“Can we talk?”
She shook her head. There was no way this man was coming into her apartment. He had destroyed her and now he was back…looking all wounded and sexy and…
He stepped inside and shut her door.
Her mouth dropped open. “Are you kidding me? I just said no we couldn’t talk.”
“Actually you didn’t say anything. Give me five minutes. You can’t start a new year off angry. It’s bad luck. It’ll set the tone for the entire year.”
She narrowed her eyes. She knew he didn’t believe in that kind of thing, but he knew she believed in that. “Fine.” She glanced at her purse. “Wait,” she said, holding up her hand and digging her phone out of her purse. “I’m setting the timer.”
She expected him to be annoyed, but the corners of his perfectly gorgeous mouth turned up slightly and his eyes warmed so that they were now the color of the creamiest, smoothest, milk chocolate she’d ever made. Oh God, this was bad. Do not look directly at Jack Bailey’s smile was going to be her third resolution…or fourth… She had lost track.
He cleared his throat. “May I start?”
She gave a nod and then held up her hand. “Wait.” She then proceeded to turn on every light in her apartment. There. All mood lighting was gone.
His slight smile turned into a Jack-wattage smile that lit up all parts of her that she’d forgotten. “It’s like Vegas in here.”
She ignored that and looked down at her phone to set the timer. “Go!”
His smile fell and he didn’t use the first few seconds talking. Everything changed with the silence. The air felt thick, heavy with emotion, with energy that had always existed between them. Her heart beat with a heaviness, an achiness, which made her want to run from whatever it was he had to tell her. He slowly walked forward, her heart beating faster as he neared.
“I’m sorry, Lily. I’m sorry, so damn sorry for leaving you five years ago. I’m sorry I wasn’t man enough to get through Michael’s and Matthew’s deaths in Shadow Creek, by your side. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you when your father had his stroke.”
Lily blinked back tears at the gruffness in his tone, at the emotion in his voice, at the honesty. She hadn’t prepared herself for that. God, he’d barely spoken thirty seconds and she was feeling so sorry for him. She knew his twin brother had been everything to him. And his little nephew…it was such a horrific tragedy, and she’d known at the time, even before Jack had taken off, that she’d lost him. Not to another woman, but to the emptiness inside him without his brother.
“Jack,” she whispered, holding up her hand to stop him. He walked toward her with that same purpose, that same look of intensity he’d always had; it was the look he’d given her when he wanted her. He could find her from across the room, anywhere, and maybe that’s what had hurt the most—she’d always believed she was enough for him, enough to get him through everything. He hadn’t stuck around to give her a chance to help him heal.
He didn’t stop walking until he was a foot or so from her. He was close enough that she could make out the tiny flecks of amber in his eyes and the faint lines framing them. Close enough to see his strong pulse at the base of his throat. Close enough to know this man still had the power to make her heart race and her knees weak just by his proximity.
“I’m not finished. I still have three minutes left on the clock.” He raised his arms, placed his hands on either side of her head, and she just stood there mesmerized by the look in his eyes, helpless by the nearness of the only man she’d ever wanted with all her soul. “I went away because I knew that if I stayed here I’d drag everyone into my own hell as I mourned Michael and Matthew. Everyone was better off without me. But know that every single day I was gone you were with me. I missed you so damn much, Lily.”
It was when his voice broke and his eyes sheened with emotion that she knew she was caving. When he lowered his head to an inch from hers, his lips brushing against her temple, her knees weakened and she leaned against the wall. “I never stopped loving you.”
Do not let Jack Bailey tell you he loves you needed to be bumped up to the top of the list.
She held his gaze and lifted her chin, finding her self-respect and channeling every ounce of hurt. “You clearly think I’m this naïve, pathetic loser who would actually believe her ex-fiancé who skipped town for five years with no contact is now back and professing his undying love for her?”
His jaw clenched, but his gaze was unwavering, intense, keeping her knees in their weakened state and her heart beating way too fast to be normal. “I believe you’re still the most beautiful, loving woman I’ve ever met. Leaving you was the hardest decision I ever made. I know I’ve got a helluva lot to do to earn your forgiveness, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I’ve been faithful to you. Five years, Lil. I’ve been faithful to the memory of what we had and what we could be. There has been no one. I never stopped loving you.”
She didn’t breathe as the reality of what he was saying made her want to weep. She searched for the right words. “I know I’ll never understand what it would be like to lose someone that close to me, Jack. I don’t want to stand here and judge you. But there are things…that have happened to me that have changed me, too. I’m not the same woman you left behind. I’ll never go back to being her.”
“So let me get to know who you are now. I’m still in love with you. I know you’re still the only woman for me.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and he took that opportunity to close the distance between them, gently folding her up in his arms until all she could breathe was him. She stood there, not hugging him back, but not pushing him away. His chest was hard against the side of her face. His hands were in her hair and she knew all she had to do was lean back slowly and his mouth would be on hers. But she wasn’t ready for that, because she knew all her control would be gone at that point. Instead, she breathed in the scent that was him. It was like she was home. All at once, her past and her present, her pain and her joy was all here, wrapped up in the one man she needed more than anyone. God did she want to believe in him. Her arms wrapped around his waist, and she felt him shudder before his strong arms held her tightly.
