by Leah Holt
That statement stung, and at the time I didn't understand why. She was right, I found out the bare minimum. I only knew about her mom because of Gloria and her runaway mouth. If Gloria hadn't let that slip during our conversation, I wouldn't have this leverage.
“Excuse me, Sir, can I be of any assistance?” For that brief moment I'd forgotten that Stefan was even there. He'd been tucked away in the corner, blending in with the statues my dad acquired over the years.
“No. We're fine, Stefan. Noella wants to check out the books.” Turning to look at her I asked, “Do you see anything? I need to go get a few things done—”
“Go ahead, I can find my way back,” she said, cutting me off. “I'd like to look around if you don't mind.”
I was hesitant, I didn't want to leave her alone with him. What if Stefan got nosy? Started asking her questions?
The last thing I needed was my dad finding out what the hell I was doing. He needed to think this was the real deal; a real woman hanging over my arm.
Not a stripper I'd bought for myself only to have a baby; the baby he demanded I gave him.
My stomach started to churn; fear of what my dad might do or take away from me; began boiling inside my gut.
“Don't worry, Hegan. I'll make sure she gets back to her room just fine.” Stefan stepped forward, nodding his head.
What the fuck should I do? Do I let her roam around in here with him?
Leaning into her ear I whispered. “Don't tell this man too much, he can't be trusted.”
Glaring up at me under hooded lids, she dropped her eyes back to the book. Gripping her shoulder I shot a glance back at Stefan and walked out of the room.
I wasn't going to be gone long, that I was sure of.
I only needed to make one call.
To my father.
Chapter Fourteen
Noella
I could feel him watching me, his piercing eyes burrowed into my back. Steadily, I shoved the book back onto the shelf, peeking over my shoulder. Stefan was standing motionless, arms tugged back behind him. He didn't look like he could be much older than Hegan, maybe thirty-five.
Flashing a light smile, I ran my fingers over the wave of books. He looked harmless, a man sent here to do a job. Stefan was a butler, a servant to the family. What was Hegan so worried about?
The man had stood behind me, voiceless and stone still; just watching. Which was a little creepy in its own right, but maybe that's how this goes. I didn't know, I never had a butler or maids, everything in my house was kept up by us.
I had grown up doing chores, running errands, typical stuff any normal person does. Having someone around to do all that for me seemed so bizarre.
Stefan wasn't eyeing anything else in the room, just me. And that was more uncomfortable to me than standing on a stage, removing my clothes. At least at Tigress I had a little control.
A choice in who got close. There was no option with this one, he was just there, staring blanking.
Clearing my throat, I asked, “So, have you worked for Hegan's family for a long time?”
Nodding his head, Stefan adjusted his jacket. “A couple years, Miss.”
“Please, call me Noella.” Spotting a bright blue binding, I gripped the edge and pulled it out.
“Noella what?” His eyes drifted from me to the book. “Good choice, The Mayor of Casterbridge.”
“Rawlinson. Noella Rawlinson.” Thumbing through the pages, I pushed it back into its place between the others. “Do you like books, Stefan?”
“Very much, Miss...” Tripping over his tongue, he said, “Noella.” Bringing his palms up to smooth his hair, he asked, “How long have you been with Hegan?”
Shooting him a glance, my lips pursed tight. “That question has nothing to do with books. I ask you about books and you ask me about him?”
I felt like I was making him nervous. Stefan's gaze began to dart around the room, mouth making noises to speak but unable to muster up the sound. “Well, it's... it's just...” A soft cough gurgled in his throat. “He hasn't mentioned you, and I'm around him a lot. I just thought he would have said something.”
“Well, you're his butler, does he normally tell you everything?” I asked, slitting my lids.
I didn't mind the question so much, except it came out of nowhere. A question about if he liked books wasn't one that should be followed with that.
What a strange man. I thought as my eyes furrowed against the bindings.
“I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry.” He stared at the floor, fingers wildly curling around each other.
Shaking my head, I grabbed the first book my hand touched. “We've known each other for a little while.” Maybe I was just reading too much into that. It could just be innocent wonder.
Stefan jerked his head up. I had given him an answer, small insight to his curiosities. What harm was there answering a question? Hegan had said he couldn't be trusted, but I wasn't going to say the things I knew Hegan was afraid of.
I'm not stupid. And even if I was going to run off and tell someone, it wouldn't be to the family butler.
“Mr. Alexander has some reserve about you, Noella. Please don't be offended by my questions.”
“Did he send you here to grill me? What's he afraid of? His son leaving him?” Chuckling, I turned to face him, hand falling to my hip.
“No, not that. Honestly, the sooner Hegan grows up, the better.” Stefan huffed under his breath.
“So you mean the immature man, who tackled me outside earlier, hasn't grown up yet?” My jaw cocked out to the side, a large grin rested on my face.
“Ah, so you've seen it too?” I watched his shoulders relax, slumping forward.
He was finally getting comfortable, settled, Stefan was letting his guard down. He didn't need to be so wound up around me. I never had this type of life growing up, and even though he didn't know it, I couldn't stand the sight of someone just being there to wait on me.
