Chad leaned on a shelving unit. His arms were folded across his chest. “Do you mind if we discuss this before we agree?”
“What’s to discuss?” Andy asked. “This is the opportunity of a lifetime.”
Charles cleared his throat. “You have three days to decide. It’d best if you were all on the same page. Talk it out, and let me know as soon as possible. If I don’t hear from you within three days, though, I’ll call the next band on the list.” When the call ended, no one said anything for at least a minute.
“You don’t wanna do this, do you?” Andy stared at Chad.
With his eyes closed, Chad sighed. “I do, but the catch is moving to LA. That means I lose my scholarship, and college is down the tubes. You guys have another year left. Are you planning on transferring?”
“Uh, well…” Andy tapped his chin. “I didn’t think of that.” Then he frowned. “If we make it big, a degree don’t matter.”
Chad stood up straight and stepped forward. “What if we don’t? Tons of bands have tried and failed. I don’t expect to fail, but I want a backup plan.”
“If that happens, just enroll in school again,” Daniel suggested.
Obviously, trying to hold back his anger, Chad replied, “Not all of us got rich parents. If I lose my scholarship, I’m paying my own way, most likely.”
“You don’t need college,” Paulie chimed in. “You already got mad computer skills, and you got your website business. Why can’t that be your backup plan?”
Chad took a few deep breaths. “Most of the jobs I been looking at require a bachelor’s degree on top of skills.”
My head was spinning by then. I wasn’t positive who’s side I was on. I could easily transfer to a school in LA. However, could I leave Chad behind? What kind of friend would that make me? He was the reason I was part of Reckless. No one asked my opinion, which I was grateful for. I just stood back and listened to the three of them try to convince Chad to just go for it.
“I hate to do this before we make a decision, but I haveta get back to work.” Paulie pulled me close. “I’ll call if I need to stay late.” He kissed my lips and went back into the house.
Andy threw up his hands and walked away as well. “Fuckin’ unbelievable.”
“Think about it, Chad. Please.” Daniel patted Chad’s back, then left Chad and me alone.
I stared at the floor, not knowing what to say.
“Baby.” Chad’s arms were suddenly around me. “Baby, if you wanna do this, go ahead. I’ll understand. But I just can’t. I’ll miss you.”
Instantly, I started to bawl. I clutched his body, trying not to dig my nails into his skin. It felt so final and unreal. How can I leave him? Then another thought came into my head. How can I stay and let Paulie go? What a horrible day. I had to make a choice between the two most important men in my life. No matter what I decided, I’d lose one of them, possibly forever.
I stayed quiet for the rest of the party. Chad checked on me often. He assumed I was leaving, so his eyes held tears every time he looked at me. A few times, I had run inside to cry some more. I was completely overwhelmed.
By midnight, Paulie had not come back. His text had said he might have to stay until last call, which was 3 a.m. that night. Even with all the time to think, I had not found a solution. I just couldn’t choose; not yet.
“Should I take you home?” Chad sat next to me and put a hand on my knee.
I nodded. “Yeah, Paulie’s still at work.”
He smiled, but he still looked sad. “OK. Let me get a shirt and my keys.”
“I’ll go change.” I was still in the bikini.
The trip to Paulie’s was silent. I texted him to let him know I was going home. He didn’t reply. When we parked, I still stared out the window, trying to imagine life without either of them.
“This is gonna suck,” Chad said softly. He took my hand in his. “Please do what you want. Don’t think of anyone else. I’ll still love you, no matter what. Either way, I’m not going. They’ll have to find someone to replace me. I love playing, but I seen way too many rock stars go broke ’cause they lost popularity. If I have a degree, it won’t be such a risk. I wish I could just say fuck it, but I can’t. It’s not who I really am. I know I’m immature and impulsive, but deep down, I know what needs to be done. School is too important to just drop.”
I understood completely. Without trying, he was starting to sway me his way. Most bands didn’t make enough money to pay the bills. Was uprooting and moving to some place new smart? I was majoring in music. That could lead to a teaching job or something in the music world if we didn’t make it as a band. However, I could just transfer to an LA school as I had been thinking earlier. I was even more confused.
