by Ella Frank
Priest looked over at Julien, who shrugged, but when Robbie fell back on the bed and began to unbutton his pants, Julien finally spoke up.
“What? What did you work out, princesse?”
Robbie shimmied his pants down his hips and kicked them off his ankles. “Why I got my feelings so hurt yesterday. Duh. Keep up, boys.”
Priest studied Robbie closely, wondering if he should try and stop Robbie again before he said something he might regret, but Priest figured sometimes liquid courage was exactly what was needed to say what was on one’s mind. “And why did you get your feelings hurt?”
Robbie’s eyes moved lazily between the two of them, the alcohol finally slowing him down, relaxing him until they fluttered shut and he muttered, “Because I felt left out,” right before he passed out on their bed.
Chapter Nine
CONFESSION
A person can’t really love you,
unless they know who you are.
The real you.
PRIEST STARED AT the crumpled sheets of their king bed the following morning, and let his eyes travel over the two figures who lay tangled up in one another. It was just turning seven, and as all Saturdays should, the morning was greeting them with the sun slipping between the curtains and spilling over the men beneath those sheets.
Robbie was lying on his side facing Priest with one hand under his pillow, and the other resting over the top of Julien’s, which he’d pulled up to cover his heart. The sheet had slipped down to their waists, and Julien was curled up close and tight behind their princess, almost as though he was afraid he’d slip away—and Priest knew exactly how he felt.
Priest, on the other hand, had been sitting in the chair he’d wheeled over from his desk, so he could watch over the two of them for most of the night, wondering how he’d managed to miss something as important as I felt left out…
Those four fucking words had been playing on repeat ever since he’d heard them, and though Julien had tried to say they would work through this and get to the bottom of it, Priest hated the fact that he had somehow caused Robbie to feel that way.
He had been so zeroed in on the secret he had kept—the actual secret—that he’d somehow overlooked the root of Robbie’s upset. That was so unlike Priest. He was always the one who dug to the root of an issue, and the fact that he’d missed something so monumental made him feel even worse than he already did.
Priest scrubbed his hands over his weary face, and when he leaned back in his chair and focused on the bed again, he saw that Robbie’s eyes were now open and fixed on him.
The room was as quiet as a church and just as serene, and Priest didn’t dare move or speak for fear that Robbie would make an excuse to leave before they could talk. Before he could ask questions, and understand how he’d managed to hurt this beautiful man, when that had been the last thing he’d ever wanted.
Robbie must’ve been of the same mind, because he didn’t talk, didn’t move a muscle, merely lay there with his eyes focused on Priest and his hand resting on Julien’s.
It could’ve been hours, the time they spent watching one another like that. But when Robbie shifted as though to move, Priest’s pulse spiked at the thought of him getting up and walking out of the bedroom without saying a word.
Robbie gently removed Julien’s hand, and as he rolled to his back, still fast asleep, Robbie pushed the sheet aside, and Priest had to order himself to sit and wait.
You told him you would give him time, Priest reminded himself. So give it to him. But when Robbie got to his feet, wearing only the pair of white briefs with black polka dots he’d left on last night, it was an exercise in restraint for Priest to remain where he was.
After the night he’d had, Robbie should’ve looked rumpled and hungover. But with his hair tousled, and those briefs barely hanging to his hips when he started across the bedroom, the sunlight found all of his exquisite angles, and Priest couldn’t believe that this extraordinary man was theirs. He couldn’t believe it, but at the same time, he felt it, right down to his very soul.
As Robbie got closer, Priest balled his hand into a fist on his thigh and told himself to keep his mouth shut and stay fucking put. Not such an easy feat when Robbie stopped right in front of him, within touching distance.
Robbie ran his eyes over Priest’s face, and then ever so slowly reached out and smoothed his fingertips across Priest’s forehead under the piece of auburn hair that had flopped down.
Priest swallowed and let Robbie do what he wished, and when he traced those same fingers down Priest’s temple to his cheek, and finally stopped at his chin, Robbie took it between his thumb and forefinger and Priest waited to see what he’d do next.
“The name that goes with this face,” Robbie said. “It doesn’t matter to me half as much as the person this face belongs to.”
It wasn’t often that Priest was caught off guard, but he felt as though the breath had been knocked right out of him.
“I’m ready to talk, if you are.” Robbie let go of him to look over his shoulder at the bed. “You know, I never could’ve imagined that someone like Julien, someone like you, would ever be interested in someone like me.”
Priest opened his mouth to adamantly refute that, but Robbie looked back to him and offered up a small smile.
“But you are, and I can’t imagine my life without the both of you in it. I want to understand this, Priest. I want you to help me understand you. Because I want to fall all the way in love with you, and until you trust me the way I trust you, I can’t do that.”
Totally blindsided by everything Robbie had just said, all Priest could do was sit there and stare. It was clear that while throwing back a few too many drinks last night, Robbie had also been thinking a lot about what he wanted going forward in this relationship, and it was that which finally had Priest getting to his feet.
