She looked so uncomfortable at the idea, Alex didn’t want to push – even though part of him wanted to tell her to run, far and fast and now. If she was so uncertain and unhappy now, how would she feel in a year’s time? Or five years, or ten?
But it wasn’t his place. So all he asked was, ‘How did you leave it?’
‘He had to rush off for work. Said we’d go look at venues next weekend, if I was so set against having it at the golf club.’ Her laugh was bitter. ‘I’m pretty sure the message didn’t get through.’
Resisting the urge to find and punch Edward was, Alex thought, a true sign he’d grown as a person. But it was still bloody tempting.
‘So, I guess you’re not in the mood to take some photos today, then?’ he said, thinking that changing the subject might be the only thing to break Lily out of her funk.
It seemed to work. Scrubbing her hands across her face, Lily scraped her hair back into the bobble she had round her wrist and smiled up at him again, surer this time. ‘No. We should do it. As long as you don’t want to take any photos of me.’ She gave a light laugh, but as she spoke the words, Alex realized that was all he wanted to do. He wanted to capture Lily as she was at this moment – vulnerable, open, not hiding behind bravado or jokes. He wanted to remember her right now, treating him as a friend.
But he was there to photograph the jewellery, not the designer. And Lily was still engaged to another man.
And Alex might be just a little bit screwed.
* * * *
Watching Alex as he painstakingly arranged her rings and pendants to best catch the light, Lily found it hard to believe this was really the same boy who’d torn up the town in his youth. Or even the same man who’d taken the financial world by storm, making fortunes for others, and enough for himself by all accounts. The man Cora had described as having a different woman every night, and two on Saturdays, while he was living the high life in London.
Now, he looked… settled. Content. The restlessness she remembered from when he was a teenager had left him. Maybe he’d finally found his place in the world, unlikely though it seemed.
Lily wished she could say the same about herself.
But she was a grown up now. Maybe Alex could drop his old life and start a new one, but that wasn’t so easy for most people. He’d left behind colleagues and friends, sure, but he’d moved home to family. If she wanted to start over again… She had nowhere to go. She’d used up all her second chances by the age of nineteen.
She had to make this life work.
But… did she have to marry Edward to do that?
‘Can you hold this for me?’ Alex asked, not looking up, and Lily hurried to his side to assist, keen to leave her unpleasant thoughts behind. ‘Like this.’ He draped a chain over her fingers, leaving the pendant dangling down above the champagne glass full of rings. ‘Perfect.’
Stepping back, Alex lifted his camera and Lily blinked at the flash as he took several photos in rapid succession. Then he moved back again, lifted the camera slightly, and took a few more.
‘If I was in that last set, we’re burning the negatives,’ Lily said.
Alex smirked. ‘Digital camera, I’m afraid. But I’ll let you have a copy of the files.’
Like she’d want a reminder of how wretched she looked and felt on this day. Although, with Alex there, distracting her, the day had improved somewhat. Maybe the crush she’d had at school was ten years out of date, but being around Alex was relaxing. Fun, even. ‘Okay, what do you want to photograph next?’
Glancing around him, Alex settled on the cabinet of engagement and wedding rings on the other side of the room. Striding towards it, he said, ‘Let’s get some shots of the really good stuff, now. But I’m going to need you to model them for me.’
Lily hung back until Alex held his hand out for the key. She passed it to him, biting her lip. Modelling her engagement rings, the ones she hadn’t been allowed to make for her own hand… Was that weird? It felt weird. She swallowed. ‘There’s a variety of sizes there. They won’t all fit perfectly.’
‘But enough of them will fit well enough?’
She nodded. Her fingers were fairly average size, maybe slimmer than most. Some might hang a little loose, but he could hide that in the photos, she was sure.
He looked at her, eyes serious. What was he trying to prove here? His expression gave nothing away. He simply tipped his head in acknowledgement and said, ‘Okay then. Let’s get started.’
