“It’s not working. Put her to sleep; the images will be more clear,” the doctor’s voice was pure disappointment, like he had hoped for a better movie.
I felt a pinch in my arm, and my eyes shut so I couldn’t see the screen.
I heard “power” and remembered how I was stripped of it when I shared my name. I heard “spy” and thought of Keith and Orion again. I heard “trap” and imagined myself being brought there, cuffed and drugged, only to have my privacy violated. I heard “fear” and pictured Matthew. I heard “plan” and dreamt of my escape from H.S.H.S. and Maxime. I heard “David” and saw him shooting me, fighting me, and calling me Alice. I was starting to lose power over what I revealed.
I heard “Andrew” and felt like I had been shot. Those memories were private. I tried to control them, but then it turned into us dancing. I fought it. I pushed him away, but thinking of him only made it worse. I showed him protecting and healing me multiple times. I saw him holding me, kissing me, making love to me. I couldn’t hide it. I cried for him, for having given away my reminiscences, for having lost him privately and publicly. I saw his warm hand run along my face and his soft lips pressed against mine, his arm cradling me to sleep. I felt him love me, and everyone around saw it.
“That’s enough!” David yelled as he pulled the strap off my forehead.
I woke up instantly but wouldn’t open my eyes. I felt unclothed. Nothing was mine anymore, not even my memories.
“Sir, the test wasn’t over,” exclaimed the doctor.
“Yes, it is. You’ve seen enough. Uncuff her.” David’s voice was strong and lingered in the air while the soldiers hesitated.
“But we haven’t cleared her.”
“You saw her skim death a hundred times, Matthew attack her, and everyone threaten her. All she did was protect The Shadows. She is not a threat. Now let her go! It’s a miracle she’s here, and you know it after what you’ve seen.”
“Perhaps she should not be here. Perhaps she shouldn’t have just skimmed death—”
“You are way out of line!”
“Maybe so, but someone has to bring you back to reality,” the doctor said.
David was powerless. It was pointless to fight, and he was aware of his defeat.
“You crossed the line with the memories. You didn’t need to see all of that, yet you didn’t change subjects! You couldn’t find anything, and you won’t find anything that labels her as the enemy. You know that to be true, so let her go!”
“You can’t prove that was useless information.”
“And you can prove it isn’t?”
“It will need to be reviewed more closely.”
“Bullshit!”
“I’m sorry your brother fell for the enemy, but you should not be taking it out on—”
A crash resonated in the room, and I opened my eyes to see David pinning the doctor against the wall, as loads of equipment scattered across the floor. No one opposed him, not even the soldiers. He had proven his point although he couldn’t win the fight.
“Never say anything remotely close to that again. Now uncuff her!”
“Yes, sir.”
My wrists were uncuffed and feeling rushed back into my hands. I pulled the IV out and left, avoiding everyone as best I could. As I passed through the doors, I fell apart. I had been stripped of everything: power, trust, love, and memories. I had nothing left. I let my knees break, but David caught me before I hit the floor. I couldn’t look at him.
“I’m sorry,” he said. He wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in his chest. “I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry they hurt you, and I’m sorry I let them hurt you.” His reassuring voice was like a melody as it echoed through the halls. “Let’s go.” David started to pull me toward the exit, but I resisted.
“No, no, no. That did not just happen for us to walk out defeated; they can’t win. I’m sorry, but I can’t retreat in fear, not now.” There was no way that I went through that for nothing.
David nodded in approval, and we headed down the hall for dinner.
We entered a large room with a long table in the center. The walls were pure white, and the ceiling had glass windows hovering above marble floors. The table was smoothly cut and surrounded by four tall chairs. The light emanated from the corners of the room and reflected off the mirror table. I had never seen such an elegant room before. I felt out of place.
A man in a nice suit walked in with a strong step. He had salt-and-pepper hair, and his hazel eyes were surrounded by shallow wrinkles. He was slim but fit. His jaw matched his square shoulders, and his stance was very authoritative.