He raised his arms, about to take Robbie’s face between his hands, but when he paused, Robbie blinked and realized why he’d stopped. Robbie lowered his head a fraction and took a step closer to Priest, and with that move, he granted the permission that Priest had just silently asked for.
He took Robbie’s face and placed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll tell you everything. All of it.”
Robbie looked him in the eye. “Okay. Let me go and freshen up, and I’ll be back.”
Priest let his hands fall away, and Robbie went to leave. “Robert?” Robbie stopped and looked over his shoulder. “I’m truly sorry that I hurt you. I promise to do better from here on out.”
Robbie nodded, and as he disappeared into the bathroom, Priest remained where he was with an uneasy feeling in his gut, because he knew things had to get a whole lot worse before they would get any better.
JULIEN DIDN’T OPEN his eyes until the bathroom door shut and he knew he was alone with Priest. He hadn’t wanted to disrupt the conversation taking place, knowing it was one Priest and Robbie needed to have. But with Robbie now out of the room, and Priest left to think about what was going to happen next, Julien shifted under the sheets and opened his eyes.
Priest was standing by his desk chair, staring at the shut door of the bathroom, and Julien knew he hated that extra wall Robbie was still using with them right now. A door, a friend, someone in between him and them to give himself that extra breathing room, and it was effective. By merely shutting a door, the message was clear—we’ll talk, but not quite yet.
Julien sat up in bed, and as he did, he must’ve caught Priest’s eye.
“Bonjour, mon amour.”
“Good morning,” Priest said as he walked over to his side of the bed and held a hand out to Julien.
When he took it, Julien squeezed Priest’s fingers and offered him a lazy smile. “Did you sleep at all last night?”
“An hour or so, yes.”
Julien shook his head and tugged on Priest’s hand until he had one knee on the mattress. “That’s not sleep. That’s a nap. How you manage to function and look so awake is beyond me.”
“Years of practice, I suppose,” Priest said. “It becomes second nature when you spend so long afraid to close your eyes.”
“Oui, I imagine it would.” Julien pushed his fingers through the thick strands of Priest’s hair, brushing it back from his face, and then leaned forward to kiss him softly on the mouth. “How are you this morning?”
Priest moved to sit beside Julien and drew Julien’s hand into his lap, staring at their entwined fingers. “Honestly?”
“Toujours.”
“I’m a bit…scared.”
Julien’s heart ached at that admission, knowing how much it would’ve cost, and he let his eyes rove over the handsome face he knew he’d never grow tired of looking at. Priest’s lips were pulled tight and his brows were drawn into a deep V of consternation.
“That’s understandable considering what you’re about to do today, wouldn’t you say?”
Priest nodded then turned to look Julien in the eye. “Will you stay with us? While I talk to him? I think we need to address what he said last night before we move onto the other, don’t you?”
“Oui, I do.” Julien brought their hands up to press a firm kiss to the center of Priest’s palm. “And of course I’ll stay.”
“Thank you,” Priest said as he lowered their hands, and then took Julien’s lips with his.
The kiss was fierce, passionate, and bittersweet, and Julien closed his eyes and sank into the moment, allowing Priest to take what he needed, and when he finally raised his head, Julien said, “It’s okay to be scared, you know. I guarantee you’re not the only one.”
Priest swallowed, and his eyes shifted over Julien’s shoulder to the bathroom door.
“Exactly,” Julien said. “God only knows how many drinks it took for him to get up the courage to say what he did last night.”
“Six.”
At the sound of Robbie’s voice, they both turned, and judging by the alert eyes staring back at them, Robbie had washed up before he’d pulled Priest’s robe on.
“Wait, that’s not true,” Robbie said. “Maybe seven?”
Julien’s lips twitched, as Robbie slipped his hands into the pockets of the robe and walked back into the room.
“But you know what I realized by the end of all of that?” As both men stared silently at him, Robbie climbed onto the bed and moved between them on his knees. “Being apart wasn’t going to help. I thought it would, but no.” Robbie shook his head. “This is where I’m supposed to be. But if you two don’t feel the—”
“Robert,” Priest said. “We feel the same way. Being apart from you has just about killed us.”
Robbie fidgeted with his hands in his lap. “Yeah?”
“Oui, princesse,” Julien said. “We were worried about you. But more importantly, we missed you.”
“Will you come up here?” Priest asked, and held his hand out to Robbie.
Robbie slipped his hand into Priest’s and shuffled up until he could turn and sit between them, and then Julien took his other hand, making sure there was a solid bond between all three of them during this next conversation.
“Before I get into things about Jimmy and my past, we’d like to talk to you about what you said last night, just before you fell asleep,” Priest said.
Robbie bit down on his lip and lowered his eyes, the topic obviously one he still wasn’t a hundred percent comfortable talking about.
“Non,” Julien said. “Don’t be shy, princesse. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Talk to us.”
“Please,” Priest said. “Help us understand what we did to make you feel excluded, because that…that is something we never want you to feel. Not here. Not with us.”
