"No," I replied. His eyes hardened infinitesimally. "I mean, no, sir." I amended swiftly, not wanting to disappoint him.
He draped both my breasts in soft silk as he wrapped the ends of the scarf around each side of my body. Then he brought the ends back to the front and fastened them around each wrist with simple knots that were firm but not uncomfortable. He slipped a finger into each loop to check how tight they were, and nodded in satisfaction with his work. I was left with my arms firmly bound at my sides.
"How does that feel?" he asked as he checked in with me again.
"Good, sir," I answered in a breathy whisper. My body felt ignited and alive, all my nerve endings singing with joy and anticipation. I'd never felt anything like it. This was nothing like being tied to a bedpost and fucked. This was sensual and arousing on a whole other level. It blew me away. This intimate connection felt like the puzzle piece that was missing when I was with other men. Ford really and truly was ruining me for all other men, just like I'd suspected the first time we were together.
"Get on the bed and lie on your back," he commanded firmly. I climbed up onto my bed clumsily and almost fell over, but Ford grabbed my shoulders and helped me into position. He stood staring down at me, his eyes roving over my body appreciatively. "Beautiful," he murmured as he pulled off his boots. He straightened, and his hands drifted down to his fly. I could see the massive bulge in his jeans, and I moaned with need as I stared at his groin.
"Eyes on me, Jen," he snapped out sternly. He captured my gaze with his, and he held it as he unfastened his jeans and pushed them down his legs. Shit, he wasn't wearing any underwear either. It was all I could do to keep from looking down at his gorgeous erection. I unconsciously pulled against the scarf binding my wrists, trying to reach for him. A corner of his mouth twitched in amusement.
He climbed onto the bed and hovered over me. I saw the same joy and anticipation that I felt inside dancing in his eyes. I couldn't help the smile that spread wide across my lips. He smiled in return as he lowered himself until his mouth was mere inches from my left nipple. Our eyes were still locked together as he moved the last few inches and latched onto to me through the soft silk covering the tight little nub. He began taking long hard pulls on my nipple, sending shock waves of shivering pleasure spiraling straight down to my clit. It made me writhe underneath him and pull at my restraints, eager to touch him and moaning uncontrollably. Everything was heightened. Everything was more, bound to his will like this both literally and metaphorically.
He cupped my other breast in his hand and thumbed my nipple in time with each suck on the other. Pressure built and built, and suddenly to my utter disbelief, I was hit by an orgasm. It hit me with a short and sharp surge of pleasure, making me gasp in surprise. I never knew that I could have an orgasm just from my nipples being stimulated like this. It was amazing. Ford was amazing.
As I came back down, Ford's mouth came down on mine in a fierce possessive kiss that stole my breath away. He kissed me on and on, his lips and tongue devouring me as his hands flowed all over my skin. I felt like every nerve in my body was on fire with desire. I felt drunk on Ford and the feel of his body against mine. I'd never felt anything like it.
The next thing I knew Ford was nudging my thighs apart with a knee and rolling a condom on. He whispered my name as he started pushing slowly into me, stretching and filling me in the most perfect way. It was like his body was made for mine.
"Eyes on me again, honey," he murmured as he finally hit the end of me and paused. My eyes flew open to meet Ford's heated eyes as he began to thrust slowly in and out of me. We stayed that way, lost in each other's eyes as he moved over me. It was intimate and beautiful. There was no fear, no doubt, no insecurities, just unbelievable pleasure as my orgasm crashed over me like a tidal wave, pulling Ford along in its wake. We both cried out as we flew into the sky together, splintering apart in ecstasy. My only focus was Ford's gorgeous eyes and the undeniable connection between us that made this more than just sex. I could only think of one way to describe how it felt. It was like coming home.
Chapter 6
Ford
I was left panting and utterly overwhelmed as I slumped down onto the bed next to Jenny. My orgasm had blown through me like a fucking hurricane, laying waste to my body and my heart. This woman was doing things to me that I had never experienced before. She was making me feel things that were new and completely alien to me. I felt high as euphoria flooded all my senses. Was this what falling in love felt like? I didn't know, but I never wanted it to end. I pulled Jen into my arms, tucking her head under my chin and twining my legs with hers. I could feel her body still trembling from the aftermath of her release. Neither of us said a word.