Alex sat her, not at her workbench, as she’d expected, but by the window, the May sun streaming through and warming her skin. Using the folding table he’d commandeered for the other shots, draped in a snowy white cloth to best reflect the light, he’d settled her into a comfortable enough position, where her hand could rest at the best angle. When he was happy, he said, ‘Right then. Inferior ring off. Let’s see which of yours suits you best.’
Lily looked at the ring she hadn’t chosen on her hand. This was stupid. She took it off all the time at home – to do the washing up or when she put on moisturiser. The diamond stuck out at just the right angle to catch her skin, or her tights, or get encrusted in soap. It really wasn’t a practical ring. It only made sense not to wear it all the time.
Resolved, she slipped it off her finger, placing it on the windowsill for safekeeping. Then she bent her head over the tray of rings and chose her favourite, next to the one she’d made for Cora. White gold, with a blue diamond, bezel set low on the band so its surface was almost level with the rest of the ring. Simple, practical, and stunning. She was proud of that ring. Even if she’d never wear it herself in reality, she wanted to show it off.
Holding it up for him to see, she said, ‘How about we start with this one?’
* * * *
The ring Lily picked was utterly her, Alex realized. Simple but captivating, and just a little bit unusual. Was that the sort of ring she would have designed for herself? If she’d been given the chance, that is. Without thinking, he plucked the ring from her grasp and said, ‘An excellent choice, milady. Shall we see how it fits?’
It wasn’t until he’d lifted her left hand and slipped the ring onto her fourth finger that he realized quite what it meant. His heart racing, he jerked his head up to meet her gaze as he pushed the ring home. Her eyes were wide and green, caught in the moment like him. A pink tongue darted out to wet her lips, and Alex clamped down on the urge, sudden and overwhelming, to lean forward and capture her mouth with his.
In the past, he’d have done it. He’d have taken the perfect romantic opportunity, and won her over. Seduced her with the right smile, the right words, the right look. But he wasn’t that person, now. And besides, he’d never have done it with a ring. He’d always known that marriage, commitment, settling down… that had to be saved until it was the right person, in the right place. And being back home might have put him in the right place, but Lily Thomas couldn’t be the right person. Not least because she was engaged to marry someone else.
But still, he couldn’t shake the thought that this was exactly how it should feel to propose marriage. Terrifying, heart racing, arousing and perfectly right.
Except he wasn’t proposing, was he? He was supposed to be taking photos.
Dropping her hand, Alex swallowed hard. ‘Right then,’ he said, busying himself with his camera so he couldn’t see if her eyes were still wide and wanting, or if her lips were still parted in that sweet, alluring way. ‘Let’s get started.’
‘Right. Yes. Okay.’ Was it his imagination, or did her voice sound husky? Maybe he wasn’t the only one affected by the moment. ‘How do you want me?’
Naked under me, Alex thought, the image vivid and desperate in his head. How had this happened? He’d seen her twice in the last decade. How had she got so completely under his skin in so little time?
‘Um, just rest your hand like… that, perfect. Great.’ With a deep breath, Alex lifted the camera and started to shoot, focusing on the light, the framing, the angle. They wer
en’t going to be his best-ever photos, he knew. Hopefully he could fix them later, once he had them on his computer.
For now, he just had to get through the tray of rings between them without succumbing to his desires.
He just had to remember that Lily was engaged to someone else. That those weren’t his rings on her finger. That he didn’t want Lily for his bride anyway. He was looking for the steady, supportive wife his father had wanted for him. Not the wild child best friend of his cousin.
Focus. That’s what he needed. ‘Right. Next ring.’
It took hours to get through all of them, but Alex couldn’t bring himself to stop. He wanted to see every single ring on her slim fingers. Wanted her to see how every one of them was a better match for her than the one Edward had picked.
As the afternoon light faded into evening, they reached the last ring, and he smiled at Lily as he reached in for it, not realizing she was doing the same thing. She sucked in a breath when their hands brushed against each other. Unfortunately, the sound was followed immediately by the clatter of the shop door opening.
