The sky was bright blue, and the grass lightly waved in the breeze. When we reached the bottom of the stairs, David motioned for me to stay behind as Andrew entered another hut. A couple of minutes later, he came back out and handed me rags and boots.
“I’m sorry, but you have to fit in. Our uniforms and armor are of much better quality. You can change there . . .” Andrew pointed to a small cabin across from where we were standing. I crossed alone after thanking Andrew.
The cabin was dark inside. A little light from the sun’s rays emanated from holes in the thick material. The tattered clothing smelled horrible. I ignored the stench and put on the shirt, followed by the pants, and then the sweater. I slipped on the boots, gathered all of my previous belongings, and walked out.
David laughed at the sight of me, making me feel extremely self-conscious, but Andrew didn’t react—he was like stone. I felt like Andrew was my protector or an older brother that I never had. He was the only voice in a long time who spoke softly and wasn’t trying to force ideas down my throat. He kept his distance, respecting me, but at the same time stayed nearby as if looking out for me. It seemed like forever since I had walked beside someone and not felt threatened in any way. I actually felt as if we could relax and speak our minds. I no longer cared about David’s betrayal; Andrew was welcoming.
Andrew showed me where everyone cleaned their clothes, where he would train me, where the showers were, where everyone ate, and finally where I would stay.
The cabin that I was supposed to think of as home was in ruins. Like the other cabins, it was made out of some metallic material to reflect the environment, creating its own camouflage. My cabin had a thick layer of bronze rust growing on the sides like an immortal weed. The entrance was a shiny cloth, like a flap, only it was full of holes. It appeared to be lace, while the building itself was more of an improvised shack than military camp hut.
Although it was repulsive, I kept quiet. Anything was better than having to stay with Matthew.
The holes in the so-called door allowed sunlight to gently illuminate the dark blue–carpeted floor. I did my best not to show how surprised I was at the state of everything. There was a thin mattress on a wooden bedframe, making the place look ancient. A beat-up trunk for my belongings sat at the foot of my bed, and a dim light floated from the ceiling. It was a small, glowing globe that flew above our heads, like a solid halo, letting off a soft, electric-blue radiance. It reminded me of the one that lit up the dark cells at H.S.H.S., so I tried to ignore it.
“I know it’s not great, but it’s all we have right now,” Andrew broke the silence with an embarrassed, but calm voice. I felt terrible for wanting and expecting more.
“It’s fine, thank you,” I responded with the most reassuring smile I could fake.
“This has everything you’ll need,” Andrew said as he handed me a navy blue bag. “David stays two cabins down to the right of yours, and you know where I stay if you ever need anything.”
I took the bag and thanked him, then Andrew and David walked out. The bag had a first aid kit, a sewing kit, and toiletries such as shampoo, soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste, two towels, and a note. I unfolded the paper and read the fine, elegant handwriting.“Your first class is at three o’clock tomorrow morning.” That was all that the note said. I couldn’t believe that I had a class at three in the morning. Why in the world did I have to be up that early?
I placed the bag and my clothes in the trunk and walked outside to see The Shadows, my new home. I inhaled deeply, feeling the cool air fill my lungs, as if to boost my confidence.
There was a crowd of traffic, a rush of people struggling to get back to their cabins. Some people gave me a weird look. I avoided eye contact at all costs. I spotted David and ran up to him.
“Where’s my board?” I asked, worried about my anti-gravity ring.
“In my cabin,” David said.
I nodded. “Why did you shoot me?” Curiosity drove me to voice it. I had already gone over the different reasons why he had pulled the trigger, but I desperately wanted an explanation, especially because he had the option of shooting Matthew instead.
He didn’t answer.
I started to repeat myself, but he interrupted me with a strong but annoying, “Because . . .” like an eight-year-old child. “I’ll give your board back if you don’t ask that question again.”
On that note, he walked into his cabin, then quickly came back out and handed me my board. I thanked him, took my anti-gravity ring off it, and placed it on my finger.
