“I’m not ready.” My chest ached, but I managed to hold back the tears. Either that or I just didn’t have any left.
“You are, Rose. Stay with Trent. I trust him and I know he’ll take care of you. We both need rest, Sugar.”
A buzzing tingle radiated through my chest. Sugar. I didn’t even know what that meant anymore. “I can sleep here.”
Kirk’s pale lips pressed together. We both had to learn how to do this again, how to be people, not-so-normal people pretending to function in the real world.
“Even if I leave, I won’t sleep,” I said. “I’m not trying to be stubborn about it, I’m just….”
“Terrified?”
All of my emotions reflected in his eyes. I leaned over, slipping my fingers through his hair.
The door opened again and Trent peeked in, “Rose. We have to go.”
I kissed James’ forehead. “We’ll be okay?”
He nodded and his eyes fluttered closed, but I couldn’t pry my hand away from his.
Trent touched my shoulder and I wanted to beg him to let me stay. I’d hide in the closet if I had to.
“I understand,” he said, “but they’re not budging on the order. We have to go. They’ll call me immediately if his condition changes at all.”
Trent stayed the night with me in the safe house but left just before breakfast to head to the station to complete his paperwork on the raid. After an hour of the new crew staring at me as I paced through the living room, I couldn’t stand waiting around anymore.
“If you won’t take me to the hospital or let me call someone, I’ll walk.” I stormed toward the door, but one of the officers blocked my way. “I’m not a criminal and you can’t keep me here.”
“It’s for your own safety; Detective Davis will be back—”
“Trent can fucking find me at the hospital.” I pushed by him. “The only question is whether or not you’re giving me a ride. I’m going to find a way there.” They were just doing their job, I supposed, but I was sick of people not letting me make my own decisions.
“Fine,” the officer relented and nodded to the other, “call Davis and give him the update.”
I left the officer behind in the lobby, running up the stairs to the room where James had been, but it was empty, so I rushed back to the desk. “James…” I didn’t even know his last name, so I pointed to the room.
The nurse shook her head. “We can’t give you any information ma’am.”
“For fuck’s sake, just tell me if he’s in the hospital. I’ll check every room and find him myself.”
Trent rounded the corner. “He’s not here,” he said dryly. “He’s in protective custody. I can’t tell you where; I don’t even know.”
I looked for the nearest thing I could throw through a wall. Trent reached for me, but I backed out of his reach.
“I can’t—I need.” My body started to shake.
“Is there anyone we can call?” he asked, trying to soothe me from afar. “Family you can stay with?”
I shook my head. Sure there was, but… I couldn’t.
“I’ll take you back to your place.”
I didn’t want to go back there either, but it was better than standing in the hospital arguing. And at least then, I hoped I’d get rid of everyone looking over my shoulder and following me. I stalked past him and took the stairs down to the first floor, I was too antsy to wait in one place for the elevator, or to tolerate the elevator ride, but once we got outside, I had to wait for him to catch up so he could lead me to his car.
The tiny house I rented was only a fifteen-minute drive from the hospital. By the time we got there, the car made me feel claustrophobic, and yet, I didn’t want to get out. My hand visibly shook as I reached for the handle, but I forced myself to keep moving.
“Do you want me to come in with you?”
“Sure.” I didn’t look back at him. I wanted to forget that anyone could see me.
On the way up, he pulled my elbow and handed me my keys. The exact set I always carried.
I stared down at them for a moment, rolling them around in my hand. “How?”
“We found them in James’ room at the retreat. He told me where to look.”
“He’s okay, right?” I squeezed the keys until they dug painfully into my flesh. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. Was I even alright?
Trent nodded. “They’re going to keep a close eye on him for a while.”
“He’s not going to get in trouble for… for me?”
“No, sweetie. They’re just going to make sure he’s safe and recovering. He wasn’t exactly trained for what they sent him in to do, and he was there for a long time before you got there.”
“Well, he’s pretty good at it.” I shook my head, staring down at the concrete sidewalk. “Don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.”
“Give him a few weeks, Rose.”
A few weeks, that’s exactly how long it took to muddle through the horrific mess. It seemed like a lifetime. I didn’t want to wait that long, but I nodded and headed up to the door.
The air in the house was stagnant, and it felt completely dead inside. At least we had that in common. I glanced around at the pictures, the throw tossed over the back of the couch, my book on the coffee table. It was all too much.
Even the thought of freedom—though I longed for it—was too much. I rubbed my hands over my face, sank to the floor, and cried.
Trent sat next to me, intuitive enough to stay, but keep his distance.
“Did you find Miles?”
He opened his mouth, and I waited for an answer, but he closed it again.
The silent reaction was killing me. “I just want to know if he’s alive.”
“Yes. He was the one with the girls like you asked. Do you know why?”
“He and Kirk worked together a lot to protect us—them.” I shook my head, realizing I’d said Kirk again. It was all confusing enough to try and muddle through the different names. “He saved us. Miles. He kept Ross from shooting me and Kirk.”
“Is he the one who shot Ross?”
