by Jess Bryant
She could have dealt with Angry Colt. Indifferent Colt even. But this Colt, the man standing on the other side of the room, wasn’t any version of the man she loved that she knew how to deal with.
When he finally turned back to face her she wasn’t even surprised to see the look of determination on his handsome face. It didn’t matter what she said. Wouldn’t matter what she did. He was going to do whatever he wanted.
“I’m going to fix this.” He said again.
“I don’t want you to fix it, Colt.” She studied his face for any sign that he was listening, “I want you to accept that I did what I did because I love you and that I’m okay with it.”
“No.”
“Colt…”
“No. We’ll undo it. Tear up the paperwork. Whatever it takes. You’re going into business with the Bomars over my dead body. I already talked to Lincoln.”
She bit her lip to keep from pointing out that the only Bomar she was in business with was him. That wasn’t what he meant. He was saying that she wasn’t allowed to be a part of his life, not really. He still didn’t want her anywhere near his real life, the dark dangerous part of it that he didn’t know how to leave behind.
And the worst part was that she couldn’t even hold it against him that he refused to take her opinion into account. He hadn’t asked for her help. He didn’t know how. Just like he didn’t know how to let someone else be there for him, to trust that she had done it because she wanted to protect him.
But even knowing that, it hurt that he wouldn’t accept her help.
“You already talked to Lincoln?”
“Yes.”
“And what did he say?”
He frowned as if even the words tasted bad, “That I needed to think about it and talk to you before I did anything.”
She took a shaky breath, “Then I think you need to go home and do that.”
His eyes snapped to hers, “What?”
“Go home, Colt. Go home and think about what you’re doing. Think about what you’re saying. Think about what you would be willing to do if I was hurt and bleeding and I needed help.” She help up a hand when he looked like he might say something, “No. I’m not done. You go home and think about it and if you can honestly tell me that you wouldn’t do the same damn thing for me, then I’ll let Lincoln rip up the papers and take my money back.”
“Skylar…”
“But…” She cut him off before he could say something that might hurt her even worse, “But if you decide that you wouldn’t do the same thing for me, that you wouldn’t give up anything and everything to protect me and keep me safe, you should know that I’m not going to be here for you anymore.”
The words cut her throat. Just saying them left her feeling raw and exposed. But she meant every word and from the shocked, pained expression on Colt’s face, he knew she meant it.
She had to stand up for herself, here and now. She loved him but other than his admission when he was half-unconscious he hadn’t said the words back. She knew he loved her but if he couldn’t say the words, if he couldn’t choose her over that dangerous deal he’d made with Lincoln when he was nothing more than a stupid kid, then she shouldn’t be with him. He was the one for her but if she wasn’t that to him, then she would have to move on.
Her own self-respect demanded it.
Colt’s jaw tensed, “Are you giving me an ultimatum?”
“I guess I am.” She managed, “You said we couldn’t really be together until you were free from Lincoln and your debt to the family. It’s gone now. I made that happen. You’re free and if you go back, if you choose that life then you said yourself that I can’t be a part of it.”
His jaw was jumping and his eyes had narrowed. He crossed his arms over his chest, a defensive move that put extra space between them. And more than anything she wanted to go to him and touch him, hug him, tell him that she hadn’t meant it and he didn’t have to choose because she was so damn scared that he wouldn’t choose her, but she couldn’t.
“You should go home and think about it.”
His jaw jumped again, “You want me to go?”
“I hope you’ll come back, that you’ll realize I did what I did because I love you and choose me, but yes I think you should go right now.”
Colt stared at her for a long moment but she couldn’t read him at all. His usually expressive eyes were hard, cold steel at that moment. Other than his jaw jumping with the stress of him gritting his teeth, he would have looked like a statue. She wasn’t even sure he was breathing.
“Fine.” He finally said, and then she had to watch as he simply turned away from her and walked out her front door.
Skylar winced when he slammed the door shut behind him and then he was gone. Colt was gone from her apartment and she could only pray that he wasn’t gone from her life. She loved him and she wanted him and she needed him. But she wouldn’t give in, not on this.
He had to choose her the way that she’d chosen him. No more sneaking around it. No more denying it. No more codifiers of one night or waiting until things were perfect to really be together as a couple. He had to want her enough to put her first the same way she’d put him first when she made the decision to buy his freedom.
She collapsed to the couch and hugged her knees to her chest. There were things she needed to do. She still needed a shower. Her stomach still growled because she hadn’t eaten all day. But she couldn’t bring herself to move from that spot, wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t fall apart if she did any of the things that she’d been doing with Colt for the last week.
Jesus, had it really only been a week since her entire life changed? She felt like she’d already had a lifetime of her and Colt together. The thought of not having the rest of her life with him was terrifying. It would feel lonely and empty and wrong. How was it possible that in one week everything could change so much that going back, going without him, could seem like an impossibility?