ROBBIE SHUT HIS eyes for a moment as he tried to think of the words to explain what it was he was feeling. It was difficult to describe, really, and while he knew Julien and Priest wouldn’t judge him, no matter what he said, he still wanted to get it right.
Finally, he opened his eyes and began to talk. “This last month has been pretty full on.” Robbie looked to the person who created calm amongst the three of them, the one who made everything feel more comfortable just for him being there—Julien.
“We know, and understand that,” Julien said, and gently squeezed Robbie’s hand. “So if you need to take a step back—”
“No,” Robbie said, and shook his head, then looked to Priest. “I don’t want that.” Robbie gulped in some air, swallowed, and then blurted out, “I don’t ever want that, and that’s why I think I got so hurt the other day.”
“Then tell us,” Priest said.
Robbie nervously bit at the inside of his cheek. “When that story about your dad came on the news at the brewhouse, your reaction upset me.”
Priest nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry for—”
“It upset me because I didn’t know what was wrong,” Robbie said, not wanting Priest to misunderstand. “Yes, I was shocked by what you told me. But I was hurt because I didn’t know what to do to help and…Julien did.”
As those final words left his lips, Robbie saw understanding dawn in Priest’s eyes. “I…”
This was the first time Robbie had ever seen Priest falter, and that vulnerability made Robbie want to crawl in his lap and wrap his arms around his neck.
“I don’t know what to say.” Priest looked down at their hands and rubbed his thumb over the top of Robbie’s. “I never thought about it like that. I assumed you were upset because of what I had kept from you but that.” Priest raised his head and looked Robbie directly in the eye. “That would’ve upset me too.”
“I mean, I know there are going to be things the two of you have shared without me—you’ve been married for years, and I respect that,” Robbie said, as he looked to Julien and then back to Priest. “I even love it, which most might find a little, I don’t know, weird. But something this important? Something that affects you so strongly that you changed your name? If I’m going to be in your life, if you want me there permanently, I need to understand who it is I’m sleeping with at night—or not sleeping with, in your case.”
“You’re exactly right,” Priest said. “I have no excuse. It was incredibly shortsighted of me to keep this from you without even considering how it would make you feel when you found out.”
Robbie ducked his head, shyness overtaking him now that Priest was acknowledging his feelings. But when Priest hooked a finger under Robbie’s chin and angled his head so their eyes again met, Robbie’s breath caught in his throat.
Those striking eyes of Priest’s were a charcoal grey, and reminded Robbie of the sky before a wicked summer storm. They were both captivating in their beauty and frightening in their intensity.
“Will you let me tell you now?” Priest asked, and Robbie nodded. “Then there’ll be no secrets. And you can decide where we all go from here.”
Chapter Ten
CONFESSION
This is not a pretty story. But it is mine.
“I’M A VERY private person,” Priest said, as he pushed back the covers and got to his feet. He knew if he stayed in that bed beside his two men, there’d be no way he could tell this story. He needed absolute focus to get through the details, and the only way he could do that was by blocking out the rest of the world, because there was no way it, and the horror he had lived through, could actually exist in one reality. The two should never meet, not even by touch.
Priest took a second to glance at the bed to see where Robbie was with all of this, and when he nodded, Priest continued.
“I rarely, if ever, share my life with anyone other than those who are part of it. Some see it as rude; I see it as self-preservation. Ever since I was seven, I’ve lived a life where I’ve always felt the need to look over my shoulder. I don’t sleep well because I don’t like to close my eyes for too long. I don’t connect well because I believed it was safer not to. And I programmed myself not to care for anyone, and it worked, until I met—”
“Julien,” Robbie said.
“Yes, Julien,” Priest said, as Julien placed a hand over his heart and offered a smile—the same smile that Priest had gotten lost in years ago. “And now you.”
When Priest brought his eyes back to Robbie, it was to see him smoothing one of his hands over the duvet nervously, and Priest wished like hell he could spare him this final piece of his puzzle. But Robbie was right: if they wanted everything with him, then it was his turn to put his cards on the table—no matter how shitty the hand.
“Do you know anything about Jimmy?” Priest asked as he began to pace back and forth, and Robbie shook his head.
“Not really. I mean, I’ve seen bits and pieces on TV. But I don’t remember it.”
“And you didn’t look it up the other night?”
“No,” Robbie said, and gave a little shrug. “I almost did, but I decided I’d rather you tell me what I need to know. You and Julien always say that the things we learn about each other, they’re our stories to tell. And I don’t want to hear about yours from anyone but you.”
Priest’s feet came to a stop, and as he stared down at Robbie, he wondered how he’d ever thought him haughty or frivolous, because he was neither of those things. He was beautiful in his earnestness, trusting in his innocence, and he brought a certain joie de vivre to their life that he and Julien had been missing.
Priest moved over by the side of the bed and peered down at Robbie. “This is not a pretty story,” he said. “But it is mine.”
He then turned his back so he could find his bearings before he took them all back to where they needed to go—to the day the monster finally showed himself.