“I’ll walk you upstairs.” Chad let my hand go and opened his door. Once at the apartment door, he pulled me close. “Cameron’ll look out for you.” He kissed the top of my head. “This is gonna be hard, but we’ll get through it.” He came inside with me.
I wished I had a third choice, a way to stay with them both. “Do you wanna stay for a while?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Yes.” I didn’t want to be alone. “Until Paulie comes home. Please?”
He smiled. “Of course.”
I showered and changed into pajamas. Then we sat on the couch together, watching television. It didn’t take long for me to break down again. Chad cradled me in his arms, trying to assure me softly. It did no good. Either choice was too painful to bear.
When Paulie arrived, my tears had dried. I was drifting off, still in Chad’s arms. “Thanks for staying with her. You can let her go now,” he growled.
Chad carefully shifted me and got to his feet. “She’s not dealing with this well.”
“Dude, we need you,” Paulie told him. “Don’t do this. If it turns to shit, we’ll figure something out.”
I bit my lip, holding back a new round of tears.
“How about we find out more about the deal?” Chad offered. “See if there’s any guarantees or money upfront. He never said anything about money. I’ll reconsider if I can pay for school if it falls apart. OK?”
Paulie nodded. “Sounds good.” He walked Chad out then took my hands in his. “I’m dead tired. Let’s go to bed.”
I nodded and let him help me up. “Good idea.”
Minutes later, Paulie was showered, and he spooned me from behind in his bed. “I love you. If he doesn’t go with us, I’ll be there for you. I swear.”
I waited until I knew he was asleep, then silently cried again. They both assumed I would go. I wasn’t so sure. Chad and I had a bond that couldn’t be broken, but thousands of miles could put a strain on it. Imagining life without him was impossible. My chest felt tight as overwhelming pain consumed me. I whimpered involuntarily.
Paulie’s arms tightened around me. “I’m here, honey. I’m right here.”
Chapter 19
“So then, we get paid only if the album makes money?” Andy asked Charles as we sat in Paulie’s living room the next afternoon. Andy’s phone was on the coffee table in speaker mode, with all of us in the room. “We get nothing up front?”
Charles sighed, sounding annoyed. “There’ll be a bonus for signing, and your room and board will be paid for. We’ll see about more once ‘Her Desire’ is released.”
I didn’t think that was how record deals worked. “Is this a scam?” I whispered to Paulie.
He shrugged and muttered, “Sounds a little fishy, but they’re a well-known company, and he definitely works for them. I checked him out.” He cleared his throat. “How much is the bonus?” He glanced at Chad, who was staring at his hands.
“That will be in the contract,” Charles replied. “It will be ready for you to sign in 13 days, when you step into my office.”
Andy glanced around. “Most of us are in college. Is there a school nearby we can transfer to?”
“There’ll be no time for school until the album and tour is over. Are y
ou accepting the deal?”
I watched everyone’s expression. Doubt and hesitation showed more than excitement. The dread I had felt since the day we met Charles was stronger than ever. If I agreed to it sight unseen, my parents would have a cow. My heart sank. No way would my father allow me to drop school and leave. Then there were my brothers. I sighed and laid my head on Paulie’s shoulder.
“What’s wrong?” Paulie lifted my chin.
I pursed my lips and forced the tears back. “I can’t go.”
“Why?” Paulie looked from me to the phone on the table. “Can we call you back again, sir?”
Charles exhaled loudly. “Fine. Like I said, three-day limit. Two to go and we rescind the offer.” The line went dead.
“That’s not what I was expecting,” Daniel muttered.
Chad stood up. “I’m not giving up my scholarship for who knows what. Paulie can play lead. Andy can do rhythm.” He started for the door. “Sorry, but this don’t sound right to me, and I can’t take the risk. Let me know when you’re leaving, so I can say goodbye.”
