“So, in your fucked up mind, you’re a hero?” I bit my lip then shoved a mouthful of cereal in my mouth, just to keep myself busy.
“Why don’t you tell me otherwise?” He stood and I nearly slid out of my seat to the floor. “Tell me where you’d be if not for me.”
“I….” I didn’t want to admit it. “I don’t know.”
“You do know.” Resting both palms on the table, he leaned toward me. “What would Gabe and his friends have done to you?”
“I don’t know,” I yelled louder as if that would make it truer.
Kirk didn’t move.
I fisted my hands and dropped them into my lap, leaning back in my chair. “They would have beaten me.”
Kirk raised his eyebrows.
My voice dropped to a whisper. I didn’t want to think about the details. They’d crossed my mind, but I didn’t want to allow them the validity of passing through my lips. “And raped me. And probably killed me.”
As the first tear trailed down my cheek, the anger rose again. “But tell me, how is their raping me any different from what you’re doing? What you’re going to do? You’re not beating me, but—”
“It’s not,” he admitted, sliding back into his seat. “But there’s a big difference in the final result.”
I took a slow breath, unable to believe that he’d just admitted that. The world slowed to a frightening pace while my brain raced around with images and thoughts I didn’t want to consider. I took another bite of cereal, barely managing to swallow it as the emotions tightened in my throat—but at least eating gave me something else to concentrate on. I glanced up to see Kirk paying more attention to something on his phone than me.
An infuriating relief. A reminder that he wanted nothing to do with me, even though my future depended entirely on him.
I choked down the rest of the cereal and slid the empty bowl across the table. Kirk put it in the sink and rinsed it out. “I’ll be here for another hour and then I have a meeting. I suggest you take care of business,” he nodded toward the bathroom, “before then.”
“Can I take a shower?” I asked, hoping to wash away the filth that had coated me since yesterday. Even though I realized that most of the filth was in my head and the water wouldn’t help.
Kirk nodded. “Door stays open—I don’t care what you need to do, don’t argue this time.”
“Got it,” I mumbled I started to drop out of my seat, back to my sore knees, but Kirk caught my arm.
“Sorry, Master.” I hoped correcting myself before he did would earn me a smidgen of karma in his book. “I’ll leave the door open, Master.”
“Next time work on conviction.” He released my arm. “If you can follow orders, you don’t have to crawl through the apartment.”
Close enough to good karma. I walked away, still cursing the fact that my lack of clothes didn’t even matter. I had nothing left to hide and nowhere left to do it.
As I stood under the hot stream of the shower, I took a mouth full of the hot water then let the stream fall over my face before spitting the water into the drain.
Fucked and tied with no way out. Kirk knew everything about this place, yet he claimed he was only keeping me because there was no way out.
I was convinced there had to be a way; I just had to find some kind of weakness. And some way to remove the damn collar and cuffs. All I managed to do was think myself around in a circle.
I pressed my back against the shower wall as my mind ran through a futile cycle of the things I could be asked to do before I figured a way out. Taking a deep breath, I splashed a pool of water over my face, wanting nothing more than to break apart and sink into a pool of flesh and bone.
But I was too damn stubborn for that. No easy way out. No escape. And yet, I couldn’t even do what I was told in order to survive.
One day at a time—hell, one hour at a time, I told myself.
I turned off the shower and pushed back the curtain, glaring at my reflection in the mirror, my body marred by black and blue marks. I wrapped a towel around myself and crept toward the open doorway.
As I entered the living room, Kirk glanced up—a quick glance as if he didn’t plan on actually paying any attention to me, but then his gaze stuck and he arched an eyebrow.
“You want me to put the same clothes on again or…?” Do I just run around naked all day? My brain filled in where my mouth had stopped.
“No,” he sighed. “I guess you could use something else.”