For what felt like a long time, we drifted in and out of consciousness, never quite falling asleep, but not awake enough to acknowledge what just happened. For the first time, I truly understood the intimacy and emotional connection that bondage could bring to an actual relationship. I thought I knew its power and impact, but I realized that I knew nothing until now. I felt closer to Jenny more than I'd felt to anyone, ever.
Jenny started to stir, trying to snuggle closer to me and pulling against the scarf that still restrained her. I pulled away long enough to release her and rubbed her wrists gently, making sure she was okay. When I let go of her hands, she immediately wrapped them around my neck and pressed the length of her naked body against mine, practically purring with pleasure. I felt the first stirrings of arousal again. Holy hell, this woman did unbelievable things to me.
Before I could do anything about it though, Jen fell fast asleep, her body going limp in my arms. I had no problem with that though. I loved cuddling her close almost as much as fucking her. I'd take her anyway I could. I closed my eyes and followed her into a deep sleep.
When I woke again there was daylight streaming in through the gauzy curtains I was staring at in Jenny's room. I was lying on my stomach, and someone behind me was running gentle fingers in slow circles on my back. A low groan of pleasure oozed out of me unconsciously.
"Good morning," Jenny said in a sexy sleep roughened voice. It made me smile, and I rolled over to face her. Her dark silky hair was a tousled mess around her wickedly gorgeous face. I reached out and pushed it out of her eyes, loving the feel of the silky strands between my fingers.
"Good morning, honey," I rumbled out softly. I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her down for a lingering kiss, then just stared into her eyes as I ran my knuckles down her cheek. A flicker of fear ghosted across her eyes, and I realized I was freaking her out again. I may know down to my very core that she was mine, but Jenny was still trying to wrap her head around our budding relationship. If she got overwhelmed, I feared she'd take off on me. I couldn't let that happen.
I rolled onto my back to break our eye contact, and pulled her head down onto my shoulder. She threw a leg over mine and nestled in close with a soft sigh. Her fingers danced playfully across my chest making me shiver. I almost nodded off again.
"Ford?" she asked me softly, pulling me back to wakefulness.
"Hmm?"
"Where did you learn all this bondage stuff?"
"From a guy named Nick," I answered, happy to share anything with Jenny.
"How does that work?" she asked curiously. "I mean, how do you even find someone that does what you do? It's not like you can just ask around."
"Nick was my mentor when I was first learning how to do tattoos. My apprenticeship was in his shop. We spent a lot of time together and became good friends." I ran my fingers up and down her arm absently. "I struggled with controlling my temper back then. I was impatient and selfish, wanting what I wanted when I wanted it. I was a rich spoiled prick who wanted to change and didn't know how. To this day, I still don't know what possessed Nick to give me a chance when no one else would. He must have seen something in me no one else did, not even myself. He saw that I needed an outlet for all my pent-up anger and resentment, and a focus for my fucked
-up head.
"Nick gave me both, by teaching me the art of tattooing and shibari. It helped me remake myself. Becoming a tattoo artist taught me to focus on a goal and see it through. Shibari taught me to focus on someone else's needs instead of my own. They both taught me patience and restraint, and made me the man I am today."
I glanced down at Jen when she didn't respond immediately. Her head was turned up toward my face with a look of adoration that I don't think she realized she was giving me. I acknowledged it with a brief kiss to her forehead, not wanting to push things by staring at her longingly again like I wanted to. I had to be patient and bide my time until she was ready for more.
"What exactly is shibari?" Jenny asked a few moments later.
"Well, the word itself means 'to tie' in Japanese," I explained. "Shibari is what the art of erotic rope bondage is called. The human body is the canvas, and the rope is the implement, the paint and brush. The rope and the bottom's body are positioned into patterns that are beautiful and sensual."