“You must be Alexia. What a pleasure to meet you. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?” The man smiled politely.
“Sixteen. Nice to meet you too.”
“You’re very young; I’m impressed. You’re cleared, although the test was interrupted.”
“They got the data they needed,” David said in a rash tone.
“Oh, yes, I understand. You’re looking well, David. I’m sorry to hear about your brother. We’ll do the best we can to help, you know that, right?”
“Yes, thank you. Where is Raphaelle?” David shook the man’s hand.
“She’ll be late. I’m sorry, but she got tied up. You know how it is. Please, sit.” The man showed us our seats and pulled out a chair for me. I sat down and thanked him.
I had no idea where we were, why we were here, or who these people were. I turned to David for answers.
“So . . . Charles, what have you been up to?” David asked.
“Taking care of the 6359T paperwork. When do you think you’ll have them for us?”
“I can’t give you a date, but Will is trying to get those to you as soon as possible.”
“That’s fine, but the sooner the better.”
“Of course.”
A young lady walked in with her head held high and a frisky step. She had flowing, blonde hair with green, almond-shaped eyes, and thin, red lips. Her high cheekbones and soft jawline only added to her beauty. She wore a flattering red dress with black shoes and appeared to be in her late twenties.
“And I thought Andrew was too young for warfare. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alexia. Nice to see you, David. Please excuse us for two minutes; I need to have a word with Charles.” Raphaelle had a soft but commanding voice.
She walked out with Charles in silence. I waited for the door to shut, then bombarded David with questions.“What the hell are we doing here? Who are these people?”
“Calm down! You were the one who asked to stay. You’re really bipolar.”
“I’m bipolar? You shot me, kissed me, threatened me, defended me—”
“Okay, I get. Shut up!” he cut me off. “We are here with Raphaelle and Charles, leaders of Malifazo, who wanted to meet you. They have resources while we have strategy and knowledge. They’re the body, and we’re the mind. We need to stay allies to defeat Matthew, but they’re hesitant on whether they can trust you with their soldiers, so they wanted to have dinner so they can get to know you. That’s why you’re here; I was just invited because of formalities.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
“I was told to keep it a secret. You have to understand.”
Raphaelle and Charles entered, silencing David and I.
“Excuse me, but I was informed that Alexia did not complete the test. Please explain,” Raphaelle said in a condescending tone.
“I asked them to stop because the memories were unimportant,” David answered.
“I’ll decide what’s unimportant,” Raphaelle’s response rang in my ears, striking me hard. It was as if Matthew had invaded a woman’s body.
“They were personal!” David snapped.
“That’s the whole point. All memories are. She doesn’t want us to see what we are looking for.”
There was a short silence signaling that I had to intervene. “I’ll finish the test,” I announced hesitantly, b
ut sure of myself.
“Later. I’d first like to hear what you have to say. Let’s eat.” Raphaelle’s harmless words did not match her aggressive tone.
Four waiters dressed in white approached the table and placed a full plate in front of us. We were served a variety of Asian dishes, from kimchi to dumplings and sticky rice. While the adults passed around a bottle of wine, I was served apple juice, which only made me feel more out of place. I ate quickly, stressed for the questioning that was imminent.
“What’s your full name?” Raphaelle asked without establishing eye contact.
“Alexia,” I answered.
“And your last?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have one.” I had given up on guessing my last name a long time ago.
Raphaelle looked around, hesitating whether or not to accept my response. “Why did you leave Tamizeh?” she asked casually.
“I didn’t fit in, and David and Andrew offered me a place at The Shadows,” I said truthfully.
“What about Matthew?”
“He only wants power, and violence is his game.” I did my best to sound eloquent and sophisticated.
“I mean, what changed your mind that you turned against him?”
“I never supported him. I don’t like his goal or methods.” I didn’t like where the conversation was headed, but I had no control over it.
