Copyright © 2015 Talia Ellison
All rights reserved. No part of this novel may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior permission in writing from the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
“Do you want me to kiss you?” he asks, his dark brown eyes piercing and filled with curiosity. His short dark brown hair is tousled, a few stray strands falling across his forehead. His full lips are slightly parted and drawn into a smile.
I nod. All I know about him is that he calls himself Caleb and that he is much more handsome than any guy I might have run into in some club. If things go terribly wrong, at least I can walk out of this hotel room as if nothing happened, and I wouldn’t be embarrassed until the end of time or break anyone’s heart. Hell, I even checked the room for any cameras.
He bends his head and brushes his soft lips against mine. I stop breathing for a moment, expecting him to deepen the kiss, but he tucks a strand of my long, light brown hair behind my ear and places feather-like kisses on the hollow of my neck. A small gasp escapes my mouth as his touch sends hot shocks through my skin. How can the touch of a stranger feel so good?
Afraid my legs will give under me, I place my hand low on Caleb’s back. I lean my head into his chest and inhale his scent of sandalwood, pine, and sea. Closing my eyes, I slide my hand up his back and rest it on the nape of his neck. It’s so easy to pretend I’ve known him my whole life. It’s so easy to pretend that he loves me.
I open my eyes and pull him closer. He glances up at me and I press my lips against his, catching him off guard. All I know, all I can think of, is that I want him. My body wants him.
Caleb’s fingers find the zipper of my dress. “Tell me if you want me to stop,” he whispers into my ear, his warm breath tingling on my skin.
My dress falls to the floor, revealing my silky blue underwear. Caleb’s lips crash against mine in an almost bruising kiss. I fiddle with the buttons of his shirt, but then I lose patience and just tug on the shirt until the last button pops out. As he shrugs out of it, I run my hand across the hard muscles of his chest.
He is mine. All mine. At least for the next hour.
His finger hooks under the clasp of my bra and I flinch away. His dark brown eyes regard me for a moment, as if he wants to see through me. I take a shaky breath, trying to push the memories of my ex boyfriend out of my mind, but I can’t.
Mark’s handsome face turns into a sneer. “Where did you get that stupid bra? It won’t unclasp. Is this another of your ways to push me away? Tell me, you stupid bitch!” His nails dig into my arm, his green eyes flashing with fury.
I’m not sure what to say to such a ridiculous assumption, so I don’t say anything, which only angers him more. How is it my fault that he can’t unhook a bra in only one attempt?
“Hey, princess, am I boring you?” Caleb’s amused voice breaks through my troubled thoughts.
“Sorry, I just...” I’m not even sure why I’m apologizing.
Caleb only shakes his head at me and, with no warning, drops to his knees. “Sit down on the edge of the bed.”
My eyebrows shoot upward, but I do as he says. He crawls toward me, his eyes filled with hunger. I let out a little gasp as he nudges my legs apart. Running his hands up and down the bare skin of my legs, he slowly licks his lips. Heat spills all over my body as he lowers his head and trails his tongue across my inner thigh.
His warm tongue makes another circle on my thigh, then he lightly sucks on my skin, creating tingles of pleasure and pain. Unable to sit straight, I lie down on the bed. My breath hitches in my throat as he moves his head between my legs and presses his hot mouth against my panties, teasing me.
“We need to get you out of these,” he says, tugging at the silky material. The chuckle that comes out of my throat doesn’t sound like me at all, but I don’t care as I roll into the middle of the bed. Reaching for Caleb’s shoulder, I pull him toward me until he’s on top of me. He smiles down at me, trailing his hand down my stomach, and his fingers slip into my panties.
I make the mistake of closing my eyes.
Mark is on top of me, his hand roughly pulling at my panties. “Show me how much you love me, babe. Don’t be shy.”
I push at Caleb’s chest in panic, my eyes flying wide open. My heart is thudding loudly in my chest, my throat constricting. When his weight leaves me, I roll over to the other side of the bed and sit up, drawing my knees to my chest. Tears sting my eyes and I’m afraid to look in Caleb’s direction. “I can’t do this,” I whisper to myself. Fuck you, Mark.
I bury my face in my hands and realize my fingers are shaking. The bed shifts and I expect Caleb to leave.
“Look at me,” he says softly.
I peer at him through my tears and roughly wipe them off with the back of my right hand. My makeup must have smeared all over face by now.
“What’s wrong?” He tentatively covers my hand with his own, his eyes shining with concern. Is he only pretending to care or is it real? Does it even matter? Even if it’s fake, he’s shown more concern than my wonderful ex.
“Nothing.” I pull my hand from under his because his touch suddenly feels too intimate.
“Have I done something wrong?”