“Lily, there’s been no one.”
She wanted to push him, but instead ended up clutching two fistfuls of his shirt. “I can’t ever get back together with you. It doesn’t matter that you claim you still love me, that you never stopped loving me. It doesn’t matter that it’s New Year’s Eve and you, the love of my life, are back in town and looking so good that all I want to do is jump you,” she said, blabbing an embarrassing mile a minute, hating that she had no filter when she was drunk and that she had a tendency for theatrical, dramatic jabbering. “It doesn’t matter that we’re here. Alone. Two adults with a past but no hope for a future.”
“Lily.”
“I don’t trust you anymore,” she whispered, aware that she was pulling him in closer as she spoke. God, he stilled smelled like Jack. He felt like her Jack. She closed her eyes, feeling his hands on her wrists, pulling them off his chest. His hands cupped each side of her face, and she felt the calluses, such a contrast to the tender way he was holding her. Oh God, she was such toast. One night. She could do one night.
His lips hovered over her mouth, and it took all her self-control not to whimper. “Give me tonight. One night to prove to you that we still belong together.”
She reminded herself to breathe normally, but it was so hard to breathe normally with Jack whispering about a night together. His beard scraped against her cheek as he whispered in her ear, and her knees threatened to buckle.
“I wrote to you every day. Every single day, because it made me feel close to you, because I missed you so damn much.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, tilting her head up, surrendering, as his words impacted her until she couldn’t defend herself anymore. “One night. Then tomorrow my new number one New Year’s resolution is going to be ‘no more Jack Bailey.’”
&nbs
p; There was the tiniest hint of a smile, like he was making a resolution of his own, before his mouth finally captured hers in what had to be the best reunion kiss of all time. His mouth was demanding, starved, and he thoroughly claimed her, heart and soul. He had her wrapped up as close as possible and it didn’t feel like close enough. Kissing him was better than all her memories and fantasies of him in the last five years. He was the same, but he was different. He kissed her with an urgency, a passion that made her cling to him, pretty sure that if she didn’t she’d melt to the floor. One hand stayed cupping the side of her face, while the other traveled under the hem of her sweater dress and up her thigh to rest on her hip possessively.
But then he was lifting her up, and her legs wrapped around his waist as he walked toward the bedroom. He immediately followed her down onto the bed, his mouth not leaving hers. She quickly unbuttoned his shirt and shoved it down his arms, needing to feel his body against hers. She did pause a moment to admire what her hands were grazing over. Jack had always been fit, but now he was completely chiseled…not that that would have mattered, because she would have taken him and wanted him in any form. “Where have you been?” she whispered as he lifted her dress off her head.
“What do you mean?” he asked, kissing the spot under her ear.
“Why are you so…ripped ?”
“Physical labor. I worked on oil rigs.”
She pulled back slightly. “What? Isn’t that dangerous?”
He lifted his head for the briefest second, lips twitched. He remembered. She had a thing for danger. He’d always thought that was funny since she was so…the opposite of dangerous.
“Jack?”
“Very dangerous,” he murmured, and she tried not to shiver.
He gave a low chuckle that caused all the old sensations to rush through her body. “Scars, too,” he said, his voice laced with humor as he tugged down a bra strap with his teeth.
“Jack,” she said, her voice coming out like a plea. It was amazing she was still able to think, let alone hold a conversation.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to hear you whisper my name like that, Lil.”
“Where have you been?”
“Too much talking. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.”
She clutched some awesome biceps. “Nope. No tomorrow, remember?”
He smiled against her mouth, and she could bet it was a pretty damn fine smile as well, and then proceeded to remove the rest of her clothes. “God, Lily, you’re exactly as I remembered,” he said, kissing her neck. “The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” Jack kissed her until she forgot everything.
She forgot how he walked out on her five years ago.
She forgot how he broke her heart.
She forgot how he wasn’t there for her during the biggest tragedy of her life.
She forgot about the secret she swore she’d never tell.
She forgot all of it. But she remembered how good they were together.
As he kissed and worshipped her, she remembered why she loved this man so much. And why she could never let him get close to her heart again.
This was going to be the best biggest mistake of her life.
Chapter Two
“Good morning and Happy New Year.”
Lily’s eyes sprang open and, sure enough, she was staring at the man she had also been dreaming about. In her dream, Jack had come back to Shadow Creek. They were living in a cute little ranch house, and he’d been holding their baby. She covered her face with her hands as the reality of her life cruelly beat her awake with a pounding headache.
“I made coffee.”
She fanned open the fingers on one hand to confirm if there really was coffee. She snapped them shut when a shirtless Jack walked across her bedroom and placed a steaming cup of coffee on her nightstand. She moaned and he also placed a bottle of Tylenol beside the mug. “I thought you might need this, too.”
She snatched the covers up and around herself like a fortress and tried to smooth her hair off her face. “Thank you for the coffee, but what are you still doing here?”