“Be more specific.” Raphaelle was pushing my buttons.
“His joker is death, and he kills so he doesn’t have to deal with complaints. He lacks morality.”
“I’m looking for a straight answer! One with logic, that supports you, clears you. What did Matthew do?” Raphaelle was getting frustrated.
“He beat her, shot at her, and threatened her,” David cut in.
I blushed and wanted to run and hide. I felt my face turn red with humiliation and shame. I stared at my plate, feeling like a weak victim.
“What is your priority?” Raphaelle asked gently.
“We don’t see eye to eye on this matter,” David chimed in.
“My priority is freeing Andrew. I know how Matthew is treating him, his plans, and how H.S.H.S. works; therefore, I have a plan that cannot fail.” I was proud of what I had come up with and would share it with anyone who would listen.
“Then why don’t you see your plan through?”
“I only came up with a military strategy, while others make the decisions.” I tried to stay impartial, but it was obvious that Raphaelle was trying to pin David and I against each other. I understood her reasoning . . . trying to see if there were holes in our story.
Raphaelle turned to David, redirecting the question.
“I do not find it reasonable to put many lives in jeopardy for one, especially right after having lost so many less than a week ago. Andrew would agree,” David replied with confidence.
I felt the blood rush to my face. If David thought that my plan put many lives in jeopardy, then he did not trust me.
“Alexia, you obviously disagree with David’s answer?” Raphaelle commented.
I didn’t want to reply, because I would either displease her by lying or displease David by disagreeing. She was setting up a trap, and I didn’t want to fall into it.
“Alexia?” Raphaelle was persistent.
“I’m sorry,” I replied, “but how is it obvious that I do not agree with David? Yes, we do not see eye-to-eye, but how does that matter? I still stand by his decision.”
David glared at me, but I simply couldn’t stand her. I had hoped for some form of understanding because we were both women taking part in the war, but I had received her disappointment instead. The room was silent. I had crossed the line, and there was no turning back.
“As for it being obvious that you disagree, it’s not. The metal fork and knife you’ve been holding have been recording your heart rate. Referring to the data collected, you obviously hate Matthew and cannot stand me,” Raphaelle said smugly.
I looked at the fork and did my best not to drop it. Reality hit me, and I realized that I had to clean my ties with Raphaelle.
“I–I’m sorry, I–I . . .” I didn’t know what to say.
“Thank you for not throwing the silverware,” she joked with a cold laugh.
“Raphaelle, may I have a word with you?” David rose with authority and stepped out with the beautiful, young lady following him closely. Charles waited for the door to shut, then spoke.
“She’s usually not like this. She’s actually very gregarious. Don’t take anything personally. You’re doing very well. Just sit tall and answer the questions truthfully, and you won’t break. I’ve been impressed so far.”
I managed a weak smile.
“Staring at me won’t do you any good,” he added with a smile.
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect that. Why are you encouraging me?” I didn’t mean to sound rude, but I didn’t trust him.
Charles bowed his head slightly, diverting his gaze in shame. “I saw your test. You may be young, and I do not approve of you being at war, but you’re not a traitor to The Shadows. You’ve convinced me,” he mumbled with hesitation.
I thanked him and smiled.
“Now wipe that grin off your face before I regret what I’ve said,” Charles chuckled lightly as the two leaders walked in.
I was asked more questions pertaining to my training until dinner ended. Raphaelle ended the meeting, reminding me that I was much younger and shouldn’t be getting involved with the War, but then added that The Shadows had her full support without me having to finish the test. We shook hands and were escorted out.
I rode back with David, uncuffed and undrugged. With his arms around me in the cold night surrounded by a delicate layer of fresh snow, I fell asleep dreaming of Maxime.