"Bottom means a submissive, right?"
"Exactly." I gave her a quizzical look.
"What?" she asked with a shrug. "I read erotic fiction. There are all kinds of BDSM stuff in them. I'm bound to pick up a little lingo."
I smiled and shook my head at how this woman continued to surprise me. "But it's more than just how it appears," I went on. "Being bound that way can make you what's called 'rope drunk'. It makes the body release endorphins, putting the bottom in a euphoric trance-like state and giving the rigger, or top, an adrenaline rush."
"Well, whatever you call what I felt last night, it was fucking amazing." She snuggled in closer against my side.
"That it was, Jen," I agreed wholeheartedly. "I can't wait to get actual rope on you. You're going to love it."
"I can't wait," she replied, and to my amazement, a shudder ran the entire length of her body.
I think we drifted in and out of sleep again for a while before Jenny stirred once more. I grumbled under my breath as she crawled out of my arms and climbed out of bed. I watched her luscious ass wag across the room as she headed to the bathroom. I closed my eyes and thought about her face when I tied that silk scarf around her body. She lit up and came alive last night; her body thrumming with desire. And when I finally bound her wrists, I saw pure joy glowing in her eyes. She was made to be bound for my pleasure, made for me. I'd never been more sure of anything in my life.
"Can we go for another ride today?" Jen asked in a suggestive tone. I smiled and opened my eyes to see her standing in the doorway with her hips cocked and an impish gleam in her eyes. I stared helplessly at her considerable breasts, remembering the feel of her nipple in my mouth. I opened my mouth to tell her "hell yes", when I remembered that I had plans already. Disappointment hit me hard.
"I'm sorry. I have to go to my sister's place this afternoon," I told her apologetically. "And I don't even want to go," I mumbled under my breath.
"Do you not get along with your sister?" Jenny asked with a sympathetic expression as she climbed back into bed with me. She snuggled in against my side again.
"No, Natie and I get along great," I answered as I wrapped my arm around her. "But my father's going to be there. We don't exactly see eye to eye anymore." My voice sounded more bitter than I intended, but I was so comfortable around Jen that my true feelings just kept spilling out of me when I was with her.
"Anymore?" she asked curiously. "What happened?"
I pursed my lips. I never talked to anyone about what happened between my father and me. It was a painful subject that I usually avoided, but the thought of telling Jen didn't really bother me at all. Maybe it would make me feel a little better.
"I'm sorry," she said in a pained voice. "I didn't mean to pry. I was just curious."
"No, Jen. It's okay. I just haven't talked about it with anyone before." I kissed her head reassuringly. "It happened about three years ago. I moved in with him temporarily while my building was being renovated. My dad didn't exactly approve of my career choice. I think he always wanted me to be a lawyer like him, or some other white collar professional. I'm not exactly a suit and tie kind of guy. Dad grudgingly accepted my choice eventually. I think he was just happy that I wasn't getting into fights and drinking all the time anymore. He spent a lot of my teenage years trying to keep me out of trouble. It didn't always work.
"Anyway, he was out of town one weekend, so I invited a girl over. I thought I had the whole place to myself, so I took a chance and got my rope out. I'd been living there for a few weeks, so it had been awhile, and I really needed it. I tied her up, and we were having a great time. That is, until my father came home early and walked in on us."
"Oh shit," Jen blurted out. "Talk about awkward."
I snorted bitterly. "Awkward, I could have lived with. What I got instead was disgust and contempt. Even after the girl and I assured Dad that what we were doing was consensual, he acted like I was one step away from raping someone." I sighed. I could still see that look of utter disgust on my father's face, and the part that was even worse, the shame in his eyes. "I didn't expect Dad necessarily to understand it, but to treat me like some sort of deviant sex offender? I thought he knew me better than that, thought more of me than that, but I was wrong. Let's just say that our relationship is strained now."
The hollow hole of pain I rarely let myself feel about it suddenly hit me hard. I clammed up as I reined it in. I wished that wanting my father's approval didn't matter so much to me. If it was some stranger judging me, I wouldn't give a shit, but no matter how old I was, I still craved the approval that I now knew I would never get from my father. It was a bitter pill I hadn't managed to swallow yet.