I look up at him in surprise and shake my head. “No, it’s not your fault. It’s mine.”
“It’s you, Lilith. You’re the problem. You’re always the problem.” Mark rolls his eyes.
Caleb gets to his feet and opens the drawer of the nightstand next to me. He takes out a box of tissues and offers it to me.
“Thank you.” I take a tissue and dab at my eyes. “I probably look like a puffy-eyed panda.”
“I don’t know what a puffy-eyed panda looks like, but you’re beautiful.” H
e flashes me a wide smile, making me laugh.
“Thanks, but you have to compliment your clients, don’t you?” I crumple the tissue into a ball and throw it in the trash can that sits next to the nightstand.
His face grows serious. “No, I’m not lying. I really mean it.”
I just watch him for a moment, then run a hand through my hair. Maybe coming here has been a mistake. Maybe I should just stop wasting Caleb’s and my time and leave. But how would leaving help me get my ex out of my head? God knows I’ve tried everything. “You’re probably wondering why I pushed you...”
“You don’t have to explain anything.” His dark eyes are intent on mine. “Unless that’s what you want. Maybe I can help. And whatever you say or do won’t leave this room.”
I chew on the insides of my cheek. Maybe he’s right. “My ex-boyfriend... He thinks there’s something wrong with me because we couldn’t... We couldn’t have sex.” My mind flashes back to the day Mark broke up with me.
“You lied to me! You don’t love me at all,” Mark yells, getting up from the bed.
“What?” I choke out, my mouth going slack. “How can you even say that? You know I do!”
He snorts. “No, you don’t. Of all the girls I slept with, none had this problem.” He curls his lip in disgust. “You’re no good for anything. I’ve been very patient with you, but after three times... It’s time to finish this farce.”
I grit my teeth, clutching the sheets to myself. “Then you better fucking leave!”
“Oh, I will.” After hastily putting on his clothes, Mark opens the door, then looks over his shoulder at me with a sneer. “You’ll see. It’s all your fault.”
I pick the vase up off the nightstand and throw it across the room, but it crashes against the door. Mark is gone.
I rub my eyes and look at Caleb, whose attention is focused on me. “He broke up with me after our third failed attempt to have sex, and the things he said to me... I knew he was wrong and not right in the head, but then I met another guy and... I just froze.” I shake my head. “It’s crazy. I even went to a doctor for a check up and she assured me I was probably just scared and not ready because my ex was pushy, but... I don’t remember feeling scared and I know I wanted him. He was the first of my boyfriends I was sure I wanted to have sex with. It’s just...” I look down at my hands in my lap. “I don’t know. It didn’t work out, and now every time I... get intimate with someone, all I can see and hear is him. I even talked about it with my therapist, and nothing.” I shrug. “Everything seems fine until a certain point when I just panic.”
“Your ex sounds like an asshole.” Caleb casually leans on the wall, his arms crossed in front of his bare chest, his fingers flexing. He looks as if he were posing for a photograph.
“I know. That’s why I want to forget him and finally be free of him.” It’s ridiculous that one part of me seems to think Mark could be right, but I can’t help myself. The fear is too real. It grips my insides and squeezes even harder when I try to ignore it. No matter how much I try to convince myself everything is fine, my body doesn’t listen.
“Did you try longer foreplay or use some lube?”
“Yeah, at one point.” I cringe at the memory of the annoyed look on Mark’s face. “But my ex kind of lost his patience after a while.” A frown creases my brow. “I don’t remember how long we tried or how much lube he used, but when he tried to enter me, it hurt like hell.”
“What about the second guy?”
I hesitate. “He’s a friend. Sort of. We met at the bar.”
“Did he do anything to make you uncomfortable?” Caleb carefully observes my face.
“Um, I don’t know. We were slightly drunk and... I don’t know.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he says with all the certainty in the world.
“You can’t know that. Look what happened...”
“I can prove it.” His voice is low and seductive. “You were never with someone who paid attention to your body instead of seeking their own pleasure.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “And what if it doesn’t work out? What if I really can’t...?”
He shrugs. “Nothing. At least I can give you a couple of orgasms before you leave.”
I gape at him and he smirks.
Pushing himself off the wall, he comes to stand in front of me. “You’re overthinking it. Enjoy the sensations and don’t worry about anything.”
I lick my dry lips. Am I so afraid of failure that my worst nightmares come true because I can’t stop thinking about ruining everything? Probably. But I don’t know how to stop myself. I know that the more I think about it, the worse it gets, and I wish I could force myself to think about something else, but I don’t know how.
“What were you thinking about when you pushed me away?”
I meet his dark brown eyes. “My ex getting angry... and a little rough.”
“I’m not your ex,” he says softly. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know. You don’t even look like him. It’s just...”
