big thing for me. Celebrating being left on a doorstep seemed wrong."
"We will have to change that when all of this is over," they both promise.
I shrug my shoulders and continue sipping ale from the jug I snatched from Lucah, leaving him to share with Miles. Soon, everyone is loose and happy in their drunken bubbles. Someone pulled out bongo looking drums at some point and many of the warriors have started singing and dancing carelessly. Jeb and Josiah startle me when they plop back down next to me, each with a jug in their hand.
Jeb has that glazed look in his eye and a stupid smile plastered on his face. Josiah looks a bit rosy cheeked, slurring something I can't understand in drunken Malatian. Jeb shoves him off the log next to him and he topples over, laughing hysterically.
He reaches up and grabs onto the back of Jeb's armor, effectively yanking him off balance so he topples down next to him.
The two engage in a harmless wrestling contest like teenagers, laughing with adorable boyish grins that I've never seen on them before. Josie stumbles over and stands on the side, egging them on and flippantly changing who "her favorite brother" is by who is winning at the moment. It's the first look I've gotten into what their lives must have been like growing up. Before everything changed for them.
"I bet I
can make them cry mercy," Lucah slurs, "Watch this!"
He stumbles over and waits for a break in the fighting. When Jeb and Josiah flop over onto their backs, lying next to each other laughing and catching their breath, Lucah shifts. Before they can move or protest, Lucah plops his over three-hundred-pound body on top of them. Then, he starts rolling around on his back, like a house cat.
Josie shrieks and claps with glee. The males remain crushed beneath the over-sized cat, grunting and cursing through their laughter.
"Mirda, mirda! We give!" Josiah laughs, straining to push Lucah off.
The more drunk they get, the more their English falters, replaced with their native language. I can understand most of it, but their drunken slurs get the better of me sometimes and I have to guess at what they are attempting to say. All around me, everyone is laughing, singing, dancing. Finally relaxed after days of tension. Miles nudges me with his elbow.
"Is this better?" he jerks his head slightly towards the scene around us, "It's what you wanted right?"
"This is perfect," I smile at him, "I just wanted them to be at ease for a bit. I'm their Queen, but I am also a warrior and I want to be a part of them. It's stupid, but I've never wanted to belong somewhere so much in my entire life. I know I'm not supposed to belong, I'm supposed to rule. But is it too much to want both? To be accepted and respected at the same time."