He jumped into bed beside her, picking up his own mug of coffee. He crossed his legs at the ankles and took a sip of coffee as if he didn’t have a care in the world and he did this every morning. Clearly, she was going to have to set the man straight.
“I thought we could talk.”
Lily took a sip of coffee and frowned, because he’d gotten it just right. “No. I believe the parameters of the one night stand are that you don’t need to see or talk to the person the next day.”
He grinned into his cup. “Lily, you and I are so beyond one night stand. Besides, don’t you want to know how I got my dangerous scars?”
She stilled, coffee halfway to her mouth as that conversation played in her head like a sad record. “Nope. I have no interest. You caught me at a very weak moment. Actually, I despise danger now. I don’t watch any action movies anymore. I’ve changed so much. I was a mere child, and now I’ve grown to appreciate the mundane, sensible type of man.” She was a liar.
“Ah. Well in that case, I’ll keep it to myself.”
She gave a nod, warming her hands around her mug and not glancing at his body. “It’s for the best. Well, I have a busy day ahead of me, so time for you to hit the road, since it’s what you do best, anyway.”
His eyes sparkled. “I actually don’t think it’s what I do best.”
Heat flooded her face. Angry heat, not the kind of heat that indicated she agreed with him. “Good-bye, Jack. Let’s pretend this never happened. I have to get ready.” She didn’t need to get ready for another hour or two. What she planned on doing as soon as he left was burying herself under the covers and going back to sleep, where she could hopefully forget that any of this had ever happened.
“It’s New Year’s Day. Everything is closed.”
Her heart squeezed. “I’m going to visit my dad.”
His features softened, and the sympathy that appeared in his brown eyes warmed her more than the coffee; except it shouldn’t. Sympathy from Jack should mean nothing. “How’s he doing?”
She stared at him a long moment. He’d known her father had suffered a massive stroke and would never be the same and hadn’t bothered to call her. She had been truly on her own, trying to figure everything out. He hadn’t even cared enough to text. She cleared her throat and looked out the small bedroom window. There was a clear blue sky today, completely different from the stormy night before. “He’s fine, if you consider not speaking or being able to do anything on his own fine. He doesn’t recognize me anymore.”
“Lily,” he said in that tender, deep voice he’d used so many times when they’d been together and she’d been upset about something.
She waved her hand and then stood up, taking the covers with her. They were each on opposite sides of the bed, and it felt as though they were worlds apart. “Don’t ‘Lily’ me,” she said, refusing to look below his neck. “Remember, last night will never happen again. You and I will never get back together again. Regardless of how much”—she paused to cough—“danger you’ve been in.” She really wanted it to be okay. She wanted him. Being with Jack made her realize the thing she’d feared the most—that she’d never want anyone as much as she wanted him. Last night made it very clear to her that what they had was special.
But she didn’t trust him. She’d rather be alone than be with a man she couldn’t count on. He’d left her alone before, when she’d needed him so badly, and she’d never allow herself to go through that again.
“Let’s just do a recap.” She adjusted the covers so she could lift her other hand and use her fingers for counting. “You left me. You chose to leave instead of let me help you get through your loss. You chose solitude over your fiancée. You walked out on what we were building. That is a sign we weren’t meant to be together, because if we were, you would have stayed. After you left I had to rebuild my life. I lost everything.” She stopped speaking
abruptly, careful not to reveal any more than that. But it didn’t look like he wanted her to continue speaking anyway, because his handsome features were taut, his eyes filled with pain.
“You’re right. Except the part about us not being meant for each other. You’re it, Lily. You’re it for me. There is no one in this world more right for me. I’m leaving, for today, because that’s the agreement we made last night.” He got up out of bed, impressive muscles flexing and moving, and walked toward her, half naked, totally gorgeous.
Her palms were sweating, and she clutched the blanket to her chest like a shield. “You’re walking in the wrong direction if you’re leaving.”
He gave her a half grin, and her stomach flipped around. Good grief, he needed outta here. “I’m going, but first I need to do this.”
Jack proceeded to give her the slowest, sweetest kiss that took all the argument out of her. He pulled back, his hands framing her face. “Lily, Happy New Year. I will make it up to you, I promise. I will earn your trust again. I’ll wait however long it takes. I love you.”
Lily watched him go and blinked back tears. She would not cry. She had shed enough tears over that man, and she refused to start a new year off crying, especially when it would serve no purpose. They were over.
She stumbled to the door, following him, her hangover and the blanket making her hobble. She sniffled, feeling sorry for herself as she locked the door, feeling an emptiness she hadn’t felt in a long time slowly carve its way down her body. She sank to the ground, knowing this was all because she’d made the mistake of sleeping with Jack last night. She’d been a stupid, sentimental, pathetic fool. She had ached and cried for that man for five years, and she’d been so desperate for him, for his touch, his voice, his scent, that she’d thrown out all self-respect.
She drew her knees up and lowered her head and cried. He’d almost broken her once. He’d left her alone and vulnerable. Now he was back and vowing to make things right, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t right what he didn’t even know about. It would always be between them. He had no idea what happened to her after he’d left, and she had no intention of ever telling him.
The Baby Bombshell (Shadow Creek, Montana) Page 2
