‘Forget the taxi,’ he said. ‘I’ll take you.’
‘No, thanks.’ As his jaw tightened, she continued, ‘You might cramp my style while I’m giving all the men with no baggage the benefit of my company, and in any case if you are driving it will stop you from drinking a toast or any other kind of alcohol.’
‘So why don’t we share a taxi, if you don’t mind waiting until I’m ready?’ he persisted.
‘Yes, all right,’ she agreed, relieved to know that he hadn’t changed his mind about the evening ahead, that he still had every intention of attending the ball.
When he called for her half an hour later her mouth went dry at the sight of him, as it always did. Scrubbed clean with his golden fairness accentuated by a dark dinner jacket and pristine white shirt, he was every woman’s dream man yet didn’t seem to realise it, and if he did, he didn’t care.
In that moment it was there again. The certainty that she would never want any man but Ryan, and if he didn’t feel the same about her she was either going to have to stand by and watch him live his life without her or leave Heatherdale and endure a second new beginning where he wasn’t forever so near but so unattainable. With that thought came the vision of a grave of beautiful white marble in a secluded corner of a nearby churchyard.
‘I rang for a taxi before I left the house so it should be on its way,’ he informed her, conscious that her thoughts were somewhere else, though he would have been surprised to discover where.
* * *
They sat facing each other on the drive to the hospital, each of them so conscious of the other they needed the space between them to quell the longings they sparked off in each other.
When they arrived at their destination, Melissa stood by hesitantly while Ryan paid the taxi driver. She was the one who should have given the ball a miss. It would have been so much easier for them both if she had.
He belonged there, was highly respected at the hospital, and had lived in Heatherdale all his life. She was a newcomer, also a doctor dedicated to child care but way behind him in experience, and with a past that when she looked back on it seemed so empty and fruitless she couldn’t believe how she had existed without what she had found here.
As the taxi began to pull away, Julian’s car stopped beside them at the kerb edge en route for the hotel car park. ‘Wow!’ he said when he saw her. ‘Aren’t you the lucky one, Ryan? I’m no longer on crutches but still need two sticks so I can’t offer any competition.’ With that he drove off to find a parking space.
‘One can’t help but admire that guy’s impudence,’ Ryan said laughingly when he’d gone. ‘Can we stand having him back when he’s well again, do you think? Julian has already been sounding me out with regard to some part-time hours, but I don’t relish the idea of him hovering over you all the time to make me jealous.’
Melissa hadn’t spoken since they’d arrived. Julian’s appearance had lifted her out of the doldrums, but she was still not in a party mood and had no answer forthcoming to what Ryan had just said.
Instead, she led the way into the foyer and when they separated to go to their respective cloakrooms to hand over their coats she realised that this must be a rare occasion for Ryan, out on the town probably for the first time in ages.
She was wrong not to understand his lifestyle, and wrong to present such a miserable face. Tonight she would forget everything except that she loved him more than life itself, and if she possibly could was going to make it a night for him to remember.
When she appeared back in the foyer he was chatting to an older couple she identified as the chairman of the board and his wife.
As she hesitated Ryan beckoned her across.
‘Dr Redmond is a colleague who has recently joined us and is proving to be a lifesaver in every sense of the word. She will be working with me as I treat your granddaughter.’
Ryan must have received the results of the test he’d ordered. She was keen to discuss the findings, but other guests were hovering, waiting to speak to the chairman of the hospital board, and as the two of them moved on she asked, ‘So what is it that is wrong with their granddaughter?’
‘I only got a phone call with the results of the tests a few moments before I left the house tonight,’ he explained, ‘and have just been informing the grandparents of what has come up in them before I told you. Are you sure that you want to talk work at a time like this?’
‘Yes, if you do.’
‘Then let’s find somewhere where we won’t be overheard. This is a private consultation that I’m dealing with, don’t forget.’
‘I won’t forget,’ she promised. Their work with children with neurological problems was the one area of their relationship that brought no personal heartache.
‘Have you heard of von Recklinghausen’s disease?’ he asked when they were seated at a table at the far end of the ballroom. ‘Or to give it its medical title neurofibromatosis?’
‘Only vaguely.’
‘I’m not surprised with a name like that. It’s an inherited disorder diagnosed from numerous soft fibrous swellings of nerves on the trunk and pelvis in the first instance. They can be of any size and are pale brown in colour.’
‘And that is what the little girl has got?’
‘Yes. Fortunately they are not present in the central nervous system, which could cause problems such as epilepsy. They will not require surgery unless they begin to look unsightly.
‘When I said I was confused as to whether I was right in suspecting the von Recklinghausen’s disease it was because no one in either of the child’s parents’ families has ever had it, so little Carly seems to be what could be the first of others who might inherit it from her if she has any children.
‘Her grandparents have been extremely worried about her and even now with a diagnosis that might have been much worse they’re apprehensive. I’ve told them that we will see her regularly and keep a keen eye open for any signs of the illness affecting the central nervous system in the future, and there you have it.’