“Just don’t ask me why I shot you,” David repeated and returned to his cabin.
I didn’t follow him, but I was going to figure out why he had shot me one way or another.
After I put my hover-board in my cabin, a loud bell rang, calling for dinner. I was starving, and a real meal sounded like a dream. I followed the warm scent of food to the long tables gathered toward the outskirts of the camp in front of Andrew’s cabin. Soldiers were being served by a huge bonfire that shone in the dimming dusk. The burnt ashes and the roasted meat made my mouth water. I walked as quickly as I could, afraid that by the time that I would reach the eating area, there would be nothing left.
Suddenly my heart leapt as someone grabbed my wrist. I turned around, ready to hit my aggressor, but it was only Andrew.
“I’m supposed to introduce you to the crowd, but they can’t really know who you are. They would beat you to death if they knew you had anything to do with Matthew. Most of these soldiers had relatives who died during the Battle of Seven, so try to avoid hinting you’re from Matthew’s community. I talked to David, and here’s what we came up with: Your name is Alex, you’re an orphan, and you came from Lia. David found you in the woods when you were hunting.”
The mention of me being an orphan caught my attention. At least that was the truth.“I don’t know how to hunt,” I said, embarrassed. I knew how to shoot any kind of gun thanks to Matthew, and I had shot dummies, but never an animal, let alone a living being.
“You’ll learn,” Andrew reassured me with a warm smile.
I agreed to the story, although I was afraid I would give the wrong information by accident. As I went to join the soldiers, Andrew tightened his grip on my wrist. He was protectively holding me, but then he glanced down and let go. Something about him was different. He acted as if he knew me very well and treated me with care, something for which I had yearned for a very long time. In just a few hours, he had revealed more kindness toward me than anyone I had ever known. Andrew made Lyli seem like nothing but an acquaintance. I remembered Lyli’s parents holding hands when Matthew had taken me away and how much I had wanted to feel that warmth and protection, and here was someone who offered it freely.
“Sorry,” he whispered under his breath, then he looked away. I nodded, accepting his apology, and we walked to the long table together.
When we reached the table, everyone fell silent, recognizing Andrew’s authority. It was obvious that he held the power. I felt terrified standing in front of so many strangers. I ran my hand through my short hair, only to realize that I had also lost my sense of identity. I looked at Andrew for any form of comfort, but he wasn’t facing me.
“Good evening. We had a very productive day,” Andrew stated. “Tonight we welcome a new member who has a huge amount of courage and skill. He is young, but that does not stop him. From Lia, this is Alex.” Andrew waved his hand to me, and I felt the blood rush to my face. Everyone clapped and cheered, which only made me feel even more uncomfortable. I wanted to run and hide. Relief came over me when Andrew motioned for me to take a seat.
Although the attention was no longer choking me, I was panicking. I suddenly wasn’t sure if I could pull off the entire con. My hair was short, but my voice wasn’t exactly going to change. Would they figure out that I wasn’t a boy? The pulse deeply buried inside me swelled until it felt as if it had made its way to my skin’s surface. Anxiety was tying me down. I didn’t want to be there any long
er. I was afraid of what would happen if someone did find out who I was. It would be the end of me, literally. I was glued to my seat, petrified. I had nowhere else to go, so I reassured myself that everything would be all right, although I knew everything was just a lie. At that moment though, I needed encouragement more than anything, and I somehow managed to keep my head held high and play my part.
I was grateful that the soldiers went back to conversing and eating as if nothing had happened. I roamed around the table looking for an empty spot and ended up sitting between two middle-aged men.
“Hi there, Alex. I’m Will,” said the man to my right.
“And I’m Philip,” added the man to my left.
I replied with a faint “hi.” I was served a full plate of food, and I devoured everything. The thick meat was tender and served with a sweet orange sauce. There were some green beans as well, which had been roasted, and the white sticky rice complemented the meal perfectly. I savored every bite. I hadn’t had such a meal in what felt like forever. I was served a glass of water but didn’t even finish it; I was too busy appreciating the food.