“Please,” my heart pumped extra hard. “They’ll probably kill him if they find out.”
“They won’t find out.”
I numbly answered the rest of his questions, explaining the essentials of what had happened. At least, everything I figured he had any business knowing. I tried my best to skip over the sex, torture, and punishments where I was concerned.
My throat dried out, and I finally pushed myself off the floor. “Want some water?”
“Please.”
It was probably a good thing I never cooked, at least my kitchen wasn’t a rotting mess, but I intended on putting off opening the refrigerator for as long as possible. I pulled two glasses out of the cabinet, and for a second I was amazed that they weren’t covered in dust and cob webs, but the lifetime I had been gone was only a few weeks to the outside world.
“Do you have a house phone?” Trent asked, taking a sip of the tap water I handed him.
“No, just my cell and I have a feeling it’s gone.”
“I’ll get you a temporary one, you can use it to call me if you need anything, and for anything else you might need.”
Calling people. “Have you heard from my family?”
“Yes, they drove up here a few times. Your sister….” His voice trailed off.
All I wanted was for everything to be okay, to go back before our stupid argument, and be there for her. “Is the baby okay?”
“She is, they’re both okay. The baby is about three weeks old now. The hospital kept her for a week because she was a bit early, but she’s doing fine, last I heard.”
I tried to speak, but my mouth felt like it had sealed shut. I dropped against the counter. The world went on while I was gone. “You know her name?”
“Laney Rose,” he reached out and touched my shoulder, my mind pulled away at the outside touch; I was too drained to fight it. “They’ll be happy to
have you back.”
I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood. Now that I was ready to put the drama behind me, I wasn’t ready for human interaction for a dozen other reasons.
Demons
For four weeks, I barely left the house. I answered calls just to make sure that no one came to visit, even though my family had showed up anyway—more than once. I didn’t have anything to say or anything to give that would make things less awkward. The only person I didn’t want space from—the only one who understood what I was dealing with had practically dropped off the face of the planet. And then there was Trent, who called to check in at least once a week, and to assure me that James was doing better.
Good for him, I always thought. I wouldn’t be impressed until he was man enough to tell me that himself.
Two days a week, I had to go to see my counselor, who basically spent the entire hour telling me that I had to learn to live my life again, and that it would be easier to do that without James. It was all so fucking exhausting.
I closed the front door and latched the deadbolt, dropping my keys onto a hook. Something rattled in the kitchen and I jumped, pressing my back against the door.
“Trapper,” I called, hoping it was just the damn cat. Every time I looked at that cat, I thought of Kirk. I hadn’t bought her, she just wondered in off the street, and of course, I couldn’t help but give her food. So, she decided to call it home.
I took another step and saw her dozing on the couch.
It’s just your imagination.
Movement caught my eye, a shadow on the kitchen floor.
Oh, god, not again.
I reached for the door as a familiar blonde figure rounded the corner.
“Alley?” I breathed. Relief washed through me, then panic. What the hell was she doing in my house?
“I saw Miles with your license before he gave it to Kirk,” she said. “And, I decided to look you up. Find out what happened to you.”
“Alley, I—”
“Shut up,” she shouted, pulling a gun from behind her back and aiming it at me. “You did this.”
“No—” I whispered, putting my hands up as if that would help anything.
“Miles—he was the only one who really ever cared about me, ever since I lost my family. He took care of me; I had a safe place. Now he’s gone and I have nothing. It’s all because of you.” She took a step closer waving the gun. “You stupid fucking whore, why couldn’t you and Kirk leave us alone? I thought he cared about us.”
“I swear he did. He did what he had to do to make sure that no one else ended up like me.”
“The two of you just decided to come in and play us all for fools. Is he dead?”
“Alley, I—” Dead? Is that what everyone thought?
“Shut the hell up.” She waved the gun, accentuating every word as she moved closer to me.
I backed against the wall, as Trapper jumped from the couch and ran up the stairs.
“I loved him,” Alley continued. “You really don’t understand. I looked you up. You had a good life. Why the hell did you go in there and ruin everything? It was none of your damn business.”
“It wasn’t my choice. I didn’t lie, Alley. I was taken there, against my will. I wasn’t feeding anyone information. I had nothing to do with the raid.”
“I don’t believe you.” Her eyelids were droopy, and her eyes glazed over like she hadn’t slept in a week. “Where is Kirk?”
“I don’t know,” I realized my mistake. If she was supposed to think he was dead, I just gave him away. “I didn’t want anything to happen. You were my friend, Alley.”
My ears rang from the shot and I landed on the floor. At first, I couldn’t see through the shock to understand what happened. Then, I felt the hot liquid pouring from my shoulder.
“Alley, please,” I begged again.
“I’d do anything for Miles, anything to get him back.”
“I know.” I put my hand over the wound. “I know.”
I waited for the final shot, but Alley ran out of the house. I crawled to the door, fumbling through my purse to find the cell phone Trent had given me.
My fingers refused to cooperate as I tried to dial 911. My body shook, and I felt frigid in comparison to the hot liquid streaming out of me.