“Well he certainly doesn't scream adult, you know? Especially being...” Realizing I didn't know how old Hegan actually was, my words trailed off.
“Twenty-five, he's twenty-five.” Stepping closer, he began to rummage through the array of books. “And you're?”
“Twenty- three.” Pushing a strand of hair behind my ear, I felt embarrassed. I was supposed to be 'dating' this guy and I didn't really know anything about him.
How am I going to play pretend if I don't even know the basics? His age, where he went to school, what his friggin family did for a living. Shit, I only found that out earlier in the day.
I was going to have to sit down and start asking him some questions. In order for me to play the role Hegan wanted, he was going to have to give me something to work with.
And sooner than later, I was going to have to really decide what I wanted to do.
Have his baby, or get the fuck out of here.
“And what does your family do? Rawlinson doesn't ring a bell. I don't believe I've heard that name before.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. My last name, it's not one of the fancy socialites names that get thrown around. What the hell do I do?
I needed to think quick, come up something to move him away from my family. “Do you know every family in the state?”
“Well, no. But—”
“But, nothing,” I said, cutting him off. I didn't have to answer his questions. Reminding myself, I don't have to answer anything or do anything I don't want to. Stefan was the butler, even if Brandon had sent him to question me, I didn't need to give him any details I didn't want to.
Pushing his hand over his neck, he said, “I'm just trying to make sure that you're here for the right reasons. The Alexander family has a lot to give and a lot to lose.”
“Yeah, so I've heard. And Hegan has fallen right on the edge of losing, right?”
“Did he tell you that? What did he say? His father has to do something before his entire life's work is blown by Hegan and his one track mind.” Narrowing his brows, his pupils
dilated as he set them on my face. “Hegan, he's trouble. Always has been. When he's gone, it will be a brighter day.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, tilting my head. He said it with such distaste, such disgust. As if Hegan was the source of a problem, an issue that needed rectifying. Was I being led on? Lied to?
Is Hegan using me for something else? I thought he had been pretty straight forward. The fact he just laid the baby card on me, that was fuel enough to think Hegan was desperate.
Maybe this butler, this paid helping hand, had no idea himself what was going on.
Stefan's eyes glazed over, as they opened wide. A realization of what he said taking over his expression. “I'm sorry, let me stop here. Are you all set? Did you find a book?”
Tapping my jaw, I turned back to the bright blue book that he had suggested. Tugging it out, I clutched it against my chest. “Yeah, I think I'm ready now.”
His mouth turned up, cheeks flushing a pale pink. “I'll lead you back. Please, after you,” he said, extending his arm towards the door.
Walking back to my room in silence, Stefan walked one step behind me. And his gaze still burned into my core. I didn't want to make eye contact with him, didn't want him to see how uncomfortable I was.
He had just let out a small piece of the hatred he had for Hegan to me. A mistake he knew he made, I could tell by the look on his face. His pale skin was white, mouth taut against his jaw. He was kicking himself in the ass, sorry he had opened his lips at all.
I had the feeling when he started questioning me that it was Brandon who was curious, he basically said it. But now a piece of me felt different. His motives weren't clear for where he was trying to go with anything, and I hoped I hadn't said too much.
Things were already fucked up enough, making them worse wouldn't help shit.
Approaching my door, I glanced over my shoulder and said, “Thank you, I'm all set now.”
Nodding, Stefan twisted and went back in the direction we came. I stood watching him leave, waiting till he was out of sight before going inside.
Slipping in, I closed my eyes and let my head fall against the door.
“Took you long enough.” The thick bass of his voice crashed into my skull.
Jumping, my stomach shot into my throat. Hegan was sitting in the old Victorian chair against the far wall. His arms were draped over the deep velvet green fabric, his body slouching so his back had support.
It was comical to see a man his size, trying to fit into a chair built for a child. Letting my lungs restart, I huffed out the air they were clenching tight. “What are you doing?”
“I was waiting for you.” Twirling a pen between his fingers, he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.
“I thought you had stuff to take care of?” Tossing the book onto the bed, I walked closer to him. Why is he waiting in here? What the hell does he think I did?
Hegan's head fell toward the rug. “It's all set. What took you so long?” he asked, as his eyes returned to me.
“There's a lot of books in there. What's with the third degree?”
“Did he say anything to you?”
“He said enough for me to know he's not fond of you.” Folding my arms across my chest, my head canted towards my shoulder.
“Well I knew that already. Did he say anything else? Why he was here, or ask questions about you?” Bringing his hands together, I watched his knuckles turn white.
“He asked me a few things.”
“What did he want to know?” Shoving himself up from the chair, he stood inches from my face.
“Fuck, Hegan. I didn't tell him anything about why you brought me here.” Stepping backwards, irritation coated my voice. “I'm not a fucking idiot, Hegan. I don't need you to spell shit out for me.”
Dragging his fingers through his hair, he pulled it tight against his head. “I know, it's just that guy works for my dad. Not for me. He'll do anything to see me gone. Anything.”