I found out that Philip was the head cook and considered his recipes to be masterpieces. Will, on the other hand, had spent most of his time designing and creating weapons. I didn’t know about the weapons he spoke of because they were his inventions, but he talked a bit about bows, which I was familiar with.
After I’d inhaled my food, I looked around. Everyone had bruises on their faces, but they were smiling and laughing. No one was violent, aggressive, or rude. Instead, they were enjoying each other’s company. I started to feel like I fit in. They didn’t seem to care about any of their differences. Some had dark skin, and others had light skin. I had studied a lot about different races at H.S.H.S. simply because Matthew wanted me to understand exactly what I would be up against. The soldiers affectionately conversed with each other, as if they all truly cared for their group. As I scanned the long table, I wanted to be a part of their family. I wanted to feel that same sensation they were all sharing, that of belonging. I didn’t understand The Shadows’s community, but it was the opposite of mine, and that was more than enough to please me.
David was sitting at the end of the table. He wasn’t showing any hint of emotion. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have said that he had been brain damaged, not unlike Lyli.
Andrew’s chair was empty. I saw him in the distance, walking into the forest. It intrigued me. As the leader of his community, I didn’t expect him to simply walk away from his soldiers. Matthew had always taught me that I was supposed to be last one to turn my back, that I wasn’t to trust anyone. I trusted Andrew because he trusted his people. I wanted to understand him. I excused myself and followed Andrew.
“You shouldn’t follow me,” Andrew told me as the leaves cracked under my feet.
I didn’t think twice before answering, “You shouldn’t be alone.”
Andrew froze, shocked. I was being disrespectful and regretted what I had said, but the fact that I had spoken to him so frankly and hadn’t received a blow to the face for it comforted me.
“You are the first person to talk to me like that. David doesn’t count,” he said.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. For once I felt like a real person.” Andrew turned around. “No one but you and David talk to me like you just did, like a friend, like a person, like someone other than the leader. It’s just annoying to always have to act as if I’m superior. Making big decisions and following old traditions gets boring and doesn’t add any meaning to anything. What’s the point of having power but being controlled by others? It doesn’t make any sense!” He started to raise his voice and throw his hands around in frustration. I hadn’t expected to get such a reaction, but he’d opened himself to me, and that made me feel important.
“I’m sorry. I’m getting carried away,” he continued, “I know that you had more stressful situations and you’re not complaining. And I know that you’re going to disagree, but don’t. You accept guilt too easily, and no matter what you do you can’t seem to fit in because of stupid expectations. I should stop. I didn’t mean to say that. Just forget that melodramatic monologue.” Andrew turned away.
“How did you . . . get the leader position?” I hesitated at first, but he had spoken to me so freely, as if he had known me my entire life. We were having a meaningful conversation, which I had never really had.
“With David’s help, we first started off training some of the men at Maria and then persuaded them to help us form The Shadows. I got the role because I’ve had military experience and no one else wanted to get their hands dirty. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the power; I wanted to change what was happening with the war. I really can’t complain. But David’s one of the very few who doesn’t isolate me because of what I do. It’s just these stupid traditions that drive me insane. Why are you even listening to me?”
“Because it’s interesting. What kind of traditions?” I asked.
“The leader takes on the name of the man he succeeded. I just think it’s ridiculous that we can’t keep our real names, the names our mothers gave us.” As Andrew spoke, his eyes turned black like coal. It frightened me.
“What’s your original name?” I asked with hesitancy.
“Maxime.”
“Can I call you Maxime?” I didn’t want to break any traditions, but I liked how it sounded.
“Yes, but no one else does. David does when he’s really mad at me.” He chuckled a bit. He hadn’t sounded too sure of letting me call him by his real name, but he had given me permission and that meant a lot to me. Even though we’d met just a short time ago, we had created a connection. He had a deep and complicated soul that shimmered in his eyes, while Lyli’s irises revealed her lack of emotion. I pitied her for having been given the C.I. Pill. Maxime fascinated me because he seemed to have so many layers that needed to be uncovered. I was drawn to him by a few things: our shared hatred for Matthew, but also the fact that he seemed . . . human.