‘Lily? Edward called, looking for you.’ The door swung shut behind Evelyn with a bang, and when Alex looked up he realized that Lily was already half the room away.
‘He did?’ She sounded flustered, although there was no reason to. They weren’t doing anything wrong, after all. Just taking some photos. Perfectly innocent.
So why did he feel so guilty?
‘He expected you home hours ago,’ Evelyn said, arms folded across her crisp white blouse. ‘I said I was coming out this way anyway, so I’d stop in and see what was keeping you.’ The look she shot at Alex made his skin feel like it might sizzle and burn.
‘Why were you heading out here?’ Lily asked, brow crinkled up, but her mother ignored the question.
‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?’
Alex stepped back from the table and stretched out a hand, which she ignored. ‘Alex Harper,’ he said, trying for his best charming smile. No effect. ‘Cora’s cousin.’
Evelyn’s smile could have frozen lakes, even in midsummer. ‘I remember you from the party. I wasn’t introduced then, either.’
‘Alex is taking some photos for me. Publicity shots. For a new catalogue.’ Lily’s words came out too fast, all on top of each other, and Alex lifted his camera to back up her story.
Evelyn ignored him. ‘Well, whatever it is you’re doing here, I suggest you finish up and get home, Lily. To your fiancé.’
Lily nodded, her face pale, and Alex felt an overwhelming need to rescue her, somehow. ‘I think we’re about done here anyway, aren’t we, Lily? I’ll just pack up, then I can email you the photos in the next day or so, if that’s okay?’
Lily nodded mechanically, and Evelyn turned to leave. They didn’t speak again as he packed up his equipment, and he wondered what it was, exactly, that made Lily so afraid. Sure, Evelyn was terrifying, but Lily was twenty-six now. Surely she’d got past being scared of her mother? Hell, she hadn’t been that scared of her at sixteen.
As he watched her lock up her shop and hurry home to a man who didn’t really know her, Alex wondered again whose life Lily thought she was living. And what had happened to change her.
Chapter Five
There was no logical reason for her to be rattled by her mother’s visit, Lily knew that. All the same, she couldn’t help but feel she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. And even though she knew she should spend the drive back to the cottage practicing her apology to Edward for being late home for dinner, her mind insisted on replaying the afternoon’s photo shoot instead.
Alex was good at his new chosen profession. He’d had a nice mix of styles – some with the jewellery being worn, some displayed, some close-ups, some groups. Plenty for her to choose from, anyway.
And the way he’d done it, with such care, as if her designs were the most important thing in his world, at that moment. No one had ever given her work that sort of attention before. Made her feel like a real designer, rather than just a girl making pocket change from her hobby in an old water mill.
Alex made her feel that her dreams were valid and important – perhaps because he needed the same from her. Whatever it was, she wished Edward would develop some of the same ability.
Edward’s car sat neatly parked outside their cottage when she pulled into the driveway. She glanced at the dashboard clock. How had it got to be eight p.m. already? Surely Alex had only arrived a couple of hours ago. Her stomach rumbled. They’d stopped for a quick lunch around one, she remembered, but had nothing since. No wonder she was hungry, and Edward so cross. Maybe she could persuade him that they should have tea at the pub, instead of cooking. Turn a potential argument into a treat. Sweeten the evening before it turned too sour.
But as soon as she opened the door, Lily realized that wasn’t going to be an option.
‘Where have you been? I’ve been calling for hours!’ Edward sounded worried, rather than angry. He always did. Sometimes she wanted him to yell at her, just so she could yell back. How could you argue with someone who never got angry?
Suddenly unbearably weary, Lily dropped her bag onto the chair by the door and tried for an apologetic smile. ‘Sorry, we got a bit carried away with the photo shoot.’
Edward’s forehead crinkled up. ‘Photo shoot? What photo shoot? And why weren’t you answering your phone?’