I scrambled to my feet and went after him. “Don’t leave. Please.” I grabbed his arm and pulled him back a bit, just as he opened the door. “Chad.” Tears filled my eyes. “I can’t.”
“Baby.” He hugged me tightly. “It’ll be OK,” he whispered into my hair. “Go live the dream. I’ll visit, and we’ll talk a lot. There’s video chats and…” his voice trailed off.
I clung to his shirt. “Please.” I couldn’t put into words what I felt. If he left, I would fall apart.
He stepped back and gently pushed me away. “Don’t make this harder. Please.” He rushed out the door and disappeared down the stairs.
I stood there, holding the doorframe so that I wouldn’t collapse. When arms slipped around me from behind, my body sagged. Paulie caught me and turned me around. He didn’t say a word, he just kept me in his arms, rocking me slightly.
“So…” Andy’s voice came from close by. “Think they’ll be cool with just the four of us?”
I took a few deep breaths then looked up. “Three of you. My dad’ll never let me go if I have to quit school.”
Paulie moved his hands to my arms. “You’re nineteen. You can make your own decisions.”
I shook my head. “You don’t understand. Staying with you over the summer was almost a war. If I quit school, my family will be pissed as hell.”
“Cameron lives in LA,” Paulie reminded me. “He’ll watch out for you.”
My bottom lip quivered. “He’d be more upset than my father. If he heard we don’t even know what the deal is, he’d say don’t even think of taking it. There’s a reason they’re not telling us anything. None of this would go over well with my family.”
“Is this because of Chad?” Paulie’s eyes narrowed. “Did he ask you to stay?”
“No, he didn’t.” I closed my eyes. “He just told me goodbye in a way. He wants me to go. Even though it killed him to say it.”
Paulie took my hands in his. “You have to go with us.” His gaze moved to our bandmates. “Tell her, guys. Please.”
“Yeah, Crystal.” Daniel put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure you’re why they like us. The song they want is about you anyway.”
Andy came closer. “We can’t lose you, too.” He touched my cheek, wiping a tear away. “We need you.”
My eyes met Paulie’s. “I can’t.”
“Can you guys go, so we can talk?” Paulie asked in a soft tone.
Andy nodded. “Yeah.” He ran his knuckles down my cheek. “I’ll see if I know any free bassists too, just in case.”
“We’ll be back in an hour or two,” Daniel added. “We gotta have a game plan before we call this guy again.”
Paulie didn’t move when they had gone. I could feel the tension in him. He didn’t do emotions well, so I knew he was trying to hide the pain and frustration.
“I’ll be fine,” I uttered as steady as I could. “You go.”
He clutched me tightly. “Not without you. I can’t lose you.” He shuddered and pressed his lips to my hair. “Don’t do this to us. Please. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.” My eyes closed, and I let my tears flow again. I had to let him go. He couldn’t stay back and blow the opportunity of a lifetime. “But I just can’t go.”
“Don’t do this. Please,” he pleaded.
I took in a shaky breath. “I’ll be here when you get back. Maybe I can visit on breaks.”
He was openly crying at that point. “I can’t leave you.”
“Yes, you can. Go live your dream. I’ll still be here.” It was killing me to say it, but he needed to hear it to make his choice.
He sniffled. “You’re not breaking up with me?”
“No. I’ll be here.” It was a lie, but he wouldn’t go if he thought he would lose me. I felt that. “I’ll be right here.”
His hands framed my face and tilted my head. “If you’re sure.” His eyes filled with tears. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” He kissed me softly. “So much.” Another kiss. “I’ll call every hour. Text you all day.” His tears fell as he pressed his lips to mine again.
I couldn’t say a word. I had never imagined seeing him cry. It was beyond heartbreaking, and it made me love him even more. I knew it was going to kill me when he left.
A few more kisses, then he walked me back to the bedroom. My agony within blurred the moments together until he placed me on the bed. I finally realized we were both naked. My head hit the pillow, and I looked up at him.
Tears fell freely down his cheeks. He took a few seconds and just looked at me. I had to close my eyes. The look in his eyes was too painful. The bed moved. Then I sensed him over me.