At that moment an announcement was made asking those present to take their places for the meal that was part of the evening, and as they seated themselves with the rest of the neurology staff Julian appeared on the other side of her.
‘I saw the two of you wrapped up in each other at the far table,’ he murmured conspiratorially.
‘We were discussing a patient, if you want to know,’ she told him. ‘Don’t jump to conclusions.’
CHAPTER NINE
AS THE NIGHT wore on Melissa was conscious of the festive atmosphere amongst the staff of the renowned children’s hospital. It was an opportunity that came once each year for them to socialise with those who, like themselves, worked endlessly towards the healing of the young.
Obviously a few were missing because the wards and emergency sections needed to be staffed, as well as having a small nucleus of theatre staff available should the need arise, but the bulk of them were there to enjoy the Christmas ball that the authorities held for them each year.
It had been noted by most of them that Ryan Ferguson, head of the neuro unit, had arrived in the company of his new registrar, and there were those there who were curious as to the meaning of it. But when she was swept in turn onto the dance floor by a couple of young medics, with an amicable smile from the man himself, their interest waned.
Fortunately, they were not able to read his thoughts, which were a jumble of not wanting to be seen to be monopolising Melissa and the longing to hold her close and dance every moment of the night away with her. But she’d reminded him about his tactless comment regarding men with no baggage and he was giving her the chance to get to know some of them.
For her part, she’d felt sick inside at being handed over to the young hopefuls like some sort of raffle prize, and when they had each returned her to where Ryan was chatting to other staff members, she was already debating whether to go and keep a subdued-looking Julian company to make up for his lack of mobility.
&nb
sp; No sooner had the thought occurred to her than she acted on it and as Ryan watched her cross the now deserted dance floor in that direction he groaned inwardly.
He wanted her in his arms, not those of someone else, to be able to forget his hangs-ups and frustrations for a while. So why wasn’t he doing just that, letting Melissa’s nearness banish the aching feeling of loss that was there whenever they were apart?
‘So what’s new?’ Julian asked, when Melissa seated herself beside him. ‘Is the boss blind or what?’
‘I’m competing against a beautiful memory,’ she told him, ‘and I don’t want it to be like that. I want Ryan to see me as an opportunity to move into a new relationship without causing any hurt to the past, but of all things he is a man of honour and integrity. He was the first person I met when I came to Heatherdale and he took my breath away.’
‘That was because you hadn’t met me first,’ he teased, and as she laughed at his cheek he went on, ‘Watch out, here he comes.’
The band had started to play again, smooth, languorous music to warm the blood and create desire. When Ryan stopped in front of them he held out his hand, and when she took it in hers he raised her to her feet and said, ‘My turn, I think.’
It would always be his turn if he could only see the rightness of it. More likely he was only dancing with her out of some sense of duty.
She was wrong about that! Ryan stayed by her side for the rest of the evening. Every time the music filled the ballroom they danced and his nearness was fantastic, his touch a delight. She wondered how the night would end for them, with the children safely tucked up at Mollie’s.
It wasn’t going to be her in his bed, that was for sure. The pain of his rejection after they’d made love still gnawed at her. So what did it leave them, a peck on the cheek and goodnight?
Unaware of her confusion, Ryan was smiling down at her. They were being watched, talked about, and he didn’t give a damn. He could imagine them gossiping about him and Melissa, but for once Ryan didn’t mind.
He had gone to the bar to get them drinks and while he was waiting to be served amongst many others Melissa’s unease increased regarding what was going to happen when they arrived back home with only themselves to be concerned about.
They’d danced almost every dance together; the attraction between them was at its peak. Would they be able to separate each to their own property with just a brief farewell?
She wouldn’t be able to face another putdown if they made love, only for Ryan to have regrets again afterwards. It was a ghastly situation to be in, never sure whether one day he would ask her to marry him, or would keep her on the edge of his life for ever.
There was the memory of the other day when they’d met unexpectedly by his wife’s grave and he’d made no secret of how much Beth still meant to him. Would she ever mean so much to him that he could accept her in Beth’s place?
The uncertainties of the moment were crowding in on her and aware that it would still be a few minutes before Ryan was served, she rose to her feet. Moving swiftly in the direction of the cloakroom, she collected her coat and keeping out of sight went into the hotel foyer and out into the night where taxis were lined up in readiness for transporting homeward-bound revellers. It took only seconds to give directions to the driver of the first one in the queue and she was gone.
* * *
When Ryan arrived back at the table and she wasn’t there he expected her to reappear any moment, but as the minutes ticked by and eyes were on him it began to register that Melissa was no longer in the building.
Julian stopped by the table and said, ‘I think she’s gone, boss.’
Ryan got slowly to his feet and made his way towards the taxi rank.
Was she insane? Leaving the warmth and safety of the hotel to go out into the dark winter night alone? Surely Melissa wasn’t so wary of him that she was concerned that he might want a repeat of that last time when Rhianna and Martha had been at Mollie’s?