“Touch me.” A playful smile curves his lips. “See for yourself that you don’t have to be afraid of me. I won’t bite unless you tell me to.”
I’m not exactly sure what he wants me to do, so I don’t move.
Sighing, Caleb takes hold of my hands and places them on the hard muscles of his chest. He lets go of me and I lightly trace my fingers up and down his smooth, warm skin. His pants rest low on his hips and there is a black edge of a tattoo peeking out above the belt.
“Pull my pants down,” he says, his hands at his sides. “I know you want to.”
I give him a surprised look through my eyelashes, but deep inside I know that he’s right. I do want to take his pants off. Even my body reacts to the idea, sending waves of heat through me. Maybe being busy would stop my mind from wandering. I fiddle with the button and carefully pull down the zipper. Caleb’s chest raises and falls a bit faster, and I can feel his erection pushing against the fabric under my fingers.
I tug down his pants and realize he isn’t wearing any underwear. As the pants fall to the floor, his cock springs into view, fully erect. A smug smile appears on Caleb’s face. He’s even bigger than Mark. This is so not going to work... and yet, a tremor of excitement runs through me.
The tattoo is now completely exposed. I stare at the symbol that reminds me of a rose, but I can’t tell what it is. Before I can ask, Caleb steps out of his pants and grabs a condom from the nightstand.
“Why don’t you help me with this?” He offers me the wrapper and takes my free hand, placing it on his thick length. I glance up as I gently slide the condom over him, a smile spreading across my face.
Caleb’s body tenses and his eyes widen as I bend my head to take him into my mouth. I keep eye contact while I roll my tongue around the tip of him. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but I only hear a quick intake of breath. I’d love to take all of him into my mouth, but he’s too big.
“You don’t have to...” his voice breaks and cracks as he is struggling to stay on his feet.
“I want to,” I say, surprising myself, and close my lips around him once again. I never enjoyed doing this with Mark, but Caleb doesn’t grab my hair like he’s going to rip it out and doesn’t try to push himself down my throat. Caleb’s eyes flutter closed as I increase my pace and lick faster, closing my hand around him a tiny bit tighter.
“Please, stop,” he breathes out. I let go of him and pull back. Surprise flashes across his features but is quickly masked with a broad smile. “Thank you, but now let me do my job.”
I lie down on the bed, smiling to myself as I hear Caleb’s labored breathing. He climbs on the bed and gets on top of me. As he lowers his lips toward mine, I expect him to kiss me and I arch my back toward him. With a wicked smile, he reaches under me and unclasps my bra. I help him take it off and run my hand through his hair, pulling him in for a kiss.
His lips barely touch mine and he focuses his attent
ion on my breasts. I bite down on my lip, amused at the way he looks at me, as if I were a delicious ice cream. A shiver rocks my body as his tongue caresses my nipple. He traces slow, torturous circles around my swollen bud until his mouth closes over it, his teeth grazing against my tender skin. My lips part and I curl my fingers into Caleb’s hair, gently stroking the soft dark brown strands.
He glances up at me. “Do you like this?”
I nod, unable to say anything remotely coherent.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” His tongue finds my other nipple and I throw my head back, craving more of his touch. I want him inside of me, and that thought both scares me and thrills me. My hand slips from his hair and finds its way to his back. He moves down my body, leaving a scorching path of kisses down my stomach.
His eyes briefly meet mine before he pulls my panties down my legs. I bend my knees and he spreads my legs with a nudge. My first instinct is to close my legs together, to stop the cold air from hitting my heated flesh, but Caleb doesn’t let me, his grip firm but gentle.
“It’s okay,” he says. “I just want to return your favor.”
I tense as I feel his touch on my most intimate place, but all of my thoughts scatter the moment his tongue parts my folds. My hands ball into fists and clutch at the sheets as he continues to flick his tongue up and down. The pressure builds as he takes his time, teasing and probing. I arch my back, rocking my hips slightly.
“Faster,” I say, breathless.
One twirl of his tongue in just the right place spills me over, and a ripple of ecstasy sweeps through every inch of my body. A contented sigh flies past my lips and turns into soft laughter. Caleb was right. I don’t even need to have sex to feel satisfied.
The sheets rustle, and I feel more than see Caleb shift on the bed, and then I hear a drawer opening and closing. Before I have a chance to recover and get in control of my breathing, he gets on top of me.
“Everything okay?” Something in the brown depths of his eyes sparks with knowledge and maturity.
Maybe that’s the reason I decide to trust him, so I give him a brief nod. His lips graze mine and I stiffen as his cock touches my inner thigh. My stomach flutters with anxiety and I squirm under Caleb’s strong body, not hard enough to push him off me, but hard enough to make him frown.
Hold Me Page 1