“Look at me.”
I bit my lip and opened my eyes.
“I need this.” He nudged my thighs wider apart. “I need to feel you. Love you. Have you.”
I nodded, on the edge of bawling again. Deep breaths helped me hold back. I slowly slid my legs up his body until I had them around his waist. When he leaned down and held me close, the damn almost broke.
“I love you so much,” Paulie breathed in my ear as he pressed into me. “Oh God.” He pushed deeper.
My eyes closed. I clung to his arms. My back arched, and my head went back as pleasure consumed me. Then my eyes opened wide. I knew there was a reason it felt more amazing. However, I assumed it was the emotional wreck inside me.
“You have a condom on?”
He gasped, grinding into me, trying to give it all to me. “No. I’ll pull out.” His lips brushed my ear. “Can’t have anything between us right now.” He shuddered as he slowly withdrew. “God, I love you.” He wrapped his arms around my neck. “Love you so much.” His lips quivered against my skin.
“Love you too.” I ran my fingers through his hair, feeling his angst.
I let the worry go, knowing it would be extremely unlikely for me to get pregnant right after my period ended. Once I let go, other feelings surfaced. I sighed as he gave me a long, slow stroke. My hands traveled over his neck, shoulders and back, trying to memorize the contours. I carefully lifted my hips as he moved towards me again.
“Yeah, like that, Crystal. Ah, damn.”
My senses came alive when he trailed kisses down my neck then to my throat. I shivered, tingling radiating all over my body. When his lips covered mine, I moaned. He deepened the kiss immediately. His tongue circled mine lazily, building the passion gradually. It didn’t take long for it to affect my mind and body. My hips arched up, grinding into him. I clawed at him, wanting more. He groaned and quickened his pace.
Seconds later, I cried out, “Paulie! Oh shit!” I thrashed beneath him, overcome by a strong wave of ecstasy. “God.” The wall I had erected within shattered, and my emotions came forth. “I love you,” I almost whined. Clinging to him, I mourned the pending loss of him.
“Feels so good,” he murmured.
His moans made me shudder harder. I gasped, breat
hing becoming difficult. Crying and climaxing was complicated. The pleasure and pain was a strange mix. I felt like my mind was about to break. Then he kissed me again, over and over. His love flowed into me and eased the sadness some.
“I’m about to cum,” he mumbled into my mouth. “Let me cum in you.”
I couldn’t reply, overcome by it all. He groaned and sighed in my ear. Then I felt his cock pulsating. I wanted to be angry, but I couldn’t be. It was an amazing goodbye.
“Sorry. Needed to feel it again.” He clutched me as if I would disappear if he let go. “I love you so much, Crystal. Always will.” Maybe he did know it would soon be over.
We lay just like that until there was a knock on the apartment door. His head lifted, and he turned to the door. Then his expression changed. He slowly pulled out and smiled.
“It’s probably Andy or Daniel.” His eyes raked over me again. “I’ll stall him so you can clean up.” He pressed his lips to mine. “Love you.”
I took a shaky breath and whispered, “Love you too.”
As soon as he had thrown on shorts and closed the bedroom door, I sulked to the bathroom. Hoping to hide my sorrow, I took a shower and cried until there were no more tears. It hurt so badly to pretend things were just fine. However, for Paulie, I would endure anything. In my heart, I was sure I’d never love again.
“They’re both here,” Paulie called to me. “You comin’ out?”
I had just stepped into the bedroom. “In a minute.” As quickly as possible, I dressed in comfortable clothes.
Chapter 20
When I walked into the living room, Andy, Daniel, and Paulie sat around a pizza box on the coffee table. Paulie waved me to a seat next to him on the couch. His mouth was full. I sat but made no move to take a slice of pizza. My stomach was doing flips trying to deal with the reality of the situation.
“We’re about to call Charles back to see how we can make it work.” Andy set his phone on the table and hit a few buttons. “Mr. Dillinger, please?”
The reply was, “One moment.”
“Charles Dillinger here.”
Tragic Soul Page 13