All he had wanted was to have her with him at the ball, to dance with her, delighting in her nearness that always kept the loneliness he lived with at bay, and to see her safely home when it was over. Any other desires would have been kept tightly under control, but it would seem that she saw him as someone who would want it all his way and she’d panicked and gone.
* * *
When the taxi driver pulled up at the bottom of his drive Ryan saw that Melissa’s house, gaunt and unpainted, was in darkness, and as the man drove off he wondered what to do next. How was he going to find out if Melissa was safely home or elsewhere without creating a disturbance?
One thing was sure: he was not going to put his key into the lock of his front door until he was sure that she was warm and safe behind hers. So first a phone call and if there was no answer it was going to be a case of hammering on it until Melissa appeared, and if she didn’t he shuddered to think what he would do.
* * *
Melissa was huddled under the bedcovers when he rang and cringed at the sound, but when it continued she reached for the bedside phone and managed a weak ‘Hello?’
‘So you’re back safely,’ he said flatly, as relief washed over him. ‘What was behind the sneaky Cinderella performance? You could at least have let me know that you wanted to leave so that I could have seen you safely home.’
‘I didn’t want you to have to do that,’ she explained awkwardly. ‘It wasn’t as if I was your partner for the evening, even though we’d danced a lot. We’d just shared a taxi to take us there, that was all. I’m sorry if I caused you any anxiety, it was just that...’ Her voice trailed away and into the silence that followed he let her see that he read her mind.
‘You didn’t want to risk a repeat of the last time the children stayed at Mollie’s?’
‘Yes, that was it, and now will you please leave me alone?’
‘If that is what you want, yes,’ he said coolly, and rang off.
Melissa turned her face into the pillows and wept.
She awoke the next morning with head aching and face red and blotchy from weeping, but with a decision made to leave Heatherdale, to find somewhere where she could live without hurt and insecurity and where there was a position in paediatrics.
Estate agents were open on Sundays for a few hours in the town, so she decided that later in the morning she would make an appointment for one of them to come round to value the house and set things in motion. She just hoped that Ryan wouldn’t make a fuss about her departure from Heatherdale when the time came.
A move in February or early March was not far away and wouldn’t leave it too long before she went. In the meantime she wouldn’t get any closer to Rhianna and Martha so that they weren’t too upset when Santa didn’t bring them a new mummy, or at least the promise of one.
And what of their father? She knew Ryan wanted her but in what role in his life? She’d been betrayed by her own father, discarded with all speed by a shallow fiancé, and in the wonder of meeting a man like Ryan had hoped that he might feel the same about her. Maybe a part of him did, but there were side issues, grief of long standing and children to consider. Would he ever feel ready to put someone in Beth’s place?
* * *
Mollie brought the children back in the middle of Sunday morning and immediately cottoned onto an atmosphere of gloom around their father.
‘So, how was the ball?’ she asked. ‘Did the two of you enjoy yourselves?’
‘Er...yes,’ he replied unconvincingly and she didn’t pursue the subject.
* * *
There was no sign of anyone from next door when Melissa set off for the centre of the town at midday. Mollie’s car was nowhere in sight so she concluded that Ryan must have taken the children out for Sunday lunch. If that was the case she was grateful for it. The last thing she wanted was to meet them on her way to the estate agent’s.
The place was empty of customers when she got there and a smart-suited middle-aged man sprang to attention when she went inside and asked if s
omeone could come to value a property that she wished to put on the market as soon as possible.
‘I can come now if you like,’ he offered. ‘As you can see, we are quiet at the moment.’
On the point of taking him up on the offer she decided that it would be better if he came some time early the following day while Ryan was at the hospital, the children at school, and Mollie wasn’t around, and with that in mind left a key with him.
By the time she arrived back at the house her determination was dwindling. Was she crazy to be cutting herself off from Ryan and the children in such a hurry? Suppose no one wanted to buy the house when the ‘For Sale’ sign went up. It could hardly be described as a desirable residence in its present state, and what about her grandmother’s wish that she should live there, and the grave that she was going to sort out?
They were things that belonged to the past, she reasoned miserably. It was the present that she was running away from.
* * *
Monday was a weird day, working with Ryan in assumed harmony when she longed to be somewhere else where there was no heartache. But the children in their care had to come first and no matter what was going on in their lives away from the hospital, when they were there it took priority over everything.
When they’d come face-to-face in the corridor on arriving he’d said, unsmilingly, ‘I’m told that we have had some intakes over the weekend that are going to keep us busy, so when you’re ready...’
‘Yes, of course,’ she’d said coolly, and presented herself on the wards within minutes to find him already examining a twelve-year-old girl who had been rushed in over the weekend after drinking some kind of noxious substance and had had to have her stomach washed out.
‘Do we know what it was?’ she asked.
‘Not at the moment,’ he replied. ‘Apparently the youngster was partying at a friend’s house and was given a drink that caused her to start vomiting and lose consciousness temporarily. The inside of her mouth and throat is very inflamed so she’s been given something to ease that, and as you see she’s now sleeping normally after the ordeal of the stomach wash-out.
Christmas Magic in Heatherdale Page 12