He stood and nodded toward the bedroom. Such a simple gesture, but every time he stood, I felt a new lump of dread. At least the towel provided more coverage than I’d had in a while, but knowing that he was walking behind me, just out of my sight—no amount of covering would matter.
He opened a drawer and then tossed me one of his black tank tops. I stared down at it and blinked. Bright side, I told myself, at least it isn’t pleather or see-through.
When I didn’t move, he reached to my chest and yanked off the towel. “Let me help you with that.” His voice sounded like a Mack truck driving over a patch of gravel.
Before he decided to “help” further, I stretched the tank over my head. The straps came down to my nipples, barely widening enough to hide them. The bottom hem rested halfway down my thigh. At least, it was longer than the outfit I’d traded it for, and it was soft.
“Now what?” I asked.
Kirk shrugged, “I can put in another butt plug.”
I clenched at the thought. “Do I get a choice?”
His chest rose and fell as his gaze drifted down to my chest. With a nod, he directed me to the living room. He returned to his seat at the desk near the rear wall then pointed to the floor at his feet.
“I’m not a fucking dog.” This time the thought slipped out, and my eyes widened. At this rate, I knew there was no way I wasn’t going to end up getting myself killed.
He barely had to move, just a flash of his eyes, and I took my position next to him, dropping to my knees. I cursed him silently as my shoulders slumped and my head dropped.
“Smart girl,” he whispered.
“I don’t want to die,” the quiet words slipped out.
Kirk leaned forward and tilted up my face. “Don’t. No more crying.”
“Why? You have a soft spot for crying girls or does it just piss you off?” Once again, my rogue tongue was getting the best of me.
“Neither, but Ross does get a kick out of it. He loves making girls cry, so if you don’t learn to control it now….” He trailed off. “I’m not giving you a reason to cry at the moment, so don’t.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Follow orders and stop thinking.” He slammed something down on the desk above me. “And for fuck’s sake, stop talking.”
I opened my mouth but caught the words before they spilled out. Stop thinking? It wasn’t the words that I thought about that got me in trouble. It was the ones that slipped out without consideration. I sighed and put my head down.
I lost track of how long I sat there motionless—not daring to even adjust to reestablish circulation to my feet. By the time Kirk allowed me to stand again, my legs would barely move. Sharp pain shot from my knees to my toes as I tried to shake off the numbness.
He packed up some papers and slid his phone into his pocket. I already missed real clothes so bad that I felt a pang of envy that he even had pockets.
“I have a lot of stuff to take care of today, so I’ll be gone for a while and I can’t leave you tied to the bed all day.”
My heart thumped, but I didn’t think I should latch on to the glimmer of hope. There was no way he was going to leave me in the apartment, even if I didn’t have a key to unlock the front door.
He grabbed the leash from the doorknob where he’d left it the night before and my mouth dropped open. I was bombarded with the scenarios and questions that clattered through my mind.
Kirk crooked his finger at me. “You’ll be safe.”
Everything d
own to my core shuddered. “Kirk—”
With that, his calm gaze clouded. He flipped me around, pressing me into the wall. His wide blue eyes bore into mine. I blinked and struggled to against the reluctance of my tongue. “Sorry… Master.” I forced the word out of my mouth just to appease him, even if only for a moment, but his glare didn’t melt.
“Just because I’ve tolerated your voice this morning doesn’t mean you can pop off whenever you want.” He leaned in, crushing me against the wall. “You’re going to get yourself killed.”
“It’s been one day,” I whispered, terrified of setting him off again, “I don’t want to die, but I can’t change everything about myself overnight. Please.”
“That’s not my problem. I don’t care how you do it, or how you feel. Shut up and do what you’re told.”
I took a deep breath, habit wanted me to argue, but I nodded. It wasn’t easy to hold my tongue and behave when I was uncertain of my future. I wanted to know that by complying I’d be safe. That I’d be taken care of, but all I got is that I wouldn’t be dead. It wasn’t the most comforting reassurance.