She was still sitting on the couch when the door to the apartment opened again. She glanced up, her breath catching in her chest, but it whooshed out when she saw that it wasn’t Colt. Jemma and Cash stumbled through the door already wrapped around one another and the pain that lanced her chest was equal parts jealousy and longing. Because that might never be her and Colt again.
The happy couple had their lips locked together and their hands were racing over each other. Clearly they thought they were coming home to an empty apartment and why wouldn’t they? She’d been spending her nights next door with Colt so even though it was Jemma that was moving, not Cash, they’d been temporarily displaced. She was about to clear her throat to make herself known before clothes started coming off when Cash broke the kiss and his eyes found her.
“Fuckin’ hell.” His face flushed red which was kind of adorable and she couldn’t help but smile at him.
“Hey.”
“What the…” Jemma whirled to face her and despite her own flushed cheeks and bruised lips, the pleasure instantly left her face, “Skylar? What are you doing here?”
“I live here.”
“No. I….” Jemma shot Cash a look and then stepped away from him and towards her, “What happened? Why aren’t you with Colt? What’s wrong?”
Her friend’s concern broke something loose inside her and tears welled behind her eyes, “Everything.”
“Oh, honey…” Jemma was beside her in an instant, dragging Skylar into her arms and rubbing her back soothingly, “Tell us what happened.”
She glanced up to find Cash watching her from where he still stood across the room. He looked so much like Colt when he frowned like that. He was wearing almost the exact same expression his twin had before he walked out of the apartment. His lips were thin and his body was still. He’d even crossed his arms over his chest.
“It’s okay.” He gave a short nod, “I already guessed this is something Colt did so tell us. Tell us and I’ll fix it.”
A silent tear rolled down her cheek, “Jesus, you two are
so much alike it’s scary sometimes.”
“What?” Jemma looked between them, “What did Colt do?”
So she told them. She told them everything. All of it, from the very beginning of her realizing she wanted Colt even though she was still with Trey to the ultimatum that she had posed that he choose between going backwards without her or going forward with her. And because Jemma was her best friend. Because Cash was Colt’s brother. Some of it was awkward and uncomfortable but it was the truth and that was the important part.
When she was done, she looked at her friends. Jemma looked sad and worried. Cash looked frustrated and annoyed. She felt a little bit of all of those things and so much more.
“So he’s at home now?” Cash finally broke the silence.
“I guess. I don’t know. He left so I assume that’s where he went.”
“Good. You stay here.” Cash came towards them and bent to brush a kiss across Jemma’s forehead, “Stay with your friend. Keep her company. I’m gonna go knock some sense into my twin, okay?”
Skylar wiped at her wet cheeks, “He has a really hard head. Don’t break your hand okay?”
Cash offered up a small smile, “It’s no harder than mine. He forced me to face some hard truths when I was on the verge of screwing things up with Jemma. I’m going to return the favor.”
She bit her lip because tears flooded her vision again. Cash was on her side. She’d known Jemma would be. They’d been best friends since elementary school. But she hadn’t expected Cash to have her back, to agree with her that Colt had to choose and that he should choose her. She nodded her thanks, unable to do more than that at the moment.
“Be careful babe.” Jemma tilted her head up for another kiss and Cash gave it to her.
“He’s never fought me before and he won’t start now. Trust me.” He stepped back after also giving Skylar a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, “He knows that you’re right. He’s just too scared to admit it and accept your help. I’ll talk to him and I’ll bring him back to you Sky.”
“Thank you.”
Cash left, shutting the door gently behind him and Jemma stroked her back again. Skylar leaned into the touch. She needed some reassurance right about now. She didn’t know what Cash was going to say to Colt but she couldn’t imagine whatever it was that it would go smoothly.
“You know…” Jemma said, and Skylar could hear the smile in her voice even though she wasn’t looking at her, “I used to know this girl that told me those Bomar boys are nothing but trouble and I should steer clear of them.”
Skylar snorted, “Sounds like a smart girl, maybe she should’ve taken her own advice.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“No.” She admitted sadly, “I don’t.”
But she was worried if Colt chose wrong that she would.
Chapter Eighteen
“Get your ass in the truck.”
Colt had only just calmed down enough to hear something other than the blood rushing in his ears. He turned at the sound of his brother’s voice and when he saw the look on the face that so closely resembled his own, he cringed. He shut the door of the fridge and crossed his arms over his chest even though it still hurt like hell.
“What?”
“You heard me. Get in the truck.”
“Nah, see, I’m not really feelin’ up for a ride down memory lane right now.”
Cash narrowed his eyes, “Get in the truck, Colt.”
“No.”
“So help me, I swore I’d never raise another hand to you after that thing with Jemma but if you don’t get your ass in the truck I’m gonna knock you out and drag your ass out there.”
He wasn’t sure what had gotten into his brother but he rolled his eyes, “Like you could take me.”
“Damnit, I’m serious. I’m done keeping quiet and letting you have your secrets. It’s far past time we had a talk. I’m not about to let you throw away the best thing that ever happened to you.”