"I'm sorry, Ford," Jenny murmured as she wrapped her arm around my chest and hugged me reassuringly. I sighed and hugged her back. At least Jen hadn't thought less of me like I had feared when I told her last night. Her condemnation would have wrecked me. As it was, her ready acceptance, and how she'd thrown herself into my kinky world with unabashed abandon, blew me away. If there was a woman who was more perfect for me than her, I hadn't met her yet.
Instead of thanking her, I tilted her chin up toward my face, studied the sincere sympathy in her eyes for a moment, then kissed her slowly and passionately. Her body came alive in my arms as she moaned and undulated against me. With a groan, I rolled over until I was on top of her and proceeded to show her with my body just how much I appreciated her acceptance, since words weren't near enough. I lost myself in her for a while, the pain of my fucked-up relationship with my father quickly forgotten, and all that remained in my heart as our bodies came together, was Jen.
**********
I was just swinging my leg off my bike in Natalie and David's driveway, when my father pulled up in his black Mercedes next to me. I ground my teeth together as I pulled off my helmet and watched him climb out of the car. I usually tried to avoid being alone with him, since his passive-aggressive comments about my life when no one else was around got old really fast. It was as if everything I did was colored by his knowledge of my "deviant" sexual preferences. Every decision I made now was suspect to him.
"Hey, Dad," I rumbled out in a bland voice. He was dressed casually for him, in a polo shirt and slacks. His short graying blond hair was perfectly styled, and his face, that closely resembled mine, was clean shaven. It was the complete polar opposite of my long hair and scruffy appearance, with my scuffed up boots and torn jeans.
"Son," he said just as blandly as his blue eyes glided down to my bike. "I see you're still driving that deathtrap."
"Yeah, I guess I am," I answered in a monotone, squashing down the urge to tell him where he could shove his unwanted opinion. No matter what he said or did, I never disrespected my father, because I still loved him no matter what he thought of me. He'd been a good father for most of my life. I tried to pretend that it wasn't at all because I still held out hope that he would accept me for who I was someday. I didn't want to burn that bridge and let m
y hope go.
I pulled off my leather jacket, exposing my tattooed arms in my black tank top. I saw his eyes slide down my arms with disapproval in them like they always did. I pretended that I didn't notice.
"The shop is doing really well, Dad," I blurted out as we walked up the drive toward the front door, knowing any mention of Apex Ink would annoy him. It was petty, but I couldn't seem to help myself.
"I hope David is making those pork chops of his," Dad said, completely ignoring my comment like he always did when I talked about things he didn't approve of or want to discuss. I followed him up the sidewalk with my fists clenched at my sides in impotent anger. Fuck you. And fuck me for letting you get to me again.
We approached the door in uncomfortable silence. Dad rang the bell and acted like nothing happened as I fought to keep my mouth shut. I sighed in relief when Natie finally answered the door.
"Daddy. Ford. Come on in," she greeted us warmly as her green eyes lit up. She looked adorable today in a floral button-up shirt and white shorts. Her long hair was pulled into a ponytail, and she looked happy and at ease. It was hard to believe that my sister had just had a baby a month ago.
Dad and I gave Natie a hug and a kiss as we walked past her into the house. I loved David and Natalie's place. It oozed with character and charm with its warm buttery walls, original wood trim, and all the mission-style furniture.
When I walked into the living room, I saw Mom sitting on the couch cradling her grandson, Daniel. She smiled when she saw me, and I braced for the emotional roller coaster that was my mother. She came over and handed Daniel over to Natie, then came to me. I pulled my mother into a hug, happy to see her. She might smother me and drive me insane sometimes, but she never cared about my tattoos or my job. She just wanted me to be happy and successful. Although, I knew she wished that I dressed better. I could live with the sidelong looks over my wardrobe.
An Act of Restraint: Order & Chaos Book 1 Page 12