He clicked the chain to my collar and I started to drop to my knees, but he kept ahold of my elbow.
“You can walk,” he growled, “Stay behind me and keep your head down.”
I wanted to cry again. Not because I was scared—because I felt overwhelmed and confused. I didn’t know what to do and it felt like every time I tried to do something right, it just made him angrier. All of my emotions wanted to pour out all at once and I didn’t know how to pull it back.
Kirk tugged at the chain and opened the door. I fisted my hands at my sides and followed him down the hall to the elevator. My knees shook under me. I was afraid of screwing up, afraid of Gabe or one of his men seeing me. I wanted to wrap my arms around myself, but figured that wouldn’t go well. At the edge of my vision, I saw Kirk look back as we stood in the elevator.
“No one will touch you,” he promised, “Gabe and his crew aren’t in this part of the building.”
I had to give it to the asshole, he was intuitive.
We only went down one floor, and when we stepped off the elevator, it looked exactly like the floor we’d just left. He led me to the third door and knocked.
I ducked behind him as soon as the door opened. Miles—I wanted to fall to my knees and beg Kirk not to leave me. It was almost like the first day of kindergarten, except at least this time I had a reason to be petrified.
Please, don’t be leaving me here.
Just beyond Miles, I saw the blonde girl who had accompanied him to dinner. She was wearing a cropped T-shirt and short track shorts, and had her legs propped up on the arm of the couch as she painted her toenails.
“Sure you’re up for this?” Kirk asked. Unfortunately, he wasn’t talking to me—and even if he were, my honest response wouldn’t have been acceptable.
Miles was all legs and muscle. He stood at least six inches taller than Kirk, his chestnut skin stretched tight over muscles that made almost every other man here look scrawny by comparison. “I can handle her for a few hours.”
My throat felt like it would swell shut when Kirk dropped the end of my leash and pressed me toward the door. I took one reluctant step after another, waiting for Miles to reach out and grab me like a venus flytrap.
Instead, he stepped out of the way and let me enter without moving to touch me. I glanced back at Kirk before the door closed, hoping he’d offer some kind of comfort, advice, acknowledgment—anything.
His chest filled slowly and he held his breath for a second. “Sorry, she’s not exactly housebroken, yet. Take it easy on her.”
“She’ll be fine. I’ll turn Alley lose on her and they can talk all the girly stuff I don’t want to hear.”
Kirk smirked. “You really sure you want to do that?”
“I’ll lock them in the bedroom. Go on, get to your meeting. I can handle two little slaves.”
I wrapped my arms around myself as the door closed. I suddenly wanted to run after Kirk and beg him not to leave me. The blonde was now leaning over the back of the couch, and Miles petted her head as he passed. Much like I’d seen Ross do with the girl in his office.
The memory churned my stomach.
“Both of you, come here.” The blonde jumped up and walked to the back of the couch to kneel in front of Miles, so I followed suit.
“Either of you causes trouble, you both suffer the punishment.” He gave each of us a long look, but he paused on me noticeably longer. Now I really felt like I was back in kindergarten, or being chastised by my best friend’s mother the first time she let us play unsupervised after we’d let a frog loose in the bathroom.
“Yes, Master,” the blonde said.
“Yes, uh—” I assumed that Kirk was the only one I was to refer to as Master, but then I wasn’t exactly given a handbook or a list of titles.
“Sir, works fine for you,” Miles said. Between his deep voice and intimidating physique, I was terrified of simply looking at him the wrong way. I’d already experienced his strength firsthand, but now he seemed laid back and slightly amused at my awkwardness.
“Yes, Sir.”
I held my breath as he unclasped the chain that hung from my collar. “Kirk didn’t tell you where he was bringing you, did he?”
“No, Sir.” Luckily. If he had, I probably would have gotten into a lot more trouble along the way.
Miles laughed then flicked his hand at us. “Go on, Alley, try to keep our guest entertained and out of trouble.”