“Well, Maxime, you are the leader, so why don’t you do something about it? You can change the expectations,” I said.
“I have done something. I’ve changed expectations, just not the right ones.”
“What did you do?”
“I decided not to fight the Long War, and like you, I was exiled. I joined Maria, and together we created The Shadows.”
“You say that as though it was a dismal choice. You did what was right.”
“How would you know?” he snapped.
“Because the Long War isn’t the solution to all problems.”
Maxime quickly turned around and there was a moment of silence. A cloud that had been blocking the moonlight slithered away and lit up his face. His eyes were green with specks of turquoise around the pupils. I could have sworn that they had changed colors.
“Do you have any questions?” Maxime broke the silence.
“Can I get a clean wound dressing every day, please?” I needed a way to look like a boy and flatten my chest. Maxime crinkled his brow in confusion, then nodded. “Thank you. And why did David shoot me?” I figured that if Maxime was in charge, he would know David’s motives.
“Matthew shot you.”
“Matthew might not be the friendliest person on this planet, but he didn’t pull the trigger.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. David said that Matthew shot you.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any confusion or anything.” I suddenly felt bad for having gotten David into trouble, but I really needed a truthful answer. “Let’s go back,” I finally said.
Andrew walked me back to my cabin in silence. He held the door open and reminded me of my early class in a couple of hours. I reassured him that I would be there, thanked him, and he left. His silhouette slowly faded into the night.
I changed into the long shirt as pajamas, then lay on my bed. Suddenly, David walked in without knocking, startling me half to death. He wa
s breathing heavily, and the vein on his forehead was popping out. No doubt about it . . . he was angry.
“What was that about?” David’s voice was strong, but not loud.
I sat up quickly. “What do you mean?”
“You both left dinner early, then he walks you back to your cabin very late, and then he tells you to be at his cabin in five hours?” David’s voice became more powerful as his frustration grew.
I didn’t want to answer; I didn’t know if I was even allowed to answer. “It’s none of your business,” was the best excuse I could come up with.
“Yes, it is. Answer me!”
“No, you answer me! Why did you shoot me?”
“Stop asking me that!” David slammed his hand against my trunk and stormed off.
I closed my eyes and thought of Matthew, David, Maxime, Lyli, The Shadows, and where I stood. I tried to imagine the present as if it were a battle, and tried to figure out everyone’s strategy. I couldn’t think of a way out for me or what anyone was expecting from me. I thought about all possible and realistic options until fatigue took over. My eyelids became as heavy as lead, and I couldn’t keep them open anymore. I let my thoughts become dreams.
Chapter 8
I woke up to my anti-gravity ring beeping, my alarm clock for a 2:30 a.m. wake-up call. I was still tired, but I had to get up. A wound dressing had been laid out on top of my uniform, and I twirled it between my fingers, sensing its thin, delicate texture before removing my shirt and wrapping it tightly around my breasts. It was uncomfortable, but I would have to get used to it.
I heard footsteps approaching my cabin, crackling thin branches and dried-up leaves. The steps were getting closer, increasing slightly in volume. My heart pounded. I felt a pearl of sweat slide down my forehead as fear and worry took over.
I leapt across the small cabin and hid behind the door. I waited for Matthew to step through the door, but the steps suddenly stopped. He was hesitating. Suddenly, a foot stepped through the door, and as soon as I had a glimpse of the assailant’s hand, I grabbed his wrist, twisted it so that he fell to his knees, then pinned him to the ground. He fell face-first in a matter of seconds. A faint voice, a barely audible whisper, was attempting to defend his reasons for entering my cabin, but I couldn’t hear him. I quickly turned him over but kept my grip tight so that I had control over what was to happen. Although I wanted him permanently gone, I was afraid to kill him.
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