“Ah, I see now. You talked to Skylar.”
God, saying her name hurt. Thinking about her hurt. Because he knew that she was hurting too and more than anything he wanted to hold her and tell her that it was okay, that he’d figure out how to be okay with what she’d done. But now he had Cash to deal with and that would have to wait.
“Yeah, I did and she’s really upset.”
“I know.” He admitted.
“That’s what I want to talk to you about.”
“And if I tell you to stay out of it?”
“I’ll remind you that you put yourself right in the middle of me and Jemma. You didn’t let me ruin things with the woman I love and I‘m gonna return the favor.”
“I never said I was in love with Skylar.”
Cash snorted, “Yeah, I figured, and that’s something else we’re gonna talk about. No more lies. I’m sick of it. It’s time to come clean once and for all. Now, get your ass in the truck.”
Colt stared at his twin for a long moment but ultimately decided he couldn’t win this fight. Cash wanted to talk and once his twin got something in his head there was no changing his mind. His brother wanted to talk, fine. He’d give him the truth even if he wasn’t going to like it.
“Fine. Let’s talk.”
“Not here. I said get in the truck.”
He frowned, “Why?”
“Because there’s something I think you need to see.”
He scowled when Cash refused to elaborate but instead of fighting he headed for the door. He was so damn tired of fighting. Cash opened the door and ushered him out before shutting it behind them. Since he refused to even look in the direction of the apartment next door lest his feet automatically take him there, he headed for his truck and climbed in the passenger side, wincing when his ribs protested the movement.
Only once they were both in the truck and on the road did he speak again, “Where we goin?”
“You’ll see.”
Colt blew out a rough breath and decided he might as well broach the subject since it was coming either way, “Link told me you know about the deal I made with him.”
Cash’s jaw tensed, the only outward sign of his anger, “Yeah. The night you were attacked I found out a lot of shit you’d been keeping from me.”
He hated the accusation he heard in his twin’s voice and sighed, “You were never supposed to find out.”
“Does that make it okay in your mind? Lying to me?”
“I never lied to you.”
“Bullshit.” Cash snapped. “You lied every time you told me you fought in that cage to control the anger. You lied every time I asked if we were okay or if there was anything I could do to help with money. You looked me right in the fucking eye and lied to me when you told me that we were out, that we were clean.”
“You were clean. Are clean. That’s all that mattered.”
Cash snorted, “Maybe to you but your safety definitely matters to me and you lied to me about it.”
“I was never in any real danger.”
“Tell that to the thugs that beat you half to death.” Cash’s jaw twitched again, “You know what, it doesn’t matter to me why you lied. I can’t change that but we’re done with it now, Colt. Do you hear me? No more lies. You’re out and you’re staying that way.”
“So you think I should be fine with Sky putting herself in…” Colt started to speak but then he got a good look at the gravel road his twin turned the truck down and his throat tightened as all of the hair on his body stood up, “Where the hell are you takin’ me?”
Cash shot him a look out of the corner of his eye but said nothing. Colt’s heart started to thump too hard and his fists were already clenched with the need to defend himself.
This was the road to hell, the place he’d sworn he would never go again. Cash had promised him, on the day he cut ties with their father for good he’d sworn that Colt would never again have to come back here. Even as the truck bumped up the uneven one lane road, he couldn’t believe Cash would go b
ack on his word like this. Couldn’t believe Cash had lied to him. And God, as the sick, scared feeling twisted his guts, he suddenly understood how Cash must have felt when he was blindsided with everything Colt had kept from him.
“I… I get it. I get it okay? I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You don’t have to do this. I get it.”
He hated the fear that tinged his words. Hated that this place, that man, still had the power to make him feel like a scared little boy. But that was what Decker had beaten into him right up there at the crumbling shack of a house where he’d grown up. No matter how old he got, no matter how much time went by or how much distance he put between himself and that bastard, this place made him feel just as small and stupid and worthless as he had when he was a kid.
“Colt?”
Cash’s voice broke into his thoughts and he realized he’d started panting. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. It numbed the pain but not the panic.
“Colt. Breathe.” Cash ordered, concern deepening his tone, “We’re not going up there. That’s not where we’re going.”
Colt sucked in a gulp of air, “It’s not?”
“No, of course not. I told you I’d never make you go back there and I meant it. I’m not taking you home. Promise.”
Some of his panic receded but not all of it. He felt shaky and unsure. He shot his twin a questioning look and Cash reached out and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.
“Promise.”
He blew out a breath because he believed him. He always believed Cash because Cash didn’t lie to him. He was the liar. Cash was the good twin and his promise only reinforced that he’d always been better.
“Wh… where are we going?”
“To see Remy.”
That made him blink and he looked around at the overgrown fields on either side of them, “What? Out here?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought he was staying with Link?”
“Yeah.” Cash took the left where the road split and headed down towards the creek instead of up the hill towards their parents’ house, “He was but he moved out here yesterday.”