She jumped to her feet, but I was much more cautious in my movements, trying to watch both her and Miles as she towed me into the bedroom. My feet felt heavier with each step. Nothing in this place ever made sense. The man who’d slammed me into a wall and felt me up the day before was now… civil. More than civil, he was jovial and almost pleasant.
In the bedroom, a mahogany dressing table and a matching dresser sat in one corner of the room.
“Silver, right?” Alley asked, pulling out the bench.
I nodded as she grabbed my shoulders and directed me to the bench.
“I’m Alley—spelled like the road, not the nickname. Where are you from?” she patted the bench, for me to sit down, then pulled over a chest from in front of the bed and took a seat herself.
Small talk. I hated small talk in every situation, but this just made it weirder. “Why does it matter?”
“Just curious,” she shrugged. “Didn’t they give you any clothes?”
I looked down and pulled at the fabric of the tank top. “You’re looking at them.”
“You’re not going to keep anyone’s interest looking like that.”
I grimaced, more offended that she suggested I wanted anyone’s attention than her remark about how I looked. “Why would I want interest? I’d be perfectly happy with fading into the background.”
“Interest usually means favor, darlin’. If you want things, if you want to be comfortable, there’s only one way to get it around here.” She ran a hand through her hair, pulling it all over one shoulder. “You really are fresh aren’t you?”
“I figured they already told you all about me.”
“They said you were just brought in yesterday, which is why I wondered from where?”
“From my house, I reckon,” I snapped. “Thanks to whatever Gabe dosed me with, I don’t really remember much.”
Alley looked me over for a few seconds, her eyes wide.
I angled myself away from her; I was tired of being looked at like a fresh specimen.
“When Miles said Kirk was bringing you down here and asked me to explain some of the rules, I just assumed that you’d been working at one of the other retreats.”
“Retreat?”
“That’s what we call them. Milo owns several of them. I used to work at one near St. Louis, but I came here about two years ago. It’s better than anywhere else I’ve been in a long time.”
All I could manage to do was stare back
at her blankly.
“Kirk’s a good guy, darlin’. Everyone wants him, but no one can get him. Not for long at least.”
I propped my elbows on my knees and leaned my chin against my fists. “He’s not all he’s cracked up to be.”
“First rule of survival, don’t talk bad about the men, especially your Master. He’s taking care of you, so appreciate it. Kirk doesn’t let himself get wrapped up in all the superfluous like the others. That’s why he’s good at his job. But he’s good to us. And he’s fucking gorgeous.”
I laughed in spite of myself. “Have you tried to get with him?”
She smirked and shrugged in a mischievous way. “I have enjoyed his company, but I have my own Master to attend to most of the time.”
She talked about it like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. I wondered if I would get to that point. If meaningless sex would just become some mundane part of my life.
“He particularly likes—”
“No.” I stiffened, smacking my hands against my knees. “Not ready for this.”
Alley giggled then her face became serious. “At this stage I guess you’ll think I’m crazy for calling you lucky, but you are.”
“Lucky to be locked up and told to have sex with people I have no feelings for?” I let my mouth go. It was the safest place I had to vent, and I just had to hope that Alley would take pity rather than running to tell Miles.
She touched my shoulder. “I have sex with whomever I’m told, but since Miles claimed me, that doesn’t happen that often. I like serving him.”
“I noticed,” I mumbled, then slapped my hand over my mouth.
She laughed and shrugged. “I wouldn’t have expected you not to.”
The Main Course
Kirk must have figured that where his threats and violence failed, Alley’s light-hearted charm and apparent love of her Master would show me to appreciate my new lot in life. I wasn’t sure I’d go that far, but an afternoon without almost having my hair violently ripped out was a nice break.
Irrevocable: A Sins of Ashville Abduction Dark Romance (Irrevocable Duet Book 1) Page 7