Had she really not told him about Alex coming to photograph her stock? Apparently not. And really, when could she? All they’d talked about for days was the wedding, and he hadn’t even seemed to listen to her opinions on that. ‘Sorry, Mum said you’d tried to call. My phone was in my bag in the studio. I mustn’t have heard it.’ Or been too distracted by Alex’s company to even listen for it. She fished inside her bag and pulled it out. Yep, eight missed calls. ‘And the photo thing – Alex Harper offered to take some shots of my jewellery to use in my next lot of promo materials.’
Now Edward looked even more confused. ‘But why are you bothering with new promotional stuff?’
‘Because it helps me sell my designs?’ Lily returned his baffled stare with one of her own. ‘Because my shop matters to me and I want it to be a success?’
Edward reached out to take her hand. ‘Of course you do, sweetheart. But really, with the wedding to plan, not to mention starting a family… Do you really think you’re going to have time to keep up the shop? I was thinking that maybe you could look at just selling your designs online. Less overheads would give you more flexibility…’
Lily flinched at the words, a heavy weight pressing against her chest as all the things they hadn’t talked about crashed against her. A family? They’d barely even talked about kids. Let alone her giving up the shop… She looked up at Edward through new eyes. In the dimly lit hallway of their little cottage, he looked utterly unfamiliar. A stranger, almost. Someone she barely knew.
‘Edward. We need to –’
‘Where’s your ring?’ His fingers tightened around hers and Lily looked down to see her bare ring finger.
‘I was… Alex had me trying on rings, for the photos. I must have forgotten to put it back on. It must still be on the windowsill at the shop.’ And she hadn’t noticed, maybe wouldn’t have at all if Edward hadn’t pointed it out. Wearing the ring still felt unnatural. Wrong.
I have to end this, she realized, cold, hard fear settling around her heart. I can’t marry him.
Suddenly, it didn’t matter that they’d had seven years together, that she’d grown up with this man. Didn’t matter that she’d loved him, changed for him, let him into her life. Didn’t matter that he loved her too, had tried to give her everything she was supposed to want, to give them the life he felt they were supposed to be living.
All Lily knew was that if she married Edward, if she tied herself to him – especially if they had kids – she was risking locking herself into a life that could make them both miserable for the next fifty years. And she just couldn
’t do that.
‘Give me the shop keys and I’ll go and get it.’ Edward held out his hand, rolling his eyes in fond exasperation.
Lily shook her head, images of the future she was giving up whirling around in a cyclone. ‘I’ll get it in the morning. Don’t worry.’
‘We’ve got Terry and Mabel’s wedding in the morning, remember? You won’t have time.’ Of course, Edward’s cheapskate cousin’s wedding. Held on a Wednesday, because it cost least, and at ten in the morning so they only had to serve people croissants. Lily wouldn’t have minded, but every item on their gift list had cost more than a hundred pounds.
She handed over the keys, her mind still swirling with the knowledge that she was going to end the relationship that had formed her adult life, her adult self. She looked inside her for the spark of pain and love that would tell her this was a mistake, that she’d always felt before at the thought of losing Edward. But all she found was a dull ache, a remembered pain. A deep chasm of loss, yes – but for the sake of their shared past, not their future.
How had this happened? And when? When had she fallen out of love with her own fiancé? It didn’t feel sudden. Instead, it felt like it must have happened so gradually, a slow inching apart, that she barely even noticed the distance between them growing until she looked back and realized it spanned miles.
How could they have been so close, living together, seeing each other every day, but still been so far apart? She tried to remember the last time they’d talked about their hopes and their dreams. Maybe when she first started working with Max on making the Mill a viable concern. That was… four years ago now. Four years without a real conversation about where they were going. Maybe she shouldn’t blame Edward for assuming she wanted the same things he did; she’d never told him otherwise, after all.
But now… As Edward banged the door shut behind him, off on a mission to retrieve a ring Lily realized she never wanted to wear again, she spoke softly into the gloomy hallway, her cheeks wet with tears. ‘I’m sorry, Edward. I can’t marry you.’
Summer of Love Page 6