Chapter 36
I slowly opened my heavy eyelids in David’s tent. Cold, bright light emanated from under the door. It was extremely late. I was still wearing the dress, but not the heels, and the cover had been drawn over me with care. I found my uniform by the bed neatly folded. I changed as fast as I could, made the bed again, folded the dress, and laid everything out neatly for David. I ran out and put my hand up to block the strong sun from blinding me. Silhouettes approached me and I waited, squinting my eyes, trying to make out who they were.
“Good morning, Alex,” Anton said with a radiant smile. “David told me to take over your class and let you sleep in; you earned it.”
I hesitated but thanked him. I felt guilty for having been able to sleep while others had to work.
David ran up to us, panting for air. His hands were red from the cold. “Good morning, well actually afternoon. Did you sleep well?” He was in a good mood for once.
“Yes, thank you. I left the dress and heels by the bed.”
“Thanks. Lunch starts in fifteen minutes, so we might as well head over there. Anton, you can dismiss your class early.”
“Yes, sir,” Anton said. David told me he would catch up with us and not to wait, so we walked to the long tables.
“You were sound asleep last night,” Anton commented.
I suddenly became self-conscious. I couldn’t remember how I had ended up in David’s tent.
“We heard the horse coming from miles away. I helped David get you down, and he carried you to his tent. You were out cold. How was last night anyway? David hasn’t said much about it.”
“It was okay; it went well. Where did he sleep?” I quickly brushed away the question as I remembered the memory test.
“He had watch duty.”
Will walked up to us. “I have what you asked for ready for tonight. I’ll bring it to you after dinner.” I thanked him, and he left.
“What was that about?” Anton asked in a patronizing tone.
“Nothing. It’s not that important,” I tried to appease his curiosity, but it was useless.
“Alex, does David know about this?”
“No,” I replied. I knew I couldn’t lie to him, but I couldn’t pull myself
out of the hole I was digging.
“Does it have to do with Andrew? Honestly?” he asked with pleading eyes.
“Yes,” I muttered, aware that I would regret it.
“You’re insane! You can’t do it on your own.”
“Watch me!” I exploded. If he wasn’t going to help me, I wanted him to stay out of my way.
“I’m on guard duty tonight; I won’t let you go.”
“Why not? You were on my side two days ago. Anton, you know I have to. We need him, and time is limited. I know what to do and how to get it done. Trust me.”
“I do trust you now, but—”
“What?” I screamed. It felt like he was playing me, fluctuating from side to side, attacking me one moment and defending me the next. I wanted to see his loyalty for a change, but it was dust in the wind.
“What if you fail? What if Matthew wins?”
“So much for trust! I won’t fail. You could say ‘what if ’ for everything. What if we miss this opportunity?”
“Suicide is not an opportunity. If anything goes wrong, I’ll be held responsible. You’re not going anywhere.”
There was no way that I wasn’t going. Maxime needed me.
“You won’t be held responsible and nothing will go wrong. I know H.S.H.S. like the back of my hand, and Matthew’s ways of thinking are engraved in my mind.”
“Then talk to David. You can’t do it alone. If you have a plan and you’re ready, he can’t oppose the idea.”
“Fine,” I lied. I knew it was useless to ask David, and arguing with Anton wasn’t getting me anywhere. I would get past Anton, no doubt about it.
That night Will brought me everything I had asked for. I sneakily put all of the equipment by a tree away from the campsite so no one would find it. I rubbed some bark off trees as I walked back so I could find the weapons easily. I then ran off to shower before anyone could get suspicious.
When I was showering, I heard someone whistle at me. I ignored it, humiliated as everyone laughed, and someone said, “She’s way too young for you anyway.”
I turned the water off and went to grab my belongings from the chair, but my clothing and wound dressing were gone. My stomach dropped. I took my towel, dried off, wrapped it around me, and stepped out. I had everyone’s attention. Every eye followed my every move. I looked around for my belongings, but they had vanished. As the silent tension grew, I decided that I needed to stand up for myself. David was right; they didn’t respect me. I needed to show them who was boss.
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