“Why? Why does it matter? Didn't you say it was your father who was going to take everything from you?” Hegan gazed at me with large open eyes, shaking his head yes. “Then who cares about Stefan, he's a butler, not your father's personal adviser, right?”
“Yeah, but he's in with my dad. He can do some damage if he wanted to, I'm sure.” Pausing, he spoke under his breath. “It wouldn't be the first time.”
Resting my hand over his shoulder, I had the urge to comfort him, cradle him and let him know everything would be fine. It was the strangest feeling, to feel a sense of sympathy towards the man who was trying to impose getting me knocked up.
But he looked so worried, so unsure of what was going to happen. And I was getting pulled in, driven by my need to help others. It's my biggest flaw, one I have been well aware of.
Yet, it was so hard for me to grasp and hold onto my inner voice; the one screaming for me to run away, to get the fuck out before I'm in too deep.
I could hear it loud and clear. Don't Noella! He probably made this mess himself, it's not your job to clean it up! Go home! Go home and help the ones who really need you.
“Hegan, don't worry about him. But in order for me to go any further, I need some answers. I need to know what's going on, and you have to be honest.” Catching his gaze, he peered into my eyes.
I watched his iris' change, reflecting back light from the small lamp next to the chair. A gold-orange color encased his pupils; a momentary flash that hardened the edges.
Shivers ran down my spine, tearing through my legs. I felt them weaken, shaking to hold me straight. Gripping his shoulder tighter, it was as if he knew I needed him to hold me up. Hegan wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his chest. “Are you saying you're willing to do this?” The hot air from his lips swept over my ear.
I couldn't speak, I didn't really want to say it out loud. Maybe it was fear that if I vocalized the words then everything would be truly real. My voice, the words, all meshed together, my brain wouldn't aid my tongue in speaking.
Shaking my head up and down, I had sealed my fate.
A baby.
It was a choice I had to think about, a decision that wasn't made lightly. I didn't do it just for him and how sorry I felt for Hegan in that moment. This was going to help my family too.
I hadn't forgotten about them, and this could mean a world of difference to my mom. She needed treatment, she deserved it. And with the insurance deciding what they would or wouldn't cover... It had left my parents practically bankrupt.
They're a stone's throw away from losing their home, being out on the streets. I didn't want that for them.
I didn't want that for Hegan.
Money wasn't supposed to be what ruled lives, or ruined lives.
This was going to save us all.
I hoped.
Chapter Fifteen
Hegan
Did that really happen? Did she actually agree to do it? She did. Noella didn't say it directly, but her head affirmed it.
And I was happy as a pig in shit.
I never expected she would just give in. I thought for sure she would've resisted till the very end. Yes, I told her she didn't have a choice, but that didn't mean shit. She could've left, the door was open.
My bribery, the allegations of yanking the help from her mom; that was all bullshit. I might be desperate, but I'm not a complete fucking asshole. Good thing she didn't know that.
I wasn't sure if that was what saved my ass or not, either way I didn't care. Noella was giving me all I needed.
She had just removed a bolder off my shoulders, and my body felt light as air. Walking to my mirror, I peeled my shirt up over my head. Dropping it to the floor, I stared into my reflection.
Noella was melting like hot wax over my brain. I was more than excited she'd agreed, but a piece of me was twinging with something different. Shaking my head, I wanted to shove it out, push it away and forget it was ever there.
Gripping the sink, I squeezed the porcelain rim. My fingers burned a
s all the blood was forced out and away. Dropping my head into my chest, I knew she had grown on me; more than expected, and more than I wanted.
She's agreeing to have your child, that's probably what this is. It had to be.
It's not real, I won't let it be real.
I couldn't let myself get close to her, she was just a pawn; my bullet in the barrel. That was it.
Splashing my face with cold water, a chilled exhale escaped my lungs. I needed her out, out of my thoughts so I could stay focused. If I let myself fall in too deep, I had no idea what would happen.
Get your shit together, don't do this. You can't do this. Watching a single drop of water balance on the edge of my nose, I stood motionless, waiting to see how long it would take to tear itself free.
Waiting and watching, it sat steady as if it was looking back at me. That lone drop of water, opaque and shining under the lights, only trembled at the edge. And all I could think of was her.
Noella. She had a smile that saturated the air I tried to breathe; strengthening my purpose. There was something more driving me, not just the demand of my father...
I wanted to make her mine, in every way.
That little stunt with the sledding was the first time I could think of being really happy. She was confident in herself, confident in who she was. Noella didn't walk in a straight line, that would've been too boring.
She followed her own path, chasing her own set of rules. But always thought of those around her, and their happiness. I could see it, she bared her body just to give her mother a fighting chance.
That's what I wanted, all of it; all of her.
A loud knock against the door caused my head to jerk, the small ball of water became lost in the drain. “Yeah?” I yelled.
“Sir, it's me. Can I come in and talk to you?”
What the fuck does he want? Tearing the towel off the rack, I wiped my face dry as I walked to the door. Tugging it open, I wrapped the towel around my neck. “What do you want?”
“Sir, I need to talk to you about Noella.” Stefan was standing straight, tapping the tip of his shiny shoes against the wood floor.