Finally, the call connected and I heard a woman’s voice—a brief wisp of hope.
“I was shot.”
“Can you give me your location?”
I couldn’t answer, so the operator asked again. “Ma’am, can you give me your location?”
Work, mouth. The phone clattered to the floor.
I drifted in and out of consciousness, a mix of blood loss and pure shock that numbed the pain and ushered me to oblivion.
This is it. After all of that. This is how I die.
I felt hands on my body. Hot hands, so hot against my cold skin.
Too many hands.
My nightmare coming to life all over again. I squirmed, trying to get away, but my body was too weak.
They’ve come to get me.
“Miss,” a bright light was shown in my eyes. “Can you hear me?”
I jerked away.
“We’re EMTs, Miss. You’re going to feel a prick in your arm. Do you hear me?”
I forced my eyes open. Three men stood around me, and two cops stood at the open door to my house.
I nodded and my eyes fell closed again. I pushed away the hands that pulled at my clothes, poking me and compressing my painful shoulder.
They forced my hands to my sides, and I screamed.
“How is she still conscious?” One asked.
A hand touched my forehead and I forced my eyes open with a jerk.
“It’s okay, Rose,” Trent whispered. “Can you tell me who shot you?”
“She shouldn’t be trying to talk right now.”
I ignored the paramedic’s voice and focused on the blond cop kneeling next to my head. “A—A—Alley.”
“Did she say anything?”
“Davis,” the same paramedic yelled. He seemed to miss the fact that—struggling to speak or not—if I was trying to answer questions, I wasn’t fighting them off.
“Do your damn job, Lucas,” Trent snapped.
“She’s about as stable as we can do. We need to get her loaded up.”
They rolled me onto the backboard then lifted me to the stretcher.
My eyelids were too heavy to fight any longer. “Trent,” I called, managing only a whisper.
“I’ll be right behind the ambulance.”
I opened my eyes and saw a stubbly James standing over my bed.
“Am I high?” I whispered, sure he was just the creation of pain killers.
“Probably.”
“Good. Getting shot sucks.”
He made a sound in his throat and leaned against the railing. “I know.”
“Are you real?”
His fingers slid into mine and he squeezed my hand. “Do I feel real?”
“As soon as my arm is healed I’m going to punch you, then decide.”
Every time I opened my eyes, the room seemed slightly different. James was in a different position. I couldn’t tell if I was losing time, or losing my mind.
“Where have you been?” I asked.
“Around. I wanted to—” he stopped, “My psychologist and my supervisor warned me to stay away from you. They said you’d heal better if I kept my distance. I wanted to see you, but I wanted them to be right. I wanted… I wanted you to be able to go back to normal.”
“There is no normal.” I closed my eyes and opened them again. James was stretched out on a small couch next to me. “Am I really fucked, or do I keep falling asleep?”
“Sleep,” he said, standing to move closer, “we both know how you fare in your battles against pain meds.”
“Hold my hand.” I’d momentarily forgotten about being mad at him. I needed contact. An anchor. I felt like I was losing my mind.
His fingers grazed
my chin and I pressed toward them. “It’s okay, S—Rose.”
His almost calling me Silver was enough to bring me out of the stupor a little more. I forced my eyes open.
“You should have talked to me. Given me a choice. Said goodbye. Something. I deserved something.”
His head dropped, and he leaned over the railing of the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even trust myself to make the right decision.”
“But you still decided to make a decision without me. I didn’t expect to come back and have everything be fine, but suddenly, I was just on my own.”
He lowered his eyes. His thumb dancing over my knuckles. I could see that he felt just as lost as I was, but I still felt abandoned by the one person I’d trusted to take care of me.
The pain in my arm intensified, radiating down into my chest and gut. I wasn’t sure what was from the wound, and what was an overblown emotional reaction. “There are things that I’m even afraid to tell my counselor, but she goes on about how finding myself again is important.”
“Sounds familiar,” he whispered. “I know you wish that I had given you a choice, and maybe I should have, but what if we both chose the thing that made us most comfortable for the short-term and it didn’t work out? Things that work fine in a pressure cooker don’t always work well when they have infinite space. I agreed to give it four weeks, but the closer that date came, the more I wondered just what I was supposed to do. Show up on your doorstep and ask how you’ve been for the last four weeks—”
“At least then I wouldn’t have a bullet hole preventing me from smacking you.”
He smirked and traced his fingers up my arm.
Another man in a police uniform stepped in and cleared his throat. “We’re assigning a protective detail. We’ll make sure no unauthorized people enter. Do you have family coming to see you?”
I shook my head.
“Anyone at all?”
“I don’t suppose the hospital allows cats?”
The officer squinted at me then glanced to James.
“That would be a no,” I clarified.
After the office stepped out, I looked up to catch James’ gaze.
“Don’t even,” I whispered, “She adopted me. Came in when I opened the door, sat down in my damn living room, and refused to move.”
Irrevocable: A Sins of Ashville Abduction Dark Romance (Irrevocable Duet Book 1) Page 27
